honestly, between me and you i think the best thing I've ever written was The Secret Life of the Overture Boys the best thing, now and before it was even conceived. I looked back at some of shit I wrote when I was younger, even now, Elijah, or the City of Rust (and i pray that once rust gets going it'll be good, i have it all in my head ) or the other currently failed attempt to resurrect the story of Elijah. to me, i thought it was my best writing. when I wrote it i was on fire and I don't remember what my muse was and its f**king lost and I want it back. writing is way to hard and to claim I want to be one when I get big and strong is STUPID. what alcoholic beverage do I need to drink to become like lord byron and hp lovecraft and wilde, salinger (yeah I think JD salinger was amazing and Holden Caulfield is like porn on words, i could get off to him, why? no idea dude, holden Caulfield gets me like no other and he isn't even real because Holden Caulfield is also the most terrible of people) etc and numerous other authors as an astute English major SHOULD KNOW but I don't... freaking god like creatures that were created for one reason to write, can't i be like that please?

there has to be a way to find Anderson again

i work early tomorrow, my failed tanning is now a sunburn... i need some aloe vera and a massage. i can't remember that muse for the life of me, and it was a muse i know that something pushed me along, a thought, idea, something that made me write like that. I must go on a quest.