Things have been kinda of spiraling out of control since April.

To set the stage: Christmas 2009 my grandfather was diagnosed with colon cancer. It was removed but had spread. He was seeing a doctor at Johns Hopkins and was getting some experimental treatment. When that didn't work and the cancer had spread they tried cemo. It didn't work and my grandfather got worse. In March this year, he did a 15 minute conversation with his kids. The day he met with my mom he had her drag me from work because he needed to talk to me. Granted I had just visited a week ago. He wanted to let me know how proud of me he was and was glad that I was making something of my self and oh can you be a pall bearer? I it was kind of strange being asked but I told him I would.

My grandparents normally host an Easter dinner at their house and my grandmother insisted they would not be. She didn't want a repeat of this past years Christmas. Low and behold my aunt and uncles do not know how to listen and came over any how. They didn't bother to tell my mom and she was upset. So I posted something on facebook and was having a conversation with my uncles ex-wife via some posts. Apparently my other uncle and cousin decided to provide commentary to the others at the house.

When my grandfather passed the next day, I was at work and had posted a Rest in Peace Grampy in my status on Facebook. When my uncle called a friend of my grandmothers they said they saw it on facebook. I have no idea who the person was and my profile is private so no one can see my page unless they are a friend. My uncles, aunt and grandmother proceed to chew out my mom who gave me the same BS. I told they I had no idea who they were talking about. My one uncle who just joined facebook was trying to tell me how it works. I told him I have had an account longer than him, since when I joined you had to be in college and have a college email. It was around 2005/2006. So during the first viewing no one would talk to me and everyone was avoiding me, so I sat and played angry birds. During the second viewing I spent time talking to my great uncle, my grandmothers friend who is the mother of my friend, my grandmothers old neighbor and her daughter who is the grandmother and mother of one of my other friends. Afterwords I got the 3rd degree about why did I talk to those people. Who knew I needed their permission. My other uncles girlfriend had come up to me during the second viewing and pulled my aside to let me know her and my uncle did not agree with how they were treating me over the whole status thing and they thought everyone should apologize to me. She must not know the family that well cause hell would need to freeze over.

Since that all played out I began to realize things. The none of my cousins ever talk to me and they are always more interested in my sister. On my moms side I have 14 cousins and my dads I have 7. I'm not real close to any of them or my aunts and uncles. The only person I felt close to was my grandfather and know with him gone it makes things difficult. My cousins are always commenting on my siblings facebook stuff and give birthday wishes to them. I hear from none of them. The only people I converse with are my grandfathers cousins, who I have met a few times.

I feel like I need to escape, but I don't know where I would go. Work is too stressful and while I have talked to some real interesting people (set designer for Law & Order Criminal Intent) I'm not sure about anything anymore. Some of the family that laid the blame on me I used to hold in high regards, now I don't and I am kind of surprised that he would stoop that low. Many of my cousins and other uncles unfriended me on facebook. Only 1 kept it and another added me. I am sure he only did so since his mother uses his account and like to spy on people.