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Top versus Bottom

Jason Rimbaud


In a forum somewhere on that one site, there was a discussion topic that asked a simple question…Top or Bottom.


And after reading all the comments in that thread, and believe me you should read them because they are extremely amusing, I decided to reply to that thread and offer up my perspective.


And then, as one or two of you might know by now, I noticed my reply was getting rather long winded so I decided to answer this question in my blog where there is less of a chance that something I might say would get me in trouble.


Besides, if you’re reading this blog than you are quite accustom to my long meandering rants that always seem to end before I get to the juicy parts.


Before I get to the meat of the problem, I want t ask a survey question…Can you make a good top if you’ve never bottomed before?


I would love to hear your comments about this subject since a few of my friends and I have a long standing argument about this very topic.


I do know that I will always be grateful to a little punk bottom twink by the name of John for teaching me the difference between a straight top and a gay top. But then I’m getting ahead of myself again.


If you’re straight, sex with a girl, even anal sex, is vastly different than having sex with a gay bottom. For one, it takes loads more preparation to get the guy ready which always leads to hot foreplay. And two, different positions adds a variety of sensations that changes the dynamic of just lying there on your stomach.


Now before I go further, I am not a woman so please don’t tell me where I’m wrong with the above sentence. Thanks.


The absence or presence of lube also changes the feelings for both top and bottom. I guess it depends on the need at the moment of penetration. And maybe the size of the penis that is entering me.


In my late teens and early twenties, it was usually decided, and almost always in an unspoken action, who would top depending on our respective penis sizes as well as physical size. It was almost like the larger penis meant more of dominance in the bedroom.


This is probably why my early forays into gay sex, while exciting and orgasmic for me, were usually ones I tended to forget the moment I left the room, or car, or park, or once a bus.


This lack of memorable sex was also due to my lack of experience with a talented top that knew how to make it pleasurable for the bottom.


I also observed back then that depending on my mood, whether I wanted to top or bottom, or to be completely truthful whether I was lazy or not, that I was drawn to a certain type of guy for each position. If I wanted to throw my legs over my head I was drawn to a more masculine guy, most of the time older than myself, and one that was more aggressive. If I wanted to have someone’s legs on my shoulders, I looked for a more feminine guy, usually smaller than myself as well as younger.


Remember this isn’t a broad statement about all guys but my experience. And I am quite experienced in that arena. Some would say I was/am a slut but that’s not what this blog is about now is it?


Why is it that younger guys tend to love bottoming? I’d love to hear some comments from some younger guys to see if they could shed some light on this subject.


I know there are loads of younger guys that love to top and have never bottomed before but I found that they were always lackluster in their technique. Though they did make up for this by their sheer exuberance and recharge abilities.


When I first experienced sex with a guy, and I’m not talking about mutual wanking, dry humping, or oral, it was with an older boy. I was fifteen and he was nineteen.


In my early teens, I “experimented” with another boy that went to my church. Quite harmless really, games of I’ll show you mine if you show me yours type of thing. There were loads of dry humping, no pun intended but gladly accepted.


And then, a year later or so, I was working at this trailer park cutting grass, I had my first touch of another boys privates. And this exploration, wanking off one another, lasted the summer. We had two glorious months of shooting in the great outdoors, and in the tool shed, in the pool, and anywhere we could get away with having our privates exposed. But once summer was over, we both with back to our respective schools and never saw each other again.


My fifteenth year was a year that I will never forget. Caleb, the nineteen year old boy that took my virginity, was the older brother of this boy I met from the public swimming pool. And being the walking boner machine I was back at that age, the moment I saw him in his cut off Levi shorts and his long blonde hair, it was lust at first sight.


Looking back I now can see he was a total predator but since I was a willing piece of prey, I bear him no ill wishes. I think I pursued him just as strongly as he pursued/seduced me. But that’s a tale for another time as I am currently writing about Top versus Bottom.


Caleb was that typical “straight” guy that plays around with other guys but never identified with being gay and probably had some reason for rationalizing his gay activities. He never once let me put my cock anywhere near any orifice of his body and only touched it once in all the times we played around.


But since I was a horny little boy and didn’t know any better, I pretty much let him do anything he wanted to do to my awakening body.


His favorite position for fucking me was me lying on my stomach with a pillow under my midsection. After barely any preparation, he’d shove it in and thrust away. I’m sure he was ashamed of what we were doing because he never wanted to look at my face and he wouldn’t make a sound except for his ragged breathing.


And he was the quietest guy ever when he came. He’d hold his breath, which was rather loud and always smelled of cigarettes, and he’d do this…half thrusting motion before pulling out and getting off the bed rather quickly. He’d always get dressed right away and then watch me as I finished myself off.


One time while we were thusly engaged, he kissed the back of my neck but most times the only part of his body that was actually touching me was his cock.


I do remember the look on his face as he watched me jerk off. It was like he was in pain but he couldn’t take his eyes off me. I once asked him to help me out but he refused very angrily. I was good enough for him to stick his cock inside me but anything else caused him to shut down emotionally.


Looking back I think he was molested as a child and was relieving some kind of trauma but I’ll never know as I lost track of him a long time ago.


And I’m not even going to go into penis size because I never really measured Caleb’s cock but I now know it was well below average. I’m sure this is why I didn’t need a lot of preparation and never really had an orgasm when he was topping me. I also can deduce that he wasn’t very experienced sexually with either girls or guys but that’s not the point.


All I can say was my first sexual intercourse wasn’t very fulfilling and for a time it actually turned me off guys all together.


The next year I turned sixteen and my next sexual partner was a girl named Christine and she was a demon in the bedroom. Sex with her was downright amazing and in her I found someone who wanted to touch me, kiss me, anywhere and everywhere and demanded that I do the same to her. And for those two months I can honestly say I was happy.


But sadly it was a summer fling and once she moved away I never saw her again. Oh the summer of my sixteenth year. But I wonder what she’d say if she knew the year before I was letting her best friend’s brother fuck me into straightdom/boredom.


My next partner was a guy named Brandon, and let me tell you, he was sex on wheels. He was so hot I didn’t care that my first go round with a guy was unfulfilling. I now know that the sex with him wasn’t that good but he made up for it in so many ways. Not only did he love shoving his cock inside me and touched me and kissed me into delirum, he also loved it when I returned the favor. Oh the memories of my first sixty-nine. He was also the first boy that fucked me when I was lying on my back. And after that little bit of magic, I realized that bottoming can be very enjoyable if you have the right partner.


It feels different, sex with girls as opposed to having sex with guys. And it’s not just about the different bodies, some softer and some harder, hairy or smooth. Guys smell different than girls and I found that most of the time I am attracted to the ways guys smell and turned off by the smell from girls.


Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always enjoyed my forays into straight sex. And when I have sex with a girl I go all the way, I do oral as well as penetration. Though I must admit I’ve never really figured out the female breasts, most of the time I just leave them alone and focus on the other parts. And not to put down any of my female readers, but guys just give better oral.


And there is something about giving oral pleasure to a guy that is always exciting and guys seem to just be tighter, on average, than girls and they grip you in a different way. Maybe because with each thrust there is a bit of resistance or maybe it’s just because I’m a gay guy that likes to have sex with other gay guys.


One of my friends believes that topping is harder work than bottoming and for a long time I tended to disagree. I thought a good bottom was actually the one who controls the speed, angles, and does…or should…do a majority of the work. And then I’ve come to realize in my later years that it takes two talented people to have amazing sex. I know when I’m bottoming I am giving just as much as whoever I allow to penetrate me.


Sex to me is like a partnership where everything is split down the middle. I’ve grown from my early years when I just laid there like a cold fish and let someone fuck me to an aggressive top that didn’t care about giving pleasure to my partner to where I am today.


Am I a top or a bottom? That depends on your definition of each term and if there is truly such a distinction. I know I won’t be with a partner that is exclusively one or the other.

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I think...there's a certain submissiveness that guys feel when they're younger, that they lose as they get older. The extent of which, depends on the guy; it's obviously less prevalent or not at all in the younger ones who don't bottom (or don't much).


I do know that that's how I feel - I sometimes do fantasize about topping a guy, but it wasn't something I thought about until maybe a year or two ago. Haven't actually done it yet, though. At 5'6 tall, I'm not a very big guy though, either. :P The idea of topping a guy who's bigger than I am feels horribly awkward to me. :/ Not the case if he's my size or a bit smaller than me.

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I was very submissive when I was younger, and am generally (like 99.4% of the time) the bottom in my current relationship. Though since we've just celebrated our 14th anniversary, we really know how to ring each other's bell. I have topped him a few times (and don't get me wrong, it is amazing), but he is 3 inches bigger than me, and as MJ says, it does feel odd. Though with us, the whole top/bottom thing is not something we think about.


I'm not saying that the bigger guy has to be the top, and some of the biggest guys I've had fun with over the years were total bottoms. But it does feel really weird topping a guy who is better endowed than you are.

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I'm not saying that the bigger guy has to be the top, and some of the biggest guys I've had fun with over the years were total bottoms. But it does feel really weird topping a guy who is better endowed than you are.


I haven't really even thought about if the guy's better endowed than me :P - I'm thinking more like, it'd be awkward topping a guy, who say, is 6'0 tall compared to my 5'6. That kind of "size" comparison.

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I've been on both sides of the coin in relationships.


But to be fair, I've always found that good sex is something learnt over time and experience, as everyone has a different rhythm, style or quirk to their enjoyment of sexual intercourse.


I think this is probably part of the reason I can't stand one night stands. Yes I've had a few, but remarkably never really felt fulfilled by one, other than once being able to say I'd been with the hottest guy ever.


As much as I enjoy being top, I have also been in a relationship where I was just as fulfilled being bottom. Versatile is also pretty common and there is merit in being able to give and take pleasure in both roles.


Ultimately I believe that with someone you love, you take the time to discover what makes someone tick, what it takes to make them into a quivering wreck and then take pleasure from taking them to that peak. There is a power in knowing that you can pleasure your partner to that extent. Be it top or bottom, I'd honestly say it's more about making sure that you impart as much pleasure as you get.


I do get what people say about it being strange for a smaller built guy to be a top, but then again, I've been in a situation where when I started going out with a guy he was purely bottom, and freaked out when I suggested he top, but over time and with encouragement, he became a very fulfilling lover as a top and a bottom.


Anything is possible when you really want to make sex great and are willing to take the time and put in the effort.

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I agree with everyone who said it takes time to figure out what you want with a new person. My last new person was also my first guy, and his too, so it took us like three years to figure out what we both liked. At first he was anal (heh) about us being even with who topped and bottomed. He'd feel bad about me not "getting" him as much as he "got" me because I was always ready for it more than he was. After a while though we found out that he's way more of a top and I'm way more of a bottom so that's how it works out now.


If we ever broke up and I ever got to the point with another guy where we were having sex I think I'd try to go for a "toppy" guy though. I'm not completely against topping but I'd never wanna be "the top", you know? And even if/when I do top I hate feeling at all dominate. I like being equal or submissive. *shrugs* I'd never be able to do a one night stand though. It takes me a long ass time to be comfortable enough with myself around someone to have sex with them.


Wow this post was kinda rambly <_<

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The best guys in bed, I found, have been those who can top with a kind of confident and purposeful ownership and insistence (while still careful enough to not fully cross any lines)...but are also equally willing to submit and give the same opportunity to me....not many can really passionately get into both regardless of whether or not they do both. And I've never found it enjoyable being with anyone who regarded themselves as strictly bottoms or tops. I like to top and I like to bottom, but I like my partner to be versatile enough to want more than just 1 thing from me.

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