One of the best reasons to quit/avoid doing drugs are the dealers. Gone are the days you can share a joint with your English Lit professor. Now it is sketchy, twitchy guys who you would rather NOT know your name or where you live. The weed dealers used to be sweet, misguided lonely guys that you could get high and occasionally sleep with. The guys selling crystal, coke and other stuff you don't want to have anything to do with.

the Maniac- this coke dealer is paranoid, jumpy and armed better than most battleships. He will kill you if your cell phone has the wrong ring tone.

Tagline: I'm gonna bury you cock-a-roach!

the Molester- this dealer wants you addicted and desperate so....ewww. You'll figure it out.

Tagline: I'm sure that we can work something out.

the Mobster- this dealer's name is always Joey. Everything is cool as long as nothing goes wrong but if anything does go sideways, he'll wack you and your whole family out to 3rd cousins.

Tagline: Forgetaboutit.

the Coke Bunny- the coke bunny is a dealer in that they sell you coke so that you can snort it with her/him. They'll tease you for hours but you won't be getting any of that. The coke-bunny will always be a smoking hot guy or chick. Either way, you still ain't gonna hit that.

Tagline: You want a little more Sugar?

the Soldier- the mercenary is just back from a long killing spree in South America and has a few keys he's looking to unload. Just hope that his PTSD isn't acting up and he doesn't have any combat flash-backs while the two of you are in the same state.

Tagline: OOH RAH!

the Bad Cop- this guy will sell you dope for years and then turn around and bust you for it when he needs to make his quota.

Tagline: Trust me.

the Rat- this guy is looking at 1000 years of mandatory minimums with everyone from the Feds down to the local Sheriff. His only hope is too betray and/or set-up everyone that he ever met since kinder-garden.

Tagline: Remember me? We were in 3rd grade homeroom and I'm looking for an 8-ball...

the X-kid- a really sweet dealer, the X-kid sells only E. He goes both ways and will sleep with everybody in the room and have deep discussions about his feelings. Most people like him until he gives them the clap.

Tagline: Will NOT STFU

the p0rn perv- If you end up doing his coke or crystal, you'll wake up and find yourself on the internet doing things... you would rather forget

Tagline: You like horses?

the Prick- this dealer gets off on having the dope and abusing the junkies that are addicted to it. He was probably a concentration camp guard in another life.

Tagline: You like that bitch?

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Best of the Blog- 2009 4600 hits.