Over When It's Over
So, my husband has gone away again. Work need him to be in Canada for four whole weeks. He left this morning. Neither of us even pretended to be anything other than devastated. We don't do well apart, over ten years of seeing each other everyday, living together, buying a house and raising our boy together will do that to a couple.
Four long weeks.
Don't get me wrong, I'm more grateful than anyone outside my head could know for the life I have, for the love we share, for the job which offers him happiness, fulfilment, and financial security, but four weeks without him hurts. Hurts more than anyone outside my head could know. But I have to be strong for our son, he has to not be upset that Dada is gone for now. He'll be back, and we'll be waiting.
But I swear to Gods everyone else is scared of that the people who tell me "the time will fly by" all need punching in the mouth. Trust me, last time he was gone, three weeks felt exactly like three weeks. This time, four weeks, will feel exactly like four weeks. Each day is a long day, each night is a long night, and I'm sitting here now, looking at the stairs and knowing when I get up there, the bed will be cold, and there won't be a light on in Cris's office or the sound of tapping. No, there is no joy to be had in sleeping alone.
The time will not fly by, and when he gets home again, I will break down and cry. Big strong cowboys are allowed to cry on their doorsteps, trust me on this.
Oh, and someone at work asked me if I was worried about Cris being away so long, and the temptations of long distance travel for work. I laughed at her, because apparently you're not allowed to deck your colleagues. It would be funny, if it wasn't so fucking offensive.
- 12
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