Nickolas, this is going to be an uncharacteristic reply on my part.

Charity is about giving because someone needs, not about judging who they are and what caused them to be in the situation that they currently find themselves. You can take a slice in time of someone's life and judge them for making stupid decisions at that instant, but often you will find that those stupid decisions are the result of a series of lesser simply bad decisions. Perhaps feeding her kids THAT night is improving her situation ... maybe they didn't eat LAST night. What I will simply ask is if The Lord would have lectured her as to how her smoking was damaging her health and probably separating her from Him? Or would He have help her at that moment and then given positive encouragement to lead a better life? We have a world full of "helpful" judgement, we need more helpful encouragement.

:king: Snow Dog

P.S. Kudos to your dad for giving the bread instead of the cash ... not just because it shows concern for how she spends the money, but because he involved himself more in the giving.

First off, YAY for you being anti-smoking!

It's got to be one of my all time biggest pet peeves in other people. I'm against people poisoning themselves in the first place, but if they insist the least they could do is leave me and the rest of the world out of it! I've always thought it would be cool to get a T-Shirt or something that had "thank you for not smoking" or "This is a smoke free area" or whatever on it.

On the other hand I agree with Snow Dog. All sorts of things could have led her to the situation she's now in. Also it's completely sad and pathetic but just because she can buy cigs DOESN'T mean she can buy food. There's every chance she can only afford one or the other and is unable to say no to her addiction. And if she does have kids there's really nothing they can do about it

Your dad sounds really great though, and it was wise of him to buy her the bread instead of giving her the money. Besides there's certainly worse flaws than caring too much about other people .

I'm glad work is going well, take care and have an awesome day!

Kevin

Hey, Nick,

Well, I certainly agree about the smoking , but it's an addiction and that's not something easy to overcome. I may not smoke, but I'm human, and I've got other things that I'm working to get past in my life. Things that get in the way of me being happy and having the best life that I could. That's part of being human.

As to the idea that people should take responsibility for making their lives better, I'm not going to say you're wrong about that. The world would be a lot better place if we all did that. It's just that life is not black and white. There is no person on earth, at least among those I've met, who fully meets that responsibility. No one is perfect, we're all human, we've all got problems, and honestly, most of us are in big time denial and trying our best not to have to look at and deal with things that are right in front of our faces. And, boy, does it make a big mess when we do that.

As your Dad said, you may not have all of the facts. Just because it looks to you like someone is not trying to make their life better doesn't mean they're not. And if you're right and they're not, you don't know why they're not.

I just noticed the title you gave this blog entry, "They don't know ... They don't understand ...". I'm smiling, because the people you're fussing about would probably think the same thing about you, if they read your post.

It doesn't mean you've got to go around trying to rescue everybody, or give someone money every time they ask for it ... but at least to not make it worse for them, and to realize they're fellow human beings who are having a hard time. Some day you might be on the receiving end of needing that from other people, too.

Kitty

Charity is about giving because someone needs, not about judging who they are and what caused them to be in the situation that they currently find themselves.

I disagree. Charity is important and is all about helping others in need, but unless you can afford to help everyone who comes your way looking for help I think considering the reason why they need help is an important one. I do a lot of work for charity and am always happy to give time and money to those in need, but I would rather give that time and money to people have not brought misfortune on themselves. The woman might have gone through a little bit of discomfort if she missed a few cigarettes, but I guarantee it would be nothing compared to how she would feel after missing a few meals.

Food is a necessity. Cigarettes are a desire. The woman has her priorities screwed up and perhaps if she'd had to face going without she might have reconsidered her values. If she had children she had even more reason to buy food before selfishly wasting her money on her addiction. She had a cheek asking for money and if it had been me in that situation I would have refused her the money. Sorry, but if she wants to kill herself then starvation is a much faster route.

Now, before anyone jumps on this and suggests I should be more understanding and sympathetic, I do understand how powerful nicotine addiction can be. I smoked for over a decade and quit smoking in October 2004 after I started suffering from breathing difficulties. A week later I was diagnosed with stage three lung cancer. I had tumors in both lungs that later spread to my lymph nodes. I had sections of one lung removed and a substantial portion of the other lung removed. I had eight months of chemotherapy and though I beat the cancer I still face years of check-ups to make sure it doesn't come back.

I understand the power cigarettes can hold over you and I can understand why she wanted to smoke, but if she does have children and is selfish enough to deprive them of a mother by killing herself slowly, the least she could do is miss a couple of gasps to feed them. To return to my original point, I would rather have given the money to people who are in genuine need, who need help because they simply don't have money for food, not because they would rather waste it poisoning themselves.

I totally agree with you. You're so right... i mean if she has enough money to buy cigs she needs to lay aside and not buy bread for her starving children then she needs to be taken some where and shot. People only get out of life what they put in... i mean i would have bought bread for her but i would have gave her a stern lecture while doing it... and i would ask her about her situtation and stuff like that...

but anyway... i really like your blog and you have cool name... lol

later ~ nick

I totally agree with you. You're so right... i mean if she has enough money to buy cigs she needs to lay aside and not buy bread for her starving children then she needs to be taken some where and shot. People only get out of life what they put in... i mean i would have bought bread for her but i would have gave her a stern lecture while doing it... and i would ask her about her situtation and stuff like that...

 

but anyway... i really like your blog and you have cool name... lol

 

later ~ nick

How do you know she bought the cigs?

I totally agree with you. You're so right... i mean if she has enough money to buy cigs she needs to lay aside and not buy bread for her starving children then she needs to be taken some where and shot. People only get out of life what they put in... i mean i would have bought bread for her but i would have gave her a stern lecture while doing it... and i would ask her about her situtation and stuff like that...

 

but anyway... i really like your blog and you have cool name... lol

 

later ~ nick

 

How do you know she bought the cigs?

Ok, maybe someone bought the cigs for her.....don't you think she shold have asked them to buy her bread instead?? Shouldn't food for her kids (if she has them) come first??? Or is she so selfish and sick in the head that she'd rather kill herself with the cigs and her family with second hand smoke, which is totally gross by the way, before she asks for help with food??

Nick, I guess I'm wondering why things like this bother you so much. I'm not trying to be sarcastic, that's a serious question. I'm not sure that I would have given the woman any money, but I don't think I would have been upset over it like you are. Do you know what about it gets to you?

Kitty

Nick, I guess I'm wondering why things like this bother you so much. I'm not trying to be sarcastic, that's a serious question. I'm not sure that I would have given the woman any money, but I don't think I would have been upset over it like you are. Do you know what about it gets to you?

 

Kitty

I really dont know why this bugs me like it does. I guess I have this idea in my head that she got my dad to spend his money on something for her when she should have spent the money that she had before she bought a pack of cigs. I know he didnt think it was a big deal, but for some reason, it's a big deal to me. Also, I really think people who smoke are just goofy. I's something thats gonna kill you one day, and I dont see why someone would do it. I mean, I know someday we'll all die, but why make it so painful??

Nick,

In line with Snow Dog's comments and Kitty's, your Dad's conduct and actions reminds me of one of my favorite sayings from Micah, which is to "walk humbly with thy God and to help the least amongst us"

I am humbled by his conduct. Isn't the fact that her children were given food, plus the fact that by not giving the woman money your Dad took action to help the least amongst us. (and we don't know what she would have done with the money..one can't assume or guess she would have purchased cigarettes or food or something else)

I feel that is what matters most here. I won't make any assumptions about the woman. But I would be proud of your father for the example he gave to all us.

Michael

Nick,

 

In line with Snow Dog's comments and Kitty's, your Dad's conduct and actions reminds me of one of my favorite sayings from Micah, which is to "walk humbly with thy God and to help the least amongst us"

 

I am humbled by his conduct. Isn't the fact that her children were given food, plus the fact that by not giving the woman money your Dad took action to help the least amongst us. (and we don't know what she would have done with the money..one can't assume or guess she would have purchased cigarettes or food or something else)

 

I feel that is what matters most here. I won't make any assumptions about the woman. But I would be proud of your father for the example he gave to all us.

 

Michael

Yeah, my dad does some pretty gay stuff sometimes