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Something you don't know about me.



In 2017, my elderly mother fell and broke her hip. She was ninety at the time. I became a full-time caregiver.

Her hip was fixed by surgery, but she needed time to recover and physical therapy to allow her to stand and walk with a walker. It took some time to get her there, but she was able to dress and take care of herself. I had to fix meals, do all the household chores.

This has been a long, hard grind. Rather than getting better, it was a long, slow decline.

In February, Mom had another fall. She fractured the bone of her hip socket. This is better by far than breaking a bone, but in come ways, it was worse. She went to a rehab place after her hospital stay, and that was a big mistake. She couldn't do anything on that hip for six weeks as it healed. So, she went to a rehab that was unable to do any rehab.

I paid for two extra months, and she came home May 1st with home physical therapy. In July, she started getting weaker and weaker. I was alarmed and took her to the doctor, and they said she was as well as she could be for a 96-year-old.

Last week she had a fever and I took her to the ER. She had a bad infection and was in the hospital until Friday, when she was discharged to an "elder care facility".

I don't think she'll be coming home. I feel like a failure, but I know I've done my best for her.

She is my last blood relative.

If you live long enough, you may find yourself alone, simply because you've outlived them.



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You are a not failure.

If you were a failure, you would have given up on your Mum years ago. But you didn't, you proved how much you loved her, by helping and caring for all these years.

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I understand the feelings, I am in the field where I see caregivers and their relatives. I see the commitment and I also see the ones that act like it is a bother. The worry in your words, the time you spent and kept your mother safely living with you, as independently as she could be. I want you to know that trying isn't failing, it never will be. We can only do what we are capable and some things are out of our control.

I helped care for a loved one for a time, unlike you though I had a lot more help, more family members to step in and shoulder the mixed emotions, the worries, the negative thoughts, and tough decisions. I hope you find some peace and remember a lot of the happier times, and a little more of the joy you likely had when things were better during the time you cared for your mother. 

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