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At Home During COVID-19 and Self Compassion

Mikiesboy

Entry posted by Mikiesboy

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Many of us observe the world through a window

Nature entertains us with wind, rain and snow

Crows dive and swoop over tree tops

While squirrels run and gambol with no fear,

— wondering where the nuts are.

 

My poetry has been limited lately .. but i haven't lost my sense of humour completely yet.

Prose too, is suffering, though in the last few days I've been able to write a bit more on the new story @Wayne Gray and i are writing. Not a lot though, maybe 1,600 words over the past three days. It is hard to concentrate for long periods, at least for me.

I read an article by Erica Wensley a writer for the Chronicle Herald. She lives in Halifax and like residents there is coping with COVID-19 and the worst mass shooting in Canadian history. There is a link to the article here.

As she says, this is not the time to push ourselves. This is not the time to force creativity or productivity. Do not feel guilty if you order in tonight, or if you just want to watch silly sitcoms or netflix or whatever it is you like to watch.

This was an ahha moment for me when i read this: Those who still have jobs are not simply working from home, but, as a viral tweet aptly states, “are at your home during a crisis, trying to work.”  This hit me hard ... the truth of it. I don't know how long I'll be home doing my job. Some days it isn't easy at all. Some days it's just fine. There is too much unknown for me and i feel like i'm slowly cracking around the edges.

Some days i can cope, others less so. I am overly emotional, often sad, without an obvious reason. Watching six cellists from the TSO (Toronto Symphony Orchestra) play Over the Rainbow together, remotely just made me cry this morning. Watching After Life on Netflix makes me cry but there's reasons for that. I think i need some comedy.

If you can write or draw or read ... do it. If you do needlework or other crafts and feel like it ... do it. But do not feel bad on the days you can't or just don't want to. 

Doing some breathing exercises, like they teach in yoga can help, so can walking and other exercise.  Something i've done in the past, with audio aids - hypnosis - can also reduce anxiety. It's a really cool thing actually.

We need to practice self-compassion now. I know because i am very hard on myself usually. We need to say to ourselves, it's okay, you're not lazy, you're not pretending. We need to be as kind to ourselves as we are to our friends and loved ones who turn to us for support.

You can read more about self-compassion here.  When i started to read this ... i wanted to push it away, but allow yourself to read with an open mind. Hopefully, you'll find one or two things which may help during these trying times.

Hang in there and be kind to yourself.

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Wayne Gray

This is good stuff, tim. That writer had it right. We're all trying to work in a time when nothing is at all the same. Where there are monumental stressors that have never existed before. If we need to take the time to just play video games, or watch TV, or eat more french fries, then so be it.

Thanks for sharing.

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Mikiesboy

Mikiesboy 134,203

Posted (edited)

10 minutes ago, Wayne Gray said:

This is good stuff, tim. That writer had it right. We're all trying to work in a time when nothing is at all the same. Where there are monumental stressors that have never existed before. If we need to take the time to just play video games, or watch TV, or eat more french fries, then so be it.

Thanks for sharing.

Oh yeah, i forgot the french fries issue ... what to do with our 200 million pounds of french fries?  I love that in Belgium, where they LOVE their fries, they are being asked to eat them twice a week.  I like this world.. more fries and lots more wine ...  we can all get fat and stay drunk enough not to care!!

Thanks Wayne ... xoxxo

Edited by Mikiesboy
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Kitt
8 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

Oh yeah, i forgot the french fries issue ... what to do with our 200 million pounds of french fries?  I love that in Belgium, where they LOVE their fries, they are being asked to eat them twice a week.  I like this world.. more fries and lots more wine ...  we can all get fat and stay drunk enough not to care!!

Thanks Wayne ... xoxxo

Dont forget to sit on the couch!  Fries and wine ( in my case Baileys on ice) on the couch.  As Burger King says - Be a couch potatriate!

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Kitt

Seriously though...

"Some days i can cope, others less so. I am overly emotional, often sad, without an obvious reason."

I have been experiencing similar issues. Have not felt like this since round 3 of chemo therapy. Back then I just blamed it on the uncertainty of the outcome of treatment. I suppose this time it is similar, but the uncertainty is what covid does to us next.

My husband however does not understand the bouts of sadness. Sometimes I think I am bordering on depression, something he would not deal with well. I am the rock in the family and if I crumble, what do we build on? Shifting gravel doesn't make a good foundation. 

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Mikiesboy
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21 minutes ago, Kitt said:

Seriously though...

"Some days i can cope, others less so. I am overly emotional, often sad, without an obvious reason."

I have been experiencing similar issues. Have not felt like this since round 3 of chemo therapy. Back then I just blamed it on the uncertainty of the outcome of treatment. I suppose this time it is similar, but the uncertainty is what covid does to us next.

My husband however does not understand the bouts of sadness. Sometimes I think I am bordering on depression, something he would not deal with well. I am the rock in the family and if I crumble, what do we build on? Shifting gravel doesn't make a good foundation. 

i think most people have been feeling this.  and well husband better be ready for those days when you need some support.  it may not be much or often, but you need it.  Now we have to support each other .. i'm the rock one day, the next you are.. other days, we huddle together.  We each need to be there for each other.

Being kind and understanding of ourselves isn't something that comes easily to us. Not to me for sure ... but going through this, reading things about self-compassion, and how practicing it can help us, makes sense. I think it's worth a shot.

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Kitt
6 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

Being kind and understanding of ourselves isn't something that comes easily to us.

Particularly when others are less than kind to us.

The odd thing is that technically the new barn hand calls me regularly with "I need this" or "that broke" which strictly speaking puts it on me to correct, but turns out less stressful as I know right away it needs doing.  The other two just expect it done but dont bother telling me about it, then when I have not corrected it a week later bitch to the boss.

My regular answer is I can't fix what I dont know is broke!

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Parker Owens
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tim, I read this and found it resonating with me and the experience of living at home in crisis, trying to work.

How important and yet unusual it seems to treat myself with the same generosity and kindness I’d give to others. Thank you for talking about self-compassion. Your words will continue to echo in my thoughts. 

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Kitt
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As long as you LISTEN and DO Parker! It's much easier said than done.

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Mikiesboy
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48 minutes ago, Parker Owens said:

tim, I read this and found it resonating with me and the experience of living at home in crisis, trying to work.

How important and yet unusual it seems to treat myself with the same generosity and kindness I’d give to others. Thank you for talking about self-compassion. Your words will continue to echo in my thoughts. 

It isn't easy ... and like everything needs to be practiced ... so all we can do is try. And we will not get it right all the time ... but we can try.  xoxoxo  Hang in there xoxo

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MichaelS36
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Nicely said. I'll read the articles.  

The poem made me smile … where the nuts are ...LOL    Indeed. 

I think we need to hear 'it's okay to not be okay' right now. And self-compassion and a little kindness go a long way these days.  Add in some yoga, fresh air and hand holding … we can get through this thing. 

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Parker Owens
1 hour ago, Mikiesboy said:

It isn't easy ... and like everything needs to be practiced ... so all we can do is try. And we will not get it right all the time ... but we can try.  xoxoxo  Hang in there xoxo

I’ll hang in there, and I’ll be thinking of you as I do. xxoo

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mollyhousemouse

thanks for sharing those great links and your feelings with us
i shared the first article with a man i work with who has been on full furlough much longer than i have been on partial i hope that it helps him like it helped me
in that second article you linked, there was a section that went through the "Fear vs Truth" of self compassion. i'll need to read that a few more times before this is all over i expect
thanks again for sharing with us
 

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Mikiesboy
On 5/2/2020 at 11:48 PM, mollyhousemouse said:

thanks for sharing those great links and your feelings with us
i shared the first article with a man i work with who has been on full furlough much longer than i have been on partial i hope that it helps him like it helped me
in that second article you linked, there was a section that went through the "Fear vs Truth" of self compassion. i'll need to read that a few more times before this is all over i expect
thanks again for sharing with us
 

i will too. Negative self-talk is very easy, the positive is harder. Sometimes we need to hear it from others in order to let ourselves believe it and practice it.

we can only do the best we can.

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