personal crap/life sucks
Entry posted by lagomorph
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I guess it might be a little weird to talk about personal stuff "in public" like this, but it's not like I have anyone to talk to, especially at 5 in the morning, and I sort of need to get my thoughts in order. So, my apologies to anyone wondering why they should give a crap. But here it goes: my boyfriend just dumped me. I feel like I'm in high school or something, saying that, and the whole thing is just so surreal. We've had one of those relationships where I guess I knew this was coming eventually for a long time. We fight like crazy and I bitch all the time about how I can't stand him, and I'm sure a few people are gonna say "oh thank god, finally" about this, but it's just all I've known for so long. Almost 8 years, and he can just look at me and say "I don't want to be with you anymore." I argued, I pleaded, I cried, but it's for real this time. I'm waiting for the sun to at least come up before I call my parents and ask if I can be totally pathetic and live with them for the summer. It's really embarassing knowing I'm going to have to tell them about this. That whole break thing that we did before didn't work at all, and we both knew it, but after I came back we knew that the next time was gonna be for good, and we put it off as long as possible. The funny thing is, the fight we had tonight that led up to this was pretty tame by our usual standards. I think that's the worst part, really. It's not stuff said in the heat of the moment, meant to be hurtful, it's just the truth, and it sucks. Well, a lot of it was hurtful, and it was stuff I disagree with, but I can't change his mind. He thinks he's stuck in a rut and that he can't get out of it with me around. I think that he gave up a long time ago and hasn't been trying. I'm not even sure how to feel right now. Just shocked. Even trying to think about practical things gives me a headache. How do you divide up stuff that belongs to both of you that you both need? I mailed a seat deposit to my second choice law school today, and I guess it's a damn good thing I did. I debated about doing it, since what I really wanted was to stay here, and that money was nonrefundable. But since I haven't heard squat from the school here, I decided to go ahead and send the deposit. Moving to another state sounds pretty peachy right now. And, you know, scary as hell. I'm probably overreacting and being a bit whiny, but hey, it's not every day you get kicked out of your home. Oh well, to be fair, he did very generously (yeah right) tell me that I could stay here and sleep on the couch for a while, as if I really wanted to hang around and pretend like we were just roommates. I'd rather be with my parents. I suppose at the very least I'm stuck here till the weekend, since they're gonna have to come get me. But I'm rambling now, so I'm gonna stop and go make some attempt at a couple hours sleep.
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