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Private lives



I'm always amazed, being an old guy (I'm 43, which means I'm pretty old, although not as old as Connor), at how much the internet has changed not just the world (that's an old story), but our personal lives. Growing up as a bisexual guy in pre-internet days I had no way to communicate anonymously with anyone about my feelings. There was no way to share the challenges without taking someone into my confidence, a truly horrifying risk. You see, for a bi guy, if you get outed, you've pretty much closed the door on having normal heterosexual relationships, at least when I was in high school (and college too for that mattter). It's not really a case of coming out, because once you come out, there's a good chance that no one, not gays or straights, will like you. At least that's the way it seems to me. So now you're saying "Mark, you've been hanging around SnowDog so long you're going off on pointless rambles just like he does." Perhaps, so I'll get to the point.I basically exist in two worlds, my real life and my internet life. As I see it, I have limited choices in how I approach that. If I share my true identity, I really can't share my true feelings or thoughts. It's just like being back in high school. On the other hand, I can create a fake identity and create an entire fake persona. You know the type. The "I'm a hot as hell 23 year old guy that loves to f**K everyone" deal. Well what good is that, besides providing a bunch of other guys with great jack off fantasies? That would get old fast. The final approach is to maintain a veiled identity while revealing my true personality. This is the path I've chosen. It allows me to share how I feel without worrying about repurcussions in my "real world" life. I'm going on and on about this because I'm wondering who fits into those moulds. Do those of you who are gay and out take the same kind of precautions, ie keeping your identity secret? If you do share all your info, can you really be as open with all of your thoughts?Many times I get frustrated with people in forums such as this because they seem phoney about who they are identity wise and personality wise. Is that really any worse than only keeping one of those factors separate?This inquiring mind, plagued this night by insomnia, wants to know.


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Hey Mark


You peaked my curiosity.


Your saying here, that if you tell us too much about you, i.e. Who you are and what you really think. That you believe that there may be repercussions in your real world life. That's why you have chosen to express yourself but keep you identity more private


Ok, first of all, I myself have provided enough information here and in other websites, that any half ass detective could figure out who I am in about five minutes.


Because of this do I censor what I say here or in any other venue on the net? No! Why? Because one day I determined that I had just had enough. I had enough with having to hide who I was. I had enough with trying not to piss people off because of what I said or did. And I had enough with hiding my thoughts.


One day I made a conscious decision that, I would rather die as me :2hands: , than live as someone else :blink: .


  Do those of you who are gay and out take the same kind of precautions, ie keeping your identity secret? If you do share all your info, can you really be as open with all of your thoughts?


I would say that most of the time I pick :pickaxe: my words carefully to limit misunderstandings. But when I'm talking to someone face to face I do the same.

The important thing is not what others think about me, it's what I, think about me.

I like me. :worship: If I could find another me I'd marry him. :wub:


Now eat all you vegetables, and get some sleep!!! 0:)


Rob :boy:


Shit. I thought I was logged on. :lmao:

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Actually Rob, I think Mark was saying that as he is not out in his public life and doesn't want to be, he must hide something about himself. The possible choices are person or personality or both. You have basically said you chose neither. Person means that you hide your identity, most likely to ultimately give out enough info that (as you say) a detective could figure out who you are. Personality is kinda self explainatory (I think). To hide personality kinda defeats the purpose of going online unless you are some type of predator :whistle: trolling for victims, in which case you hide your person as well.


Mark was simply pointing out that he chooses to hide his person so that he is able to discuss and explore his feelings without outing himself. It is a choice I understand quite well. The downside is that if you are not extremely careful, you can't say what you really want to without 'giving away' too much, and you will ultimately give away enough true info for a detective to find you, should one be interested.


:king: Snow Dog

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You don't even need to be gay and not out -- given that Google knows all (or can at least find an awful lot) it can be prudent to keep at least a thin veil between what you do and write online recreationally and what you do professionally. People get prudish at the oddest times, and it may not be a 100% swell thing for the HR department of the place you've put an application in at to find that you write internet pr0n for fun. Or, unfortunately, if you're running projects or doing consulting gigs and it may be less than good for people you're working with or clients you're working for (or trying to get work with) to find out in detail what you do on the weekends for fun.


It really shouldn't matter that you're gay, or hold any particular political beliefs, or are a member of any (or no) religion, or do SCA, or historical reinactments, or any of a thousand other mildly non-mainstream things, but sometimes it does and the resulting hassle is a pain to deal with. It really sucks to lose volunteers or not get a job or consulting gig because someone googled you and found out something completely irrelevant that still pissed them off enough to get in the way.


I've gotta admit, that's the only reason I'm bothering with a pseudonym, since it's such a pain in the ass otherwise. I don't really care if people know who I am or that I'm gay, but it's seemed prudent to at least have a little distance between my day-to-day stuff and me as a writer. Dunno if it's really necessary, but it seemed like a good idea at the time, and I'd expect I'm not alone. (May not actually be a good idea, but it seemed like it...)

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You all make excellent points, and thank you Snowey for clarifying what I was trying to say. I think the other part of my point, and I'm not sure that it registered, was that for bi guys it's a bit complex. You basically have to say you'll f**k anyone, and that often turns off everyone. It makes me feel a bit more circumspect.


If I were strictly a heterosexual and I was online talking about just anything, I think I'd still take Zot's approach and keep a thin wall between me and my real identity.


Now I'm off to see if I can figure out who Rob really is and try to find some hot pictures of him on the net. I bet he even has a webcam! :2thumbs:

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Now I'm off to see if I can figure out who Rob really is and try to find some hot pictures of him on the net. I bet he even has a webcam! :2thumbs:


Ok, Mark you got me :( but I only us the web cam on rare occasions :P


Rob :boy:

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It's a trip reading old blogs. I wonder what your friends would think if they discovered you were secretly an online author of a well-regarded gay family soap opera saga.


I think I'm glad I never really had to deal with being confused or straddling both sides of the fence, when it comes to sexuality. It's made it so much easier. You really make appreciate how fortunate I am in that regard, Mark. Thanks.

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