' Live-Poets Society ' – A Corner For Poetry

[Drew Espinosa]

Drew, to get a feel for metre at it's most lyrical, and still meaningful best, look at the Poems of Childhood here by Eugene Field. He was a truly excellent poet, and a great influence on another master of metre, Robert Frost.  

Thanks AC

[Aditus]

Some weeks ago I tutored a student in Shakespeare sonnets. At first he hated it, but after some difficulties he fell in love with old man Bill and especially sonnet 130. Later at school they had to form groups and write their very own sonnet. I thought you might be interested in what they came up with:

 

Love Is Lost

 

Maybe we match

or maybe we not.

Your attention is not possible to catch

and your love is not possible to spot.

 

The problem is,

you're better than me.

The solution is a kiss

but just in my dreams.

 

Why can't we be together,

for you it's all a game,

but in the end it doesn't matter,

you don't care about my pain.

 

But it's all okay

because I'm gay.

 

 

There is room for improvement, e.g. instead of 'not possible' they could have chosen 'impossible', still I loved it.

So, what do you say?

[J.HunterDunn]

 

There is room for improvement, e.g. instead of 'not possible' they could have chosen 'impossible', still I loved it.

So, what do you say?

 

I like it very much, Adi.

Wheter the change to "impossible" would be an improvement is a question of taste.

For me the repeat of "not" three times in a row makes it more meaningful, especially when reading aloud you emphasize that word.

 

When the student does normally speaks German, the same applies there My feeling is, that "unmöglich" has just a bit different ring than "nicht möglich".

 

My compliments to the student.

[Parker Owens]

Some weeks ago I tutored a student in Shakespeare sonnets. At first he hated it, but after some difficulties he fell in love with old man Bill and especially sonnet 130. Later at school they had to form groups and write their very own sonnet. I thought you might be interested in what they came up with:

 

Love Is Lost

 

Maybe we match

or maybe we not.

Your attention is not possible to catch

and your love is not possible to spot.

 

The problem is,

you're better than me.

The solution is a kiss

but just in my dreams.

 

Why can't we be together,

for you it's all a game,

but in the end it doesn't matter,

you don't care about my pain.

 

But it's all okay

because I'm gay.

 

 

There is room for improvement, e.g. instead of 'not possible' they could have chosen 'impossible', still I loved it.

So, what do you say?

I love this, too. I think the 'not possibles' are a little stilted, and perhaps merit a search for something better. Simply replacing 'not possible' with 'impossible' wouldn't make me much happier, so deeper reworking would be needed. But I agree that the poem is very good as it is, too.

[Aditus]

I like it very much, Adi.

Wheter the change to "impossible" would be an improvement is a question of taste.

For me the repeat of "not" three times in a row makes it more meaningful, especially when reading aloud you emphasize that word.

 

When the student does normally speaks German, the same applies there My feeling is, that "unmöglich" has just a bit different ring than "nicht möglich".

 

My compliments to the student.

You have a point here.

I will relay your compliments.

[AC Benus]

Some weeks ago I tutored a student in Shakespeare sonnets. At first he hated it, but after some difficulties he fell in love with old man Bill and especially sonnet 130. Later at school they had to form groups and write their very own sonnet. I thought you might be interested in what they came up with:

 

Love Is Lost

 

Maybe we match

or maybe we not.

Your attention is not possible to catch

and your love is not possible to spot.

 

The problem is,

you're better than me.

The solution is a kiss

but just in my dreams.

 

Why can't we be together,

for you it's all a game,

but in the end it doesn't matter,

you don't care about my pain.

 

But it's all okay

because I'm gay.

 

 

There is room for improvement, e.g. instead of 'not possible' they could have chosen 'impossible', still I loved it.

So, what do you say?

I think the second line should be "or maybe we do not," that way the 'not' can stay as is.

 

 

If you can and want to, please point them in the direction of the prompt on the English Sonnet. I bet they will like the breakdown of a few of Ole Billy Boy's sonnets I did for that.  

Edited January 12, 2016 by AC Benus

[dughlas]

...then i've failed and let myself down...

 

I want you to stay

I haven't left, I just stepped back to reevaluate the things I've done in light of what you and the others have shared. I've never thought myself capable of writing anything someone else would want to read let alone like. It's the response and encouragement I've received to my scribbling that made me think maybe I could do this but I don't know the rules. I thought I understood Haiku and Tanka but then learned I didn't. This is a struggle for me, sometimes trying to conform steals away the original inspiration and I question why I'm doing this at all ... but I'm still here.

[Puppilull]

I think we all struggle and feel inadequate. I bet even Shakespeare struggled a lot. It's part of being a writer, an artist.

 

And for me rules are there to expand, not constrict. To challenge, but not hinder. Like AC said yesterday, by following them strict on certain occasions, you know how to disregard them when you feel like it or the writing demands it. Besides, what does it really matter if our perception of different styles are different? If the writing comes from the heart, it's all that matters. Rules be damned!

[AC Benus]

I haven't left, I just stepped back to reevaluate the things I've done in light of what you and the others have shared. I've never thought myself capable of writing anything someone else would want to read let alone like. It's the response and encouragement I've received to my scribbling that made me think maybe I could do this but I don't know the rules. I thought I understood Haiku and Tanka but then learned I didn't. This is a struggle for me, sometimes trying to conform steals away the original inspiration and I question why I'm doing this at all ... but I'm still here.

Please take a look at the first two poetry prompts. There's lot of good information there, and hopefully it's both accessible and inspiring.

 Rules be damned!

Oh my...I feel certain that was not on your bar exam

[Puppilull]

I'm a lawyer, not a saint! But true, I mostly bend rules.

[Mikiesboy]

I think we all struggle and feel inadequate. I bet even Shakespeare struggled a lot. It's part of being a writer, an artist.

 

And for me rules are there to expand, not constrict. To challenge, but not hinder. Like AC said yesterday, by following them strict on certain occasions, you know how to disregard them when you feel like it or the writing demands it. Besides, what does it really matter if our perception of different styles are different? If the writing comes from the heart, it's all that matters. Rules be damned!

That's called free verse!!

[Aditus]

I think the second line should be "or maybe we do not," that way the 'not' can stay as is.

 

 

If you can and want to, please point them in the direction of the prompt on the English Sonnet. I bet they will like the breakdown of a few of Ole Billy Boys sonnets I did for that.  

I already did. The test went very well.

[Parker Owens]

I posted this in the Haiku Prompt. I don't think this really responds to the prompt, but I liked it, anyhow. To fully respond, I think I'd have to cut one of the two I have here, and add something else more urban - or urbane.

 

Silver silken snow

reflects the waning crescent

moon and every star

 

while smooth crystal drifts

whisper hot humid secrets

of bodies on grass.

[AC Benus]

For those of you who missed it, I think this is a beautiful poem. Please leave likes and reviews if you agree! 

[AC Benus]

I already did. The test went very well.

Btw, I like the new poem you posted

Edited January 9, 2016 by AC Benus

[AC Benus]

I posted this in the Haiku Prompt. I don't think this really responds to the prompt, but I liked it, anyhow. To fully respond, I think I'd have to cut one of the two I have here, and add something else more urban - or urbane.

 

Silver silken snow

reflects the waning crescent

moon and every star

 

while smooth crystal drifts

whisper hot humid secrets

of bodies on grass.

I think you did quite well. See my comments here

[Parker Owens]

AC and Tim have me hooked on the Poetry Prompts. Here is my sad attempt at a Lyric (yes, teacher, this is what I saw on my Christmas Vacation).

 

Lyric Reflection on Christmas Vacation.

 

Beautiful creatures under tropic skies,

hot sandy beaches, and hotter guys;

soft breezes breathing warmth into my bones

wafting exotic birds overhead.

Skimming the currents, they make their way home,

fishing the water for daily bread.

 

They take no notice of skin pale or tanned

parading margins where surf meets sand.

Exotic themselves, bright colors and noise,

roosting on blankets, food within range,

or swimming and screaming; girls chasing boys.

And neither to the other is strange.

Edited January 7, 2016 by Parker Owens

[Drew Espinosa]

I found this to be a wonderful explanation of meter I actually feel more comfortable with it.

 

Edited January 7, 2016 by Drew Espinosa

[dughlas]

I found this to be a wonderful explanation of meter I actually feel more comfortable with it.

That was helpful, thanks.

[Doctor Oger]

Hello, breathing poets!

Thanks for pointing me here, AC, and thank you for the marketing work (and to Sir Peter). ;D

I look forward to scathing critique and other helpful comments.

 

Parker, you nailed those lyrics and the math poem. Nothing left to do other than slowclap respectfully.

 

Now my two belated cents on the haiku/tanka topic: It may actually be a little harder to construct a flowing poem with as few as five to seven mores in a language that is not designed to flow through words and particles like Japanese is. Instead of listing separate words to express "out of the bottle" the Japanese would have one word, "bin-no-naka-de" (or something) written as a single word, and that's how they speak, too. So I think it probably adds an extra challenge to making up a haiku in English, German, ... because we have to squeeze all these irritating small extra words in that have hardly any meaning.

 

I have to go check out the prompts now. *cracks knuckles*

This should be fun.

This thread as well. He he he.

Edited January 8, 2016 by Doctor Oger

[Drew Espinosa]

Guys, I've responded to the Haiku prompt again (AC, I think I'm addicted to that form ) but the first one is kind of grim. So should I add a warning?

[Doctor Oger]

Never. Even readers must learn to fend for themselves at some point.

[Drew Espinosa]

I mean, it's not bad or gratuitous, but my first haiku does revolve a bit around death.

[Mikiesboy]

I mean, it's not bad or gratuitous, but my first haiku does revolve a bit around death.

Post here first if you want.. then you can get opinions if you're concerned.

Never. Even readers must learn to fend for themselves at some point.

I like that but not so sure GA would.  

[Drew Espinosa]

Post here first if you want.. then you can get opinions if you're concerned.

 

Haiku 3

 

Death took the rabbit

As the snow began to fall,

A white burial.

 

 

Personally, I think this doesn't need a warning. But does the mentioning of death warrant a warning in the chapter notes?