So I've been doing too much sitting around thinking and not enough working today, and we all know that's not good on several levels. I think I've sort of figured out the biggest part of this general "the world sucks" attitude I've had going for a while, although that doesn't necessarily mean I know what to do about it. The biggest thing, I guess, is being alone, although it's not about the particular person at all, more that I really only had one person who completely understood me, and now I don't anymore. I've never really been one of those people who collects friends. I don't try to be standoffish or anything, it's just that 1, I've always been shy, and 2 is this weird endless circle that I'll try to explain. I know that a lot of the people I meet have nothing in common with me, or only ever want to party, or only ever want to talk about school, or (if they're guys) only want to hang around girls who fall all over themselves being cute, or (if they're girls) only want to hang around hot guys, or they already have enough friends of their own, or whatever. And I know someone is going to say "so what, you could still try." Well, see point #1. Also, I will occasionally do the partying thing if someone asks, but then there's the likelihood that the people won't remember you the next day. I'm only partly joking there. And finally, I DO make some effort to talk to people, but if someone doesn't really respond or doesn't make an effort to talk to me again, i have a bit of a paranoid tendency to assume they don't like me and then I'm afraid to try again. (I am quite aware that this makes me sound like a bit of a loser, but shut up, it's my blog. ) I'm sort of rambling here, but I'm trying to get to the point that what I really need is someone who actually knows me and wants to hear what I have to say and won't get totally bored and wish they could leave if I had a problem I wanted to talk about. It seems obvious to me that all of the people I was complaining about a minute ago aren't going to turn into that kind of friend no matter how much of an effort I make. So I hope we're all seeing what I mean about an endless circle.