I lie to myself, with all my assertions that i am happy. Do not get me wrong I am for the most part, but saying I am happy and not mentioning some of the things that really bother me is, in itself, a form of fibbing no? I'm currently sitting in a broom closet of an office at a Job I have grown to dispise over the last several months. There where promises, and then out right lies.

Evrything has boiled down to the point where everything I, or the rest of the management team, do is second guessed and even blatently discounted. I can't help but feel I have wasted a significant portion of my life on this place. then again I am feeling that alot these days, such is the nature of this time of year. It could be differnet, shouldn't people occasionally side with the people the have employed for years? Shouldn't they? Everytime there is issue it's our fault and it's amazingly annoying.

Why am I bitching here? Eh, saves from typing up my notice.

Why not write my notice and be done with the shit? Eh, bills.

Quick note to all you guys out there saying you want to grow up now. Stop, chill, relish the moment, before you know it you'll have all sorts of bills and a load of other concerns over not being able to go to that party on friday night. there are moments I would give anything to have those little problems back. Sure they don't seem so little at the time, but in the grandeous scheme of life they really are.

I could also go into the "I'm lonely" schtik. I am, but whining about it on a blog won't do me any good though it may do you all some good to know your not the only ones. At least we can comiserate in blog entries right?

Thats me, the optimistic pesimist. Always hoping for the best, expecting the worst, and looking for the good where ever I can find it. Maybe that is what feeds my loyalty, this incesent need to find the good, where no good can any longer exist. It would explain alot in regards to the job I no longer look forward to, but its implications scare me about what ever relationship I may ever end up in.

Will I be that clingy queen? the one with tear stained cheeks, red puffy eyes. Clutching an ankle while being dragged across the carpet. Begging for just one more chance, one more day to find the good?

I hope not.

It would probably be something more inhumane and tragic. If you love something let it go...