Hey everyone!.....I don't know if anyone will actually read this thing, but I figured it might be fun to do one. I like stuff like this, so why not. So let's see what shall I write about? I guess I'll start with a brief description of myself.

I'm a 22 year old male senior in college. I should graduate in May with a double major in Psychology and Sociology, great right? Yeah sorta, the only snag is that I've now decided I want to pursue a career in writing instead. I'd ALWAYS planned on writing, I just figured I'd do it on the side, now I'm thinking I want to do it as a full time career (and still write other stuff on the side). What brought about this little ephinay? Well I guess two things really. I'd always planned on going to grad school for psyc. and then trying to do counciling a few days out of the week while also teaching a few classes as a prof. on the other days (yeah education had always been another "top career choice" for me). Well basically I realized that while I really wanted to do that, in order to get there I'd have to go through grad school for a Master's and probably also a PhD, but the thing is, I hate research, and all the quantitave aspects of psychology, and I realized I'd be miserable doing all that. So yeah I could have switched over and just stuck with Sociology (which I was double majoring in, just because I was interested in it), and I still may, but mostly I think I want to write. The other thing that made me realize this was recently when I was writing this boring paper for a sociology class, and I realized halfway through that I was actually having FUN doing it, just because I enjoy the writing process. So I'll probably be applying soon (as in I shoulda started a month ago) to grad. schools in English, possibly with a concentration in creative writing.

So that about covers the academic/career aspect of my life. Lets see what else should I include in a "first blog entry"? Well a little about me personally. I'm a rather cheerful, friendly person (in fact in grade school I was voted friendliest in my class lol). I'm usually quite optomistic. I try to take care of myself, I go for long walks (occasionally runs) in my neighborhood 3 or 4 times a week. Which serves the dual purpose of exercise and thinking time. I'm also a pretty contemplative person. I also do boring regular sorts of exercises a few nights a week (push ups, sit ups, etc.). I live on my own, with the exception of my Timmy and Lucky (my cats), and have for the last two years. Before that I lived 2 years with roomates. I really like my apartment, especially my walkin closet (I know it's silly that that's one of my favorite things, but it is)....In fact considering that I'm also "closeted", I get a good little laugh by saying to myself "If I have to be in the closet, at least it's a walkin." Oh yeah on the gay thing....

I've pretty much always known I was attracted to guys, but for most of my life I was also attracted to girls. So I figured "well I guess I'll just go with a girl, it'll be less complicated." The only trouble is the older I've gotten the less and less interested in girls I've become. And I never wanted to lead one on or anything so I pretty much came to the realization I should probably date guys instead. It's complicated though. I've always wanted a traditional "American dream" kinda life. You know the "spouse, kids, dog and white picket fence" thing. Well I'm still planing to have that, just with a guy instead (note my use of the word SPOUSE instead of wife ). Yeah so I guess I really need for them to leagalize gay marriage and make adopting an acceptable occurance, for all this to happen. But hey I'm optomistic (remember?). Anyway I realized I could still have this only fairly recently (like late July), when I read TLW and was inspired by Owen and Aiden's relationship. Ok I know it was FICTION, but I got to thinking about it and realized there's really no reason why that couldn't happen for me. I also read "The Human Condition" more recently was further inspired by Mike and Joe's relationship (again fiction, but hey). So yeah I just need to find Mr.Right and settle down.....I guess that's something else I should mention, I'm not interested in anything casual, if I could somehow know for a fact who the right person for me was, I'd marry him tomorrow if I could. Of course I believe in THOROUGHLY getting to know someone first, but like I said if I could KNOW he was the right one, I wouldn't hesistate. Anyway I guess I'm still "in the closet" because the way I look at it, I'm moving in 6 months anyway, so why deal with the drama, and upset my less close friends that I'll probably lose touch with anyway? Besides I am "being myself" it's not like I'm always pretending to be attracted to girls or be some kinda ultra "tough guy", I just don't verbally say "he's cute!". Besides occasionally I am still attracted to girls. As for my family, well I plan to tell my mom, SOON. As in probably within the next week, when she comes to visit for a few days for Thanksgiving **Gulp**.

Well it makes me nervous, but it probably shouldn't. I've always had a really good relationship with my mom (my whole family really). My parents divorced when I was two, after 17 years of marriage, yeah they just waited along time to have kids. My mom explicitly told me I was planned though, so I never felt like an accident anyway....In fact she even told me the day I was concieved (a little odd, but nice to know). Anyway my mom moved back to her home state and moved in with my grandparents. So I basically had three parents growing up, so I definitely didn't miss "having a dad around". when I was a kid I saw my dad every summer and christmas anyway. And he does still call and email on at least a monthly basis, we're just not that close. So anyway I don't feel the need to mention it to him or his side of the family, I like them and get along with them, but we just aren't that close. so also, while I hope it wouldn't be an issue, I'd care alot less if it did bother them. Which, speaking about my dad anyway, I really can't tell, overall he seems like a pretty liberal guy, (he's also a college prof., and alot of them are liberal about that kinda thing anyway). So I guess he wouldn't have too much problem with it, I really don't know though, I don't really know him that well and it's not like gay issues are what we talk about when we do talk. Anyway point is I don't think it really matters much either way.

So back to my mom, I really think she'll take it well for the most part. I was talking with her awhile back about a friend of mine from high school who was gay and has ended up in a pretty bad place (drugs etc.), which I blame on how his parents treated him after they found out he was gay. Anyway she was very in agreement with me, and said they should be ashamed for the way they acted. Also just in general I really couldn't imagine her taking it too badly. I know the only thing will be that she wants grandkids and I'm her only child. Of course I want kids too, so I guess it may work out. Funny thing with my family, we all value have a child alot, but only like one or two, so we're a very small family. Anyway as for my grandparents I don't think I'll ever tell them. I mean I'm really really close with them, especially my grandfather, but the thing is they're just from another generation, a different time if you will. And I just don't think they'd really "get it". The thing is I really couldn't ever imagine them like "disowning me" or anything either, I just know it would hurt them. So I don't think I'll ever tell them, I mean they're in their mid 80s anyway, and while they hopefully do have another 20 years or so left, it probably wouldn't be so hard to just avoid the issue with them. I do plan to tell my cousin (yeah I only have two first cousins, one on my mom's side and one on my dad's anyway the one I mean is on my mom's side), we're fairly close, or we were as kids anyway, in fact she's much more like a sister to me than my actual two (much MUCH younger) half-sisters, and I think she'd handle it ok.....Besides sometimes I suspect she and her best friend may be more than just friends anyway. The only other member of my family would be her mom/my aunt and I could go eithe way on telling her, and could see her going either way as far as how she handles it (though I actually suspect not so well,,,,,so yeah if I'm right about my cousin, I'm definitely much luckier, poor thing)

Anyway I guess that's along enough "first entry", sorry to bore everyone, but I'm one of those people who likes to "set the stage" so I figured a little background info might be useful. I hope everyone has an excellent day!