i .. i dont know what it is..

i feel like i could cry.. i feel like i could scream... and yet... i'm overly happy and way too happy clappy and happy with someone..

Is this what real depression feels like? To feel like you have barely anything to believe in..

I shouldnt be saying it because i know people will just say "dont talk like that.. youre just being depressing"..

but i just dont know... theres something wrong... something wrong with me... and i cant figure out what it is..

I've looked everywhere for an answer.. theres a few i have found.. but they arent very permanent answers.. i have a permanent answer but that isnt going to happen for a while..

Theres one.. but hell am i ever going near that one again.. i dont even like to mention it..

I dont know what to do with myself... i'm depressed.. but i'm happy at the same time.. its just i feel all the emotions at once and i just need someone to help me..

Anyone.. i just need to get my mind sorted..

I need the loving arms and mind of my boyfriend... god i miss him so much sometimes.. sometimes its so painful.. its been nearly a week now since we last spoke.. and i want to do some special... next saturday we have been together for 3 months.. i want to show how much i am devoted to him.. but i dont know how to show it... Help me.. i feel like i'm losing my mind...