Goldilocks and the Three Lumberjacks by Bondwriter

[C James]

Discuss Bondwriter's Fairy Tales Anthology story, "Goldilocks and the Three Lumberjacks", in this thread.

 

 

Spoilers Below!!!!!!!!!

Edited February 16, 2007 by C James

[Graeme]

This is a great re-telling of the Goldilocks and the Three Bears tale, fixing the problems with the original in the process.

 

As everyone should be aware, the original tale is morally corrupt and was prone to leading young people into a life of crime. The original Goldilocks performed such tasks as:

 

1. Entering a strange house without permission (trespassing, with breaking-and-entering a possible extra felony)

2. Eating food left for others (theft)

3. Destroying a chair (vandalism)

4. Sleeping in a strange bed (okay, I'm not sure what she's guilty of there, but I'm sure a good prosecuter would be able to get her for some sort of sexual misconduct charge)

5. Ran off when confronted (resisting arrest)

 

In this version, however, Goldilocks is brought to heel and made to pay for his crimes. This demonstration of justice was then tempered by a display of mercy where the guilty party learnt the benefits of an honest life.

 

Well done, Bondwriter!

[C James]

Crime and Punishment amongst the Lumberjacks!

 

This is cute and has some of Bondwrithers own unique spins.

 

I much prefer this to the original, and Bondwriter spins an endearing yarn, then ties it all up with a happy ending.

 

Of course, a happy ending after committing a crime? I'm far from sure that this is a good example...

[old bob]

Nice version! As you know each fairy tale has a deep signification, expressing what psychoanalysts name "archetypes" and giving the reader a key to a better life.

(If you want to know more, read the book of Bruno Bettelheim "The Uses of Enchantment", published in 1976, in which he discussed "The Meaning and Importance of Fairy Tales", such as those collected and published by The Brothers Grimm. In "The Uses of Enchantment" Bettelheim suggests that if children are allowed to read and interpret these fairy tales in their own way they will be able to get a greater sense of meaning and purpose in their lives than might otherwise be the case. In other words: he posits that if children are allowed to read about the trials, tribulations, successes and failures encountered by the heroes of fairy tales, this will better prepare them for the trials, tribulations, successes and failures that they will encounter in their own lives, both as children and as adults.)

The lesson given by this fairy tale is that everybody, gay or not, has somewhere a "life companion" and that has just to "follow the rabbit", that is "to let the events arrive", to find him (or her!!) and fulfil his destiny. This tale is a lesson of happiness and I wish all to be like Corey and meet once the right person (If its not yet done) .

Another lesson is that you often dont need to "follow the rules" imposed by human laws to find the right way and be in peace with your conscience .

Well done, Bondwriter!

[Bondwriter]

As everyone should be aware, the original tale is morally corrupt and was prone to leading young people into a life of crime.

Yes, the original tale is an outrage to all the good old-fashioned values that should be defended by honest people. Roald Dahl did stand against this derelict narrative but didn't go beyond indignation. I'm proud to have been awarded the endorsement of both the NRA and the ACU.

 

Of course, a happy ending after committing a crime? I'm far from sure that this is a good example...

I hope it does not set a bad example for young, impressive people. For crime is not rewarded by finding love and happiness most of the time. Let it be known to our most-likely-to-be-impressed audience.

 

Great story, but waaaaay too much obscenity from those ... er, lumberjacks.

Thanks Kitty, for this great advertising (the Caprine U. Course was great, wasn't it?). That's right, I should certainly have toned down a story that's crude, raw, obscene, and filled with violence, sex, and other topics that I blush to even hint about. Do not fear, I'll confess on Sunday before mass.

 

everybody, gay or not, has somewhere a "life companion" and that has just to "follow the rabbit"

Yes, rabbits make great life partners. Come and cuddle, bunny, your long fluffy ears are so cute!

[Camy]

When I was wee, and my father read me bedtime stories, I always liked the tale of Goldilocks and the Three Bears.

Now I'm somewhat bigger, I like this version more!

 

Congratulations, Bondwriter!

 

Camy

[C James]

Yes, the original tale is an outrage to all the good old-fashioned values that should be defended by honest people. Roald Dahl did stand against this derelict narrative but didn't go beyond indignation. I'm proud to have been awarded the endorsement of both the NRA and the ACU.

I hope it does not set a bad example for young, impressive people. For crime is not rewarded by finding love and happiness most of the time. Let it be known to our most-likely-to-be-impressed audience.

Thanks Kitty, for this great advertising (the Caprine U. Course was great, wasn't it?). That's right, I should certainly have toned down a story that's crude, raw, obscene, and filled with violence, sex, and other topics that I blush to even hint about. Do not fear, I'll confess on Sunday before mass.

Yes, rabbits make great life partners. Come and cuddle, bunny, your long fluffy ears are so cute!

 

Hmmmm... I suspect an insidious plot here. All these endorsements, hmmmm... I suspect there is a hidden agenda here.

I demand to know: Where does the Lumberjacks union stand on this issue?!?!?!

[Bondwriter]

I demand to know: Where does the Lumberjacks union stand on this issue?!?!?!

Good question. Paul Bunyan, the spokesman for the Brotherhood of Lumberjacks and Woodworkers of the World just issued the following statement:

"Though some more conservative organizations with agendas different from ours officially endorsed this story, we are not bigots ourselves. This tale praises values we may identify with: hard work, love of nature, and solidarity among the lumberjacks, though this solidarity seems to go a bit beyond just labor. So we have no problem with this fine tale, and we recommend its reading by our members."

 

As for the feedback people provided, I'm glad it reminded good memories to some!

[Bondwriter]

Obviously, it's impossible to please everyone. Here is what I got from the WWWF:

 

"Dear Sir,

We are appalled at the manner you rewrote one of the few fairy tales that had wildlife portrayed under a slightly positive way, namely Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Your human-centered narrative is representative of how you human beings don't give a *censored* about us animals. I've noticed that on this board, goats are being made fun of on a regular basis. Rest assured that we'll take all legal measures to set things right.

 

Paul the Panda"

 

Well, Paul, sorry for making you feel bad, but I thought that avoiding to portray bears scaring little children would be seen as positive. My lawyer will be in touch.

[C James]

Good question. Paul Bunyan, the spokesman for the Brotherhood of Lumberjacks and Woodworkers of the World just issued the following statement:

"Though some more conservative organizations with agendas different from ours officially endorsed this story, we are not bigots ourselves. This tale praises values we may identify with: hard work, love of nature, and solidarity among the lumberjacks, though this solidarity seems to go a bit beyond just labor. So we have no problem with this fine tale, and we recommend its reading by our members."

 

As for the feedback people provided, I'm glad it reminded good memories to some!

 

It did indeed bring back memories, but I liked your version more than the original.

 

Obviously, it's impossible to please everyone. Here is what I got from the WWWF:

 

"Dear Sir,

We are appalled at the manner you rewrote one of the few fairy tales that had wildlife portrayed under a slightly positive way, namely Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Your human-centered narrative is representative of how you human beings don't give a *censored* about us animals. I've noticed that on this board, goats are being made fun of on a regular basis. Rest assured that we'll take all legal measures to set things right.

 

Paul the Panda"

 

Well, Paul, sorry for making you feel bad, but I thought that avoiding to portray bears scaring little children would be seen as positive. My lawyer will be in tough.

 

Ya can't please everyone, I guess. Though, I did a double-take on the name there: I originally read WWWF as WWF, which is a sligtly different organizition, one might say. ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

So, now you have launched you mind control publicity campaigm, what are your goals?

[Camy]

What are your goals?

They are rectangular things with netting, and nervous looking individuals wearing gloves and a box. Not that it matters

[Graeme]

They are rectangular things with netting, and nervous looking individuals wearing gloves and a box. Not that it matters

Nope. They are four vertical poles -- two big one in the middle, and two smaller ones on the outside -- at either end of a football oval....

[Conner]

What a sweet tale!

 

We need to do the stealth thing and sneak into some publishing house and somehow get this story in print!

 

Conner

[Bondwriter]

As for my goals, besides ruling the world through the mind-control techniques that I experimented on goats, they are limited. Aussie football? The sport in which they wear shorts even tighter than rugby's? He! He!

 

Thanks Conner. You get 10% if you manage to cut a deal.

[C James]

As for my goals, besides ruling the world through the mind-control techniques that I experimented on goats, they are limited. Aussie football? The sport in which they wear shorts even tighter than rugby's? He! He!

 

Thanks Conner. You get 10% if you manage to cut a deal.

 

Hey! I resemble that remark!!!

 

It seems though that you are off to a great start in achieving your goals.

 

I'm unsure though about your methods, as your characters seem to run into knotty problems?

And beware of things like brief, tight garments and guys running around shirtless; that can be so exploitive!

 

(BTW, I'm teasing!)

 

So, when can we expect a sequel?

[Bondwriter]

So, when can we expect a sequel?

I think it was a one-shot story. At least in my mind it was. I'm really thankful for the feedback provided by all of you people.

 

Before I go for a sequel, I'd like the guys to whom the story is dedicated to be able to read it. Sadly enough, they were a real-life fairy tale taking place (two little teen guys I knew from another board playing tie-up games together, about to write a major piece of fiction, most excellent writers and artists, and falling in love on top of it, like I would never have made this up myself) and it turned out into a nightmare around Christmas when their coming-out went awfully wrong. One of the families moved so they'd be apart, and the only message I got from one of them sounded awfully sad.

 

OK, so enough getting depressed. I really enjoyed writing this story, and working with Sterling and Nicholas. I don't have any inspiration striking me for the Spring anthology, but I'm already trying to find ideas for a Summer story.

 

And of course, I'll keep mind-controlling goats with subliminal PMs. It works rather well, since I got a shy one to post a chapter every week on the day of my choice!

[Bondwriter]

OK, this maybe could have gone somewhere in the writer's corner, but it wouldn't apply to many people anyway.

 

After reading Dio's blog about seeing his story on a Chinese forum, I went and googled my own. Hence my story appears on page 4 when I type my characters' first name in the French google, number 2 result with "in English only".

 

Then I googled Goldilocks, and I was offered the opportunity to translate the story. Man translating computers are lame, but I got a kick of some of the results, especially in dialogues. Really weird seeing the page with its layout and a robotic translation.

 

I thought I would share this little moment of glee.

[C James]

I think it was a one-shot story. At least in my mind it was. I'm really thankful for the feedback provided by all of you people.

 

Before I go for a sequel, I'd like the guys to whom the story is dedicated to be able to read it. Sadly enough, they were a real-life fairy tale taking place (two little teen guys I knew from another board playing tie-up games together, about to write a major piece of fiction, most excellent writers and artists, and falling in love on top of it, like I would never have made this up myself) and it turned out into a nightmare around Christmas when their coming-out went awfully wrong. One of the families moved so they'd be apart, and the only message I got from one of them sounded awfully sad.

 

OK, so enough getting depressed. I really enjoyed writing this story, and working with Sterling and Nicholas. I don't have any inspiration striking me for the Spring anthology, but I'm already trying to find ideas for a Summer story.

 

And of course, I'll keep mind-controlling goats with subliminal PMs. It works rather well, since I got a shy one to post a chapter every week on the day of my choice!

 

That is really sad about the two guys.

I sure hope things work out for them.

 

Mind control? Hah! No such thing!

Now, if you will excuse me, I just realized that it is tuesday so it is imperitive that I go get a chapter ready for posting later today!

 

I'm looking forward to whatever you write next.

[Ieshwar]

That was so sweet! I really loved it. The idea of a family alone in the forest is interesting. And the prophecy...

 

Ieshwar

[Bondwriter]

It's been over a month since this was posted, and the Spring Anthology is about to bloom. Thanks to all of you who read the story and took a little time to tell a few (or many!) words of kindness. I had lots of fun writing something gentle and bucolic. I'm already thinking of the Rainy Day theme for the Summer Anthology, since tie-up fiction and setting up a site dedicated to it with my proofreader/ editor and friend Nicholas H. should keep us busy over the next two months.

[C James]

It's been over a month since this was posted, and the Spring Anthology is about to bloom. Thanks to all of you who read the story and took a little time to tell a few (or many!) words of kindness. I had lots of fun writing something gentle and bucolic. I'm already thinking of the Rainy Day theme for the Summer Anthology, since tie-up fiction and setting up a site dedicated to it with my proofreader/ editor and friend Nicholas H. should keep us busy over the next two months.

 

Don't think we are going to let you sign off on this thread that easily.

 

It was a very sweet tale, well executed, and you did great.