Making sense of being gay

[GaryKelly]

Why me? The simple answer to that perennial question is 'why not?' From what I gather on this forum, younger peeps are often obsessed by trying to make sense of their sexuality. I was too. As an impressionable youth, I wanted to know what the hell the extra bit of skin on my willie was all about. My parents never discussed sex. I was left to conclude that, since all the other guys were circumcized, there must be something wrong with mine. Much later, of course, I discovered that mine was normal/natural and theirs weren't. By then it was too late to erase the torment I endured during my tender and impressionable years.

 

These days, I wonder about the value of bothering to make sense of anything. Do we need to explain love in order to accept it? Do we really need to 'count the ways'? I'm no longer interested in questioning myself to the point of confusion and anxiety. Ya git what ya git, take it or leave it. It's the path of least resistance.

[JamesSavik]

Why me?

 

Stronger men than me have gone to the laughing academy after pondering that question too deeply so I usually leave it alone.

 

I have found that what's for dinner is a much more productive question.

[Luc]

I have an annoying habit of looking for reasons for just about everything. I like to reason things out, find the cause of the effect. However, I have some

[GaryKelly]

Why me?

 

Stronger men than me have gone to the laughing academy after pondering that question too deeply so I usually leave it alone.

 

I have found that what's for dinner is a much more productive question.

 

Indubitably, my dear James, and precisely why I turned to the culinary arts for relief from life's incessant and dreary questions.

[MMandM]

I never ask why me.

 

Some straight men have been conditioned to think that seeing to guys kiss is the most disgusting thing in the world. Well I pity them but I won't stop living for the sake of anyone's sensibilities, specially when they turn around and bombard me with their own sexuality.

 

I think a little self-reflection would not hurt. We all know how difficult and often frightening sex, love, dating can be. Now imagine that not only do you have to deal with the normal anxieties of rejection and not knowing just what to say. But for a gay man he also has to worry about social censure and in some cases if he makes a pass a non-gay man, possible violence. It must take some real courage to face all that, and still find someone to love. And if courage is not considered a classical 'manly' virtue I don't know what is.

[Graeme]

I've never thought of "Why me?" either. Being gay is something that's so intrinsic to my person (even if I didn't accept it for forty years) that I never thought about why it's happened to me. That doesn't mean I haven't been interested in what makes someone homosexual, but it's never been with a view of trying to "blame" something or someone.

 

Despite living many long years "in denial" (or at least rejection), there has only been one time that I've really wished I wasn't gay. That was when my wife was having a nervous breakdown because she'd learnt her husband is gay. Because of the pain she went through -- that I put her through -- that is the only time I've truly wished I could be straight.

[Thirdeye]

well I for one did ask why me and spent a lot of time dwelling on it. I finally got to point where I realized it didn't matter why, just that it was and I had to accept it. As simple as it sounds it took a lot of time and help for special people(one of them being James who I talked to on more then one bad night, ).

 

 

I also think asking why is a process humans go through when they believe something bad has happen to them.

[colinian]

I've never asked "why me". I've always liked who I am and the way I am. Maybe my motto should be "why not".

 

Colin

[AFriendlyFace]

"Why me?"

 

Nope, not something I've ever particularly wandered either. I've always tended to stand out a bit in one way or another. I've seldom ever considered, and never wanted to consider, myself "ordinary", "typical", or even "normal" in any given circumstance. As I've said before, in that regard being gay fit delightfully well with my objective of being "unique". So I suppose my answer to "why me?" would be "just lucky I guess". Anyway finding myself in smaller subgroups or generally "beating the odds" really doesn't seem THAT unusal to me. I know it is, but I am just a lucky person.

 

Still, I am undoubtedly one of the "lucky ones". Being different has always been a condition fairly positively recieved in the environments I've been in (whether it was with regards to myself or others). I've never felt a very high degree of pressure to "conform", and individuality was always placed at a premium.

 

Further, I didn't really have the "option" to regard being gay as something negative. Long before I ever identified as such I'd reached the conclusion that it was perfectly okay. Indeed it was fairly highly internalized, almost to the extent that "stealing and hitting people are bad", "sharing is good", etc. etc. were. "It's okay to be different", was just an accepted truth. Again before I'd even worked out that I was gay, I'd known, liked, and accepted other gay people, and seen them generally positively recieved by others.

 

SO, I suppose I'd have felt like an awful hypocrite if I'd had a major problem with myself being gay. Don't get me wrong, when I worked it all out it was a pretty emotional time, and I did have fears and concerns, but ultimately I'd have been disappointed in myself if I'd ever "hated" it.

 

Stronger men than me have gone to the laughing academy after pondering that question too deeply so I usually leave it alone.

Personally speaking one of the internal attributes I value the most in myself is my willingness, and commitment to being able to "go anywhere in my head". I'm not always willing to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with others, but I make a point of acknowledging, and exploring them.

 

I also think asking why is a process humans go through when they believe something bad has happen to them.

I think you're right And how sad it is that most people view it as a bad thing when they discover it.

 

I've never asked "why me". I've always liked who I am and the way I am. Maybe my motto should be "why not".

Thadda boy!! Once again I find myself heartened by your well-adjusted, confident, positive attitude, Colin! I'm very pleased to think that you (and a few others around here) represent the "emerging face of gay youth".

 

 

Take care all and have an awesome day!

Kevin

Edited May 31, 2007 by AFriendlyFace

[GaryKelly]

So I suppose my answer to "why me?" would be "just lucky I guess"....

 

What a delicious line!