Pondering will have to wait

[Julian Alexander]

I know i was supposed to post the second part of the Remembrance & Pondering. This is one of two ways that i feel that i can express my true feelings. Firstly i hope all of you celebrate thanksgiving had a great time. But now i must tell you my story, i just came from the feast that my family had. At first everything was great, nothing bad had happned. Everyone was their dinner. Then we were given a break period to let the food go down a get room for dessert. So i went outside an just found that balance place, i felt so great. I went back in some of my family were seating down for dessert but since i did not want any i sat down on the sofa that was close by. My family started talking, then one of my aunts says that she feel that men are lessening in population, i was really intrigued by this comment so i started to pay attention, they kept talking an then one of my uncles says that he feels the same that real me are going away, then he said "even if you go down to south beach, women are all over, yeah those sissy faggots populate that area

[ethan thorn]

Well my whole family is anti gay and i'm not to sure how any of them will take it when i get a b/f witch if everything goes good the 3rd though th 5th i will. I guess all we can do is brace for the wrose and hope for the best remember there are people that care about you just as i have been reminded over the last month.

Edited November 26, 2004 by ethan thorn

[Crackerwriter]

Why should you feel so obliged to tell them?

 

Time after time I see posts about guys worried sick about breaking it to their families, and how they'll take it. I never did tell my family - they figured it for themselves eventually and no one made any homophobic comments as a result. I reckon they weren't sure how I'D take it if they did! Not that they're like that anyway.

 

If you are worried about telling them then don't - let them deal with it; it'll be their problem if they can't accept it. Hell, let's face it you don't need more problems than you've already got.

 

One thing though. For those of you in your teens, and I guess that's the biggest group that worry about such things, be prepared to talk honestly if one day one or both of your parents ask you to sit down and talk to them. Have it prepared in your mind what to say, and don't whatever you do rant and rave at them as though you were feeling guilty. You're not guilty of anything - you were just made that way.

 

[Myr]

I waited until I was 24. My parents took it well enough. Shocked the hell out of them, actually. Something more might have come of it, but 9/11 happened a few days after I told them...

[Ibsu]

I quickly got up and left the house slamming the door behind me. I was having a good time until that incident occurred. Thank whatever power that my dad wanted to go home a few minutes later.

...

So here I am wondering how my parents are going to take the news that I

[rainbow]

Hi Julian

 

 

My heart goes to you. It couldn

[Ibsu]

Wow. That's an inspiring story, Rainbow!

 

I wonder if we in the younger gay community truly appreciate the path that was paved for us. I can read about the history, of Stonewall (for us in the US) and ACT-UP, but I remember being on #gaychristians and listening to those who were either cheating on their wives and feeling guilty or trying to figure out how to come out to their family, and I just couldn't figure out why they exposed themselves to theat drama in the first place.

 

Perhaps it was hard for me to fathom earlier the public pressure one had to marry. I mean, I had it myself but certainly not to the extent of even twenty years ago! (Especially 20 years ago with the emergence of AIDS...)

 

Oh, and I revise my previous comment, Julian. I still suggest starting to work out, because either way it will help you.

 

If you decide not to come out yet, it will keep them off your trail. (after all, "real men" work out, right? *laughs*) If and when you do decide to come out, you will have a better chance at defending yourself and you'll also be bucking their stereotype, making it more difficult for them to just dismiss you as anything but a real man.

 

(Edit: the original post was a little unclear.)

[rainbow]

Hi Guys

 

By the way of a post script to my original posting in this thread.

 

After my wife and I got divorce, I had the custody of the kids. I brought both of my kids up myself, you will not find a better couple of kids better then mine. Oh by the way both kids are straight so no one better tell me that a gay guy cannot bring up kids without turning them. It is bull shit for people to say you can turn people gay. You are born the way you are.

 

That

Edited November 28, 2004 by rainbow

[Bill W]

Guys, I haven't been around for a while, but I will also share my story with you. My family was very homophobic. In fact, some of my relatives were the type to go out of their way to make comments to or about gays. They were also a very physical and violent group, where physical punishment for minor offenses (being hit with a razor strap - a good three-quarters inch of folded leather) was the norm. Therefore, I was scared shitless about letting anyone know who I was. I actually feared that the would beat me to a pulp, at the very least, or possibly even kill me, to keep me from bringing shame and embarrassment to the family.

 

Therefore, I tried to pretend I was straight. I went through two failed marriages (thinking about some guy every time we made love) and had children, but I was never truly happy. Yes, I love my children and am glad I had them, but I'm not sure they offset the pain of not being able to be who I truly was. I have, and will always have, a void in my soul for denying who I truly was, but I only have myself to blame. I denied myself for family acceptance. So you ask, what's my point? It's this.

 

If I had to do this all over again, I would just not tell my family and would just go and lead my own life. Of course, I'd wait until I was on my own to do that, but I would be true to myself. Later, and maybe from a distance, I would inform my family and see how they resonded. If favorably, then maybe we could get together again. If not, at least I didn't deny who I was for the sake of their acceptance.