Dismantle the Sun

[GaryK]

I wonder how many chapters this one is. It's agonizing waiting to see how the story turns out. M&W was hard enough to wait for at only 9 chapters.

You're going to have to read M&W all over again; soon, I hope. I have the pleasure of editing it. It'll no longer be the rough draft corvus always claimed it was; although you could hardly tell it. Anyway, I'm halfway through with Chapter 8. I hope corvus will have time to make some of my suggested changes and re-post the story.

 

I think we should hop a plane for wherever corvus is and pay him a friendly visit. You know, tie him down and then tickle him until he gives up the secrets for DtS. And then tickle him some more just because we can. What'dya think Tiff? Hmm, I wonder where he's the most ticklish?

[Tiff]

You're going to have to read M&W all over again; soon, I hope. I have the pleasure of editing it. It'll no longer be the rough draft corvus always claimed it was; although you could hardly tell it. Anyway, I'm halfway through with Chapter 8. I hope corvus will have time to make some of my suggested changes and re-post the story.

 

I think we should hop a plane for wherever corvus is and pay him a friendly visit. You know, tie him down and then tickle him until he gives up the secrets for DtS. And then tickle him some more just because we can. What'dya think Tiff? Hmm, I wonder where he's the most ticklish?

 

Well, he kept saying it was a rough draft, but it really didn't seem that way. If he reposts it, I don't think I can read it again. It's too sad!

 

Sure..."friendly" visit. You tie him up and tickle him while I get onto his computer and read the files and all his secrets. But with our luck, all his secrets are in his head!

 

Speaking of this story, I really like the title. I wonder what it means?

[GaryK]

Speaking of this story, I really like the title. I wonder what it means?

It's a line from a W.H. Auden poem called, Funeral Blues. Just how it applies to this story, or even if it applies to this story, I haven't a clue. But somehow it doesn't foreshadow a happy story. What a surprise, eh? I wonder how long it's going to take before corvus rips our hearts out again?

 

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,

Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,

Silence the pianos and with muffled drum

Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

 

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead

Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead.

Put crepe bows round the white necks of public doves,

Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

 

He was my North, my South, my East and West.

My working week and my Sunday rest,

My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;

I thought that love would last forever; I was wrong.

 

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;

Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;

For nothing now can ever come to any good.

[corvus]

Well, he kept saying it was a rough draft, but it really didn't seem that way. If he reposts it, I don't think I can read it again. It's too sad!

 

Sure..."friendly" visit. You tie him up and tickle him while I get onto his computer and read the files and all his secrets. But with our luck, all his secrets are in his head!

 

Speaking of this story, I really like the title. I wonder what it means?

 

Haha, there's no outline for DtS. Sorry.

 

And Gary -- nice job; indeed I had been thinking of the Auden poem when coming up with the title. Some of the lines in that poem are like condensed sucker punches. We'll see how it fits in with the story itself.

[Tiff]

It's a line from a W.H. Auden poem called, Funeral Blues. Just how it applies to this story, or even if it applies to this story, I haven't a clue. But somehow it doesn't foreshadow a happy story. What a surprise, eh? I wonder how long it's going to take before corvus rips our hearts out again?

 

Wow, Gary, poem freak much?

 

Oh god, that was a nice poem, very sad, made my stomach twist. I never really like poetry because I never understood it, but this poem just makes you really feel. BAD.

 

This is definitely not going to be a happy piece and IF it somehow has some resemblance of a happy ending, there will definitely be tons of ups and downs.

 

Funeral Blues-- does that mean someone is going to die?!? Oh man, that's even worse than M&W when Winston just leaves.

 

You're editing his stuff; do you know why Corvus is such a heart ripper outter?

 

 

Haha, there's no outline for DtS. Sorry.

 

And Gary -- nice job; indeed I had been thinking of the Auden poem when coming up with the title. Some of the lines in that poem are like condensed sucker punches. We'll see how it fits in with the story itself.

That's right; not everyone works with outlines.

 

And you're no Angel! You said you were going to try to write happier pieces. Liar! Liar! Liar! *stomps on ground*

 

Gary, we must be prepared for more sucker punches. Do some crunches and tense those abs!

[corvus]

And you're no Angel! You said you were going to try to write happier pieces. Liar! Liar! Liar! *stomps on ground*

 

Gary, we must be prepared for more sucker punches. Do some crunches and tense those abs!

 

Don't judge a book by its cover, or a story by its title! Although I did choose that poem for a reason.

 

*puts duct tape back over mouth*

[GaryK]

Wow, Gary, poem freak much?

Auden died when I was taking my Honors English Lit class so we spent about a month studying his poems. Not really a topic for English Lit, but my teacher was very unconventional. I liked that a lot!

 

Oh god, that was a nice poem, very sad, made my stomach twist. I never really like poetry because I never understood it, but this poem just makes you really feel. BAD.

Funeral Blues is a real tear-jerker, isn't it?

 

You're editing his stuff; do you know why Corvus is such a heart ripper outter?

He's a cold, heartless bastard whose only sense of pleasure comes from seeing other people being tortured in a way that leaves no visible scars. Only mental ones.

 

Don't judge a book by its cover, or a story by its title! Although I did choose that poem for a reason.

 

*puts duct tape back over mouth*

OK. Tell me one reason why I should believe this will be anything other than another, to quote Tiff, heart ripper outer? All you've ever written have been stories that make us feel as if you've used a Jade knife to tear into our chests and then rip out our hearts, holding them up for everyone to see as the beating gradually comes to a halt.

[steph]

OK. Tell me one reason why I should believe this will be anything other than another, to quote Tiff, heart ripper outer? All you've ever written have been stories that make us feel as if you've used a Jade knife to tear into our chests and then rip out our hearts, holding them up for everyone to see as the beating gradually comes to a halt.

So... are readers allowed to vote for a happy ending?

[Tiff]

He's a cold, heartless bastard whose only sense of pleasure comes from seeing other people being tortured in a way that leaves no visible scars. Only mental ones.

 

 

OK. Tell me one reason why I should believe this will be anything other than another, to quote Tiff, heart ripper outer? All you've ever written have been stories that make us feel as if you've used a Jade knife to tear into our chests and then rip out our hearts, holding them up for everyone to see as the beating gradually comes to a halt.

The thing is, Corvus seems so nice and friendly in the forums, so it makes his writing that much more shocking and painful. It's like, where does it all come from? I guess you're right Gary. Underneath is all, he's just a cold, heartless, and sadistic bastard. (But I still love stalking him anyway).

 

 

So... are readers allowed to vote for a happy ending?

Hmm, I think us readers should be allowed to vote for a happy ending. However, writing isn't a democracy; it's a totalitarian regime where the author is the dictator and can do anything he/she pleases!

 

Sigh. The writing world is very unfair.

[GaryK]

Hmm, I think us readers should be allowed to vote for a happy ending. However, writing isn't a democracy; it's a totalitarian regime where the author is the dictator and can do anything he/she pleases!

 

Sigh. The writing world is very unfair.

Perhaps his beta or editor could pull a "CJ" and change each chapter in hopes corvus won't read it once he gets it back from us?

[Tiff]

Perhaps his beta or editor could pull a "CJ" and change each chapter in hopes corvus won't read it once he gets it back from us?

LOL! That's classic! And a great idea.

 

But I guess Corvus isn't so bad...sad sob stories are necessary every once in awhile to show that life sucks, and yeah, at least you're not the only one. That's some kind of rationalization and I don't even understand what I'm saying.

[Procyon]

Perhaps his beta or editor could pull a "CJ" and change each chapter in hopes corvus won't read it once he gets it back from us?

 

 

LOL! That's classic! And a great idea.

 

But I guess Corvus isn't so bad...sad sob stories are necessary every once in awhile to show that life sucks, and yeah, at least you're not the only one. That's some kind of rationalization and I don't even understand what I'm saying.

 

Hate to disappoint you people but I whole-heartedly approve of corvus's sucker-punching and such... So it won't happen. Although, as such, I admit it's a tempting idea.

 

Anyway I don't think your complaints are completely justified -- Mike and Winston was *really* uplifting in spite of the agonising bits, and so is DtS, even though Nick has been through some really depressing things such as his mother's birthday.

 

And I still think Alec's attitude to his dad is worth thinking about. I mean, he seems afraid of him -- that's different to people whose parents just wait up for them at night. Why is that? And what's up with his mother? And what's Nick's dad's story -- why did he leave? What is he doing now? And are there parallels between the fathers' stories...?

[Tiff]

Anyway I don't think your complaints are completely justified -- Mike and Winston was *really* uplifting in spite of the agonising bits, and so is DtS, even though Nick has been through some really depressing things such as his mother's birthday.

 

And I still think Alec's attitude to his dad is worth thinking about. I mean, he seems afraid of him -- that's different to people whose parents just wait up for them at night. Why is that? And what's up with his mother? And what's Nick's dad's story -- why did he leave? What is he doing now? And are there parallels between the fathers' stories...?

True, there are some aspects of M&W that were uplifting and even hopeful in terms of the future, but I guess I got too caught up in the emotional aspect of it all. And the way it ended, just like that....ok enough speculating!

 

You bring up a lot of very good questions! There are definitely some weird vibes and I guess we will just have to be patient and see what happens. I hope he sheds light on the family situation because it really gives insight as to why the characters are the way they are.

 

Now with all your questions, I am freaking eager for more of his chapters!

[GaryK]

In M&W I think that overall Mike was in a better place at the end of the story than he was at the start of the story. He was out to everyone that mattered to him, and had made a good friend in Dan. What tore me up, the heart ripper outer if you will, was the cold-hearted way in which Winston chose to leave things with Mike. Maybe it was too painful, too tempting, to consider maintaining any sort of contact with Mike. But to just up and leave, turning his back and not even acknowledging Mike, thus leaving Mike in tears, was so mean, so cold, that I was absolutely beside myself with grief. Perhaps I should have been mad as hell instead. But I felt what I felt. I have no control over that.

 

Now, with regard to DtS. I think it would be great if corvus could get several chapters ahead and then establish a regular release schedule. That's a sure way to keep your fan-base. If people don't know when the next chapter is to be released they tend to wander off and find other stories to hold their interest. I've seen both sides of this issue with my authors so I'm speaking from experience here.

[Tiff]

In M&W I think that overall Mike was in a better place at the end of the story than he was at the start of the story. He was out to everyone that mattered to him, and had made a good friend in Dan. What tore me up, the heart ripper outer if you will, was the cold-hearted way in which Winston chose to leave things with Mike. Maybe it was too painful, too tempting, to consider maintaining any sort of contact with Mike. But to just up and leave, turning his back and not even acknowledging Mike, thus leaving Mike in tears, was so mean, so cold, that I was absolutely beside myself with grief. Perhaps I should have been mad as hell instead. But I felt what I felt. I have no control over that.

 

Mike was in a better place at the end if you really think about it. Me, I was just too blinded or injured from the ending to think beyond that point. But truthfully, he was finally out to his parents, even if his mother was taking it a bit emotionally. His relationship with his father left me feeling unsettled though. He did establish a strong friendship with Dan, and an honest one, and the future for them, in terms of being roommates does seem promising.

 

The single most painful aspect was the end, and I guess the more agonizing the ending is, the more memorable it will be. Well done Corvus! I really hated Winston when I read that part. I hated how he ignored Mike, and I both hated and admired Mike for running after Winston and offering him the chance to talk/call him. It was indeed cold to leave Mike like that, without even a glance or a word. And Mike crying? That was by far the worst. I really wish I was in the story so I could hug him!

 

 

Now, with regard to DtS. I think it would be great if corvus could get several chapters ahead and then establish a regular release schedule. That's a sure way to keep your fan-base. If people don't know when the next chapter is to be released they tend to wander off and find other stories to hold their interest. I've seen both sides of this issue with my authors so I'm speaking from experience here.

 

I agree, having a regular release schedule really makes a difference, but I also know it can be hard. And I think he mentioned going to Germany over the summer. I know, I sound stalker crazy, but in my defense, he mentioned it in a different forum thread!

 

This was discussed in a different thread, but it would be a good idea to either have completed a story entirely or at least have a large portion of it completed. Writing from chapter to chapter makes the readers more impatient and inclined to search elsewhere for a good story. I'll take note of that in the future. Luckily, Corvus will always have his faithful stalkers.

[corvus]

I agree, having a regular release schedule really makes a difference, but I also know it can be hard. And I think he mentioned going to Germany over the summer. I know, I sound stalker crazy, but in my defense, he mentioned it in a different forum thread!

 

This was discussed in a different thread, but it would be a good idea to either have completed a story entirely or at least have a large portion of it completed. Writing from chapter to chapter makes the readers more impatient and inclined to search elsewhere for a good story. I'll take note of that in the future. Luckily, Corvus will always have his faithful stalkers.

 

Tiff, you deserve a medal for good stalkerhood.

 

Either tomorrow or the day after, I'm going to upload the next chapter of DtS. After which, I plan to finish my anthology entry. Then I'm taking a hiatus to study for my final exams, which end on the 24th. I get to go home for a week, and then I'm going to Germany for a few months. I'll be doing a research internship, but I also plan to: a) pump out DtS, finish the opera I've been writing over the last two years, and c) write whatever short stories or poems may come to mind while in Deutschland.

 

So that is my creative schedule for the next few months. I would like to maintain a regular update schedule, but one can't get around Real Life, sadly.

[GaryK]

Luckily, Corvus will always have his faithful stalkers.

I'm using the eFiction New Story Announcements RSS Feed to let me know when new stories/chapters have been released. That at least lets me know when corvus and the other authors I follow have released something new. I also found a new author I've just started to read.

[Tiff]

Tiff, you deserve a medal for good stalkerhood.

I do deserve a medal! I'll go make one for myself. Oh well, feel honored. You're the only writer I've stalked, ever. And I'm super duper lazy, so in order for me to actually follow your work and leave reviews and participate in the forums, well that's saying something about your writing.

 

Either tomorrow or the day after, I'm going to upload the next chapter of DtS. After which, I plan to finish my anthology entry. Then I'm taking a hiatus to study for my final exams, which end on the 24th. I get to go home for a week, and then I'm going to Germany for a few months. I'll be doing a research internship, but I also plan to: a) pump out DtS, finish the opera I've been writing over the last two years, and c) write whatever short stories or poems may come to mind while in Deutschland.

 

So that is my creative schedule for the next few months. I would like to maintain a regular update schedule, but one can't get around Real Life, sadly.

 

Yay for a new chapter! WOOHOO!

 

Your finals end pretty late. I've had two finals already and my last day is the 13th. Btw, you are so lucky to be going to Germany for a few months. Wow. I've always loved Germans. And a research internship...so smart. Another reason to stalk the awesome Corvus.

 

 

I'm using the eFiction New Story Announcements RSS Feed to let me know when new stories/chapters have been released. That at least lets me know when corvus and the other authors I follow have released something new. I also found a new author I've just started to read.

I usually follow the feed list as well, but doesn't that only work if the author posts the announcement in the efiction section announcement section? Sometimes when I check efiction, I find stories that aren't listed. However, Corvus is really good at the notices, so there is never a problem.

 

What new author have you started reading?

 

There are a lot of good writers on eFic, but with summer approaching, I have a feeling people will be getting a lot busier.

[GaryK]

And a research internship...so smart. Another reason to stalk the awesome Corvus.

I suspect corvus has the good looks to match his awesome brain-power. I wish he'd post a photo of himself. Or at least send us one so we know who we're stalking!

 

What new author have you started reading?

While looking for something else this morning I stumbled upon WrathOfMagneto's story, Resident Evil: EPIDEMIC. I didn't think I'd like it, but I started to read the first chapter and next thing I knew it was a couple of hours later and I had finished the story. I've also started reading Libby Drew's stories since I'm going to be working with her as a beta/editor team for an author who is a fairly new member but writes very well: dravenn. He's the new author I mentioned. Great stuff so far. Somewhere along the line I need to find time to read more of ShadowGod's stories. Especially LiS.

Edited May 6, 2008 by GaryInMiami

[Tiff]

I suspect corvus has the good looks to match his awesome brain-power. I wish he'd post a photo of himself. Or at least send us one so we know who we're stalking!

A photo would be nice. Perhaps one day. But he lives in Massachusetts. (Did I spell that right? LOL). So we're all on the East Coast. Maybe one day we will find him. You two, come to NYC!

 

While looking for something else this morning I stumbled upon WrathOfMagneto's story, Resident Evil: EPIDEMIC. I didn't think I'd like it, but I started to read the first chapter and next thing I knew it was a couple of hours later and I had finished the story. I've also started reading Libby Drew's stories since I'm going to be working with her as a beta/editor team for an author who is a fairly new member but writes very well: dravenn. He's the new author I mentioned. Great stuff so far. Somewhere along the line I need to find time to read more of ShadowGod's stories. Especially LiS.

 

I've read WrathOfMagneto's story. It was very gory, but I initially started reading it because I watched the Resident Evil movies and I was in the mood for some zombie action.

 

Libby Drew is another of my favorites. I loved her short pieces as well as Paying the Piper. And she she's been working on something new and I cannot wait for her to post that! I've also read Dravenn's stuff. However, I have a feeling the updates won't be very regular, but that's ok. I'll come back to it. Lastly, ShadowGod's short stories were amazing. I forgot the titles, and I hope I'm referring to the correct author, but they were so good. One of those sucker punch types.

[GaryK]

I'll come to NYC anytime you want me to. I'll be up there in a little less than a month in fact on my way to Maine. I can spend a day in the city and let you show me around. Not that I'm unfamiliar with the place. But I'd love to see it from a native's POV. Dravenn's updates should start to become more regular because he sort of got stuck, then asked for a beta-reader, so Libby and I will be working with him. It's got the makings of a fine story. It'll be weird getting used to UK English. It's quite different than just adjusting to each author's own unique style. I've already found a good dictionary and slang dictionary to help me. Yes, I do take my work seriously. You saw all the citations I provided to support my suggested changes, right? My favorite SG story so far is, sadly incomplete. It's called, A Shot of Bourbon. Vegas Sun, a short story is what you should read next. And then Living in Surreality aka LiS. That's the order Steve suggested I read his stories in.

 

Hey corvus, we'd be discussing your stuff if you'd hurry up and release another chapter of DtS.

Edited May 7, 2008 by GaryInMiami

[Tiff]

I'll come to NYC anytime you want me to. I'll be up there in a little less than a month in fact on my way to Maine. I can spend a day in the city and let you show me around. Not that I'm unfamiliar with the place. But I'd love to see it from a native's POV. Dravenn's updates should start to become more regular because he sort of got stuck, then asked for a beta-reader, so Libby and I will be working with him. It's got the makings of a fine story. It'll be weird getting used to UK English. It's quite different than just adjusting to each author's own unique style. I've already found a good dictionary and slang dictionary to help me. Yes, I do take my work seriously. You saw all the citations I provided to support my suggested changes, right? My favorite SG story so far is, sadly incomplete. It's called, A Shot of Bourbon. Vegas Sun, a short story is what you should read next. And then Living in Surreality aka LiS. That's the order Steve suggested I read his stories in.

 

Hey corvus, we'd be discussing your stuff if you'd hurry up and release another chapter of DtS.

 

Unfortunately, I'll be in summer school when you're in the city. I actually go to a NJ university. It's a whole long story about how that happened, but I won't be returning back to the city officially until August. Oh well. You're not too far. Whenever you're in the area some other time and the timing works, hit me up.

 

You do take your work very seriously! Good job. I was impressed with the reference you provided to support your case. I've read books by an English author, Jane Green, and sometimes the phrases get me a bit confused, so a slang dictionary is a good idea. Anyway, Dravenn story really attracted me because of character of Terry. He's so dark and moody and a huge asshole, but I sense so much more to him and I'm eager to get to know him better.

 

I've read Vegas Sun. That was the story I loved most. Who wrote Almost Home? Was that ShadowGod or someone else? It was a beautiful piece and I feel terrible for not remembering who wrote it. There are just too many stories here on GA!

 

LOL! Yes, we have gotten off topic. Shame, shame. Well, he did say he'd update soon, so we'll have fresh material to talk about soon enough.

[GaryK]

Almost Home is a ShadowGod story. You're right about there being too many stories here on GA. It seems like I'm constantly finding new stories and authors while searching for something else. I should probably volunteer for the WST.

[corvus]

More fodder for you guys, my beloved alligators. Chapter 4 is up.

[Dravenn]

Just read chapter 4-been waiting for the update- and it just gets better and better. I'm enjoying the budding relationship between Nick and Alec, and it's great that they are finally getting it together. You did a great job in keeping the suspense going between those two, and the surprise for me was that Alec made the first move. He seemed so shy before, I didn't think he'd have the nerve. I still think this Wigglesworth has a crush on Nick, maybe even a potential stalker with him turning up at the pizza place, and I'm looking forward to seeing how that pans out too.

 

Great tone and style, very natural. Love all the characters and particularly the ease of conversation between them. What I mean is when I'm writing I always have trouble mixing action with dialogue, I never know what to have my characters do while they're chatting, but you manage this effortlessly. This story is a pleasure to read. Lots more to come soon, I hope.