Cruising

[Mark Arbour]

I think the craigslist, manhunt, etc phenomena have largely supplanted cruising. I've no numbers to back it up, of course, and James's observations are more or less counterevidence. Nonetheless, in my experience, the desperate gay male goes online before he goes to the park. *shrug*

 

The desperate gay male seeks sex anywhere, anytime. He is an interesting species. He thrives on fear and excitement, driven on by his loins, loins which are sometimes fired by passion, and sometimes by a venereal disease.

[thatboyChase]

I can tell you some stories about desperate gay men. I could tell you some epic stories.

[Rilbur]

I've no numbers to back it up, of course, and James's observations are more or less counterevidence.

 

Now there is a question... how do you get numbers on something like this?

[Jack Scribe]

Anybody else see anything that should be added?

 

Two things, James. First is just a bit of nostalgia...in the 70's, the steam room at the West Side Y in Manhattan was Greeeeeeat! In fact, I met my first (and only) great love in the hot, musty mist of that tiled room.

 

Second, I live in a gay man's wet dream of a community. The 'clothing optional' resorts in Palm Springs and Cathedral City are just about as good as it gets if you want to safely and legally cruise for various levels of friendship. For those in the desert area, check out the CCBC for a little trip on the wild side. I do not, for one moment, admit that I have personal knowledge of these enterprises.

[W_L]

Two things, James. First is just a bit of nostalgia...in the 70's, the steam room at the West Side Y in Manhattan was Greeeeeeat! In fact, I met my first (and only) great love in the hot, musty mist of that tiled room.

 

Second, I live in a gay man's wet dream of a community. The 'clothing optional' resorts in Palm Springs and Cathedral City are just about as good as it gets if you want to safely and legally cruise for various levels of friendship. For those in the desert area, check out the CCBC for a little trip on the wild side. I do not, for one moment, admit that I have personal knowledge of these enterprises.

 

Sounds fun, where can I sign up?

[KJames]

Two things, James. First is just a bit of nostalgia...in the 70's, the steam room at the West Side Y in Manhattan was Greeeeeeat! In fact, I met my first (and only) great love in the hot, musty mist of that tiled room.

 

Second, I live in a gay man's wet dream of a community. The 'clothing optional' resorts in Palm Springs and Cathedral City are just about as good as it gets if you want to safely and legally cruise for various levels of friendship. For those in the desert area, check out the CCBC for a little trip on the wild side. I do not, for one moment, admit that I have personal knowledge of these enterprises.

 

Yeah, right! Been there, done that...

[Tiger]

Two things, James. First is just a bit of nostalgia...in the 70's, the steam room at the West Side Y in Manhattan was Greeeeeeat! In fact, I met my first (and only) great love in the hot, musty mist of that tiled room.

 

Second, I live in a gay man's wet dream of a community. The 'clothing optional' resorts in Palm Springs and Cathedral City are just about as good as it gets if you want to safely and legally cruise for various levels of friendship. For those in the desert area, check out the CCBC for a little trip on the wild side. I do not, for one moment, admit that I have personal knowledge of these enterprises.

Now I know where I want to live.

[methodwriter85]

I think the craigslist, manhunt, etc phenomena have largely supplanted cruising. I've no numbers to back it up, of course, and James's observations are more or less counterevidence. Nonetheless, in my experience, the desperate gay male goes online before he goes to the park. *shrug*

 

For the most part, yes. Especially for the younger guys. I did cruising from late 2006 to late 2007- so about a year. The university library bathroom is known as a cruise spot. Most of the guys I saw there were pretty old- I think I ran into maybe four guys that were actually young. Most of the younger guys are doing the CL thing, pretty much.

 

I hit the "jackpot" early on- I was able to hookup with this really cute, tall, slender guy with abs and pretty blue eyes. It was because of it that I kept going back, thinking I'd get another guy like that. Never really did, so but the excitement of, "Maybe I'll get another really hot guy!" kept me going.

 

These days, though, I don't do it. I refuse to end up on the sex offender's list just for some really bad, cheap sex in a public bathroom.

Edited August 18, 2009 by methodwriter85

[Aeroplane]

I can tell you some stories about desperate gay men. I could tell you some epic stories.

 

Oh I bet you could

[JamesSavik]

I have a confession to make. I'm doing research. I know cruising from back in the day but I know nothing about it now. You may or may not see it in an upcoming work. I have an idea about doing something with a person living a double life: nice and respectable by day and into the cruising scene at night. I'm very, very curious and fascinated by the psychology of it- especially now that HIV has become a part of the culture and people know the risks.

 

 

I hit the "jackpot" early on- I was able to hookup with this really cute, tall, slender guy with abs and pretty blue eyes. It was because of it that I kept going back, thinking I'd get another guy like that. Never really did, so but the excitement of, "Maybe I'll get another really hot guy!" kept me going.

 

You don't know how many variations on this theme that I've heard. Almost every cruiser that I've talked too has a similar story.

 

It sounds a WHOLE lot like the first time you do coke and it's awesome and wonderful but it is never quite that good again but you keep looking for that high.

 

I suspect that we're talking about a phenomenon similar to addiction.

 

 

These days, though, I don't do it. I refuse to end up on the sex offender's list just for some really bad, cheap sex in a public bathroom.

 

I agree. In some states, if you get caught cruising, it is a felony and will get you listed as a sex offender.

 

I would like to see them try to pull that crap on a str8 couple they caught parking.

[Benji]

sex offender.

 

I would like to see them try to pull that crap on a str8 couple they caught parking.

 

........Now James, ya'll just know that aint gonna happen! Unless you have power and an agenda!! A crusade mind ya!!

[methodwriter85]

Well, you do see guys put up their cell numbers on the walls of the bathroom stalls in the cruising places. You also see guys who put up their emails.

 

I wound up having unprotected sex with one of the guys I cruised, because I was a virgin and he claimed to be a virgin at gay sex. Of course, these days I know better and I would never do that again, but god, I realize how lucky I was that I didn't contract HIV.

 

What was funny is this one guy- Mark's called them trolls- he must have been at least in his 60's, but he tried to look younger by covering up his balding grey head with a baseball cap and wearing sneakers. And he's ALWAYS there. I learned you really can tell if a guy is young by the way his hands look- that never fails.

[Tiger]

I wound up having unprotected sex with one of the guys I cruised, because I was a virgin and he claimed to be a virgin at gay sex. Of course, these days I know better and I would never do that again, but god, I realize how lucky I was that I didn't contract HIV.

You are very lucky indeed, especially if you were the bottom. I hope HIV wasn't all you got tested for... People often forget hepatitis, which is also incurable and fatal.

[Hoskins]

Well, there are also sites like cruisingforsex.com where you can get listings - in great detail and with comments - about where to go to find the cruisy spots just about anywhere.

 

Obviously there are also chat rooms on gay.com, etc which cater to people looking to hook up, sometimes at a cruisy spot, sometimes not.

 

I've tried to go to rest areas and such for public anonymous sex, but I can't ever seem to do it, I guess I'm not up for the anonymous encounter.

 

I just took a look around that cruisingforsex.com site. I feel like taking a shower in Purell.

 

And I have to wonder how much of the online stuff is really law enforcement trying for some kind of entrapment.

[Tiger]

I've tried to go to rest areas and such for public anonymous sex, but I can't ever seem to do it, I guess I'm not up for the anonymous encounter.

If you're not comfortable with it, then don't do it. You need love.

[KJames]

You are very lucky indeed, especially if you were the bottom. I hope HIV wasn't all you got tested for... People often forget hepatitis, which is also incurable and fatal.

 

I think you might have been thinking of Syphilis...the other VD, Gonorrhea, is curable with high doses of penicillin.

 

Depends on the type and severity of the Heptatitis, my friend...Hep.A is usually contracted through badly handled (unsanitary) produce or food, and there was an widespread outbreak of it in Southern California in 1998...I and my partner, Rob, were two cases being treated in our own home--the hospitals were full, of other cases...I was immobile for 3 days after he recovered...and it's not fun. It's one of the only things I can think of that actually makes your skin hurt, and all of it!

 

Then there's Hep.B, and Hep.C/D...C/D is usually very advanced and almost always fatal if not treated close to its onset--Rob and I have a friend who almost died from it just after we met, it actually left him with only 20% of his liver remaining.

[methodwriter85]

 

Then there's Hep.B, and Hep.C/D...C/D is usually very advanced and almost always fatal if not treated close to its onset--Rob and I have a friend who almost died from it just after we met, it actually left him with only 20% of his liver remaining.

 

My state required a Hep B vaccine for 7th graders in 1999, so I already got that.

 

Anyway, I'm good. Very lucky, and good. This happened two and a half years ago...if I had gonorea, I would already know about it. LOL.

 

In my state, they actually tore down the public restrooms at one of the parks that were known for cruising. Pretty interesting. People are really cracking down hard on it.

[JamesSavik]

In my state, they actually tore down the public restrooms at one of the parks that were known for cruising. Pretty interesting. People are really cracking down hard on it.

 

So has Mississippi and Louisiana. I don't know about other states.

 

Mississippi tore down rest areas all over the state and rebuilt only a few of them with 24/7 security.

 

That is a pretty big public policy commitment for a state like Mississippi. Completely rebuilding these rest areas for a few million a pop, a grounds staff and a couple of certified law enforcement officer. That equals out to adding (I'm guessing) 25 million per year state wide in maintenance, salaries and benefits.

 

When the legislature authorized this, the state passed a law the same year that gave judges the opportunity to charge cruisers caught having sex with a felony but I've never heard of anyone being prosecuted under it. A lawyer friend of mine says that they are afraid that it won't stand up to challenge.

 

This was all started around ~1988 when AIDS was still universally fatal. It may sound overboard today but those of us who were there remember talks of concentration camps for the infected.

[Mark Arbour]

So has Mississippi and Louisiana. I don't know about other states.

 

Mississippi tore down rest areas all over the state and rebuilt only a few of them with 24/7 security.

 

That is a pretty big public policy commitment for a state like Mississippi. Completely rebuilding these rest areas for a few million a pop, a grounds staff and a couple of certified law enforcement officer. That equals out to adding (I'm guessing) 25 million per year state wide in maintenance, salaries and benefits.

 

When the legislature authorized this, the state passed a law the same year that gave judges the opportunity to charge cruisers caught having sex with a felony but I've never heard of anyone being prosecuted under it. A lawyer friend of mine says that they are afraid that it won't stand up to challenge.

 

This was all started around ~1988 when AIDS was still universally fatal. It may sound overboard today but those of us who were there remember talks of concentration camps for the infected.

 

 

I only know of one here in Missouri that was torn down, while one other was converted to a daytime only facility. The one they torn down was the closest one to my house.

[Tiger]

Then there's Hep.B, and Hep.C/D...C/D is usually very advanced and almost always fatal if not treated close to its onset--Rob and I have a friend who almost died from it just after we met, it actually left him with only 20% of his liver remaining.

I know gonorrhea, syphilis, and chlamydia are curable. There is a series of three vaccinations that will make it unlikely that you will contract Hepatitis B. Hepatitis C and D are not so simple. They are both STDs just like B, and they can eventually cause liver failure. Eh, after doing a bit of reading, there is actually a treatment, though I suspect that it's expensive. The treatment includes two anti-viral drugs, Pegylated interferon alpha and ribavirin. Treatment can take months... like 6 months to close to a year. Thus, it can be "cleared", but it takes a long time. My guess is that the disease is still present but dormant. Permanent liver damage is likely. Still, there are those resistant genotypes of the disease and people who do not respond to treatment. It's simply better not to get it. Early treatment is key otherwise before permanent liver damage and even death occur. It's not at all pleasant. I've seen someone in an acute phase. He was quite sick from it. The treatments seem to be new, because even a few years ago, there was nothing that could stop the disease completely, or clear it for that matter.

 

http://www.cdc.gov/hepatitis/HepatitisC.htm

Edited August 20, 2009 by Tiger

[Mark Arbour]

I know gonorrhea, syphilis, and chlamydia are curable. There is a series of three vaccinations that will make it unlikely that you will contract Hepatitis B. Hepatitis C and D are not so simple. They are both STDs just like B, and they can eventually cause liver failure. Eh, after doing a bit of reading, there is actually a treatment, though I suspect that it's expensive. The treatment includes two anti-viral drugs, Pegylated interferon alpha and ribavirin. Treatment can take months... like 6 months to close to a year. Thus, it can be "cleared", but it takes a long time. My guess is that the disease is still present but dormant. Permanent liver damage is likely. Still, there are those resistant genotypes of the disease and people who do not respond to treatment. It's simply better not to get it. Early treatment is key otherwise before permanent liver damage and even death occur. It's not at all pleasant. I've seen someone in an acute phase. He was quite sick from it. The treatments seem to be new, because even a few years ago, there was nothing that could stop the disease completely, or clear it for that matter.

 

http://www.cdc.gov/hepatitis/HepatitisC.htm

 

 

Well in addition to the deadly diseases, and the really awful ones, there are the ones that aren't so terrible, health wise, but never go away: HPV and Herpes.

[Graeme]

I have a confession to make. I'm doing research. I know cruising from back in the day but I know nothing about it now. You may or may not see it in an upcoming work. I have an idea about doing something with a person living a double life: nice and respectable by day and into the cruising scene at night. I'm very, very curious and fascinated by the psychology of it- especially now that HIV has become a part of the culture and people know the risks.

There is one class of gays that cruise because it's the safest option for them -- married men. When my wife was undergoing counselling (after I came out to her), her counsellor asked her to read a book: "She's my wife, he's just sex". I tracked it down and bought it for her (if you want a copy, it's cheapest to order it from the Australian publisher -- it's just over half way down the page). I started reading it too (as I did for the other books the counsellor suggested), but I couldn't finish it... because I could see how close I was to being one of the guys in that book. I don't know how many times, as a closeted married man, I was tempted to go to a cruise site. I knew of some -- I had tracked some down via the internet and the temptation got very strong at times. I certainly don't condemn the men who succumbed.

 

The psychological pressure on a married gay man is one that has to be experienced to fully appreciate it. I can certainly understand the ones who go cruising.

[Tiger]

Graeme, many of us have sought relationships with women in the past, but many of us accepted our sexuality instead of taking the step of marriage. To that extent, it is a choice, a choice between accepting who we are or to remain in hiding. I'm not saying this to bash anyone either. It's a reality we must all live with. How we deal with it is our business as individuals, and judging others for making a different choice is wrong. If the answer to an individual is to marry and find cruising as a release valve, that is a lifestyle choice, and it would be wrong to criticize someone based upon that alone. It's not the life for me, but who am I to say that others cannot or should not live like that?

[KJames]

I know gonorrhea, syphilis, and chlamydia are curable. There is a series of three vaccinations that will make it unlikely that you will contract Hepatitis B. Hepatitis C and D are not so simple. They are both STDs just like B, and they can eventually cause liver failure. Eh, after doing a bit of reading, there is actually a treatment, though I suspect that it's expensive. The treatment includes two anti-viral drugs, Pegylated interferon alpha and ribavirin. Treatment can take months... like 6 months to close to a year. Thus, it can be "cleared", but it takes a long time. My guess is that the disease is still present but dormant. Permanent liver damage is likely. Still, there are those resistant genotypes of the disease and people who do not respond to treatment. It's simply better not to get it. Early treatment is key otherwise before permanent liver damage and even death occur. It's not at all pleasant. I've seen someone in an acute phase. He was quite sick from it. The treatments seem to be new, because even a few years ago, there was nothing that could stop the disease completely, or clear it for that matter.

 

http://www.cdc.gov/h.../HepatitisC.htm

 

 

That is new info. then, he had it about 19 years ago...

[Graeme]

Graeme, many of us have sought relationships with women in the past, but many of us accepted our sexuality instead of taking the step of marriage. To that extent, it is a choice, a choice between accepting who we are or to remain in hiding. I'm not saying this to bash anyone either. It's a reality we must all live with. How we deal with it is our business as individuals, and judging others for making a different choice is wrong. If the answer to an individual is to marry and find cruising as a release valve, that is a lifestyle choice, and it would be wrong to criticize someone based upon that alone. It's not the life for me, but who am I to say that others cannot or should not live like that?

If only it was that simple....

 

I know of at least one person who didn't realise they were gay until after they were married. Really. That was partially as a consequence of being sexually abused as young boy and having suppressed a lot of his sexuality as a consequence. In my case, I knew I preferred guys, but I also love my wife. Due to personal circumstances, I was emotionally vulnerable to anyone who showed me affection. I this fell in love with my wife -- and I still love her -- even though I knew I was gay. I tried to explain this to her before we got married, to the limit I was capable of doing so at that time, but she didn't understand, and I didn't realise she didn't understand.

 

Another factor you have to consider is that the Internet has been a major force in helping people accept themselves, but that wasn't around when I was growing up, and even today not everyone has easy private access to the Internet. Without the Internet, I was essentially alone -- the only way I could try to find out anything about being gay was to out myself to someone, and I wasn't psychologically capable of doing that at that time in my life.