Against The Machine

[Riley Jericho]

Ok, chapter 12 was an eye opener for me.

 

I want the machine!!!

 

You wait til you find out how the surgery is done in Ch 13 - you may get more than you expect!

Riley

[Nephylim]

I love the way that the surgery is done and I think that it should be optional to have the surgery without the conditioning just for fun

 

I also think that Mr Quinn should have the surgery awake

 

And I OBJECT to the comment about lawyer sweat

 

That was a fabulous chapter... getting back to the dark and twisted... awesome.

[Conner]

You wait til you find out how the surgery is done in Ch 13 - you may get more than you expect!

Riley

 

Ok, so I read about the surgery. Was there something there I wasn't supposed to like?

 

I'm very pleased how you handled Mr. Quinn. He's gonna get some of Nephy's retribution.

[Riley Jericho]

Ok, so I read about the surgery. Was there something there I wasn't supposed to like?

 

I'm very pleased how you handled Mr. Quinn. He's gonna get some of Nephy's retribution.

 

Conner - I'm shocked!

And I think I found a new word..........

 

Incorrigible

in⋅cor⋅ri⋅gi⋅ble  [in-kawr-i-juh-buhl,]

 

[Nephylim]

Conner - I'm shocked!

And I think I found a new word..........

 

Incorrigible

in⋅cor⋅ri⋅gi⋅ble  [in-kawr-i-juh-buhl,]

 

[Nephylim]

I really liked the most recent chapter. I loved the sensitive and highly creative way that the Children of the Commune were treated.

 

I have just one concern... is this story going anywhere. It is such an awesome, thought provoking and creepy story and I am absolutely hooked. A lot of time has been taken to set up the premise, to describe the machine, it's effects, the way it works etc, to follow the early group and to set up the new one... but so far it seems to all be setting the scene so to speak. We have got to know the characters... and I LOVE Cal despite his inky winky... but they are not actually doing anything. There is no sense so far of a story thread or of anything building up. It would be a crying shame if, just as we are hooked and ready for something to happen... it ends... I want to climax with this story and I hope that it's coming.

 

Having said that the attention to detail and consitency are awesome and the characterisation, given the nature of the content, is sweet. It's a sweeping epic and I have high hopes.

[Riley Jericho]

I really liked the most recent chapter. I loved the sensitive and highly creative way that the Children of the Commune were treated.

 

I have just one concern... is this story going anywhere. It is such an awesome, thought provoking and creepy story and I am absolutely hooked. A lot of time has been taken to set up the premise, to describe the machine, it's effects, the way it works etc, to follow the early group and to set up the new one... but so far it seems to all be setting the scene so to speak. We have got to know the characters... and I LOVE Cal despite his inky winky... but they are not actually doing anything. There is no sense so far of a story thread or of anything building up. It would be a crying shame if, just as we are hooked and ready for something to happen... it ends... I want to climax with this story and I hope that it's coming.

 

Having said that the attention to detail and consitency are awesome and the characterisation, given the nature of the content, is sweet. It's a sweeping epic and I have high hopes.

 

Hi Neph - thanks for this, it's quite helpful. And I do know what you mean, having read tales that seem to just keep going ad infinitum with no real meaning. I think, when I see something these days that has 40 or more chapters, I don't even bother starting!

 

As I said before, it's my first attempt at writing and for me, getting to grips to try to shape it, the biggest problem became in stopping, as there is always more that you could say is there not? I also found I had to keep going back to add something earlier on, so that something that occurred later would make sense. I don't know how people do it, who write a chapter and then publish it before going on to the next chapter. I would have to have most of it already completed before I was confidant enough in the integrity of the early chapters to risk putting it out there!

 

But - coming back to Against the Machine - is the tale more than just the journey? Like the rings of the proverbial onion - layers, but with nothing in the middle? Well, you'll have to see won't you!!

 

The Final Chapter is not far off now! And, again, thanks for the thoughtful feedback.

 

Riley

[Nephylim]

I know what you mean about that although I have only very rarely had to do it myself. The way I write is, perhaps a little unusual in that I rarely have the complete story in my head before I start writing and the story kind of comes as I write it. Of course I have something of an idea of where it's going but generally it just flows out and that's it. I never go back and revise although I do edit these days. In the early days before I started to post here and I didn't think that anyone would ever read what I wrote I didn't even do that.

 

I find it incredibly hard to write in the, post as you write, way because I can only write something when it is flowing and if it stops flowing I stop writing... hence the high number of half finished stories in my folder. I have found that this has happened with the first story I tried to write that way and it ground to a halt after a particular point. Fortunately I think it was a natural cut off point so it shouldn't piss anyone off too much

 

I am looking forward to continuing the journey whether or not it is leading anywhere. I am a great believer that experience is all about the journey and not the destination so why should stories be any different A bit sad to think that the story is approaching the end. I hope you have another one in the pipeline.

[Nephylim]

Loving the new chapter. This part has been written with such sensitivity and humour. I am awed. You really are evil though you know, whatever you might say... that taster in the end notes

 

I am actually unsurprised that the Attendant ends up with Cal... I absolutely adore Cal after this chapter. I loved the way he thoughtfully considered whether he would go back to hacking

 

I am wondering now whether he has a go at hacking The Machine. It would be very interesting if he did

 

I am sad to hear that the end is approaching. I look forward to the chapters and find myself checking all the time to see if there is another one up. It is rare that I find a story that is as twisted as what I would write myself and I appreciate them all the more when they come along.

 

Gods I love this story. I hope that when it is over there will be another, equally twisted one waiting in the wings.

[TetRefine]

Hmm, I've been looking for a good story to read on here in between other stories, and I wanted something that was different and not like most others. Well, I found that with yours. I've only read Chapter 1 so far, but I can't wait to keep going. I'm usually not a big Sci-Fi, futuristic type of reader, but your story has seemed to keep me very interested so far. I'm excited to see where this goes! Keep up the great work!

 

-Matt

 

 

[Riley Jericho]

Hmm, I've been looking for a good story to read on here in between other stories, and I wanted something that was different and not like most others. Well, I found that with yours. I've only read Chapter 1 so far, but I can't wait to keep going. I'm usually not a big Sci-Fi, futuristic type of reader, but your story has seemed to keep me very interested so far. I'm excited to see where this goes! Keep up the great work!

 

-Matt

 

 

Glad you're enjoying it Matt. Let me know what you think as you work through it.

Riley

[Riley Jericho]

Loving the new chapter. This part has been written with such sensitivity and humour. I am awed. You really are evil though you know, whatever you might say... that taster in the end notes

 

I am actually unsurprised that the Attendant ends up with Cal... I absolutely adore Cal after this chapter. I loved the way he thoughtfully considered whether he would go back to hacking

 

I am wondering now whether he has a go at hacking The Machine. It would be very interesting if he did

 

I am sad to hear that the end is approaching. I look forward to the chapters and find myself checking all the time to see if there is another one up. It is rare that I find a story that is as twisted as what I would write myself and I appreciate them all the more when they come along.

 

Gods I love this story. I hope that when it is over there will be another, equally twisted one waiting in the wings.

Hi Neph - glad you're still hanging in there - the end is close, but it's not over quite yet!

 

And the next story? Well, if I ever have the guts to publish it, it's actually a modern day love story......with a few unexpected twists, of course!

 

Riley

[Nephylim]

Gods man... you had the guts to publish this one The quality of writing is there no matter what the subject matter and it isn't just the twisted nature of the story that has me hooked it's the way you've written it. It will be sad to see Against the Machine finished over and done with... but all good things come to an end... and a new era begins. Don't want that era to be a Riley free one.... so post or I pout and me pouting is NOT a pretty sight... and if I have to stamp my foot....

[Riley Jericho]

Forgive me for adding my own last review here. It was an important chapter for me!

 

__________________________________________________________

I guess it's unusual to review my own story - but this chapter touched me too, and was a bit of a surprise as it began to develop and take a life of its own!

 

Maybe it's because it's a love story.

 

Of course the tale of Wil and Callum is not central to the main theme, other than being a canvas to play out Noah and get a sense of his own experiences and life being mated to the Machine - and explore how he reacts to those around him.

 

This chapter though is about something I haven't previously been able to touch on much.

 

Love.

 

A search for love - and in that journey, unfettered by exposure to The Machine and the restraints that bind those so treated, I discovered the needs and ordinary world dreams of two young men. Just two ordinary teens on life's journey, unexpectedly finding love, with all the challenges, hopes, hiccups and fears that such a road offers to any young person who dares to dream of that love.

 

It was a real pleasure to write their story and help them find fulfillment together. And if you're still dreaming, I hope that your Callum or Wil is, even now, just around the corner.

 

And David - if you're still out there somewhere? This chapter is for you. Even though we were still young then, this is for that which I've always wondered we might have been, if we'd have been given the chance.

Riley

[Nephylim]

That just made me cry. This whole chapter was really lovely... it had a reall innocence to it that you always attached to Noah right from the start.

 

It was awesome that Ben and Nate stayed together and I wonder if they are the ones who give Jason and Cal the idea for what they were doing in the end... or beginning of the end..

 

I have a strong feeling that the dread at the end of the chapter built by Ben's confession is not going to lead anywhere bad. I am sure that Jason is not going to shop them

[Riley Jericho]

Sorry it took me a while to get the last part finished. Had a bit of a family crisis......

 

Hope you all enjoy the end.

Riley J

[Nephylim]

It was worth the wait hun. So.... what you YOU think happened to Ben and Nathan... and Jason and Cal? Is the machine sentient... or is it simply shutting away incompatable areas to be reinstated later... or is it something different altogether? And how home when both of them were resistent to going with that company whose name I forget before and both were set on it afterwards? Could it be that they have something to do with it?

 

What are your ideas Mr Riley Sir

[micky]

I've enjoyed this story. It's original in its premise, setting it apart from the general run. While "the machine" is sort of sci-fi, the story is not, otherwise.

 

The Epilogue? You would consider NOT posting it? Shame on you!

 

Micky

[Riley Jericho]

It was worth the wait hun. So.... what you YOU think happened to Ben and Nathan... and Jason and Cal? Is the machine sentient... or is it simply shutting away incompatable areas to be reinstated later... or is it something different altogether? And how home when both of them were resistent to going with that company whose name I forget before and both were set on it afterwards? Could it be that they have something to do with it?

 

What are your ideas Mr Riley Sir

 

Just about to post them, Neph

Riley J

PS - Hope you enjoyed the Epilogue! I couldn't resist it!!

[Riley Jericho]

AGAINST THE MACHINE

What Does the Future Look Like?

 

What does the future become? Perhaps it depends on how far forward you look to when, however unlikely, science fiction can become science fact and an everyday reality. Already society makes small steps towards the merging of cyberspace into our everyday flesh and bone world. Even now we share ourselves with hundreds and thousands of unknown others who access our personal world through blogs and programmes like Facebook and Twitter. And developing a computer system that taps into the mind and accesses emotions and neural activity, receiving direct inputs and giving out feeds to others? It's probably going to be called the PS100, and the kids of our children

[Nephylim]

Oh my GOD... the future you paint is terrifying. You really should put that in as an epi epilogue. People will get all cosy and complacent with Moose and then.... Holy Shit!!!

 

I can really see from what you have said that there was likely some kind of intelligence that was in no way artificial behind the machine. We've already seen from what Cal and Jason have done that the machine can be manipulated and we have seen from what was done to Cal and Jason, Nathan and Ben that the machine can maniputalte... who was doing the manipulation and why... could it have been as early ground work for the grand plan laid out above.

 

With everyone under the control of the machine... anyone with their fingers on the buttons would have control of everyone. And I have the feeling that we met one of them in the epilogue.

 

You are a twisted genius of sweeping scale.

 

Now get to work on your next story before we start getting withdrawal symptoms... I get grouchy when I'm withdrawing