MikeL Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Great chapter 11, John...for all the reasons Bleu listed...and for the simple fact that you are finally back to writing. Subtle Beauty has been worth the wait. Thanks. 1 Link to comment
jian_sierra Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 Why, pray tell, would it be a problem if you had to stretch this story to 30 chapters? Another great chapter! I think Mich's Grandpa's reaction is quite believable... by the end of the chapter. Right when it happened I thought it was a little too sugar-coated but you later gave us arguments to explain his understanding outlook on the situation: Grandpa had guessed early on that there was something between Coop and Mich Mich had come out to him, and had sought his acceptance. By that I mean that Mich didn't come out in a rebellious way like it can sometimes happen. So Grandpa had had time to digest the news Mich is an orphan, and Grandpa clearly looks for Mich's happiness first and foremost. Oh...and a date at the beach? I'll tell you what's wrong, It would just be too long. And now I'm rhyming, Although I've no timing. Glad Grandpa's reaction is a bit believable. I would want someone like that in my life, someone I can talk to about my... feelings. Anyway, when you mentioned Mich being an orphan, I got sad. While I know that this is true, I guess I haven't looked at it that way. You can probably tell that I'm very much invested in my characters. Yeah so thank you very much for the feedback, it is very much appreciated. Oh and who would not want to have a date at the beach? Link to comment
jian_sierra Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 Great chapter 11, John...for all the reasons Bleu listed...and for the simple fact that you are finally back to writing. Subtle Beauty has been worth the wait. Thanks. <big grin> Thanks, Mike. I hope I don't disappoint in the coming chapters. Oh and glad to be 'conversing' with you again (well sort of). Link to comment
Bleu Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 (edited) I'll tell you what's wrong, It would just be too long. And now I'm rhyming, Although I've no timing. [...] Oh and who would not want to have a date at the beach? Hehe, even your comments are art! You're right though, it would be too long, inasmuch as it would prevent you from going on to the next story in your head. Oh, I'd love a date at the beach. Whatever the season, even in the cold and the rain, the beach is a marvellous place to take a special someone. Edited February 23, 2011 by Bleu Link to comment
jian_sierra Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 Hehe, even your comments are art! You're right though, it would be too long, inasmuch as it would prevent you from going on to the next story in your head. Oh, I'd love a date at the beach. Whatever the season, even in the cold and the rain, the beach is a marvellous place to take a special someone. Oh there's lots of stories in my head. I remember as a child I can't afford to buy comics so what I did was create super heroes of my own. Those were good times. I'm glad I have an imagination although yeah I'm weird that way, I guess. Sometimes make believe is more interesting to me than real life Amen to the date at the beach Link to comment
jian_sierra Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 Me thinks I'm being overly dramatic Is it just me or is this story getting sadder and more serious? I added some 'fun' moments so as to lighten the mood a bit, did it work for you? Hope it did. So that was Mich's story. What do you guys think? After Mich, we're moving onto Coop. I wonder what his story is Thanks for reading guys. I might be busy this coming week so not sure whether I can put in some writing. I'll try though. I want this story to end simply because there are nights it keeps me awake. Not that I'm complaining, I love Coop and Mich's story (I'm biased, of course). But I have to have my wits when at work and I'm not much of a coffee drinker Link to comment
Frostina Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Serious... yes.. Sadder... not really! i mean... everyone has a past.. right? I really like what you're doing to the characters and how they're maturing slowly. Mitch's story is so so touching and Can't wait for Coop's!! What could have happened that he drew back that much into his shell and that shattered his self confidence??? let's see.. a RICH, gorgeous guy... used him and cast him away? is that it? made him feel lowly?? if that's so... please do keep the address of THAT jerk Handy! i might wanna go shoot that one! hurting such a sweet boy! Grandpa seems more and more awesome as time goes by! :D and Coop coming out of his shell, although slowly, is really fascinating! Loving it so far! I'm sorry for not commenting on here earlier... But.. then i rarely have anymore to say after the reviews 1 Link to comment
jian_sierra Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 Serious... yes.. Sadder... not really! i mean... everyone has a past.. right? I really like what you're doing to the characters and how they're maturing slowly. Mitch's story is so so touching and Can't wait for Coop's!! What could have happened that he drew back that much into his shell and that shattered his self confidence??? let's see.. a RICH, gorgeous guy... used him and cast him away? is that it? made him feel lowly?? if that's so... please do keep the address of THAT jerk Handy! i might wanna go shoot that one! hurting such a sweet boy! Grandpa seems more and more awesome as time goes by! :D and Coop coming out of his shell, although slowly, is really fascinating! Loving it so far! I'm sorry for not commenting on here earlier... But.. then i rarely have anymore to say after the reviews I usually have alternatives just to see which one works and which doesn't. I'll have to say that what you said here is one of those alternatives. I'm still playing it out in my head though. Let's see where the story takes me. No need to be sorry for not commenting. Your reviews help (mainly my confidence in myself). I'm glad you're loving the story I love Coop because he makes me laugh Thanks for your continued support 1 Link to comment
MikeL Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I really like chapter 12, John. We learn a lot about Mich's past and what really haunts him. Fortunately, Coop is accepting. But then at the very end of the chapter, we realize that Coop also has a past. I inhaled a mouthful of air then exhaled it loudly. “There was this guy.” “Oh?” Thanks for the great story. Please keep us busy reading. 1 Link to comment
jian_sierra Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 I really like chapter 12, John. We learn a lot about Mich's past and what really haunts him. Fortunately, Coop is accepting. But then at the very end of the chapter, we realize that Coop also has a past. I inhaled a mouthful of air then exhaled it loudly. “There was this guy.” “Oh?” Thanks for the great story. Please keep us busy reading. You've been very kind to me, Mike. Thanks for the support, as always I'm really glad I can share stories like this with people like you. I mostly write for myself, but it's nice when others like the stories in my head As promised, I'll finish SB (and soon, I hope). Link to comment
Bleu Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 The date at the beach was well worth it, as I knew it would be I won't spoil it for those who haven't read the chapter yet, but let me just say that I find the 8 year old boy's reaction and his determination to learn how to swim absolutely spot-on. Your story is not sad because it is going into a positive direction so far. However, I have the feeling that this last cliffhanger announces a heart-breaking episode. 1 Link to comment
jian_sierra Posted February 26, 2011 Author Share Posted February 26, 2011 The date at the beach was well worth it, as I knew it would be I won't spoil it for those who haven't read the chapter yet, but let me just say that I find the 8 year old boy's reaction and his determination to learn how to swim absolutely spot-on. Your story is not sad because it is going into a positive direction so far. However, I have the feeling that this last cliffhanger announces a heart-breaking episode. Interesting idea. Heart-breaking in general or for Mich? I'm glad you like what I've done so far. Thanks for the continued support. Didn't get to sleep much last night as I got this idea for the Summer Anthology. I know it's not directly related to SB so why am I discussing it here? Well indirectly it's related because if I decide to write that short story (I'm already late for the Spring Anthology so I'm not even gonna try to write for that one hehe) then I won't have time to write SB. Decision, decision. I hate prioritization. I'll let you guys know whether SB is on hold or not. I promised to finish SB so I will. I always keep my promise Link to comment
Bleu Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 Actually, I was being deliberately vague, but my idea was that you would give us a story where Coop got his heart broken by "this boy". This might be heart-breaking for Mich too though 1 Link to comment
jian_sierra Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 The big question: What do you think of this chapter? It's too cheesy! It's too short! It's too confusing! It's too boring! Or any other thoughts along that line. Previously, I favored the first version of this chapter (Don't mind me too much, I'm a dummy. It's the reason I called it the first version in the first place.) Anyway, the more I play out the story in my head, the more I like the idea of this second version. Wish I have lots of time to write. There's just too many stories I want to start. Like this story I'm titling 'Kissed'. Three guesses what the story's all about Oh yeah, getting back on track, thanks guys for reading and for the continued support. Hope I haven't disappointed anyone John Link to comment
MikeL Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Hmmm. Is this the end of the story? I don't know, John. I have a question for you: Are you superstitious? Would you write a story with 13 chapters? Coop and Mich had a difficult time with the sory of Coop's past, but by the end (of the chapter?, story?), they were dancing to a different tune. 1 Link to comment
jian_sierra Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 Hmmm. Is this the end of the story? I don't know, John. I have a question for you: Are you superstitious? Would you write a story with 13 chapters? Coop and Mich had a difficult time with the sory of Coop's past, but by the end (of the chapter?, story?), they were dancing to a different tune. Unfortunately, I'm not very superstitious. I do, however, have this weird 'thing' for even numbers Good times, good times. But will they last? I wonder. 1 Link to comment
Bleu Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 (edited) So I was wrong once again , Coop didn't get his heart broken. On the contrary, he's the one who broke someone's heart The hand-crushing scene might feel a little cheesy to some readers, but I feel like it is in line with what we know of Coop and how he acted previously (when he got sick, or in the swimming-pool, etc.). I have no problem with this being the end of the story, as there is some rather nice closure. So after "Not a kiss", you're going for "Kissed"? I already like the idea Edited March 10, 2011 by Bleu 1 Link to comment
jian_sierra Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 So I was wrong once again , Coop didn't get his heart broken. On the contrary, he's the one who broke someone's heart The hand-crushing scene might feel a little chessy to some readers, but I feel like it is in line with what we know of Coop and how he acted previously (when he got sick, or in the swimming-pool, etc.). I have no problem with this being the end of the story, as there is some rather nice closure. So after "Not a kiss", you're going for "Kissed"? I already like the idea Heya Bleu, I just try to make the story unpredictable so people won't get bored hehe. As for 'Kissed', ding, ding, ding, we've got a winner! Since it's off-topic, I won't discuss it in detail here, but I'd just like to mention that I've been toying with the idea for some time now. The problem I was having was the title and then it just suddenly came to me. After that, the story just unfolded Thanks for the support 1 Link to comment
jian_sierra Posted March 10, 2011 Author Share Posted March 10, 2011 Hey guys, If anyone wants to discuss Chapter 14, just post your concerns here So I'd like to think of this chapter as Book 2. Have any suggestions regarding how you want this story to proceed? I appreciate all your input. If your suggestion doesn't complicate how the story will unfold then I'll see what I can do Mind you though, I'm not that good a writer so if you have any suggestions, just take that into consideration hehehe. Thanks for your support on SB. I appreciate it a lot, John 2 Link to comment
Frostina Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 u minx! u r just plain evil!! toying with our mids like that!!! Book 2 for this chapter onwards sounds like a great idea Post sooner :P please... Boy am i glad or am i glad that you've decided to continue with this story, regularly! thank you.. Loving coop and Mich.. as always... 1 Link to comment
jian_sierra Posted March 10, 2011 Author Share Posted March 10, 2011 u minx! u r just plain evil!! toying with our mids like that!!! Book 2 for this chapter onwards sounds like a great idea Post sooner :P please... Boy am i glad or am i glad that you've decided to continue with this story, regularly! thank you.. Loving coop and Mich.. as always... Aw I'm sorry I just thought it appropriate to have a second book or something. Posting sooner is hard though. Once a week is the best that I can do for now. Will try my best, but can't promise anything. You're welcome and thank you for the support. I love Coop and Mich too Link to comment
MikeL Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I just read chapter 14 and really liked it, John. I'm not surprised at the interruption as Coop and Mich began their exploration of their feelings. Good ole Vern. Thanks for a fun chapter. 1 Link to comment
Rakuten06 Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 I agree, a funny chapter when Vern barges in and later complicates the situation further when Mich came out in red underwear now. But however, I really like the whole story, turning how it could be impossible for a "duckling" (Coop) to be met up with a handsomely Prince like Mich and Mich encourages Coop to be a swan to show that Coop should not be insecure. Excuse me for using the cinderella theory Deaf John 1 Link to comment
jian_sierra Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 I just read chapter 14 and really liked it, John. I'm not surprised at the interruption as Coop and Mich began their exploration of their feelings. Good ole Vern. Thanks for a fun chapter. You're very much welcome, Mike, and thank you for the continued support. Just wanna comment on your profile pic. Is this Lord Fukasaku from Naruto? If yes then dattebayo Link to comment
jian_sierra Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 I agree, a funny chapter when Vern barges in and later complicates the situation further when Mich came out in red underwear now. But however, I really like the whole story, turning how it could be impossible for a "duckling" (Coop) to be met up with a handsomely Prince like Mich and Mich encourages Coop to be a swan to show that Coop should not be insecure. Excuse me for using the cinderella theory Deaf John Hey there, Glad you like this story I tried to make this a somewhat fun chapter to compensate for the serious chapters before it. Also, I wanted to show how Coop and Mich somehow matured by being together. Thank you for reading and taking the time to write a post here Link to comment
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