[Grammar] Self Editing Principles

[LJH]

 

I can make it longer if you like the style

I can change it round and I want to be a paperback writer

(John Lennon and Paul McCartney)

 

In America only the successful writer is important.

In France all writers are important,

In England no writer is important,

and in Australia you have to explain what a writer is...

(Goeffreu Cotterell)

 

We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master...

(ernest Hemingway)

 

* * *

 

1. You've finished a piece; short story, poem, novel. Wow! Well done! Except, now the real work starts.
    
   Take a week's break from it. Start something new or do nothing. Then print it out in hard copy. This is essential. Don't try to revise or edit on your PC. Text on screen always looks different. You are apt to miss errors and weaknesses on the screen. You need to see your words the way a reader would.
   On paper. (Comprehendo?)
    
   Let's take this one step at a time.

 

Story - Sense and Logic (Taken from "How to finish writing that novel by Amanda Patterson)

Are your character's scene goals clear?

Do the goals make sense?

Are a character's emptions and reactions believable in sequels?

Does a character react logically to what has happened to him or her

 

Describing Action

Delete the following: unnecessary adverbs and details.

Have you written the viewpoint scene staying in your chasracter's character. Does it sound like his viewpoint?

 

Describing People, Places and things.

Delete unnecessary adjectives (that word which adds to the noun) - Voltaire said that the adjective is the enemy of the noun.

Delete the following words:

very/a bit/a little/fairly/highly/just/kind of/mostly/pretty/handsome/quite/rather/really/slightly/so/somewhat/sort of/ let/get. There are thousands more, these are the most common.

Delete the redundant; the sky above, a cold chill.

Delete unnecessary possessives: She held up the diamonds, (her) eyes gleaming.

Delete the word "that" whenever you can. I knew that the shops closed at six - should be - The shops closed at six.

Delete unnecessary articles like:

a / an/ the

Delete "and" at the start of a sentence as a rule.

Delet the phrase, The fact that...

Delete the roundabout or indirect.

Cut unnecessary words; The smile on his face - should be - His smile.

Do not allow body parts to act on their own. Her hand waved - should be - she waved.

When someone is looking at something, use GAZE instead of EYES to avoid unintentional hilarity: Her eyes travelled around the room - hmmmmmm

Delete "began to" and "started to" Leave out the word "Then" as much as possible. Things happen sequentially anyway.

SHorten or delete lengthy description.

Be specific - an exotic tree should be described as an oak, a jacaranda etc,.

Spare your reader the agony of a weather report.

Only use a simile or metaphor that would be used by your viewpoint character when you are in that viewpoint.

Focus on details to make settings come alive.

Don't describe the obvious - only describe the everyday if it differs from what we would normally expect.

Descriptions filter through the character - a teenage boy would see a fast driver differently to a mother with a toddler.

Use the 5 senses.

Give us description in action.

Don't describe walk ons

Describe only what is essential to the plot.

Write positively. Don't tell us what is not. Tell us what is. "I will not allow you to go out" should be "I forbid you to go out."

Don't tell the reader something twice. If you say it in dialogue, do not repeat it in narrative

 

Okay thats all for now . In the near future I will discuss CLARITY and PRECISION, GRAMMAR USAGE and STYLE, MAKING CHAPTERS WORK, and ADJUSTMENTS

 

PLEASE FOLKS, DO REMEMBER THAT THIS IS A GUIDE AND SHOULD NOT BE REGARDED AS SET IN STONE.

[AnytaSunday]

Wow, thanks for writing this list up. I've heard of many of the tips, but there were some new ones in there. I look forward to incorporating them into my writing and editing.

 

I'll be following your discussion threads, and will be taking an extra hard look when you come to discussing commas. lol.

 

[LJH]

 

Hi Anyta - thanx for following. here are some tips governing the comma. My best advice tho, is to use it sparingly.

 

 

Comma Use

see: My link

Purdue University.

1. Use commas to separate independent clauses when they are joined by any of these seven coordinating conjunctions: and, but, for, or, nor, so, yet.

The game was over, but the crowd refused to leave.

 

The student explained her question, yet the instructor still didn't seem to understand.

 

Yesterday was her brother's birthday, so she took him out to dinner.

 

2. Use commas after introductory a) clauses, phrases, or c) words that come before the main clause.

 

a. Common starter words for introductory clauses that should be followed by a comma include after, although, as, because, if, since, when, while.

 

While I was eating, the cat scratched at the door.

 

Because her alarm clock was broken, she was late for class.

 

If you are ill, you ought to see a doctor.

 

When the snow stops falling, we'll shovel the driveway.

 

However, don't put a comma after the main clause when a dependent (subordinate) clause follows it (except for cases of extreme contrast).

 

Incorrect: She was late for class, because her alarm clock was broken.

 

Incorrect: The cat scratched at the door, while I was eating.

 

Correct: She was still quite upset, although she had won the Oscar. (This comma use is correct because it is an example of extreme contrast)

 

b. Common introductory phrases that should be followed by a comma include participial and infinitive phrases, absolute phrases, nonessential appositive phrases, and long prepositional phrases (over four words).

 

Having finished the test, he left the room.

 

To get a seat, you'd better come early.

 

After the test but before lunch, I went jogging.

 

The sun radiating intense heat, we sought shelter in the cafe.

 

c. Common introductory words that should be followed by a comma include yes, however, well.

 

Well, perhaps he meant no harm.

 

Yes, the package should arrive tomorrow morning.

 

However, you may not be satisfied with the results.

 

3. Use a pair of commas in the middle of a sentence to set off clauses, phrases, and words that are not essential to the meaning of the sentence. Use one comma before to indicate the beginning of the pause and one at the end to indicate the end of the pause.

 

Here are some clues to help you decide whether the sentence element is essential:

 

• If you leave out the clause, phrase, or word, does the sentence still make sense?
• Does the clause, phrase, or word interrupt the flow of words in the original sentence?
• If you move the element to a different position in the sentence, does the sentence still make sense?

If you answer "yes" to one or more of these questions, then the element in question is nonessential and should be set off with commas. Here are some example sentences with nonessential elements:

 

Clause: That Tuesday, which happens to be my birthday, is the only day when I am available to meet.

 

Phrase: This restaurant has an exciting atmosphere. The food, on the other hand, is rather bland.

 

Word: I appreciate your hard work. In this case, however, you seem to have over-exerted yourself.

 

4. Do not use commas to set off essential elements of the sentence, such as clauses beginning with that (relative clauses). That clauses after nouns are always essential. That clauses following a verb expressing mental action are always essential.

 

That clauses after nouns:

 

The book that I borrowed from you is excellent.

 

The apples that fell out of the basket are bruised.

 

That clauses following a verb expressing mental action:

 

She believes that she will be able to earn an A.

 

He is dreaming that he can fly.

 

I contend that it was wrong to mislead her.

 

They wished that warm weather would finally arrive.

 

Examples of other essential elements (no commas):

 

Students who cheat only harm themselves.

 

The baby wearing a yellow jumpsuit is my niece.

 

The candidate who had the least money lost the election.

 

Examples of nonessential elements (set off by commas):

 

Fred, who often cheats, is just harming himself.

 

My niece, wearing a yellow jumpsuit, is playing in the living room.

 

The Green party candidate, who had the least money, lost the election.

 

Apples, which are my favorite fruit, are the main ingredient in this recipe.

 

Professor Benson, grinning from ear to ear, announced that the exam would be tomorrow.

 

Tom, the captain of the team, was injured in the game.

 

It is up to you, Jane, to finish.

 

She was, however, too tired to make the trip.

 

Two hundred dollars, I think, is sufficient.

 

5. Use commas to separate three or more words, phrases, or clauses written in a series.

 

The Constitution establishes the legislative, executive, and judicial branches of government.

 

The candidate promised to lower taxes, protect the environment, reduce crime, and end unemployment.

 

The prosecutor argued that the defendant, who was at the scene of the crime, who had a strong revenge motive, and who had access to the murder weapon, was guilty of homicide.

 

6. Use commas to separate two or more coordinate adjectives that describe the same noun. Be sure never to add an extra comma between the final adjective and the noun itself or to use commas with non-coordinate adjectives.

 

Coordinate adjectives are adjectives with equal ("co"-ordinate) status in describing the noun; neither adjective is subordinate to the other. You can decide if two adjectives in a row are coordinate by asking the following questions:

 

• Does the sentence make sense if the adjectives are written in reverse order?
• Does the sentence make sense if the adjectives are written with and between them?

If you answer yes to these questions, then the adjectives are coordinate and should be separated by a comma. Here are some examples of coordinate and non-coordinate adjectives:

 

He was a difficult, stubborn child. (coordinate)

 

They lived in a white frame house. (non-coordinate)

 

She often wore a gray wool shawl. (non-coordinate)

 

Your cousin has an easy, happy smile. (coordinate)

 

The 1) relentless, 2) powerful 3) summer sun beat down on them. (1-2 are coordinate; 2-3 are non-coordinate.)

 

The 1) relentless, 2) powerful, 3) oppressive sun beat down on them. (Both 1-2 and 2-3 are coordinate.)

 

7. Use a comma near the end of a sentence to separate contrasted coordinate elements or to indicate a distinct pause or shift.

 

He was merely ignorant, not stupid.

 

The chimpanzee seemed reflective, almost human.

 

You're one of the senator's close friends, aren't you?

 

The speaker seemed innocent, even gullible.

 

8. Use commas to set off phrases at the end of the sentence that refer to the beginning or middle of the sentence. Such phrases are free modifiers that can be placed anywhere in the sentence without causing confusion. (If the placement of the modifier causes confusion, then it is not "free" and must remain "bound" to the word it modifies.)

 

Nancy waved enthusiastically at the docking ship, laughing joyously. (correct)

 

Incorrect:Lisa waved at Nancy, laughing joyously. (Who is laughing, Lisa or Nancy?)

 

Laughing joyously, Lisa waved at Nancy. (correct)

 

Lisa waved at Nancy, who was laughing joyously. (correct)

 

9. Use commas to set off all geographical names, items in dates (except the month and day), addresses (except the street number and name), and titles in names.

 

Birmingham,Alabama, gets its name from Birmingham, England.

 

July 22, 1959, was a momentous day in his life. Who lives at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC?

 

Rachel B. Lake, MD, will be the principal speaker.

 

(When you use just the month and the year, no comma is necessary after the month or year: "The average temperatures for July 1998 are the highest on record for that month.")

 

10. Use a comma to shift between the main discourse and a quotation.

 

John said without emotion, "I'll see you tomorrow."

 

"I was able," she answered, "to complete the assignment."

 

In 1848, Marx wrote, "Workers of the world, unite!"

 

11. Use commas wherever necessary to prevent possible confusion or misreading.

 

To George,Harrison had been a sort of idol.

 

 

Comma Abuse

Commas in the wrong places can break a sentence into illogical segments or confuse readers with unnecessary and unexpected pauses.

 

12. Don't use a comma to separate the subject from the verb.

 

Incorrect:An eighteen-year old in California, is now considered an adult.

 

Incorrect:The most important attribute of a ball player, is quick reflex actions.

 

13. Don't put a comma between the two verbs or verb phrases in a compound predicate.

 

Incorrect:We laid out our music and snacks, and began to study.

 

Incorrect:I turned the corner, and ran smack into a patrol car.

 

14. Don't put a comma between the two nouns, noun phrases, or noun clauses in a compound subject or compound object.

 

Incorrect (compound subject):The music teacher from your high school, and the football coach from mine are married.

 

Incorrect (compound object):Jeff told me that the job was still available, and that the manager wanted to interview me.

 

15. Don't put a comma after the main clause when a dependent (subordinate) clause follows it (except for cases of extreme contrast).

 

Incorrect (extreme contrast):She was late for class, because her alarm clock was broken. (incorrect)

 

Incorrect:The cat scratched at the door, while I was eating.

 

Correct:She was still quite upset, although she had won the Oscar.(This comma use is correct because it is an example of extreme contrast)

 

 

[AnytaSunday]

Oh wow. This is my go-to reference guide now. Of course, the hardest part will be implementing the rules as I write. It will take a bit of time to absorb. hehe.

 

Thank you so much for putting this up here. Sometimes I get close to removing the comma key on my keyboard. It just causes me so much hassle, haha.

 

(okay, so just how wrong are the commas in this response alone?) *bangs head on table. The first one after 'of course' follows 2c, and the second one there follows 7, perhaps?)

 

Anyway, big cheers for the info,

 

Anyta

[LJH]

WAYS TO INCREASE PACE

1. Keep sentences short, sharp and clean.

 

2. Use fragments

 

3. Remove every adverb.

 

4. Don't use adjectives.

 

5. Use only nouns and verbs.

 

WAYS TO SLOW DOWN.

 

1. Offer setting details but don't induce a coma with this.

 

2. Make sentences longer.

 

3. Use some adjectives if you must.

 

4. Always remember that a pinch of adverb goes a long way - use 1.

 

 

Most beginners overwrite. This influences pacing. Everyone ends up PADDING, and this is solely due to underdevelopment of the plot. For instance, A guy decides to become a hermit in the mountains (any mountain, you choose), then he meets a hunk. SO now you havce scenes. Great. You think, WOW, I have a novel. WRONG. All you have is a plot. Now you must bring in challenges to overcome, and create conflict. In addition, you must make your hermit battle the elements, he must learn to live alone, learn to trust, love and live with someone again. Above all,

 

THERE MUST BE CONFLICT IN EVERY SCENE IN EVERY CHAPTER.

 

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF PACING IS A PROBLEM

 

1. Your editor tells you.

 

2. When your voice trips over a word or phrase when read out loud. DELETE or REVISE.

 

3. Circle every WAS, WERE, ARE, and WILL BE and replace them with active, colourful verbs.

 

4. Too many adverbs. Delete every "ly" adverb.

 

5 Too many adjectives.

 

6. Delete most adjectives.

 

FLASHBACKS and PACING

 

Before using flashbacks, make sure you do the following:

 

1. Engage your reader in the protagonist's current problem. He's left home, the new plans he has made, his goals, etc,. OPen the novel with a specific threat (if you're writing thrillers/ mystery/ horror.

 

2. Establish the goals of the story.

 

3. Establish a threat to that goal.

 

4. Establish a bond between reader and hero.

 

5. Use a story that COMPELS readers to know what happened in the past - a flashback CANNOT be incidental. It will destroy your pacing completely and the editor WILL STOP READING.

 

Once these points have been covered, then use the flashback tool. You should be able to resume the story where you left it at the start of the flashback.

 

Readers must feel that they are experiencing the flashback in real time.

 

Good eamples are: Fried Green Tomatoes and The Prince of Tides

 

TIP: YOU CAN USE DIALOGUE TO ACCELERATE SCENES.

 

Try to master drawing out an event that would take a moment or a minute, at the most 2-3 pages using FAST FICTION techniques. Alternatively we need to leasrn the art of describing a lifetime in a singkle paragraph.

 

FAST FICTION EXAMPLE.

 

The door banged shut.

My heart skipped a beat.

Creak. Creak.

Footsteps on the wooden floor below.

I close my eyes - BANG!

It sounded like a gunshot but was only Paul's old car backfiring as he drove past the house.

I turn the pages carefully.

No sound.

I know he's downstairs.

He has no idea I am in the house.

No idea that I have found his murder diary.

I dare not make a sound.

He's climbing the steps.

One step, two steps, three...

The window.

Shit it's locked...no, just jammed.

Open it. Open it quickly he's on the landing.

Christ he's at the door and he knows its me.

Open! Yes! Thank God!

I fly out the window and catch my blouse on the lock pin.

I jump, tearing my blouse almost away from my body.

I jump into air and land on the lawn.

f**k! That was - a crack? I can't get up.

[Dolores Esteban]

Many thanks for your posts. I've copied them all.

[AnytaSunday]

Excellent. I liked the fast fiction example. (Just letting you know, I love the tips)

[LJH]

CLARITY AND PRECISION

 

1. Destroy cliches

2.To show a habit, use simple past tense, rather than the word, "would".

3.Don't use "appeared to" or "seemed to". This is weak writing

4. Don't tell the reader what you're showing the reader. If someone flings a vase across the room at someone, don't then tell the reader that your character is angry.

5.Take out, "there were" and "there was"., ie, show - don't tell.