(In)visible

[AnytaSunday]

Greedya,

 

Oh wow, that is just the kind of nitpicking I love! I do very much appreciate the time you've taken to go through this, but please don't feel you have to repay the favor. Critiquing other people's work (when they want that) is almost a pastime of mine, I love it because I feel it helps me grow as a writer. So, it's sort of selfish, really. Of course, in saying that, this is freaking AWESOME.

 

You rock, my friend.

 

Moreover, "toss the salad" is a slang term, meaning anal sex / rimming, which produces a completely different tone

OMG! I swear I do not intend to make these sorts of mistakes, yet I am constantly making them, lol!!! *reddens. hehehe. Gonna change that asap. Thanks for highlighting, I have MUCH to learn, see?

'Hit' sounds a little awkward. My common sense is that the dawn is quite gentle and doesn't 'hit' like a sharp blow. The process is quite slow, like grilling slowly, or burning slowly. 'early morning sun' and 'hit' sound contradictory to me.

 

Point. Good. Hmmm maybe I could introduce a constant breeze? Bascially I want to use something to add to the pressure of jumping. Nice.

This story is told from a first person perspective; thus, italic text should be used for emphasis rather than internal thoughts. Try not to overuse italics. They are distractive. This paragraph is fine, and introduces mystery nicely. I just mention it 'cause my eyes see lots of italics from paragraphs below (will read on).

 

Okay, warning, I'm an italics slut. Um, but showing me here where it was unecessary is perfect for me to hone in on where I'm overusing them.

The emphasis is on guilt, right?

 

Right, thanks for showing me how this sentence works to place the emphasis correctly. Also, I think it flows better that way. Sweet.

 

LOL! Sarcasm at the horrible moment. Not sure whether you get the psychology right.

 

Point, however, even in dire situations a way of coping with extreme stress can be to laugh or say or think something entirely inappropriate. Still, I'll mull over that one.

 

 

Colors and definition spinning. Sounds of crashing water louder. Dog's yelps and a scream heavy in the background.

 

Does it sound faster? Sounds more action-packed? And I group 'background noises' together for easier visualisation. Also, we talked about this before. Internal voices make the pacing slow. It's the choice that the writer makes. Richer details or better pacing. But if you ask me, action scenes feel exciting only at the right pacing. So, I allow details as much as pacing isn't harmed (this is subjective, though).

 

 

The shorter sentences do add more power. hehe, yes, internal voices... I do love to get into the characters head, so I guess my style is naturally to be a little slower, of course, I don't want to compromise pace too much. Thanks for pointing out, I think in the piece I'm writing at the moment pacing is really important, so I'm going to be on the lookout for where I'm dragging it too much.

 

Thank god! My legs were still hooked to the trunk; the pup still tight in my grip, both of us breathing like fire.

 

God is shorter than goodness, lol, more snappy. 'on my neck' is a minor detail that can be left out, I think.

Very nice. Def. more snappy. I like it when unnecessary detail is pointed out. This all helps to tighten work.

 

Pumping in my ears were the blood and the rapids. Howling. Outroaring a yell somewhere. My blood boiling. My teeth gritted, I swang us back onto the log. But then the rapids boomed louder, furious. I fought back. Fought our way to the bank.

 

LOL I think a little suspense would do something good. In action scenes, emphasis is on the verbs (e.g. starting the sentence with 'pumping' rather than 'blood'). Um, and I usually try to keep the sentences short and fast paced. Also, make it as though the character struggles a lot. Otherwise, it would sound too easy. Just my 2 cents.

Your two cents worth make perfect, ah, cents, lol. Yeah, sweet. The way you have it here has so much more tension in it. Okay, I'm giddy with glee at your response!!! Awesome.

 

But to spice it a little, can you please add colours and little movement?

Colours and movement. Yes, I do need to explore the other senses more too. Excellent.

 

A sign? What is it mate? A sign that he shouldn't die? Could have been clearer.

 

Yes, a sign he shouldn't die. Will make clearer!

 

I see you 'loved' the internal voice. It is usually a powerful way to convey what happened inside the characters. But in some cases, it happens, but not often, internal voice is less effective because it isn't cryptic. A thought like this can be narrated so make the tone 'surreal'... For instance, I believe 'Lines of realities blurred with the dreams' would make it sound more surreal than 'Was I dreaming?'

Yes, internal voice is a style thing. I like to try and imagine I'm in the shoes of the character and try to narrate that way. I think there is room to vary this though, I like your suggestion.

I love the way you tell the story. The character is a little feminine to me (does that sound sexist? lol). I dunno. Just my humble view. On the other hand, I have problems narrating female characters lol - readers say I make them too masculine. Anyway, I believe that in fragile moments, men can freak out or are a little soft, and their thoughts can be a little feminine. So this is fine with me.

 

LOL, no, not sexist at all. My husband said the same thing. I guess it's partly something I have to work on, and partly because I was trying to get into a much younger (14yr old) head. Also, he's a very lonely boy, so he's bound to be the more observing type and reflective.

 

THANKS so much Greedya. You're , hehe.

[Greedya]

The first checkpoint would be places where you pack a bunch of italicised sentences together. Have you even been to a place where there are a lot of hot guys jammed in a small room? Their hotness competes each other, and nobody really stands out. Same thing here.

It'd be a quick death, right? At least, no one would find my body. Wow, what a perk of being invisible, better save that one for the catalogue. Lacking in quiet time? Too many friends? Need to escape the wrath of bullies? Or, say, kill yourself in public without anyone blinking an eye? Then invisibility doesn't need to be a curse.

Yeah, right.

I guess, just guess, that the most powerful word here is about suicide. So, I want that thingy to stand out:

It'd be a quick death, right? At least, no one would find my body. Wow, what a perk of being invisible, better save that one for the catalogue. Lacking in quiet time? Too many friends? Need to escape the wrath of bullies? Or, say,

kill yourself in public without anyone blinking an eye?

Who says invisibility is always a curse?

It could be a gift.

So the point is, ask yourself, what you what to emphasise?

Another comment: try to avoid using one-sentence paragraphs unless it is a powerful curse (f**k!), a uber-loud noise (BANG!), a major twist in the story (<something surprising>), or a emotional one-liner (<an emotional/poetic punch>). The list may go on, but I run out of ideas for now. In my humble, humble opinion, "yeah, right" doesn't deserve to have its own paragraph. You're right that the internal voice is a style thing. And it, obviously, is not my style. I hate writing dialogues and streams of consciousness. I love writing scenes and movements.

'k. 'nuff ramblin'. Gotta go. Have a g'day mate!

[AnytaSunday]

The first checkpoint would be places where you pack a bunch of italicised sentences together. Have you even been to a place where there are a lot of hot guys jammed in a small room? Their hotness competes each other, and nobody really stands out. Same thing here.

It'd be a quick death, right? At least, no one would find my body. Wow, what a perk of being invisible, better save that one for the catalogue. Lacking in quiet time? Too many friends? Need to escape the wrath of bullies? Or, say, kill yourself in public without anyone blinking an eye? Then invisibility doesn't need to be a curse.

Yeah, right.

I guess, just guess, that the most powerful word here is about suicide. So, I want that thingy to stand out:

It'd be a quick death, right? At least, no one would find my body. Wow, what a perk of being invisible, better save that one for the catalogue. Lacking in quiet time? Too many friends? Need to escape the wrath of bullies? Or, say,

kill yourself in public without anyone blinking an eye?

Who says invisibility is always a curse?

It could be a gift.

So the point is, ask yourself, what you what to emphasise?

Another comment: try to avoid using one-sentence paragraphs unless it is a powerful curse (f**k!), a uber-loud noise (BANG!), a major twist in the story (<something surprising>), or a emotional one-liner (<an emotional/poetic punch>). The list may go on, but I run out of ideas for now. In my humble, humble opinion, "yeah, right" doesn't deserve to have its own paragraph. You're right that the internal voice is a style thing. And it, obviously, is not my style. I hate writing dialogues and streams of consciousness. I love writing scenes and movements.

'k. 'nuff ramblin'. Gotta go. Have a g'day mate!

 

Lol, your rambling is very much appreciated.

 

Two excellent points, the illustration with the room full of hot guys was spot on, I know exactly what you mean hehe. And I'll make a note about toning down the one-sentence paragraphs unless they offer something stunning and notable.

 

Hope you had a great day--you do write everyday, yourself, right? I ask only because I'm impressed at the speed of which you post things. Words flow well for ya.

 

Anyta

[Former Member]

Rune and Scott WAHOO-CACHOO!

I finally have caught up and I gotta say it is soooooooooo romantik and intrigues me because of the fantastical elements.

 

GO GO GO Miss Anyta!

 

 

Love from yalls Joey~

[AnytaSunday]

Rune and Scott WAHOO-CACHOO!

I finally have caught up and I gotta say it is soooooooooo romantik and intrigues me because of the fantastical elements.

 

GO GO GO Miss Anyta!

 

 

Love from yalls Joey~

 

Heya Joey,

 

Thanks for the message! It's nice to hear from you. Yup, all of my stories contain a romantic element, hehe, I've tried stories without it, and, well, they fall flat--lol, but I LOVE writing romance, so that's all good.

 

Sweet, it's nice nice to hear your thoughts. Thanks!!!

[Former Member]

Hi darlin!

 

That is coz in our heart of hearts and soul of souls we all need a lil romance - or a lot and our minds sends our bodies out to search for it.

 

 

Love from Joey~

[Greedya]

Ch. 1 (con't)

He sat up so fast, his forehead bashed into mine. "Ouch."

The two sentences cannot be joined by merely a comma. Consider "so fast *that* his forehead" or semi-colon or a full stop.

 

I nodded. "Dad, this is Rune. Rune, this is"—Rune shook his head. What?—"Dad."

LOL! Selective invisibility. Should I call it discriminative invisibility?

Not if I don't will it.

Unless I will it. Please avoid double negatives unless you intend to make it witty.

I sigh escaped my lips

They looked about

too

sizes too short for him.

Grammar/spellings, ma'am.

We rounded a corner leading to the barn. It had a warm golden glow in the morning light.

Oi. oi. You and me are like yin and yang lol. I don't like narrating the characters, and I have great joy narrating the scenes. You are my opposite, I guess, lol. You know, a romantic scene is a very good introduction to a romantic interaction between your main characters.

End notes

Oh god. This story's visuals are very strong. So is the stream of consciousness. This is very powerful, and it is very easy to fall in love with your characters. ( * sighs I cannot pull off something like that. Most readers love to hate - or simply hate - my characters. * )

You know I am quite critical about logic. I do have questions about Rune's invisibility theory, but I guess I shouldn't be very serious about fantasy. I was annoyed once in a while when reading Harry Potter lol. Anyway, basically, if your logic is consistent and/or if your inconsistency is convincing, then it should be okay. It's too early to say anything now since I just read chapter 1. I'm quite obsessed with sci fi at the moment, especially fiction that deals with ethics. Normally I don't read teenager love stories because most of them are quite predictable, but this story sets apart in two ways. (a) your narration - words, visuals and emotions - is fantasbulous. (b ) the fantasy element makes your universe unique. I hope there are more twists to come. Your characters are more like typical teens than unusual ones, so the source of the twists would be external - i.e. driven by exceptional circumstances.

If there's any room for improvement, I'd say... (a) you seem to overuse "okay," which I find it quite okay but not right. You know what I mean? (giggles at Whitney Houston's song It's not right but okay). (b ) we've talked about trade offs. Details vs pacing. Steam of consciousness vs the outside view. It's good to stick to your style, but don't stick to it just because it is your style. Sometimes you may need courage to do something a little different. It's a challenge that make writers like you and me a little more well-rounded.

Just for my curiosity. Have you attempted writing a mystery story? It's a strange genre because surely you don't want to tell the readers everything you know - and often, everything the characters know. Your richness of details makes me hypothesise that writing something that hides details deliberately would be quite a challenge for you. Just a silly hypothesis though.

Ahh.. lots of ramblings again.

Come to think of it. I can criticise other people, but I can't really do what I tell them. What a hypocrite I am! * face palms myself * :P

[Greedya]

That is coz in our heart of hearts and soul of souls we all need a lil romance - or a lot and our minds sends our bodies out to search for it.

 

I respectfully disagree. I believe that love and romance is driven from within. So there is no need to search for it. We may need to search whom we share love and romance with. That's all.

 

If you ask me, I look for surprises. Something that 'wow's me. Something like roller coasters. Makes me laugh in one scene. Cry in another. * makes me sound like I'm a weirdo lol *

 

* sleeps some more. Spring time in Canberra is perfect for sleeping all day long. *

 

 

 

[AnytaSunday]

Hello dear Greedya,

 

Thanks for your crits!!! I liked the technical things you pointed out, and will make changes asap.

 

1) Most readers love to hate - or simply hate - my characters.

Getting them that emotionally involved can only be a good thing.

 

2) The two sentences cannot be joined by merely a comma. Consider "so fast *that* his forehead" or semi-colon or a full stop.

Hmmm, maybe there shouldn't be a comma--I despise the things, they're always getting me into trouble, lol. However, I've read writing forums that discuss the use of using the word 'that'--in fact in many cases, it slows the writing down--i.e, it acts as a pause in the flow, which can be distracting. I'll see if I can find some of those forums and send you a link.

 

3) discriminative invisibility

Lol, it's actually not something to do with Rune, but rather Scott--that's why he can see Rune--it doesn't play much of a role in terms of the plot, but it's guessed at why this might be the case between the two. As for staying consistent--I do very much try to do that, which is why when I wrote this I had to re-design the end of the story as I'd overlooked something that wouldn't have fit with the rules of Rune's invisibility. You're right, though, credibility in the story only will come from keeping these things consistent within it's own magical limitations.

4) double negatives-- excellent point. Thanks!!!

5)Yin and Yang: lol, I do believe exploring opposite techniques a good thing, it will help to develop our styles, or perhaps understand them better.

 

6) especially fiction that deals with ethics.

Yes, that makes for excellent reads. Invisible doesn't deal so much with ethics as it does grief. I guess I was trying to improve on writing emotions with this story.

 

7) but this story sets apart in two ways. (a) your narration - words, visuals and emotions - is fantasbulous. (b ) the fantasy element makes your universe unique. I hope there are more twists to come. Your characters are more like typical teens than unusual ones, so the source of the twists would be external - i.e. driven by exceptional circumstances.

a) oh, thanks!!!

 

b ) Well--this story is in two parts. The first four chapters show the relationship Scott and Rune have as 14/15 year olds, and the main part of the story plays four years after this summer. I guess it's quite a simple plot line, with a couple of turns in it, but I was working to create an atmosphere where something so fantastical as invisibility could almost come across as real. Does that make sense? I do love this story though.

 

8) Just for my curiosity. Have you attempted writing a mystery story? It's a strange genre because surely you don't want to tell the readers everything you know - and often, everything the characters know. Your richness of details makes me hypothesise that writing something that hides details deliberately would be quite a challenge for you. Just a silly hypothesis though.

 

hahaha. I'm writing a MYSTERY as my current project. I'm half-way through, and I love it soooo much. It's a straight one though--just a touch of romance, not too much--it's a dystopian, so the society (social rules/expectations) are very important. Uh, as for the hiding of clues, well, it is a very simple prose, and does follow stream of consciousness. I try to describe setting and places and the society by showing it from Ally's perspective, and using in a scene that shows what's going on without directly making reference to it. The aim with writing this book is to try and speak without saying the words directly--I want allusions/ images to do the explaining for me. Of course, this could just be a load of poop. We'll see.

 

But you are right, I have a style I've developed, and I need to at least dabble a little more in others. I have a few short stories I plan to write in upcoming months, in one of these, I'll make it a goal to work on descriptions.

 

Thanks soooo much for this! you rock!!!

 

[Former Member]

That Greedya ok darlin you are allowed to disagree but it don't change nothin hehehe

 

Love from Joey~

[Greedya]

Can't wait to read your mystery project! Are you gonna do a detective story, fantasy/supernatural or horror?

 

A lot of these are nitpicking. Minor details that do not harm the 'feel' of the story. But you and I seem to be a little obsessed with line-by-line scrutinising, eh?

 

There you go - Chapter 2

 

Somehow I

[AnytaSunday]

Hehehe, *blushes.

 

I could go through point by point, but mostly it would be to say 'You're right. Excellent point', oh, and a few more additional blushes, haha. Wow, thanks for all the great pointers, I really am blind when it comes to my own writing, as I think I've previously mentioned, it's just THAT much easier to crit someone elses work than one's own--so throwing my own advice back at me really was expected, lol.

 

I really did rob the reader with the sexy description, huh! Man, if I were a reader, I'd be scowling, hehe. Sweet, I'll definitely be working on that. As for little beats that don't add too much to the story, I rather thought that they added a layer of realism to the atmosphere and tone of it. Maybe it is unnecessary, and I can still make it seem real without it. Yes, yes, I think so.

 

Anyway, about the voice of the characters being similar--at THIS stage sort of yes, but I intended it that way, in so far as they'd understand each other better that way--they both are lonely at this point. Part two of this story sees a change, I think (Uh, I hope, hehe).

 

Schmoopiness, huh? It's overdone, right? Jeez, and you're only one and a half chapters in, lol--you just may be frightened off the rest of it. (Well, if you are, that's cool, you've given me much food for thought, ya know. *thanks you over and over. )

 

As for that mystery, I daren't let you read the FIRST draft (which is, yay, two-thirds complete, woohoo!) Nah, I'm going to whip it into the best shape I can before I get anyone to beta read--and after that of course there'll be much more to change. The mystery is set in the real world twenty years down the track--The True Conservative Party (TCP), a spin off of the Republican party is ruling, and impose religious values on society. Well, that's just the setting, the story revolves around a sister coming to terms with her brother's death. He'd changed in the last year before his death and she didn't know who he was when he died--she can't believe he took drugs, and always has a suspicion there's more to his death than an accident. (died of anaphylactic shock, severe allergy to strawberries.) As the story progresses and she learns more about who he was it becomes clearer and clearer his death was no accident. So, the story is sleuth detective, and aimed at a young adult 13-17 year readership. Plus, of course, she's getting threatened, other people get hurt, she almost dies--action, bla blah. Oh, and she's secretly dating. She can't tell her parents, because, shock, horror, he's atheist!

 

Okay, I got carried away, lol--I'm just having so much fun writing it!

 

Anyway, CHEERS again for all your fabulous help!!! Now I need to set aside some time to deal with the issues, but even still, I find that reading through this is helping as I write my current piece, so I thank you for that as well.

 

 

 

[Forty-Two]

Holy mashed potatoes Greedya, stop putting all the rest of us to shame!

 

Actually, I think it's awesome that you're putting so much work into this story. This is the kind of environment that really helps writers, is what online posting really should be about. One sentence pats on the back are good for morale but don't help us develop at all.

 

Good luck getting to a final draft with this one on your heels, Anyta!

[AnytaSunday]

Just Posting Reviews on the e-discussion page. Thanks you to all who left them.

Reviews For (In)visible

Submit a Review

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Greedy Algorithm

 

(Partial) review on the thread. Cya there!

Date: 11/18/2010 12:23 PM [Respond]

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Vicky

 

You are simply amazing, and I havent even finished reading the first chapter. Like to kiss your pen :-)....Author's Response: Oh, hehe, what a nice compliment.Thank you. Must say, I love my pens too.

Date: 11/01/2010 02:50 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 14 Reviewer: Forty-Two

 

Very cute. I was not expecting a happy wrap-up ending. I love

the line about Rune seeing Scott. The bittersweetness of Scott choosing

to leave his mom for his own life was a good touch of realism. I don't

know the extent of your issues when working out the whole "is Scott

going to turn invisible" part, but you did a great job. The reasoning

and misleads were very believable and flowed well, although I'm a little

surprised it took Scott so long to talk to Rune about it. Poor Rune. Oh

well, I suppose there needed to be that tension at the end.

Great story! Hope you post again soon!

Author's

Response: Scott and Rune deserve the happy ending--they've been through

so much. As for posting again--I'll have a short story up in a few

days (practicing writing in third :S ). But nothing bigger at the

moment. Hope you stop by anyway. Thanks for all the comments and

constructive crits. They've been very helpful to me. You're awesome!

Thanks again.

Date: 10/28/2010 10:12 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 13 Reviewer: Forty-Two

 

Oh, I was wondering whether Scott's present for his mom was such

a good idea considering she's already having trouble coping with

reality regarding her husband... giving her an album of pictures of

"him" seems sweet if she were mourning in a healthy way, but wouldn't

the album just confuse her more? Make her create fake "memories" of when

the pics were taken? Allow her to sink into the fantasy that he's still

around by immersing herself in the pictures? I'm not a therapist, I

have no idea how this would affect her.Author's Response:

As for the present--I'm no therapist either, but then neither is Scott.

In his mind photo book of the dad was in an effort to show mom that dad

was great but in the end (picture of grave) to remind her that he was

gone. He thought it'd maybe help her accept. Of course, this didn't end

up being the case, but he really did think maybe being faced with the

facts would help.

Date: 10/28/2010 10:03 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 13 Reviewer: Forty-Two

 

So what was the technicality that you were trying to work out?

That Scott wouldn't turn invisible if Rune just didn't put his aura

around Scott? But then Rune had to "lose control" sometimes so that it

would still be an issue? Or that you didn't want Scott to turn

inivisible but had to because you set up the precident with Runes

clothes?

Sorry, that isn't much of a review, probably should go in the forum.

Anyway, this chapter is basically a nail biter and it's hard to stop to

think knowing the last one is right there...

 

Author's

Response: The technicality--hmmm, I'll PM you with what that was.

Thanks so much for reading. Hope your nails are okay. hehe.

Date: 10/28/2010 10:00 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 14 Reviewer: PArchment of love

 

Insert beautiful comment that makes you beam here. =]

Wonderful...simply wonderful. *Big happy sigh*Author's Response: *is beaming. hehe. Thanks so much!!! Yeah, I have a mixed sigh (sad and happy) that the story is done.

Date: 10/28/2010 08:50 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 14 Reviewer: Kanaye

 

Ah, the end. *sigh*I really enjoyed this. It is good to know Scott isn't turning invisible, though the invisible clothes thing is still funny.Yay for a happy ending!Author's

Response: Thanks for reading Kanaye--I'm so glad it was an enjoyable

read for you. Yay. hehe. Yeah, Scott and Rune really deserve the H.E.

Date: 10/28/2010 12:27 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 12 Reviewer: Forty-Two

 

You are SUCH a tease for that disclaimer and then the sexy psych-out in the beginning

"Rune locked my ankle between his legs." I really like these little

subtle, realistic details. Not many writers remember to pay attention to

the small things.

"The pup barked, and Rune held him up to get into the shot as well." ... held HER up...?

Hrm... why did Lily go invisible so quickly...?

Uh oh... of course when you think it's all going perfectly the walls have to come crashing down...Author's

Response: Held HER up, darn it--- going to fix that. It's terrible, but

I find I automatically associate dogs with being male. (I also

associate all cats as male too)Anyway, I'm working on it. I can

answer your other questions in a spoiler thread soon. Thanks for

reading!

Date: 10/27/2010 01:10 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 12 Reviewer: Montreal Ormolu

 

I've been following this story as each chapter comes out. It's

intriguing and touching at the same time. Love this new insight...the

dog is invisible... hmmm -- what will happen to Scott?Author's Response: Thanks for following. As for what may happen...that's coming up... Cheers again!

Date: 10/25/2010 07:47 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 12 Reviewer: Louis

 

you bring me to tears. You bring me to laughter. You bring me to

feel for these characters so much that I never want this story to end.

If you ever end it, you and i will be sworn enemies for life...LOL thank

you for this uplifting and beautiful story..

 

.Author's

Response: What a touching response, thank you. As for it finishing,

yes, there are only a few thousand words left for this journey in Rune

and Scott's lives. I'm sad to write them.

Date: 10/25/2010 04:09 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 12 Reviewer: Kanaye

 

So, Rune's clothes were invisible, so he was walking outside naked?*laughs*And awww. Poor invisible Lily! Did Rune accidentally make her that way?All in all, very good chapter!

 

Author's

Response: hehe, yup, he was! As for your questions, they shall be

revealed in the upcoming chapters. Thanks for reading and leaving a

review.

Date: 10/24/2010 11:11 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 12 Reviewer: Inuberry

 

Omg, a nice twist there! I feel like horror music should be playing at the end. :DI'm

always so freakin' excited when this story is updated! I'm not ready

for it to end yet, so hopefully there's a couple chapters left...Thank you SO MUCH for what you've written so far. It's definitely filled my time.-Janee'Author's

Response: Horror music, eh? Probably not a bad choice... hehe, yay,

that's so nice to hear! There are another two short chapters--I'm

working on finishing over the next couple of days. These ones are very

hard to write--and thirteen is from Rune's perspective. You're so

very welcome for the story, I love writing for all you lovely peeps--so

appreciative!

Date: 10/24/2010 10:48 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 12 Reviewer: hh5

 

So if Scott keeps being invisible with Rune we have two invisiable boys and a dog.

hehe - invisible pee and poop surprise for mom

 

Author's Response: Lol, yeah, that would be a surprise--good thing the boys are good about training Lily.

Date: 10/24/2010 04:02 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: adamo

 

Gorgeous, absolutely wonderful chapter. I am so in love with Rune

and Scotty right now, they are just such beautiful characters and Lily

is adorable! Curious to see how this her being invisible will play into

things. Also at the end of the chapter when pieces were falling into

place for Scotty he mentioned something about not wearing the locket-

that confused me, what does that mean?Keep up the amazing work. Can't wait for the next chapter!

 

Author's

Response: Yay! Thanks for the review. Yeah, Rune and Scotty are

wonderful! yay. Oh, the locket--I was afraid that might not be so

clear.I'll make another reference to it in the final chapter (which is

fourteen). Thanks so much for reading!!!

Date: 10/24/2010 01:21 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 11 Reviewer: Forty-Two

 

Good to see Mom is finally getting some help. I'm surprised it's

only one day a week, but maybe that's all she can handle. Hopefully

Scott realizes that this will take a lot of time and not much is going

to change after only three sessions...

He only stopped TWICE to take pictures in an hour and a half? That must be the ugliest, most boring countryside ever!

“Have to see it on a bigger screen to know for sure. It’s bound to need some editing.” Hee hee, I liked this line

SO cute and sweet! Can't wait for more! Although I saw some forboding foreshadowing in there...

 

Author's

Response: Thanks Forty-Two for all your messages, you've given me much

to think about. Boring countryside, eh? hehe, nah, I think he's just too

tired to take more (and--ah--the author is somewhat clueless? lol).

Cheers!!!

Date: 10/21/2010 03:57 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 11 Reviewer: Nephylim

 

It just gets better and better. What a sweet story. What sweet people. I love them bothAuthor's Response: Glad this comes across as sweet. Yay! Thanks for the reviews!

Date: 10/21/2010 03:27 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 10 Reviewer: Nephylim

 

Oh eoe. That's fantastic. I really, really loved that chapter. I am still madly in love with Rune :)Author's Response: :DDDD Thanks so much Nephy! hehe

Date: 10/21/2010 03:23 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 10 Reviewer: phana14

 

What a wonderful gift you are revealing as far as how smoothly

you adjust the fellows in and out of different emotions, sometimes quite

quickly. This particular chapter blew by oh so fast because, well, I

guess I wanted it to last a lot longer! Damn!

You're doing so well with this story! (I'm as happy as a pig in sh uh stiches!

Thanks, Anyta.

But I DO feel 'cheated'! An old lady and two young girls copped a better look than I got.

 

Author's

Response: hehe, Glad you're happy so far . Lucky ladies, huh?! I

think the story is escalating and coming to its climax in two-three

chapters, I'm pretty excited about that! Thanks for the review!

Date: 10/19/2010 01:27 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 10 Reviewer: Kanaye

 

Yay! Another chappie! *dances*Hmm. I liked this chapter, good for Rune to tell Scott what he wants. *crosses fingers*

 

Author's

Response: hehe *fingers dance over the keyboard to match the beat.

Will try get some writing in today, yay! Yup, this chapter is a start,

let's see what happens next... Thanks for the review.

Date: 10/19/2010 12:47 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 10 Reviewer: Benjim

 

I'm a bit confused at the last aprt, did Rune make himself

visible and that earned the scowl from the old lady and the wolf-whistle

for the hand-holding in public? Or was Scott under-dressed? Great

chapter!

Author's Response: hehehehe... will come up again later on. Promise.

Date: 10/18/2010 02:52 PM

[AnytaSunday]

Hey, thanks Cia for the trick of copy and pasting!!! That makes this sooooo easy.

 

Reviews For (In)visible

 

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 10 Reviewer: Forty-Two

 

Wow, I was not expecting Scott to be so forward -- but, when he

started obviously teasing Rune, I did wonder how it would skew the

purity of their relationship if they hooked up while Scott was so

emotionally turmoiled.

This - "A statement—I’m opening myself to you. I want to show you me from the inside. I trust you to be careful with it" - was SO much better than sex.

The muttering woman and the school girls - was Rune making himself

visible? 'Cause it seems odd that this would happen if they could only

see Scott.Author's Response: I thought about this a bit.

But I decided it is in Scott's character to do this. He doesn't see sex

as that big a deal, so why would he wait to offer, if the idea pops into

his head? Just because things are starting to look up between the two, I

didn't want it to mean that all of Scott's issues are resolved and he

suddenly understands what love is--it's a process. Thanks for the

review.

Date: 10/18/2010 09:30 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 10 Reviewer: hh5

 

much better they're together ... but he's just taught some girls

and an old lady about the boy body. Thats the hard thing for when to

tell the diffeence between invisible and visible clothes. Wait till his

mom see him return naked.Author's Response: hehe, yup, oops... More about this later. Thanks for reading, hh5!

Date: 10/18/2010 09:10 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: semaj565

 

Cute... Scott forgot that fabric remains invisible for awhile after Rune wears it. He just walked down the street (semi?)naked!Author's Response: Keen eye. Good spot. More on that later, lol... hehe

Date: 10/18/2010 08:03 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 10 Reviewer: minmar72

 

Oh my. You're certainly tugging at my heart strings. When Rune

opens his locket and there's a pic of Scott, well, I think my heart

skipped a beat. And I love how upset he gets when Scott suggests they

have sex, because he wants it to mean more. I so hope they will figure

out a way to be together, that they figure out they belong together. This story is wonderful. It's sad and sweet and hopeful all at the same time. Well done, Anyta.Author's

Response: Hello minmar, thanks so much for reading. I'm learning a

lot of new things writing this story--I love Scott and Rune a lot, they

are troubled characters but beautiful too. Let's see how their

relationship evolves--what they learn/don't learn and how. Thanks for

leaving a message, yay! hehe.

Date: 10/18/2010 07:13 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 9 Reviewer: Nephylim

 

Oh heck, that was a wonderful chapter. I so loved it. It was

sweet and poignant and sexy and sad and.... I think that is one of the

best chapters I have ever read in a story on here. I love it.Author's

Response: *blushes. This chapter only turned out so well thanks to all

the help I got. I was/am extremely lucky to have the writing support I

have.

Date: 10/17/2010 06:41 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 8 Reviewer: Nephylim

 

Nooooo. Go back Go back. That was such a lovely lovely chapter.

You have to get them together soon because I don't think I can stand it

Well of course I can but I would still like to see them together.

I love these characters. They are so 'real' It's strange how 'normal'

you make Rune's invisibility seem. It's just part of him and thats it. I

don't feel that I need any explainations for WHY he's invisible he just

is.

I like the pace of the story the way you keep bouncing us up and down

and the tension is just right. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed

thoughAuthor's Response: hehehe. I wonder how that scene

would have been if I wrote it from Rune's perspective. I'm so glad to

hear your thoughts on Rune's invisibility--I wanted to integrate it as

much as possible into the real world. Thanks so much for the review and

for reading, Nephy, you're awesome.

Date: 10/17/2010 06:30 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 7 Reviewer: Nephylim

 

Aw gods that was just beautiful. So sad, so very sad. I really

hope they get things figured out. I like Rune so much and it's right he

should be with Scott.Author's Response: Will they figure things out. That is the big question...

Date: 10/17/2010 06:20 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 6 Reviewer: Nephylim

 

That was such a tense chapter, very bitter sweet. I am glad that

Scott made the connection that Rune couldn't have been just bored. I am

holding my breathAuthor's Response: hehe, I remember holding my breath here too, wondering how things would pan out.

Date: 10/17/2010 06:11 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 9 Reviewer: phana14

 

Wow!

Anyta? Did mom go *bonkers*?

I think that this is your *bestess-ever* chapter! (grins)

Oh, and, "Please maam, I want some---more?"

Hugs!Author's Response: hehe, yay! More is coming

soon. I post a chapter when the chapter ahead of that is finished. I'm a

third of the way through that one, and working on it now. So a couple

of days, I hope. As for mom--she's in a sad state.

Date: 10/16/2010 09:04 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 8 Reviewer: phana14

 

GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!Author's Response: I think I made a

few people upset with this one. I only hope things pick up for you.

Thanks so much for reading.

Date: 10/16/2010 08:35 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 7 Reviewer: phana14

 

Holy Christ, Anyta!

They FIND each other after all this time, and SCOTT takes a hike? What the bloody hell?

I'm almost afraid to continue! jk heh

You've jerked me out of a warm and comfy zone and thrown me into a cold river of bitterness! NO FAIR!

However, I AM grateful that you kept on with the story.

Thanks.Author's Response: Thanks, that was exactly

what I was going for, bitter-sweet. Let's see how things continue, I am

currently chewing on my bottom lip contemplating the approach to chapter

11--which is 1000 words through... maybe there should be some sweetness

in it...? hehe We'll see...

Date: 10/16/2010 08:10 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: phana14

 

Hey Anyta!

Love this so far, as I knew I would when you put some of this chapter in-sneak peaks?

I have three remarks in answer to your Chapter End Notes:

Carry ON! Don't be unsure of yourself.

It's NOT too slow! It's perfect.

If anything, you are forcing the reader to use their own imagination, and that is NOT a bad thing!

I *see* this story going places (good places).

Thanks.Author's Response: hehe, Thanks so much. I've

enjoyed the crafting process--loved discovering who Rune and Scott are

and have learned a lot from some of the difficulties that have come up

in the writing process. I appreciate the encouragement. Yay.

Date: 10/16/2010 04:52 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 9 Reviewer: Benjim

 

Well, Scott's mom has finally gone over the edge!Author's Response: She certainly needs help. Grief is such a powerful thing. I think it's sad. Thanks for the review.

Date: 10/15/2010 03:24 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 9 Reviewer: Anyta Sunday

 

Okay, so the response didn't want to work for me-- Here we go again:hehe,

thanks so much Forty-Two-- 1)Sometimes I think that's the way responses

work. Like a love-hate relationship that pulls in two different

directions similtaneously. 2)It's a bit of a slow build, hmmm more on

that in the thread... 3)Yeah, the mom. It's sad, she's still heavy in

grief. Let's see how that works out...

Date: 10/15/2010 01:45 AM [Delete] [Respond]

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 9 Reviewer: Forty-Two

 

Some of your phrasings are just really well put. "Damn gut reaction. Fantastic gut reaction." This has great dichotemy. “I like the way you see things.” at the end of a section stood out so well.

Again, I am amazed at how well you build the relationship, tension,

and feelings between Rune and Scott without relying on a whole bunch of

physicality. Most writers would definitely have them kissing and

confessing to each other by now. I love the slow build.

Wow, mom is really falling apart! I didn't expect her to get that

bad, but it makes a lot of sense to follow through on her emotional

problems too.Author's Response: Author's Response:

Date: 10/14/2010 11:17 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 9 Reviewer: Kanaye

 

Oh. I am really enjoying this.Can't wait till next chappy.Author's

Response: Thanks so much Kanaye. I hope it won't be too long three or

four days all going well. *stretches fingers to get back to some

writing... hehe.

Date: 10/14/2010 06:16 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Anyta Sunday

 

Okay, so I forgot to mention this in the reply, forty-two:

Regarding the fate comment--Well, there's the relationship in thirty

minute blocks--not ideal, but not nothing either. Also, Scott is rare

for sure, but not necessarily the only one. But even so, aren't a lot of

relationships (and loving ones) determined by situation? Hmmm, but

let's see how their relationship develops at all...

Date: 10/14/2010 01:16 AM [Delete] [Respond]

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 8 Reviewer: Forty-Two

 

"My stomach dove into my crotch as the tingles and rush of blood

came, hardening me." This just stood out to me as a very unique

discription.

There's so much emotion in this chapter! My heart was all aflutter!

This story suddenly feels so polished! I love the will they/won't they

tension! I don't want it to end!

The making people ill thing is odd but kinda makes sense in a weird

way. The only issue I have with it is that if you pick apart Rune's

motivation, making everyone but Scott ill kind of takes away his choice

in loving Scott. Who wouldn't fall in love with the only person who can

always see them and doesn't get physically ill around them? The way you

write their relationship is romantic and it doesn't feel like Rune is

simply taking the only option, it feels like Rune would have fallen in

love with Scott regardless, but the fate aspect of it does sort of take

away from the truth of their love.Author's Response: By

the way, thanks for all the awesome messages. hehe. Hmmm, will

they--won't they? Toughie. Maybe they will but then they won't? Guess

we'll see....

Date: 10/14/2010 12:45 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 7 Reviewer: Forty-Two

 

"Stalking was such an exhausting pastime." Great opening line!

So much drama in one chapter! You did a good job of not making it too

overwhelming. I'm glad a bunch of questions were finally answered.

Can't wait to see how they smooth things out!Author's

Response: Yup, a lot of things finally come to light in this one.

Couldn't drag it out too much longer--the rest of the story needed

moving forward with.

Date: 10/14/2010 12:16 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 6 Reviewer: Forty-Two

 

She frowned, confused. “Yeah, but I haven’t seen you in days. I

want you to do me twice.” - HA! That line was awesome! I like the

sort-of gender stereotype role reversal between Scott and Theresa.

I really noticed a change in your writing style with this chapter. It

seemed much more fluid and natural than the other ones. You seem to

have hit your groove with this story.

A couple little word placement mistakes (such as "took the stairs two AND a time") - tease your beta reader about that

 

Author's

Response: I must say, it's like that with a lot I write, the

beginning's always a bit of a transition period in terms of style. *goes

red--oops about the typo's I have someone read over this, but I edit

myself. It's easy to be blinded by my own mistakes--I read for what it

should say. hehe. I will have to comb more thoroughly in future.

Date: 10/13/2010 11:59 PM

 

Reviews For (In)visible

 

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 8 Reviewer: hh5

 

The ball in Scott court ... still in the closet ... Rune trying ... well their keeping to less than a half hour ... jokeAuthor's Response: Things get a bit clearer as each chapter progresses. But yes, there are definitely ups and downs...

Date: 10/13/2010 12:50 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 8 Reviewer: Benjim

 

Alright, Scott that was mean, you think you got closure. But

your guilt will consume you and the hurt you caused Rune needs to be

fixed, and soon!Author's Response: Scott: *sighs. "I'm

seriously screwed up right now. Give me a moment--(*author coughs)--ah, a

couple of chapters."

Date: 10/12/2010 02:37 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 8 Reviewer: Louis

 

I'm absolutely shattered.Author's Response: Scott: "Join

the club. Shattered--our friendship used to be this brilliant glowing

orb that broke and its pieces still splinter my insides. It's worse

when I meet his gaze, or hear his sweet voice, because they echo what we

once had. Why does it have to hurt so bad?"

Date: 10/12/2010 02:25 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 7 Reviewer: Zacky

 

More story! I hope they get together again...Author's Response: Hehe... More story is on its way very soon. Thanks for reading!

Date: 10/10/2010 12:59 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 7 Reviewer: hh5

 

That was something ... the gutts to talk to Rune ... the truth

... the double mistake ... will someone please lock the both of them in

the room ... I guess they both need to work out their feelings.

I could guess Scott's next issue with Rune ... and Rune has to figure

why ... I guess we will see if Rune changes much ... I still like to

know where he's been living and doing for four years ... Did he get his

Invisable GED?Author's Response: Yup, the two definitely

need to sort out their feelings. Though, it's going to take a little

longer yet... As for where he's been living and doing the next chapter

will start to go into that... Thanks for the review.

Date: 10/09/2010 11:04 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 7 Reviewer: Louis

 

scott a stalker! o no. I enjoyed reading last two chapters. I

wondered how they would meet up again. Love the lttle twist, love how

you pace out those little surprises, essential in any good story. lump

in my throat.Author's Response: Thanks Louis! haha, yeah,

there was a little bit of stalking but that's pretty much the extend of

it. Now it's to see what will happen to the two, can they get it

together? How, when?... Plus a few other surprises. hehe...

Date: 10/09/2010 10:54 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 6 Reviewer: Wyndham

 

I'm not going to be able to rest either, until I know what is coming next :)Author's Response: hehe. That's how I feel writing the story--every day, lol. Sweet.

Date: 10/07/2010 11:23 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 6 Reviewer: Quonus10

 

I think 5b - was angry, trashy, heart wrenching, and maybe a tad

hopeful - all in a short space. Brevity can be good - especially if it

is written this well. Can't wait for 5"c" :PAuthor's

Response: Lol, 5c and d are coming soon. hehe. No, I'm going to go

change that right now. Just got back from a seriously awesome evening

out at my fav. Italian restaurant, so I'm in a fine mood to get to

work...

Date: 10/07/2010 11:23 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 6 Reviewer: Nephylim

 

God yeah... he so has to find out what's going on. I mean after

what happened at the very beginning, I'm actually surprised that Rune is

still alive. I want him back. I like Rune.Author's

Response: The next chapter will reveal a lot more about Rune's side of

things. It'll be up soonish. I like Rune, too.

Date: 10/07/2010 09:02 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: adamo

 

Do you think you will be posting soon?Author's Response:

Very soon. Jian will read over things first, (he's great), make sure it

makes sense, you know that sort of thing. But I've done quite a bit on

the story today, so I hope soon there'll be a bit to read. Thanks for

reading, hehe.

Date: 10/06/2010 04:53 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Part Two, Ch. 5 Reviewer: Nephylim

 

Oh wow, this is such a beautiful chapter Scott clearly loves him

very much, to still be looking for him five years later.. And Rune...

what on earth is going on with RUne... and did I mention I LOVE that

name. And poor Mom... she flipped a bit when her husband died then.

Lovely just lovelyAuthor's Response: Thanks so much

Nephy. Hmmm, what's up with Rune?(hehe, I like the name too) Yeah, the

mom also has issues. Poor Scott. Thanks for the review. I look

forward to getting back into the story now I'm back.

Date: 10/04/2010 02:43 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Part Two, Ch. 5 Reviewer: Forty-Two

 

Well now, that was just too darned short!

Everything was set up in this chapter, Scott's issues, his mom's

issues, Rune's reappearance... I'm itching with curiosity to see what

happens next.Author's Response: hehe, you're itching?

Good. (so am I...) We'll see how things pan out, I guess. Thanks so much

for reading on. (also--the next post I make will be shorter , but

the one after that will be normal again, promise).

Date: 10/03/2010 11:19 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Part Two, Ch. 5 Reviewer: Wyndham

 

Oh! This is so good. Thank you. Can't wait for the next installment.....Author's

Response: hehe, glad your enjoying it. The next installment is a

shortie (because of my holiday), that I actually might label chapter 5b,

because I think it probably belonged at the end of the last chapter.

Thanks so much for the review.

Date: 10/02/2010 05:45 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: adamo

 

Wow. Scotty's gotten all tough. It's kinda hot:)Fantastic writing and Gah! I wanna know whats going on in Rune's head!So excited for the next chapter...Author's

Response: Heya, adamo. I hope things will start getting clearer and

clearer pretty soon. Thanks so much for the review.

Date: 10/02/2010 04:13 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Part Two, Ch. 5 Reviewer: taina1959

 

OMG!!! This was like.... AAAHHHHH!!!! I wanna hit him with a wet

noodle!!! LOL I wanna squeeze him til he comes out clean as for why he

left him without a word! And once again, he runs away? *SMACK!!!* I feel

for dear Scott. What's his address? I want to adopt him!! :-P

This was awesome!Author's Response: Okay, back from

holiday, and all refreshed (sort of--anyone else need a holiday from the

holiday sometimes?). Taina, thanks so much for the response. A wet

noodle, eh? hehe... Yep, dear Rune, once again runs away...

Date: 10/01/2010 05:09 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Part Two, Ch. 5 Reviewer: hh5

 

surprise rune came back ... to find scott ... is he passing

through or living in the town ... Scott has his proof Rune is back ...

will he have another chance to go to him and have a reunion

Scott has a GF ... he's straight? or in the closet?Author's

Response: No, he's gay. Well, he knows it, just doesn't want to go

there because it reminds him of Rune and a whole heap of hurt. He's not

ready to face that yet. Actually, I toyed a lot with the idea that Rune

had a boyfriend, but when I got into his mental state, I just didn't

think he'd have one, not with his trust issues. The non-commital gf is

there to make him feel defined, visible (or so he thinks) let's just say

he's a little screwed up at the moment, emotionally.

 

As for you other musings, that will come up very soon.

 

Thanks for the review.

 

 

Date: 10/01/2010 12:42 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: ch. 4--end if Part One Reviewer: phana14

 

Anyta!

Your 'Chapter End Notes' may have kept you from a fate SO unimaginable.....

Jesus GOD! How can you sweep me along so sweetly and then BAM!!!?

I sure hope Part Two can make up for *this* mess.Author's

Response: Sorry for the hanger there. I intend to post chapter Five,

the start of part two, sometime today. I'm on holiday tomorrow for a

week, so next week's chapter will propbably be a small one, though.

Thanks so much for all your comments.

Date: 09/30/2010 05:10 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 3 Reviewer: phana14

 

Let me tell you something, Anyta.

This freaking story has just very slowly, over these few chapters,

gotten me to a point where I finally realized that the trouble that I

was having focusing were/was the tears building up behind my *lids*.

This doggone story is SO damn 'smooth'. You are a very talented artist!

No matter WHAT Jian says. PAuthor's Response: Okay,

hehe, I'm blushing. I just hope I can keep it up. In the second part,

their is less innocence in the characters, which stems alot from the

events in chapter four. I'll do my utmost though.

Date: 09/30/2010 04:10 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 2 Reviewer: phana14

 

Wow Girl!

You were wondering whether or not to complete this story? HELL YES!!

Nice and smooth and easy to read. And somehow this is turning out to

be a much *sweeter* relationship that you are developing between Rune

and Scott than I originally imagined! It's almost *soft*!

I'm lovin' this, Anyta! hugs Author's Response: There

are certainly moments of sweetness, but as you already know (I read your

other reviews) it's not all sunshine. But I wanted to establish their

friendship, the great parts of it, that's important.

Date: 09/30/2010 03:37 PM

[AnytaSunday]

Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: MIKEY

 

Hita Anita, I love the story. After Trey & Shane I expected

something good BUT this has the makings of something great. The mystery

surrounding Rune keeps me on edge waiting for the next secret to be

exposed. Poor Scott, losing his dad and Rune in one day makes me feel

sad. I'm waiting for the next part but if I have to wait another week

that is alright too. I hope you have a Great holiday

 

.Author's

Response: Thanks so much, Mikey. I'm pleased you're enjoying this

so-far. hehe, I'm working on chapter five right now, so I have high

hopes it will be ready for friday. Yay. And I hope to have a good

holiday, though I promised the hubs I wouldn't write for that

time--which makes me all twitchy, lol!

Date: 09/29/2010 07:50 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: ch. 4--end if Part One Reviewer: PArchment of love

 

I hope part two will be here soon?Author's

Response: Hehe, I'm aware I've left this on a bit of a hanger. I'll do

my best to get this finished and ready for friday, but if I don't it'll

have to wait an extra week, when I get back from holiday.

Date: 09/28/2010 05:27 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 3 Reviewer: Louis

 

I like this. It's richly character driven and I feel sorry for

Rune, being invisible to all except Scott. I love the way you bring

touch into your scenes. There's nothing quite like touch to acknowledge

a person's presence. Hanging on for the beginning of the next part I

am. Like the nystery involved here.

Author's Response: Thanks

so much Louis. I'm just as curious about how it's going to turn out as

well. lol. Well, I have a rough plan in my head, but it always surprises

me how things test that plan and how the writing must evolve to fit.

Cheers for the review.

Date: 09/28/2010 01:34 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: ch. 4--end if Part One Reviewer: hh5

 

Well Rune is sure full of secrets and fear of telling the truth

to scott. Sounds like Rune was in the truck maybe or something else

happen. Its weird he carries his bag all the time.

Grunt ... oh ... four years ... Just mom and Scott ... one hopes they

learn to become closer than driven apart ... you begin to wonder how

much Scott changed and did he get into stuff at school or not.

Its four years without Rune ... its going to be interesting when they

meet again. The fear is if Scott found someone during the four years.

You hope he made some friends. Sounds he didn't have any before Rune. I

guess we will see how much the two grown and if their willing to love

each other ... the next stage or not or with someone else?Author's

Response: :)hh5, yup four years... hope you'll survive the

transition. You bring up some interesting thoughts, what will Scott be

like after four years without Rune? Without his dad? How is the

relationship between him and his mom? With him and others? Is he with

someone else? Hmmm, these things will be answered... Thanks so much for

reading on, ---Anyta

Date: 09/28/2010 11:35 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Forty-Two

 

Two things I forgot.

I'm not a huge fan of the whole switching back and forth from both

character's perspectives. You do a good job insofar as I don't forget

who's narrating at the beginning of each section, but I do find it kind

of unneccessary. The whole thing could easily be from Scott's

perspective or if you really want to show both characters' thoughts, why

not write in third person? It's not as restricting as people seem to

think.

I really like that this story started with them in the middle ground

between kids and adults. It's a perfect fit for the subtle fantasy

element of having an invisible person - the invisible friend speaks of

childhood innocence and imagination, but the issues the characters are

dealing with are harsh and need adult maturity. It will be interesting

to see how that childhood naivete and innocence matures as they do.Author's

Response: Nice to see you again, Forty-Two. Hmmm, the perspective

issue: I guess I wanted to try something new. I've written mostly in

first person before, but only from one POV, and I've also written one

novel in third person, and that drove me in circles. I guess, I prefer

to write in the first person. I agree that writing this in a close third

would allow me to get into both of their thoughts just as well, but for

now I will continue using two firsts. Although, in saying that, most

of the story will be from Scotts perspective. Maybe two or three key

scenes will play from Rune's perspective, but mostly it will be Scott.

As a learning author, I guess you could say I'm playing around and

experimenting. I'm bound to make mistakes, and no doubt irritate people

as I learn, I hope for some understanding there.

I've had this story idea floating round in my head for a while now and

ALWAYS it started off with them as kids. I guess I wanted to use it to

contrast and give a background to why Scott is the way he is (chapter 5

onward).

 

Date: 09/28/2010 10:08 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: ch. 4--end if Part One Reviewer: Forty-Two

 

This story has become a lot more interesting than I first

suspected. The tension that you built between them was very nicely drawn

out to the first kiss. I really like the image of Rune miming silently

and sneaking food while Scott's parents are in the room, avoiding being

bumped into. It reminded me of a movie I saw where the guy wasn't

invisible, but living in a house with a woman and her husband but always

kept out of the husband's sight, mimicking his movements while behind

him and never being seen. The sudden turn of events with the father's

death and Rune's disappearance is intreguing and I'm looking forward to

part two four years later.Author's Response: Hello

Forty-Two. Thanks for reading along, the movie you mentioned sounds

fun--I hope to play a little bit more with the advantages of Rune's

invisibility in upcoming chapters.

Date: 09/28/2010 09:59 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: ch. 4--end if Part One Reviewer: Kents

 

cool story, I like how you show the character's point of view. The

storyline is really interesting and I like how you put Rune as being

mysteriousAuthor's Response: Thanks Kent, hehe, I'm glad your reading it. Yup, Rune is a mystery.

Date: 09/28/2010 07:23 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: adamo

 

Oh indeed. I wonder what's up with Rune? This is such a fascinating

story and the writing is so beautiful. Can't wait for the next chapter!Author's Response: Thanks for those words. Hmmm, what is up with Rune?

Date: 09/25/2010 03:42 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 3 Reviewer: hh5

 

Finally their sharing something ... now we'll see if they can

survive a half a day without each other. Scott going bananas ... berries

... maybe Rune can get Scott into some activities before his parents

put him into a straight jacket.Author's Response:

lol.Hmmmm, that would be ideal. The next chapter is the last one as

kids, wrapping up part one of this story. Part two is the dominant part

of the book. And I do believe there is a lot more going berries to

come...

Date: 09/24/2010 11:06 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 3 Reviewer: Nephylim

 

Very nice. I feel so sad for Rune. I really want to hear his storyAuthor's Response: Thanks, Nephy. Yup, Rune has had it tough. I feel sad for him too.

Date: 09/24/2010 09:09 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 2 Reviewer: Welshdude

 

Awesome so far. Always good to read something different. Thanks:)Author's Response: Thanks, Welshdude. I'm plotting out further chapters today. Cheers.

Date: 09/23/2010 07:55 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 2 Reviewer: Welshdude

 

Awesome so far. Always good to read something different. Thanks:)Author's Response:

Date: 09/23/2010 07:55 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 2 Reviewer: Quonus10

 

I will be glad when they combine the sides and I can leave one

review in one place. This space is too confining so let me just say WOO

HOO - I love how different this. For more go to your thread - it is

getting lonely so I will add my comments there. Author's

Response: Hehe, that will make things easier indeed. Thanks for the

comment. I'll check out the thread and respond soon.

Date: 09/22/2010 04:54 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Louis

 

You are such as good writer, Anyta. You begin with compelling

drama, and don't let up. An invisible friend? Original. I like Rune. His

soul has been places, and the drama, if you allow the story to continue

will keep your readers hooked. Scott is about to change Rune's mind

set. Looks like this is a story of hope, love and courage. I loved the

Dad scene. Please please continue with it. Looking forward to more.Author's

Response: Thanks so much, Louis! hehe. I want to add to your list

there--hope, yes. Love, definitely. Courage, absolutely. But also grief

and guilt, and learning how to cope with that. Thanks for the review.

Date: 09/22/2010 01:03 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 2 Reviewer: hh5

 

Sounds like an exciting summer for Scott. But the counting of

the weeks ... Summer be ending soon ... school be starting ... hehe Rune

go to school?

The counting of the weeks make me feel like the coming of a count

down ... before the years to jump ... makes me still wonder what Scott

going to decide one day

Surprise on a farm that Scott doesn't have chores. Gosh they are a

slow couple ... its obvious Scott wants Rune to sleep with him ... make u

wonder what the next chapter will bringAuthor's

Response: As for Scott and chores. In my head he has loads of chores

(like laying sawdust over the berry fields and such) but I don't want to

drag the story with too much unnecessary description. Hmmm, still, I do

want to maintain the element of realism so... I'll be more aware of

such details for future chapters, if I can fit it in so it flows. As

for them being a slow couple, well, Scott being 13 going on 14 and first

time having these feelings, I think (for him and considering his

personality) he is a bit unsure, confused, hesitating. But let's see in

the next chapters... Thanks so much for leaving a review. I love hearing

what readers think and how they respond to the characters and story.

Cheers. ---Anyta

Date: 09/22/2010 12:15 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 2 Reviewer: Wyndham

 

Do continue please. Just love the story.Author's Response: hehe, well, I've started on chapter three. And I had fun writing the scene I wrote today, so...

Date: 09/22/2010 11:44 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 2 Reviewer: Nephylim

 

They're so sweet. I love them, I love them. And I so want to know Rune's story.

Author's

Response: hehe, that's so nice, yay. The mystery of Rune's story will

come out a bit later I think (at least so far in my head). Thanks for

reading and leaving a comment.

Date: 09/22/2010 10:17 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Nephylim

 

It's absolutely not too slow. It's perfect. I am so in love with Rune and so sad for him tooAuthor's Response: Oh good. I was a bit anxious about that. Yeah, I'm sad for Rune as well. Thanks for the message.

Date: 09/22/2010 10:11 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Quonus10

 

Anyta,

That was way better than the snippet you left us with on the sneak

preview. I love this. SO originial and engaging. Looking forward to

learning more.Author's Response: Lol, I'm curious to how

it'll work out, and am curious to learn more about Scott and Rune. I

guess we'll see...

Date: 09/20/2010 06:59 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Wyndham

 

It's just perfect. I like the gentle pace and, it's so nice to read a story without spelling and grammatical errors.Thank youAuthor's

Response: Thanks for the review. That's quite a compliment. I hope to

get some time today to continue writing a bit on this. Cheers

Date: 09/20/2010 04:42 PM

 

Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: taina1959

 

Oh yeah! I'm glad you started posting this, what seems to be, the beginning of a great story! Thanks Anyta!!!

 

~Rush~Author's Response: Thank you, Rush. We'll see how it pans out. But for now, I'm tinkering on chapter two.

Date: 09/20/2010 04:28 PM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Jian Sierra

 

Wow I didn't know how much I missed reading your work until I've

read this. Thank you very much. I absolutely love it. I hope you decide

to continue :)Author's Response: Hehehe, thanks Jian. I'm

fiddling around with chapter two at the moment. And I guess we'll see...

Thanks for leaving a review.

Date: 09/20/2010 10:20 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: hh5

 

Good story ... pace is fine ... I hope it doesn't jump five

years ... the kids stuff is great ... I've read another story before and

I like the kid part and it jump four years later ... so I guess this

story will do the same. I like it to go thru the years ... because you

can see the characters grow together ... the jumping moves the story

pace and we have to get use to the oder characters and see how they

change.Author's Response: Thanks for your review, hh5.

Hmmm, the story will jump five years, but there's a good reason for it

(I don't want to give away too much here). But I WILL be following the

characters as their relationship develops together. I hope you'll

nethertheless read on and see if the jump works for you or not. Cheers

for your thoughts and review. I appreciate them.

Date: 09/20/2010 09:31 AM

 

 

 

 

Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: semaj565

 

Not too much description at all! I like it... I wish they were a

little older but that would completely change the story, so I

understand. Great work, though! You're becoming one of my favorites

around here :)Author's Response: Thanks for the review. As to

the age--This story is in two parts. The first two to three chapters is

set as kids (establishing issues and their friendship), but most of

this story plays in part two, which is set five years later, when Scott

is 18 and Rune is 20.

Thanks again, --Anyta

Date: 09/20/2010 07:40 AM

[tizysam]

Omg I just found this story and I cannot explain it's effects on me. It was just magical beautiful and soo .... WOW god ur good. I will write a better review for this story but right now typing on my phone is a pain. ... But I HAD to write something because it's just amazing I cannot believe I finished reading the whole story on my phone screen but I did. Which I would usually never do but that's how good this was. I imagined a movie of ur story playing while I read this fantastic piece of writing. So many emotions well captured ... Wow and keep it up

 

I'm off to read S&T now and I'm already getting a feeling It's going to be good the writing style is different in that compared to this which I thinks make you a very versatile writer. A very very good thing

 

Xoxoxox

 

Dinuka

Edited January 7, 2011 by tizysam

[AnytaSunday]

I can't say how nice it is to hear that, Tizysam. I was privileged to have such amazing, beautiful characters to work with--because they seemed to evolve on their own, really like magic.

 

Lol, I've never tried reading on a phone, though being portable must be handy! hehe, actually, I'm no good with such gadgets. I have a cell phone that I somehow switched the predictive text to French, and so now I can only ring ppl--not that I could txt well before that anyhow, lol.

 

Thank you for your kind words. I love to write and am always endeavouring to learn more of the written craft. So, yeah, I will keep it up!

[Andrew Q Gordon]

It was just magical beautiful and soo .... WOW god ur good.

 

 

I totally agree with this - it was a magical story and you are you are good - but you think I'm biased - glad someone else said it so all I have to do is say - Yeah, Me Too!!!

 

[Frostina]

I totally agree with this - it was a magical story and you are you are good - but you think I'm biased - glad someone else said it so all I have to do is say - Yeah, Me Too!!!

 

 

Me Three!!

[tizysam]

This story had the most magical effect on me... I can't even explain what it is, but it's very very powerful. I guess I really experienced the emotions the characters were going through. I had to stop at times and collect my thoughts from time to time, to let it take over my feelings. I really would love to know your inspiration for this story if there is one  To me it felt like a beautiful dream. A dream I really didn't want to wake upfrom. I actually had tears in my eyes sometimes I guess after all i kind of didnt want the story to end lol Which is rare you really touched my heart with your words in this story. The most amazing thig is how you took a very different angle on Runes magical ability of being invisible ( by the way I think ur title for this story is very catchy !!! and there is something raw and honest about ur writing that I absolutly love ) I mean Rune had the ability to become visible and invisible at will. I mean it could be a gift right ? Lol (maybe I'm thinking like this because I just finished reading " Hero " by Perry Moore a gay super hero novel, just before reading ur story). And it was not like he was a ghost. He was tactile and people could hear him and see him if he wanted them to see him. And also he had the ability to make things invisible for how ever long he wanted ( I mean it could be considered a gift right ??)

But I guess what I'm trying to get at is that you captured a very different emotion that was so powerful and turned it to a wonderful storyline. I guess there are many people in the world that are even thought not invisible, yet feel the same wAy as Rune felt. That no one can see u or hear u. U just seem to exist. And I guess I have felt that feeling before. But man you captured that so well. It was sad happy and beautiful at the same time I'm lucky to have stumbled on ur story : D xoxoxox

 

PS : I actually got a friend ( s student of mine while I was a don at university ) named Rune who was an amazing photographer. Just thought that was a nice surprise :

 

 

 

Dinuka ( Aka= tizysam)

Edited January 7, 2011 by tizysam

[AnytaSunday]

(SPOILER ALERTS IN THE FOLLOWING RESPONSE)

 

Thank you Dinuka,

 

Reading such wonderful reviews, knowing that the reader is affected in some way by the writing, that's big gratification.

 

This story had the most magical effect on me... I can't even explain what it is, but it's very very powerful. I guess I really experienced the emotions the characters were going through. I had to stop at times and collect my thoughts from time to time, to let it take over my feelings. I really would love to know your inspiration for this story if there is one

 

I'll start by saying that the characters are entirely made up, they resemble no one I've personally met. In fact, to a large extent they developed on their own. However, some of the emotions this story has are things I've experienced myself, as have others.

 

The beginning, the suicidal thoughts--When I was younger, in my teens, I knew someone who had a difficult time, and they tried to kill themselves on multiple occasions. Including a time when I was on the balcony with them. It's extremely frightening, and I always wondered why? So sometimes I explore possible answers to that.

 

The fourth chapter where Scott finds out his father died--the emotions Scott has is something similar I experienced when my best friend died just before going to high school. It's just we both had future plans, and school crushes, and we'd laugh and chat about it. It hurts when I think she never got those things. Never got that kiss witht the boy she liked, never got to go to that private high school... She was sick, I knew that, so her death wasn't 'sudden' as some might call it, but for a 12 year old it couldn't have been more sudden. It seemed like she'd recovered--we partied--she went into relapse--she died. My mom told me this, and I couldn't really grasp it. I couldn't cry, or anything, but I knew I should be.

That shock, that grief that emotion that Scott felt upon finding out his own father had died, that stems from that experience of emotion.

 

The mother in the second part of this story: The way she reacts, cut off from the real world, not really focused--sometimes I feel like that. When I was a teen I had about (what I think was about a year) where I felt I wasn't really attached to myself. I mean like I saw myself do things, heard myself, but I wasn't there. It's a hard one to explain, but I was also quite emotionally cut off, to this day, I have a very strong reaction to things that cause me grief. I tune it out, I block it out, it's sad, but I'd cry for a lady bug or a spider I killed, but I couldn't for my grandmother when she passed. It comes across as though I don't care. I want to, but sometimes I think I just can't have cared. Anyway, I know I have an issue, and I know that it has an effect on people, so when I wrote the mother a part of it was trying to see that 'blocking grief' part of myself from another angle.

 

Lol--that's a whole heap of personal stuff there. BUT, it's is the best explanation I can give as to why I really love this story, and to what gave me some ideas for it, and to thank you for reading.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[AnytaSunday]

Okay, I just had to leave a little something here. Right now I'm listening to Fleet Foxes--I can't say how many times I listened to this album while writing (In)visible.

 

hehe, just if you're interested.

 

In particular, though I love all the songs, this one is really beautiful:

 

 

Saw these guys live. Really great. (Usually I'm into more fast paced stuff, but this really grew on me. Love it. The lyrics in this song are quite moving.)

 

Ohhh, can't forget this, either: (the XX)

 

[Mark92]

Joined today and (in)visible first I read. After the first chapter, I turned off my tunes endlessly playing into my head apart from when i'm sleeping everything else was turned off too. I had to concentrate and focus on this amazing story. I felt for both of the main characters, I laughed, felt sad when they did felt deep when they did. Hours after reading it they are still in my head. Reading it again will be even deeper as i have the backround in my head now. This story made me FEEL, something else new to me. Thanks for filling my head with this awesome story.

[AnytaSunday]

Okay, so forgive my slip up there.

 

Thanks so very much for your kind words. I was scrolling down the forums page and then I say this and I was so excited to read what you read, just before I go crash. It made me really smile. Bit like this: 'cept maybe cheesier. hehe.

 

'kay Cheers again!