[Dark] The One I Want

[Dark]

So, I figure I ought to make one of these for my multi-chapter story. You can find it here: The One I Want

 

This story revolves around two main characters: Ben and Rick

 

Ben -- blonde, blue eyes, about 5 ft 10 in, works at an internet dating site called Two Pair, double-major in Computer Science and Psychology, approx 36 years old, lives in El Segundo, works in Hawthorne

 

Rick -- brown hair, brown eyes, military haircut, about 6 ft, built like a brick (plays rugby), working on his doctorate in English at USC, rugby nickname is "Skipper," from Raleigh, North Carolina, family owns/runs a farming conglomerate

 

This story is completely finished, just needs some editing. If you are a member of yGallery, you may have seen/read it there, where I posted each chapter as it was completed about 1.5-2 years ago. I started out writing this fic as a gift for a friend of mine who was going through some tough times. Ever since, it just took on a life of its own. XP Now I've decided to stop putting off my intention to re-write the thing as one complete story, and so you'll find it here, with the pieces revised to get rid of any continuity issues and flow better.

 

Other Characters (in order of appearance, hopefully):

 

Angie -- the security gate attendant at Ben's apartment complex, one of his internet customers

 

Gran -- Ben's grandmother, raised him and his half-sister, works as a chef in a restaurant in Hollywood

 

Genny -- Ben's half-sister, lives and works in Huntington Beach (CA)

 

Jazz - Rick's best friend and a one of his rugby teammates

 

Doug & Shelly -- Ben's best friends, a married couple who also works at Two Pair, Ben's former housemates

 

Will -- Ben's most recent ex, works as an exotic dancer in Las Vegas

 

Riley -- sixty-ish, works at Two Pair with Ben, Doug, and Shelly

 

Pickles -- nickname for one of Rick's rugby teammates (I never gave him an actual name)

 

James -- the love of Ben's life, deceased

 

Hunter, Paresh, Tan, and Lisa -- some of Ben's friends

 

Jack & Roger -- a gay couple who met through Two Pair and attend counseling sessions with Ben

 

 

And I think that's the majority of the Major/Minor characters we'll be meeting at some point (or multiple points) throughout the story. Feel free to ask questions and/or discuss the story here in this thread. That's what it's for!

 

[zianasue]

all i can say is i want more.. i just finished chapter 5 of "the one i want" and i want to know what happens next behind Ben going/being in the hospital that part just common sense reading between the lines. but after and during the hospital stay what is up with this Will character? will Rick kill him? will Will go to jail? will Will be killed by someone who is not Rick?/ i want answers!! is this the point where rick realizes he is in love with Ben?? does Ben feel the same? don't leave me in suspense forever!!! i must know what happens!! hows the story end....?? is it happy, sad??

[Dark]

all i can say is i want more.. i just finished chapter 5 of "the one i want" and i want to know what happens next behind Ben going/being in the hospital that part just common sense reading between the lines. but after and during the hospital stay what is up with this Will character? will Rick kill him? will Will go to jail? will Will be killed by someone who is not Rick?/ i want answers!! is this the point where rick realizes he is in love with Ben?? does Ben feel the same? don't leave me in suspense forever!!! i must know what happens!! hows the story end....?? is it happy, sad??

 

Alas, I cannot give away all the answers! But, I will say that we shall see Will again. Is Rick really in love? Does Ben feel the same? Well, only time will tell.

 

I would like to post a little about a song. Back in 2008 when I originally created this story, I also randomly re-discovered a disc that a friend of mine had given me (I was moving). It's a song by Straylight Run (I love them!). You'll have to guess who I picture singing, but I'm sure it'll be easy to figure out!

 

Here it is:

 

"The Tension And The Terror"

 

All the boys voices cracking,

Oh, the moaning half tones,

Come summer time,

We're all the same age here,

All the tension and the terror,

Thin limbed gorgeous green [blue*] eyes smiling,

And I'm going straight to hell,

All the possibility and promise just,

Weighs on me so heavily,

 

And I try but I'm not convincing,

Your lips they pout and twist and,

I die trying just to keep myself from kissing you,

You take in everything with a certainty I envy

It's somehow all I need just keep me guessing please,

 

Oh darling all of these awkward jump-start-stalling conversations,

Mean much more to me than anything,

So it comes down to me and you and,

Whether were supposed to or not we still will,

We're so much better off than them,

All the possibility and promise just,

Weighs on me so heavily,

 

And I try but I'm not convincing,

Your lips they pout and twist and,

I die trying just to keep myself from kissing you,

You take in everything with a certainty I envy

It's somehow all I need just keep me guessing please!

 

A look,

A laugh,

A smile,

A second,

Passes by and I regret it,

Words just aren't right,

Sometimes I just can't explain,

All the ways you devastate me,

Always on my mind,

 

I try but I'm not convincing,

Your lips they pout and twist and,

I die trying just to keep myself from kissing you,

You take in everything with a certainty I envy

It's somehow all I need just keep me guessing,

 

I try but I'm not convincing,

Your lips they pout and twist and,

I die trying just to keep myself from kissing you,

You take in everything with a certainty I envy

It's somehow all I need just keep me guessing please.

[Dark]

Added a couple poll questions to see what you think...

 

Although we've not seen him much, one of the characters I've always identified with in this story is Hunter. I also really love Gran. I never knew most of my extended family; heck, I'm not even close to my immediate family. Still, a person can dream. Like Ben, I've sort of adopted a handful of people here and there to be my family and, like Rick, the loss of my military family was harder than I thought it would be. I know I made the right decision, but sometimes I can't help but wonder.

 

As far as chapters go, I'd have to say the end of chapter 5 - beginning of chapter 6 is my favorite, probably because that's what I wrote first after "Dinner with Gran." Originally, this one story was broken up into several complete stories as a mini-series. "The One I Want" was the title for the handful of chapters revolving around Ben in the hospital, and it won a little online story contest. Now I'm really digging the whole multi-chapter thing and seeing it all laid out together! There are some rough spots ahead, but that's why I always had it in mind to go back and fix. I am anticipating the final product and hope you will be as happy with it as I imagine I will be.

 

I'll be gone for a little while with school stuff, and then I'll be visiting my parents over Thanksgiving, so I'll probably be popping on and off here and there. Not sure when I'll be able to get some more editing and writing done for you, but I shall do my best not to draw it out too long.

 

Til Then!

 

Dark

[Dark]

As I'm going back and reading/revising/editing/etc, I've come to the general conclusion that over time I've stopped censoring Rick quite as much as I did in the beginning. What do you guys think? Do you like it? Or should I go back and edit some of his dialogue more?

 

Granted, I don't think Rick will ever have Ben's potty mouth, but I can't decide if Ben has just rubbed off on him a little bit or if I'm just getting lazy as an author.

[Ozymandias]

I thought this was a very good story but I must confess that I just wanted to whack Ben on the back of his head sometimes (like Gibbs does to Tony on NCIS). I sympathized with him but I got tired of his running away rather than getting help to deal with his problems. Yes, I know he didn't exactly have great experiences with that before but now he has Rick to support him though it.

 

I hope there are more stories coming!

[Nephylim]

I have to admit that I agree a little bit with Ozymandias. I love Ben to bits and in the beginning he was just about perfect but after the assault he got really whiny and I'm not enamoured with that. I'm not saying that it wasn't great writing because it was it's just a taste thing. I really did feel like slapping Ben sometimes.

 

That being said I loved Ben to bits and as for Rick... god I would love to have him on my side in anything life can throw at me... awesome dude.

 

I like Hunter too.

[Dark]

haha. Rick's a little like superman. Or that knight on a white charger that Ben makes fun of at some point. He's designed that way, to be a "good 'ol boy." During character creation I kept asking him why he puts up with it and he just shrugs, like he doesn't think it's a big deal. He's annoying that way. I've only met one person like him in the whole world. *sigh*

 

Ben ... Yeah, I want to smack him around sometimes, too. He's got some scars. He grew up too fast, caring for his sister, watching out for his mother, and has never really learned to trust. He's good at lying to himself, though. His mantra has always been "if I ignore it, the problem will just go away." Kind of a soldier on through it deal, at least for his own life. Picking out other people's problems is so much easier, isn't it?

 

I don't think I did it very well the first time round, but the idea is that in the end Ben learns how to stand up and face his problems (and be less whiny), and that is the moral of the tale, if there was one. lol

 

I am re-writing the next few chapters and there's much being tweaked and moved around. I'm even writing some new stuff to cover the gaps between the mini-stories that were "Dance with Me" and the end, so what with the chaos that my life turned into the last week I don't know if I'll get the next chapter up before I leave. But I will try.

 

Thanks for chatting and come back soon!

[Nephylim]

Ummm.... What do you mean 'leave' ?

[Dark]

Oh. lol, sorry. Not leave-leave, I wouldn't leave you hanging like that ... I'm leaving my current home to visit my parents for Thanksgiving. I'll be gone for a whole week.

 

My parents bought a fixer-uper on the side of a mountain somewhere. I'm the only one of us kids who hasn't been there yet, and they've been on my case for years (since my last visit) to come see them. I don't know much about the place except that all my sibs complained of the constant wind and lack of good satellite reception. I'm not sure if they have internet. I'm going to go through withdrawal!

 

[Nephylim]

Cool. Sounds awesome. One of my favouite places anywhere is my friend's parents home which is far far away. They have a ladder to get up the stairs, their own generator that supplies electricity, a wood burning fire and a well for water. Ohhhhhhhh

[zianasue]

i am actually kind of sad at the moment. i felt like the story ended at chapter 10. i lost almost all interest by the time chapter 11 came.

[Dark]

i am actually kind of sad at the moment. i felt like the story ended at chapter 10. i lost almost all interest by the time chapter 11 came.

 

So you think that it ended at the end of Chapter 9 or the end of Chapter 10?

[bbbbbbbddddd]

Haha I must be some sort of sadist! I think the story just keeps getting better and better! I check like twice a day to see if you've posted something new, your story is definitely a favorite of mine!

[Dark]

Haha I must be some sort of sadist! I think the story just keeps getting better and better! I check like twice a day to see if you've posted something new, your story is definitely a favorite of mine!

 

Lucky you!

 

A bonus today: two chapters! I'm suffering internet withdrawal ... lol.

[Anya]

Hey Dark

 

I started on your story and I'm really liking it! How many more chapters are there gonna be?

[Dark]

Hey Dark

 

I started on your story and I'm really liking it! How many more chapters are there gonna be?

 

Hi, there! Glad you like it. I estimate 21 chapters in all. It's an estimate because chapter 21 isn't written yet. lol. I might be able to wrap things up in 20, but it might also take 22, but we're almost done.

 

[Anya]

Okay...well I'm very excited for the next chapters...I really love Rick and Ben together ...sad it'll end so soon lol.

 

Have you got other stories planned?

[Dark]

Okay...well I'm very excited for the next chapters...I really love Rick and Ben together ...sad it'll end so soon lol.

I'm thinking it'll definitely be 21 chapters total. I may be biased, but I love them as a couple, too.

 

Have you got other stories planned?

 

The answer to this is yes and no. I have a story I that's mostly complete that badly needs a beta reader. I have one on the hook, so it'll depend on if I can reel him in. I have tons of ideas, of course, but nothing is currently screaming for me to write. Unfortunately, that's probably due to the brain drain at the moment. I just finished another 30 page paper for my college and another one is due next week. le sigh. On the bright side it's almost over.

[Anya]

I'm thinking it'll definitely be 21 chapters total. I may be biased, but I love them as a couple, too.

 

 

 

The answer to this is yes and no. I have a story I that's mostly complete that badly needs a beta reader. I have one on the hook, so it'll depend on if I can reel him in. I have tons of ideas, of course, but nothing is currently screaming for me to write. Unfortunately, that's probably due to the brain drain at the moment. I just finished another 30 page paper for my college and another one is due next week. le sigh. On the bright side it's almost over.

 

Hehe well why shouldn't you love them..they're your creation after all

 

That's great! Well if you can't reel the other beta reader in maybe I can help lol

 

Oh my 30 pages! What are you studying? Well I'm sure once it's over the stories will be screamingat you to be written again

[Dark]

Hehe well why shouldn't you love them..they're your creation after all

 

That's great! Well if you can't reel the other beta reader in maybe I can help lol

 

Oh my 30 pages! What are you studying? Well I'm sure once it's over the stories will be screamingat you to be written again

 

Thanks for the offer.

 

I have already received my bachelor's degree. Right now I'm in a program to receive my teaching credential. What that means is I am paying college tuition and going to school at night (that's what the papers are for) and then also working full time (not paid) as a student teacher. You might call it on the job training. The college part is over in 2 weeks, but I'll continue teaching until Feb 1st.

 

California is all about improving education, but what it really comes down to is making it nigh near impossible to become a teacher.

[Anya]

Thanks for the offer.

 

I have already received my bachelor's degree. Right now I'm in a program to receive my teaching credential. What that means is I am paying college tuition and going to school at night (that's what the papers are for) and then also working full time (not paid) as a student teacher. You might call it on the job training. The college part is over in 2 weeks, but I'll continue teaching until Feb 1st.

 

California is all about improving education, but what it really comes down to is making it nigh near impossible to become a teacher.

 

 

So you're working full time as a teacher but you're not getting paid?? So you're training till February then? And will you be a real teacher after that?

 

Aww...well I hope it works our for ya

[Dark]

 

So you're working full time as a teacher but you're not getting paid?? So you're training till February then? And will you be a real teacher after that?

 

Aww...well I hope it works our for ya

 

 

That about sums it up! I really love it, though. I can feel that this is what I was meant to do. I just wish I was getting paid!

[Anya]

That about sums it up! I really love it, though. I can feel that this is what I was meant to do. I just wish I was getting paid!

 

 

But you'll get paid once you're a real teacher right?

Well if it's really what you want to do and it makes you happy....

Edited December 2, 2010 by Anya

[Dark]

Per instructions, pasting in the old reviews (page 1)

 

Reviews For The One I Want

Title: Chapter 1: Dinner with Gran Reviewer: adamo

Do you think you will post soon? Maybe? Hopefully?

Date: 12/09/2010 12:58 PM

 

Title: Chapter 1: Dinner with Gran Reviewer: adamo

Wow. Only one chapter left! I can' believe its almost over... its been such an amazing journey, it will be so sad to see it end... BUT I sense a happy ending which already makes me feel good.

Date: 12/05/2010 06:01 PM

 

Title: Chapter 19: Lost & Found Reviewer: Nephylim

You're right about that. Oh come ON. Hasn't Ben gone through enough yet. Even I don't torture my characters for this long. On the other hand I can't say that I'm not enoying it

Date: 12/05/2010 04:29 PM

 

Title: Chapter 20: To Have and to Hold Reviewer: Nephylim

I like Grant

Date: 12/05/2010 04:06 PM

 

Title: Chapter 19: Lost & Found Reviewer: adamo

Poor Ben. I I hope that all his suffering is through and from here on out it will all be healing for him.Truly amazing chapter in a truly amazing story. I hope you get chapter 20 up soon!

Date: 12/04/2010 03:19 PM

 

Title: Chapter 19: Lost & Found Reviewer: Nanmander

I have been following your story for a while now and I just realized I never reviewed it before now. I feel ashamed. This is such a good story and I love it to death. I adore how Rick adores Ben, and the whole thing is well-written and well-paced. The characters came to life, and I feel like I know Ben like an actual person. I really, really like the plot and storyline, and I'm sad that it will be ending soon. You're a great writer.

 

Author's Response: Thanks for the compliments! They are wonderful, and I'm stoked that you're enjoying the story so much.

Date: 12/02/2010 01:33 PM

 

Title: Chapter 1: Dinner with Gran Reviewer: adamo

Oh and what chapters did you revise?

 

Author's Response:

Chapters 17-20 have been revised from what I originally wrote andposted elsewhere. I didn't really like how they came out. I believe there will be 21 in all, though I still need to write the final chapter and I'm not sure if I'll need one or two chapters to actually get everything in, or if I can successfully finish the story through the revisions to chapters 19-20. We'll just have to see.

Date: 11/28/2010 06:12 PM

 

Title: Chapter 1: Dinner with Gran Reviewer: adamo

JESUS! You better post the next chapter soon :)Amazing two chapters. You are doing an amazing job portraying what Ben is going through. I can't wait Rick's reaction to Ben's realization. Post soon, please, please, please

 

Author's Response: Thank you.

Date: 11/28/2010 06:12 PM

 

Title: Chapter 18: Jumping at Shadows Reviewer: Nephylim

Ohhhhh SHIT. Come on , don't keep us dangling. Oh shit... come on tell us what's going on. I just know Will is torturing Ben and I want to know how. I want to know how Rick will find them and what he does to Will when he does. Ooooohhhh I hope that he chains him up and whips him.. he derves it after all

 

Author's Response:

whips and chains? wouldn't want to do anything he likes .... You sure you want to know the rest? I dunno ... just teasing! I'll have the next chapter up as soon as I can.

Date: 11/28/2010 07:47 AM

 

Title: Chapter 17: Ring Ring Reviewer: Nephylim

Swings and roundabouts. Up and down. I love the way you keep us guessing. Sweet chapterAuthor's Response: Ha! you haven't guessed yet. lol. But, I toned back the worst of the ups and downs.

Date: 11/28/2010 07:43 AM

 

Title: Chapter 16: Handcuffs Reviewer: Nephylim

Ooohhhhhh. Yes yes yes. There were handcuffs and glow in the dark condoms...YES and I want to go to that shop AT LAST Ben is letting down his hair and having fun. Who would have thought

 

Author's Response: It's a real shop, even. XD This is one of my favorite chapters. I think this is the point in time that Ben has started to fall in love, because he's finally started to let Rick in.

Date: 11/28/2010 07:40 AM

 

Title: Chapter 15: Dance with Me Reviewer: Nephylim

Oh god that was so sweet. I wish I could have seen Ben all dressed up. How sexy I loved every single thing about that chapter. Every single thing

 

Author's Response: Yay! Thank you.

Date: 11/28/2010 07:22 AM

 

Title: Chapter 14: The Letter Reviewer: Nephylim

Your writing is so powerful. That was probably my favourite chapter, except that all the chapters are my favourite It is starting to explain a lot. It's strange how the past gets distorted. We build people up to be angels or demons when all they were or are is...people. I realy hope Rick somes back soon

 

Author's Response:

Yes, we tend to only remember what we want to remember, and the past turns a rosy color. I've thought about writing James' story, but I dislike tragedies. James has had such an influence on Ben's life and now he's realizing how stupid that was, to hang onto the past.

Date: 11/28/2010 07:06 AM

 

Title: Chapter 13: Goodbye Reviewer: Nephylim

Wow curiouser and curiouser. I really hope that when Rick finds out what's going on he can fix it. I wonder if this will make or break Ben. Hmmm

 

Author's Response: You've already got the answer now, but ... some of both, I think.

Date: 11/28/2010 06:49 AM

 

Title: Chapter 12: Doors Reviewer: Nephylim

Doug is such a twat but he did redeem himself. Poor Ben. Hopefully he's going to realise soon that he needs help and then gets it.

 

Author's Response: Doug is jealous, and worried that the past is being repeated. But, yes, he can be a twat. lol. Ben has a ways to go yet.

Date: 11/28/2010 06:13 AM

 

Title: Chapter 11: Knowing is Half the Battle Reviewer: Nephylim

Oh wow, that is a heavy chapter. Poor Ben, Poor Rick. I can't imagine how hard it is to see someone you love go through something like that. I think that if I had the choie I would almost prefer to be Ben that Rick

 

Author's Response: It's hard from both sides, but I think I agree with you. It's much harder to watch than to live, because you don't realize how hard it is when you're living

through it, only when you look back. Sort of like looking back on your life and thinking "I was happy then..."

Date: 11/28/2010 06:05 AM

 

Title: Chapter 1: Dinner with Gran Reviewer: adamo

It was a tough choice between Ben and Rick. They are both such amazing characters.

Date: 11/15/2010 11:53 PM

 

Title: Chapter 1: Dinner with Gran Reviewer: adamo

Do you think you will be posting the next chapter soon?

 

Title: Chapter 16: Handcuffs Reviewer: jevans

Haha we both voted chapter 6 as our favorite in the poll! What do you think that says about us? lolAuthor's Response: guess it depends on which part of that chapter you like best ... whether you're a sadist or masochist.

Date: 11/14/2010 02:12 AM