Are you out of the closet or not?

[colinian]

When I was a freshman I was in the Unity Program and was one of the trained volunteer counselors for guys who were gay, bi, questioning, or confused. We saw all kinds of guys, those who were tightly closeted, those who were fearful of being found out, those who were out to everyone, those who were activists, those who were emo or fem or jock or whatever label that people put on them or that they put on themselves. Most guys that we saw just wanted to talk about being gay, or wanted to know how to tell their dorm roommate, or wanted to know how to tell their parents, or wanted to know how to find other gay guys, or wanted to find out about 'gaydar', or wanted to know how to resolve a conflict between their religion and being gay, or whether to tell their employer they were gay, or how to handle an actual, perceived, or assumed homophobic roommate or RA or instructor or someone else, or how to find gay-friendly venues of all kinds on or near the campus. We never told them what to do; we provided advice and references so they could make up their own minds about what to do to handle their real or perceived problem. We provided them with lists of on- and off-campus support groups and organizations, lists of websites, lists of books, lists of counselors, places to get free HIV testing, lists of other kinds of resources, and so on.

 

The thing that I found interesting, especially since I'd just come from high school, was how normal these guys seemed. Tn most cases if I'd seen them passing me on campus I would never have guessed they were gay. They were like everyone else on campus. Even the emo and fem looking guys, because some of them I counseled were straight and wanted to learn how to convince others that they weren't gay. I learned to not be judgmental when I met a guy, regardless of how he might appear, and that was a very valuable lesson.

 

Colin

[One Cheap Suit]

Ok fine, then I guess according to your definition I'm a f**king homophobe who hates on fem boys and actively seeks to make their life miserable. I admit in the past I was somewhat homophobic because from what I knew you were looked down upon if you were gay, and I did not want to be looked down upon. I only recently came to terms with it, and I've accepted it. I know I'm not a homophobe. Looking with a precarious eye on people who perpetuate a negative stereotype and make things harder is perfectly reasonable. I don't go out seeking to make people like this miserable. I ignore them best as I can, but sometimes you always can't because they drag you down. I know I'm not a homophobe and I really could give a flying f**k if you people think I am.

 

No, what I said was exactly what I meant: You may not see yourself as a homophobe, but you are expressing a homophobic point of view, whether you mean to or not.

 

That's all.

[TalonRider]

It's time to get this topic back to the original topic:

 

Hey. I was wondering who was out of the closet and who wasn't. So please let me know if you are and if your not and share with us why you are or aren't..

 

 

 

 

Im not out of the closet. Im still locked in tightly. There have been some close calls believe me its hard to hide from your friends and family. I cant come out, my family will not accept it and neither will my friends. I do get accused of being gay sometimes but i usually try to hide it by then touching a girls breasts or something like that. . .

[Welshdude]

I'm not out and I honestly don't see me coming out anytime soon. Though I would love to be honest and open with people I don't think I'd be able to deal with any negative comments people will have. I think my best friend would be ok about it, so if I happened to push myself into telling someone it'll be him:)

[WatchPatRun]

I never really had to come out of the closet, to be quite honest. When I was in Highschool I ran track and cross country all four years. Of course no one knew that I was gay up until my junior year, however it was mostly speculation within my small close circle of friends. They started doing some investigative work into my very personal life and kind of figured it out. When they asked me if I was gay, I didn't really deny it, although I was extremely defensive at first. After I let the sting of my wounds disappear, everything was totally normal.

 

The summer before my senior year started I started dating my first boyfriend, which lasted until the final months of the school year. We both decided that we wouldn't hide that we were together or dating but we wouldn't start screaming it down the halls either. If people asked, we would tell them the truth. Everyone was really cool about it - the football team even came up to me one day when I was walking in from track practice and told me they supported us. It was the strangest thing.

 

I was never really deemed as a flamboyant gay so I think that helped a lot. The only people who seemed upset over finding out that I was gay were my parents. My mother cried and my dad looked kind of ghostly. Neither one of them admitted to being upset but I come from a family that wears their emotions on their face and it was kind of easy to tell, especially with my mom.

 

One of the hardest parts about accepting the fact that I was gay to myself, was seeing all of the overly flamboyant gay boys in school. It was hard to categorize myself with someone like that because at the time - I had nothing in common with them and they were picked on all the time by everyone BECAUSE of the fact that they displayed themselves in a manner that was uncommon. Which is why I understand where Tet was coming from when he initially made his first reply but I think some of us took it out of context. Accepting yourself takes more time for some people and I think that when you aren't completely out of the closet, it's a little bit different than being in. Not saying that's true for everyone but I just think that everyone should sit, listen and be enlightened rather than jumping the gun. There's nothing to gain from that and after all, we are all on the same boat, aren't we?

[Tipdin]

I'm not out and I honestly don't see me coming out anytime soon. Though I would love to be honest and open with people I don't think I'd be able to deal with any negative comments people will have. I think my best friend would be ok about it, so if I happened to push myself into telling someone it'll be him:)

 

Every place is different when it comes to how people will react. I was lucky, Minnesota is quite accepting of gay people and my family was super-supportive. But I know nothing about Wales. What is the attitude among citizens? Usually, even in very restrictive areas there is a spot of two where it is safe or where you can relax a bit. (Unless you're in Mississippi or Alabama - those states are simply not from this planet....)

[Welshdude]

<br />Every place is different when it comes to how people will react.  I was lucky, Minnesota is quite accepting of gay people and my family was super-supportive.  But I know nothing about Wales. What is the attitude among citizens?  Usually, even in very restrictive areas there is a spot of two where it is safe or where you can relax a bit.  (Unless you're in Mississippi or Alabama - those states are simply not from this planet....)<br />

Wales/UK is accepting on many levels. Just like a few of the states in the US there's discrimination and eqaulity laws and a lot of people are 'cool'. But a lot of people still tend to be ignorant of the times and just 'don't understand., Thats everywhere I guess though:) .

[myself_i_must_remake]

He simply said thats not what he wanted to be percieved as, it never came across that he thought he was better or more masculine.

 

The thing is, it did come across that way. "pussy fem-boy" were his words. He could've defined himself as masculine without negative reference to others, but no, he had to define himself as masculine as opposed to what he called a "negative stereotype" which he claimed made it harder for other gays. I want him to see that it's that kind of thinking that makes things hard for us. I don't care if it's off-topic. It was insensitive.

[Prince Duchess]

The thing is, it did come across that way. "pussy fem-boy" were his words. He could've defined himself as masculine without negative reference to others, but no, he had to define himself as masculine as opposed to what he called a "negative stereotype" which he claimed made it harder for other gays. I want him to see that it's that kind of thinking that makes things hard for us. I don't care if it's off-topic. It was insensitive.

 

No it wasnt insensitive. Nothing was insensitive about it, only thing that would make someone think that was insensitive are the ones that have insecurity issues. Because he didnt direct that pussy fem boy at anyone. It was at himself and how thats not what he wanted to be percieved as because thats not who he is. I see no problem with that.

[myself_i_must_remake]

It's not for you to say who is the type of person to take offense. He insulted an entire group of people, but whatever that's cool, let him get away with it. You didn't even address the quote. You just essentially said, "NOPE YOU'RE WRONG," without justifying all the negative language he used when DESCRIBING OTHERS.

[TetRefine]

It's not for you to say who is the type of person to take offense. He insulted an entire group of people, but whatever that's cool, let him get away with it. You didn't even address the quote. You just essentially said, "NOPE YOU'RE WRONG," without justifying all the negative language he used when DESCRIBING OTHERS.

 

If you don't like it then just ignore it or grow thicker skin. I have things said to me all the time and I just ignore them. I don't go around asking for an apology from anyone.

[Prince Duchess]

It's not for you to say who is the type of person to take offense. He insulted an entire group of people, but whatever that's cool, let him get away with it. You didn't even address the quote. You just essentially said, "NOPE YOU'RE WRONG," without justifying all the negative language he used when DESCRIBING OTHERS.

 

Ok well if thats the case, then you dont have the right to verbally attack somebody just because you dont like what they said. Or because you feel like they insulted someone. They didnt insult you personally, neither did he come for you. Which is where I have to say that most people that are insecure about there masculinity would take offense. Its like if I said, I dont like bitches. Every woman on GA could take offense but I didnt call any of them out personally.

 

 

So I guess ou can say I really just dont understand why you took such serious offense to this, because even as a gay myself. In my small circle of friends we call each other stupid faggots all the time. But, Mat clearly just stated his opinion not coming for or knocking anyone. But you felt so strongly to ruin the thread just to attack him. I dont get it. I really dont especially since you claim your not insecure. Thats what its looking like to me.

 

 

[PrivateTim]

So you're gay, but a better class of gay? Well good on you.

 

Do you need to please straights that much that you are prepared to marginalize the "pussy faggot" for your benefit?

 

It strikes me that your concept of what is masculine is nothing but a stereotype.

 

Please let go of the belief (that straights would have us believe) that sexual orientation and masculinity are interwoven. They're not.

 

This isn't the Soapbox.

 

It isn't a debate.

 

It is for people to share their story and feelings, you are way off base with this.

[TalonRider]

This isn't the Soapbox.

 

It isn't a debate.

 

It is for people to share their story and feelings, you are way off base with this.

Thanks Tim.

 

For the benefit of the newer members, when an Admin or Mod makes a post in RED font, it is a warning to get the topic back on track. Since my warning has been ignored, this topic will be closed for Moderator review.