How do you feel about marriage?

[Cyhort]

I don't necessarily mean gay marriage, just the whole concept of marriage at all. Is it pointless and outdated? The logical "final step" in a committed relationship? The ultimate expression of love? Personally the idea of marriage kinda makes me cringe. Not that I have anything against lifetime commitments but marriage just seems too businesslike these days. Like once you get to be a certain age or you're with someone for a certain amount of time there's this pressure to get married and it's like you're doing something wrong if you don't. I dunno, those are just my thoughts. How do you guys feel about it?

[bel08]

Well I love the idea of getting married. I did the whole marriage thing about two weeks ago with my partner of two years. I think that it can be a wonderful experience, but you have to ask yourself is it right for you before you jump in with both feet.

Personally I didn't see the need to get married but it meant so much to my partner that I agreed.

Marriage shouldn't be business like, it should be an emotional and heart felt thing. It's about love and wanting to announce that love to the rest of the world.

[JamesSavik]

Sounds like a shitty thing to do to someone you love.

[Ara]

Personally I look upon marriage as a religious ceremony. I see it as 2 people standing before their god to confirm their commitment to eachother

 

Note I said their god, As I have zero interest in religion or many of the ceremonies attached to religion I have no interest in parrticipating in a marriage myself. I have been with my other half now for comin on 6 years, I dont need a church a priest a minister or a piece of paper to cement that relationship in my eyes and I couldnt care less about the legal/social benefits a marriage provides. I see it as an important part of peoples faith, or social structure and I understand people who want to marry its just not for me

[West Coast Dude]

I don't necessarily mean gay marriage, just the whole concept of marriage at all. Is it pointless and outdated? The logical "final step" in a committed relationship? The ultimate expression of love? Personally the idea of marriage kinda makes me cringe. Not that I have anything against lifetime commitments but marriage just seems too businesslike these days. Like once you get to be a certain age or you're with someone for a certain amount of time there's this pressure to get married and it's like you're doing something wrong if you don't. I dunno, those are just my thoughts. How do you guys feel about it?

 

For many many years, I didn't believe in the actual ceremony and legal process of getting married. I'm gay, and I honestly thought I'd just live with the same guy for a long time. I didn't believe in gay marriage itself and thought it ruined the sanctity of marriage. Over time it's changed, I want a ceremony of commitment, because both of us would be taking vows, making a convenant that we will be loyal and their for each other through everything you know...and Im not a big fan of non married couples havin kids, since I want lil munckins Ill defs want to get married, hopfully where ever my future husband is hell feel the same way. thanks for bring it up cy, great topic

 

Well I love the idea of getting married. I did the whole marriage thing about two weeks ago with my partner of two years. I think that it can be a wonderful experience, but you have to ask yourself is it right for you before you jump in with both feet.

Personally I didn't see the need to get married but it meant so much to my partner that I agreed.

Marriage shouldn't be business like, it should be an emotional and heart felt thing. It's about love and wanting to announce that love to the rest of the world.

 

Congrats to you and him? Or is it a her?

[TetRefine]

Marriage is more of a religious thing to me. Since the Catholic Church won't marry me, I guess I'd have to have a secular wedding ceremony. You don't need to be married to prove to someone your committed to them.

[Yuki Winchestor]

Regardless of orientation, when someone has had an awesome relationship for years, somehow you feel like deepening the commitment you already have through the ceremony of marriage. Ceremonies do have some meaning in terms of giving a sense of seriousness about finally tying the knot with someone. My bf thinks marriage is a stupid legal thing and its just a way out for the insecure. I dont agree. Things change after marriage. You may be nearly sharing just about everything, including finances during a live-in but admit it, it just doesnt give you the same feeling when you share eachother's surnames, introduce eachother as spouses. you feel like 'yes, he/she is the only one for and i am not afraid to let the world know we belong..which means that xyz cant go around sleeping or making out with others!" plus, once i get married, no worries about wrong time pregnancies! So marriage is good!

[West Coast Dude]

Marriage is more of a religious thing to me. Since the Catholic Church won't marry me, I guess I'd have to have a secular wedding ceremony. You don't need to be married to prove to someone your committed to them.

 

But you said you were not 100% sure you were gay, cause you want a son? And you never know the Unitarian church allows marriage, catholics might start marrying gays too..

[Bumblebee]

Personally I look upon marriage as a religious ceremony. I see it as 2 people standing before their god to confirm their commitment to eachother

 

Note I said their god, As I have zero interest in religion or many of the ceremonies attached to religion I have no interest in parrticipating in a marriage myself. I have been with my other half now for comin on 6 years, I dont need a church a priest a minister or a piece of paper to cement that relationship in my eyes and I couldnt care less about the legal/social benefits a marriage provides. I see it as an important part of peoples faith, or social structure and I understand people who want to marry its just not for me

 

 

I agree with you.... except that if I find a girl who wants to spend the rest of our lives together, then I would love to get married, except I wouldn't want it to be anyway religious

[bel08]

For many many years, I didn't believe in the actual ceremony and legal process of getting married. I'm gay, and I honestly thought I'd just live with the same guy for a long time. I didn't believe in gay marriage itself and thought it ruined the sanctity of marriage. Over time it's changed, I want a ceremony of commitment, because both of us would be taking vows, making a convenant that we will be loyal and their for each other through everything you know...and Im not a big fan of non married couples havin kids, since I want lil munckins Ill defs want to get married, hopfully where ever my future husband is hell feel the same way. thanks for bring it up cy, great topic

 

 

 

Congrats to you and him? Or is it a her?

 

aw thanks, yeah a him.

[Tipdin]

The question is, how do I feel about marriage.

 

Did you really mean, what do I think?

 

I wish Americans were more clear on this whole subject of marriage and weddings and rights.

 

First: marriage is a legal term. A contract between two people.

Second: wedding is a religious term. A ceremony joining a man and a women as one within their religion.

 

I think the two aught to be separate. I like the idea of separation between church and state. If two people want legal rights afforded by a legal marriage, then two men, two women, or a man and a women should be able to enter into that contract. Just like buying a car or a piece of land - it's a matter of paperwork.

 

I think if two people want to have a religious ceremony to symbolically mark their union, then they should be free to do so anywhere that is willing to allow them to do so.

 

If this or that church won't do it, you don't even need a church for a religious ceremony, you just need the people!

Edited March 24, 2011 by Tipdin

[TetRefine]

But you said you were not 100% sure you were gay, cause you want a son? And you never know the Unitarian church allows marriage, catholics might start marrying gays too..

 

I don't consider myself 100% gay no, but I just can't see myself in a relationship with a woman. I want a son yes, but I don't have to be straight to get one. I could do artificial insemination with a surrogate, or if that fails I could adopt. The Unitarian Universalist Church is a very hippy liberal type of church, so I wouldn't compare them to the much more conservative, traditionalist Catholic Church. I doubt I will live to see the day the Roman Catholic Church starts marrying same-sex couples.

[comicfan]

I think it all comes down to the people involved. I don't care if it is straight or gay. Marriage isn't for everyone. I think you need to be really content with who you are and be willing to honestly share your day to day life with your partner. Forcing it, rushing it, and not being honest with yourself or your partner has lead to a massive rise in divorce. I don't think marriage will fade, what will alter is the idea of family and how we handle situations. Some people might be happy going from relationship to relationship and never commit to just one person. Others will want to find and spend their life with that person and make it a marriage. I am all in favor of it if the people involved realize the commitment they are making. All in all ,a scary question with very individualized answers.

[Organic]

The question is, how do I feel about marriage.

 

Did you really mean, what do I think?

 

I wish Americans were more clear on this whole subject of marriage and weddings and rights.

 

First: marriage is a legal term. A contract between two people.

Second: wedding is a religious term. A ceremony joining a man and a women as one within their religion.

 

I think the two aught to be separate. I like the idea of separation between church and state. If two people want legal rights afforded by a legal marriage, then two men, two women, or a man and a women should be able to enter into that contract. Just like buying a car or a piece of land - it's a matter of paperwork.

 

I think if two people want to have a religious ceremony to symbolically mark their union, then they should be free to do so anywhere that is willing to allow them to do so.

 

If this or that church won't do it, you don't even need a church for a religious ceremony, you just need the people!

 

spot on...

 

I think it's a good idea to acknowledge the difference between marriage as a religious/commitment ceremony and the financial/legal rights gained thru marriage.

 

I'm neither here nor there on the religious aspect of marriage, but if I find someone I wish to spend the rest of my life with, you can bet your bottom dollar I'll want the same rights every other married couple is granted .

[Prince Duchess]

Its funny you bring this up seeing how there was a discussion about this in chat the other evening. When I sparked a little controversy when I announced that I didnt ever wanna get married. Because, I do not believe in marriage and I dont get the point of wedding ceremonies. I guess one of the points about marriage that I couldnt do is commit and say that I'd love a person for the rest of my life. For me thats a promise I cant keep seeing as I dont know what happens in the future. And weddings, I dont get the ceremony people spend all this money to play out this one day and then just go back to life as normal I think thats extra and unnecessary. If I'm in love with someone I dont need to invite people to a ceremony so we can broadcast it, i'd rather get up and tell the world each and every day.

 

Another point, why I dont believe in marraige is because i've seen a lot of marriages go down the drain. And ending with both parties regretting being together and always at each others throats. If I was in love with someone I dont wanna kill whatever bond we had and end up having that person regret what we shared.

 

 

 

 

 

[MikeL]

Marriage is more of a religious thing to me. Since the Catholic Church won't marry me, I guess I'd have to have a secular wedding ceremony. You don't need to be married to prove to someone your committed to them.

 

 

I don't consider myself 100% gay no, but I just can't see myself in a relationship with a woman. I want a son yes, but I don't have to be straight to get one. I could do artificial insemination with a surrogate, or if that fails I could adopt. The Unitarian Universalist Church is a very hippy liberal type of church, so I wouldn't compare them to the much more conservative, traditionalist Catholic Church. I doubt I will live to see the day the Roman Catholic Church starts marrying same-sex couples.

 

After 40 years of marriage, four sons and four grandsons, I'm all for marriage. What I can't know is what my outlook would be if I were a gay man. Marriage is a loving commitment to your spouse, but with the ease with which couples dissolve their unions via divorce, that commitment is suspect.

 

There is one inescapable advantage for married Americans. The "married, filing jointly" status on Federal tax returns does save money for most couples.

[myself_i_must_remake]

Brings out the worst in some people and the best in others.

 

My family has a poor track record for it, and I don't see myself as an exception.

 

I would, however, entertain the idea if it mean a lot to someone I was in love with.

[Linxe Termoil]

Marriage....

 

*cringe*

 

Never!

 

[Tipdin]

After 40 years of marriage, four sons and four grandsons, I'm all for marriage. What I can't know is what my outlook would be if I were a gay man. Marriage is a loving commitment to your spouse, but with the ease with which couples dissolve their unions via divorce, that commitment is suspect.

 

There is one inescapable advantage for married Americans. The "married, filing jointly" status on Federal tax returns does save money for most couples.

 

There are actually more advantages. Right of survivorship for example. If my partner dies, I would not automatically get his half of everything. We had to spend a good deal of money for an attorney to make sure our paperwork ensured our rights as much as possible so that we COULD enjoy what straight married couples get automatically.

 

Recently, I had surgery and my partner was not automatically allowed in to see me, not automatically consulted by the doctors. I had to sign special papers that gave people permission to tell my spouse of 25 years, if I was alive or dead....

 

There is a great deal of inequality yet for gay people. I don't give a hoot about the religious aspect of weddings, but I am very clear in my belief that gay people deserve the same right to a legal union that straight people have.

[TrevorTime]

It's not for me.

 

First off, my parents are divorced and it kind of messed me up for awhile (my brother too). And I'm not even sure if it's legal in the state in which I live in currently.

 

I've been seeing the same guy for 6 years now. I don't need some silly piece of paper to prove my love for him.

[rec]

I think we need to separate the civil-union and the ceremonial aspects of two people coming together.

 

The State should only be involved with the civil-union aspects, the legal relationships: common property rights, taxation provisions (Federal and State), rights of survivorship, medical rights, adoption rights, divorce rights -- the full gamut of responsibilities of two individuals and their households. The civil union ends with the signing of papers, not with a kiss.

 

The ceremonial aspects -- marriage -- should have no legal consequence, whether marriage occurs in a church, at the top of a mountain, or in a Las Vegas chapel. Marriage is to cement the emotional commitment between two people.

 

The above said, I think the gay movement would be better off pushing for civil unions and their reciprocal recognition across the nation (and the world, for that matter).

[Tipdin]

I think we need to separate the civil-union and the ceremonial aspects of two people coming together.

 

The State should only be involved with the civil-union aspects, the legal relationships: common property rights, taxation provisions (Federal and State), rights of survivorship, medical rights, adoption rights, divorce rights -- the full gamut of responsibilities of two individuals and their households. The civil union ends with the signing of papers, not with a kiss.

 

The ceremonial aspects -- marriage -- should have no legal consequence, whether marriage occurs in a church, at the top of a mountain, or in a Las Vegas chapel. Marriage is to cement the emotional commitment between two people.

 

The above said, I think the gay movement would be better off pushing for civil unions and their reciprocal recognition across the nation (and the world, for that matter).

 

YOU SAID IT BOTHER!

 

Marriage is actually a formal legal term. A contract between two people.

Wedding is actually a religious term. A ceremony joining a man and a women as one within their religion.

Edited March 29, 2011 by Tipdin

[Eros]

Probably not something I'd do myself. To me it just contracts your love.

I miss the good ole' Pagan days where you didn't need to sign a stupid paper to prove your love for a person.

 

Besides, it almost seems like marriage these days is obsolete, seeing as how they only last, what, an hour? Psh... whatev', I'll pass.

[Organic]

I am made to think of a certain story by Tolstoy with the thoughts posted about marriage being obsolute and perhaps unnecessary, though he goes a bit further to suggest marriage is unnatural as it goes against every other animal instinct, as is the concept of love itself (regardless of being gay or straight).

 

Not necessarily my own thoughts, but interesting nonetheless...

[Cyhort]

I am made to think of a certain story by Tolstoy with the thoughts posted about marriage being obsolute and perhaps unnecessary, though he goes a bit further to suggest marriage is unnatural as it goes against every other animal instinct, as is the concept of love itself (regardless of being gay or straight).

 

Not necessarily my own thoughts, but interesting nonetheless...

 

This part I don't agree with at all. The thing that makes us human is that we don't operate solely on animal instinct. We use intelligence and emotion, not always correctly I'll admit, to guide our actions for the most part. Love is a big part of that and we wouldn't really be human without it. The whole "love goes against our animal instinct" thing always sounded like a justification for being slutty to me.