Depression

[Mikelaing74]

Joe, many congratulations on being a grampa !

[harcallard]

Congratulations on your new addition to your family...

 

As for me, I am still down and not quite where I want to be.. I do try and take each day and each thing that happens in stride..

 

Louis.. thanks your the man.

 

I hope you all have a great day and it holds everything you are looking for from it

 

hugs and love

[comicfan]

Joe,

 

I am a bit behind but congrats. Nothing like a new bundle to love and spoil.

[CassieQ]

I just wanna say how i feel about you guys:

Mark you rock

Harc you rock

Yettie you rock

Bee you rock

Joanne you rock

Comic you rock too

Breeze you rock

Roan you rock too

Podga you rock and roll

Me i roll

So lets all get together and have a rock and roll party

 

Hope you guys have a stunning Thursday

 

 

And then I'm going to crash your rock and roll party, since I wasn't invited

[Mark92]

Go Cassie

[harcallard]

I have a question for everyone.....

 

When do you begin to realize its time to let go and move on?

 

This question has been stuck in my head for sometime now and I have been turning it over and over in my mind. I actually had a great session this morning with my Dr. He is keeping on my current level of medication of which I am glad. He told me today I needed to learn to let things go.. he said to deal with them the best way I could and then let them go. I am slowly digging my way back out of the hole.

 

I am so thankful to those who have endured my rantings, ravings, and venting. I thank you form the bottom of my heart. You will never know what it means to me. I hope you all have a great day and a wonderful weekend ahead.

 

May you keep a smile on your face and love in your heart!

 

Hugs and Love

[comicfan]

Har,

 

I think that is question only you can answer. The hurts you keep fester. You have to keep up with them, worry about them, see the pain there, when usually the ones who have hurt you have moved on long ago and forgotten all about it. If it is something that affects your relationship with someone, sit them down and air it and tell them you are done with it but you needed to get it off your chest. If this problem that you have held onto is from someone who isn't even part of your life anymore, then it is past time to cut it out of your life. I seen something on a friend's car that sort of stuck with me. I'm sorry I don't have time for the hate or the pain you once caused me, cause I am too busy loving and being loved by those important to me now.

 

Best of luck to you.

[harcallard]

I am finally beginning to realize what you said.. and I will get there.. Thank you your advice.. it means a lot to me... hope all is well with you and yours....

[Mark92]

Hey All

 

What wonderful words Unc

 

We all have to move on at some point Timmy I know as I get happier, things I had blocked out are giving themselves up, to be worked through and sorted and then put aside.

And I'm coping, and still getting happier, so it must work

Take plenty of time for yourself Timmy, we are all here for you, so rant, rave and even cry if you need to.

 

Hugs to all

[K.C.]

I drop in to read everyday, but don't say much. It's not often that I have amazing words of encouragment. I'm more useful to make some laugh then to give advice because frankly, who would listen to me? My life is a mess most of the time, I'm good at just pushing on but today, I felt it tearing at the seems.

 

I bottle a lot up, shove it down, forget it, drown it, if I can't see it or feel it...it goes away right? Well for a little while at least.

 

Today is my mom's birthday and I had a difficult day...that's an understatement...I had a miserable day! The last surgery of my shift got cancelled, there wasn't much for me to do before my shift ended so I discreetly asked my supervisor if I could leave. I thought he would say no. I was out several days last week and I'm off next week for vacation, but surprise, he said yes. My good mood only lasted half a second. When a co-worker saw me leaving, she threw a freaking tantrum. Really? Are you like 2 years old? I bit my tongue and didn't bitch slap her but I was so ready to.

 

I don't flipping care that you are PMSing... you don't sign my paycheck bitch so I don't have to answer to you! I felt myself on the edge of a melt down and had to get as far away as fast as I could.

 

I picked up my kid and we took a nice long drive to change the flowers on my mom's grave. Don't say that was a nice thing to do. I feel like a giant hypocrite! I never took flowers to my mom when she was alive and now I'm making sure that the flowers are fresh and pretty at her grave. I'm irritated and pissed and mad and sad and a billion other emotions all at once....Oh shit, maybe I'm PMSing too?

 

A friend warned me how hard these milestones would be. I made it through the first mother's day right after she died and now her birthday. I don't know how or why it hit me so hard today. I was fine. I am fine. I hadn't cried in weeks, maybe even a month or more so why today? Does it really mean that much? Why?? I would rather be numb and not feel anything at all then to feel this pain.

 

Need it to pass quickly or I'm going to crawl into a whisky bottle and not come out...

[Breeze]

HI All;

 

Harcallard...I agree with Comicfan, such wise words. You'll know when.

 

KC...oh I hear ya...grief is such a miserable b***h. The first year after my hubbys death, I got through the 1st's ok, Xmas, Anniversary etc. It was the less noticeable ones I had trouble with. Things like the first time we met face to face( we met online), the Daytona 500(both Nascar nuts), things like that. Its all a process, and you do what you need to do....theres no set of rules that have to be followed. Just take care of yourself and recognize that this will happen and its ok.

 

I hope everyones doing good. I'm good, just trying to get my head back on straight.

 

Hugs everyone...this is such a great place to be.

 

Shelly

[Mark92]

Hey all

 

KC When my mother died, almost two years ago now. wow doesn't time fly? Mine was the complete opposite of yours. When she died I was free, I could have a life, new clothes, birthdays and Christmas. I could at last find friends and love. But you know:? this is her house. There are places here I cannot go, like upstairs. it's harder than the gate.

Everything I do in the house every day, is how she taught me to do them. I'm gradually changing my ways. So they are not constant reminders. I just want to say, time does heal.

And all you will remember are the good things you enjoyed together. Flowers dont matter, you loved her and she knew that.

Please dont retreat away from us, you are a big part of GA. Hugs by the million KC

 

Hugs all

[joann414]

Hugs KC. Don't crawl into the bottle, it only numbs the pain and sadness for a short while. My mom passed away at my age. It was unexpected, and devastated my four siblings and I, but we all tried to hold up for my dad. Shamefully, i have to tell you, I have yet to re-visit her grave. All my sibilngs do, but I just can't, and it has been 25 years. My daughter drives over a hundred miles to take flowers for me. Don't know why I can't, I just can't. I have actually made up my mind to go, and at the last minute, I back out. My husband gets a little aggravated, but he does not push. That being said, be proud that you have the strength to go there, and honor your mom with flowers, or just your presence. Cry, but do that outdifr the bottle. If you are going to drink, do it in celebration that you had her in you life for as long as you did. I miss my mom everyday, and the last day of this month, she will be dead 26 years, and it feels like yesterday. Hope you find peace Kc, and happiness!

[comicfan]

Hi KC,

 

My mother always asked one thing of me, remember me fondly if at all. Like who is going to forget someone like her. Time is a healer, though you will have moments even two or more years later when something will just hit you and boom you feel it but not as sharply. I had that today when I ran into CVS to get some shampoo and there was this really nice lady who couldn't grab the bottle she needed. Of all things she was wearing a perfume my mother use to love and it gave me pause.

 

The bottle is a terrible thing KC. You know she wouldn't want to see you do that to yourself. If you need something to do, remember something she enjoyed doing and go do it to. A trip to the movies, a favorite museum, or hell a walk in the park with other members of the family.

 

There are those of us who have been through and are here if you need a shoulder. There is your family who loves and needs you.

 

Any time you need something don't be afraid to ask.

[harcallard]

I lost my mom to Cancer 6 years ago. Even though we knew she had it, it was still hard when she passed. I was close to my mom. I miss here every day that passes.. Yes, time does help, but I don't think that it will ever take away the empty feeling or loss I feel... I agree with comic, there will be times when you hear a certain song, watching tv, or doing whatever, and you will think of here and it will hurt. Yes, time does help, but I don't think that it will ever take away the empty feeling or loss I feel. It just makes it more bearable. Then this past year, I lost my dad as well. It really is a lonely feeling when both parents are gone. Just know that we are here for you KC.

 

Joann... I can come over and do my strip tease act.. it is 100% guaranteed to clear the room, house or building Then your problem will be solved.

 

 

I hope all of you have a great day and a wonderful weekend. If I have missed any one than I apologize in advance.

 

"Keep A smile in on your face and love in your heart."

[joann414]

What music do I need Harcallard? I will even throw in dinner and a drink. ( after you put your clothes back on). LOL

 

Hope everyone is looking forward to a great weekend! Hugs

[Zolia Lily]

Hi KC -

Hope you're holding up okay. I can't imagine how difficult it must be - I'm terrified of losing my mum, even though it probably won't happen for a long time yet.

I think it's natural to go through ups and downs and you have to go easy on yourself. It still really hasn't been very long - and you'll probably discover things that bring back the grief from time to time, and some of those things that bring everything back will probably surprise you. I don't really know what to say, except that my thoughts are with you and I know you'll be okay. It may not seem like it right now, but it will get easier and one day you'll be able to smile as well as cry. So don't be hard on yourself, and give yourself time and space and the care and attention that you need as well. It's ok to feel the way you do. And don't be upset about not having given your mother flowers when she was alive - I bet you showed her how much you loved her in a hundred other ways, and taking her flowers now just shows that you're missing her and thinking of her and telling her you love her still, even when she's no longer with you.

 

All the best,

 

Lily

[K.C.]

I just wanted to say thank you and give a big hug for your kind words and thoughts and prayers.

 

This week has been harder than I expected. I know there will be more days ahead where I stumble and fall, scream and cry and rage, just as long as I keep getting back up, that's a start in the right direction. My world had changed so dramatically to the point that I almost don't reconize it, which has been so scary for me. I've been told that over time the pain from Mom's death will lessen... only time will tell.

 

Well, the family and i are heading out on vacation later today. It is a much needed break. I had put so much of my life on hold for the last 1-2 years with mom getting sick and me breaking my leg...it will be nice to get away and relax.

 

Thanks again!

 

KC

[harcallard]

KC, you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

I did something I should have done along time ago.. I sat down and did a self-examination of the pool and things in my life. I took the advice which was given to me, and I cleaned house...I finally let go of the people and things which were only bringing me pain and sorrow. I wont lie it was one of the hardest things I have had to do in a long time. I sat down and just let it all out adn now I cna tel you that I feel so much better.. I am still sad... but I know it will pass..

 

Thank you all so much for the kind words and advice you all gave me...

 

I hope everyone has a great weekend and an even better week ahead.

 

"Keep a smile on your face and love in your heart"

[joann414]

Harcallard

 

You sound so much better and I am so glad you cleaned house. Finding happiness, and then sharing it with others makes life worthwhile. I hope you only look forward to newer and better things. It is not always going to be a bed of roses, but you just have to keep pulling the weeds, and taking care of the beautiful things. Everything needs to be cared for, and you happiness is in your hands. Hugs

[Zolia Lily]

So, I made this friend online. I contacted him about a story he was writing, and he asked me for advice and then it just spiralled. It got to the point that we were spending hours online every night or every second night just chatting. If he hadn't been gay I would have married him. Totally.

We chatted from late 2010 until sometime mid 2011. He met his boyfriend and fell in love, changed jobs, moved houses, put his degree on hold, got sick, got mugged... When I left for overseas in May 2011 we tried to keep up the chatting and the texting. It was hard - i didn't have internet always and there was an awful time difference.

The last I heard he'd been ill again - back in hospital. I had an email from his boyfriend saying he was doing better and was coming home - and then an email from my friend saying he was home and he was going to tell me everything later but right now he had people over - and then I never heard from him again.

I kept sending emails. I was really worried at first, but I tried to just shrug it off. He'd been ill and was busy and they had to move house right in the middle of everything - and I guess I just kept hoping that as long as I kept emailing him and his boyfriend and kept talking to them.... that one day they'd respond.

And now my emails to my friend have started bouncing back. His address is "permanently" unavailable.

And I don't know what to do. His phone is out of service and his emails bounce - he never had facebook or a second email address. His boyfriend doesn't answer emails and neither does his best friend - but hers was a university email address and if she's graduated then it might be out of service too...

And the email bouncing back just suddenly makes it feel so final. Like I'm never ever going to hear from him again and I don't know why or what's happened. He was possibly the best friend I've ever had and I just can't beleive that he'd just stop talking to me. I just can't beleive he'd vanish and not get in touch with me. But i don't want to beleive that's something's happened, either. I just want him to be ok. I've searched online and I've emailed everyone that I know who emailed him as well - and no one is responding to me.

So now it seems like the only thing I can do is send hard copy letters to his previous addresses - and hope that someone somewhere knows something.

But I'm going to seem like an insane stalker and I'm terrified that no one will respond again... And I'll never know.

It happened a couple of weeks ago now- and I cried for days. I'd sent emails for ages - but them starting to bounce back just seems so final.

I felt like I was starting to be okay, but I've kind of been down a bit and then today it's really thrown me for a loop and I just want to curl up and cry.

It's such a strange situation to be in - and I feel so helpless and useless and so miserable.

All I can really do is wait. Keep sending emails to his boyfriend and his friend and send my hard copy letters and then look up and see if maybe I can find his family in a directory online and write to them - to hell with feeling like a stalker.

The not knowing is just the worst thing ever...

[CassieQ]

Lily I don't know what else to say. I agree, that not knowing is a horrible thing to have to go through.

[comicfan]

Lily,

 

I'm not sure what to tell you there. Life isn't always easy and most friendships are things both sides have to work on. You say he had been sick so not sure if he had a relapse and went back in or what. I know not knowing it horrible. That sort of lingers and makes closure nearly impossible. All I can do is add my best hopes that maybe his boyfriend will let you know what is going on. When an email closes down it is either from lack of use or from the owner turning it off. Either way isn't good news for you if you are trying to find out what happened. If you have the boyfriend's email see if he is on facebook. That might give you another option.

 

My heart goes out to you any way you look at it. I hope you find answers.

 

Wayne

[joann414]

Lily,,,, don't give up, but don't let it dominate your life. It seems you really care, continue to try to find out the details, so you will be at peace with yourself. And as Cassie says, hugs girl

[harcallard]

I agree Lily...I know you are worried about your friend.., try no tot worry,and I Know that is easier said than done .. here is a big hug for ya and we are all here for you.