Translating the British

[paya]

You don't understand your British friends, colleagues, classmates? Let me help you!

 

[Mark92]

Funniest thing I've read in ages so so true

[Nephylim]

Well... I thought it was very interesting.

[Contest4jen]

Haha, interesting, I can see where everyone would get confused You crazy British people

[Tara00]

I almost agree to that!

 

 

 

 

P.S. I'm not British, so I really do.

[Zombie]

Hahaha. Here's a few more

 

What the British say: "Hello, how are you?"

What the British mean: "Please don't tell me anything about your health condition"

What is understood: "He wants to know if I'm well"

 

What the British say: "How nice to meet you"

What the British mean: "You are a boring tick - where can I find someone more interesting?"

What is understood: "He likes me"

 

What the British say: "He is unwell"

What the British mean: "He is about to die"

What is understood: "He's just got a cold"

 

What the British say: "There seem to be one or two problems here"

What the British mean: "This is a disaster - we are doomed!"

What is understood: "There are a few minor issues but they can easily be fixed"

 

What the British Airways Captain said (true incident):"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We have a small problem. All four engines have stopped. We are doing our damnedest to get them going again. I trust you are not in too much distress."

What the British Airways Captain meant: "We're in a spot of bother but I think we can fix it"

What is understood: "We're all gonna die!"

 

What the British say: "This may interest you"

What the British mean: "Read it or you will be sorry"

What is understood: "I can look at this if I've got time"

 

What the British say: "Correct me if I'm wrong"

What the British mean: "I know I'm right--please don't contradict me"

What is understood: "Tell me what you think"

 

What the British say: "This is not a reprimand"

What the British mean: "You are being reprimanded"

What is understood: "Nothing to worry about then"

 

What the British Prime Ministers says: "I have every confidence in his abilities"

What the British Prime Minister means: "He is about to be fired"

What is understood: "He is about to be fired"

 

What the Scottish say : aye, right

What the Scottish Mean: no, wrong

What is understood : he agrees with me

 

What the Belgians say: "non, peut-être" ("no, maybe")

What the Belgians mean: "yes, absolutely"

What is understood: "I have no clue"

 

What the Dutch say: "Ya"

What the Dutch mean: "I am not listening."

What is understood: "He is listening to me."

 

What Germans say : What they mean

What Germans mean: What they say

What is understood: Those bloody Germans are rude, aren't they?

 

What Australians say: "Yeah! No!"

What Australians mean: "I agree with you 100%. I was just thinking the same thing myself."

What is understood: Nothing

 

What the Russians say: Nyet! Nevozmozhno!" (No! It is Impossible!)

What the Russians mean: "Offer me a bribe and you can have it tomorrow"

What is understood: "It is impossible"

 

What the Americans say: “Have a nice day"

What the Americans mean: “Where's my tip?”

What is understood: “What a polite attendant”

 

What the Americans say: "When you get a chance"

What the Americans mean: "Get this done by the next time I ask about it"

What is understood: "I'll do it if I'm ever less busy"

What the (sneaky) Americans mean: "And if you finish it too soon, I'll assume

that you need more work"

 

What the American says: "Awesome"

What the American means: anything between barely acceptable up to remarkably good

What is understood: it's remarkably good

 

What the Americans say: As you know

What the Americans mean: This is something I should have told you ages ago but I'm telling you for the first time

What is understood: Really? Why didn't you tell me this before?

 

What the Americans say: "Excuse me"

What the American means: "Get out of my way, jerk"

What is understood: "I apologize for stepping on you"

 

What the Californians says: "Let's do lunch."

What the Californians mean: "If I ever see you again, I'll pretend that we never met."

What is understood: "Great, he likes me."

Edited November 8, 2011 by Zombie

[Dannsar]

It's gone ... told you!

[Pete Bruno]

What everyone says: "Be honest with me. What do you think?"

What everyone means: "Don't be honest, just agree with me."

What should be understood: "Nobody really wants to hear the truth or what you think."

 

"And I am unanimous in that."

Mrs. Slocombe

Edited November 8, 2011 by Pete Bruno

[Nephylim]

What the British say: "Hello, how are you?"

What the British mean: "Please don't tell me anything about your health condition"

What is understood: "He wants to know if I'm well"

 

What a Welsh person thinks... "tell me absolutely everything that is wrong with you, down to the ingrowing toenail and then I'll tell you what's wrong with me and we'll see who wins; my swine flu is sure to beat your arthritis"

 

What the British say: "How nice to meet you"

What the British mean: "You are a boring tick - where can I find someone more interesting?"

What is understood: "He likes me"

 

What a Welsh person understands... " He's a stuck up knob."

 

What the British say: "He is unwell"

What the British mean: "He is about to die"

What is understood: "He's just got a cold"

 

What a Welsh person thinks... if it's a he then he's on his death bed... if it's a she then she is attending to her feminine needs.

 

What the British say: "There seem to be one or two problems here"

What the British mean: "This is a disaster - we are doomed!"

What is understood: "There are a few minor issues but they can easily be fixed"

 

What the Wesh person thinks... "Sarcastic twit(sp)"

 

What the British say: "Correct me if I'm wrong"

What the British mean: "I know I'm right--please don't contradict me"

What is understood: "Tell me what you think"

 

What the Welsh person thinks... "Where do I start"

 

What the British say: "This is not a reprimand"

What the British mean: "You are being reprimanded"

What is understood: "Nothing to worry about then"

 

What the Welsh person thinks... "What do you mean 'reprimand'? Who the hell do you think you are?"

 

 

 

[Zolia Lily]

This one courtesy of an Aussie friend in London :

 

What the British say: "You alright?"

What the British mean: "How are you?"

What is understood: "Why are you asking? Why is everyone asking? Do I really look that sick?"

[BeysJoshersLepton V2]

That cheered me up, I find myself saying the majority of things here. I had a very interesting problem with an American questionnaire looking at social desirability recently. Hardly any of my participants knew what Irked meant, I doubt it is American but it was in the only American questionnaire I used for my research which made me grin.