Stalker Material or Just Not My Type?

[*HJ*]

Alright, I have been in a relationship with a guy for about 3 1/2 months now. He is really sweet, but lately I'm just not sure what to make of him. Here is the situation...

 

I live four hours away because of college. He is really paranoid about me cheating because he has been cheated on before. I would never cheat on him because I have also been cheated on. Around a month ago I got a message on here from a new guy claiming to like my work. I replied back thanking him and welcoming him to the site. He then proceeded to hit on me and I politely told him I had a boyfriend which sparked a conversation on the relationship. I didn't think anything of it until about two weeks later. Me and the bf had a weekend away and while in the hotel I was on his computer. On his google chrome I saw that GA popped up on the recently visited page. I was being a creeper and was wondering if he had been reading my work so I clicked on it. He was signed in as the guy that had been talking to me...-.- I nearly left him at the hotel and drove home. I mean who does that? When I confronted him his excuse was the he was afraid something was going on.

 

I get we are in a long distance relationship and that he has doubts but dang that was a huge breech of trust to me. I told him to drop it and we would just forget about it but it still bothers me. Then there was the mushy factor. I couldn't open my phone or check my facebook without something along the lines of 'Oh baby I miss you so much, I love you, I can't wait to hold you in my arms, blah, blah, blah.' It was getting to the point where I quite honestly wanted to puke. So, I called him last week and told him. Hey, you gotta cut out the mushy gushy stuff. He went haywire and I literally spent like an hour on the phone with him about it. He cut out the mushy but tonight he really bugged me which, is the reason for this plea for advice.

 

He calls and wakes me up from a really good sleep and was like "Hey, what are you doing." I replied with "Sleeping." Then he was like well it says you were on facebook like 4 minutes ago. At that point I was a bit irritated. First of all my computer was on the floor beside my bed out of reach and second I felt like he was accusing me of lying. I told him i had been asleep and he was like, "Well that is what it said." Then continued on and mention that I didn't answer his texts.

 

I would also like to point out the fact that I feel like he could read this because he is secretly stalking my profile...I don't think I should feel that way...

 

Okay, that was basically a book. Any advice? similar situations? Snide comments? All is welcome.

[Cia]

Sorry, but in all relationships trust is vital. From what you say, there's not much trust between the two of you. Not to mention, yeah, your partner can and will annoy you at times, but it seems like you spend more time upset, irritated, or frustrated with this guy than not. You have to decide if the relationship is worth taking the time to work through your problems. I'd suggest speaking to him face to face, with honesty, about how you feel. If you can work it out, more power to you, if not *shrugs*. A relationship should take some work, but you shouldn't feel like you have to manage it constantly.

[Y_B]

Well that sounded familiar

 

It sounds to me like this isn't a problem that's gonna solve it's self anytime soon if at all. My ex and I had trust issues that lasted for a whole year and it drove me up the wall for a whole year. If this is a really deep rooted issue for him and he doesn't seem to get better at managing it, then I don't think it's healthy to stay in the relationship. He may be a great guy but having trust issues so bad that he tries to entrap you as a fake person isn't something that will make a relationship work.

[Graeme]

I'll just say a few things.

 

1. Long distance relationships are tough. I was in one for 9 months when I was younger and it was really difficult going from phone contact only (this is pre-Internet days ) to living in each other's pockets. It's not 'normal' and the people involved don't react normally as a consequence. Things are better today - it's easier to maintain contact in the Internet age - but online contact doesn't replace a cuddle....

 

2. Trust is needed for a relationship, and that's especially true for long distance relationships. The two of you need to talk openly about this and work out what you can do.

 

3. Your boyfriend appears to be insecure. Given your comments, I suspect the mushy stuff is not usual for him. If that's true, I'd say he's feeling insecure and was doing that to try to keep the relationship going - to try to make sure he's not going to lose you.

 

 

 

So I see two issues - trust and insecurity. Both can be solved with communication, but only if both parties are willing to do so.

[Krista]

Honestly - if Aaron did that with me and we're married, I just don't think I could forgive that. I hate when someone goes to such a length and the like to find out what is going on.. if anything is going on.. or just being nosy. I value trust above a lot of other things and with out trust, there's not much there. With out trust there will always be doubt, accusations, second guessing...

 

Obviously you're having a terrible time getting over it. Good.. it just isn't something to forget about. If he created a whole other fake person, just to speak with you.. just to keep tabs on you.. then that is something major. I think it goes farther than being insecure... it is more than borderline possessive. Any way you look at it, its just not a healthy thing to be doing when you're in a relationship.

 

Better communication may have eased his mind a little, but it seems that he wanted a way to keep tabs on you.

 

Yeah, you're right it was a completely overblown breach of trust on his part and if what has happened with you - happened to me - he wouldn't be in my life anymore. It is just beyond anything I can forget/forgive.

[Anya]

I'd totally ditch the guy. He sounds like too much work already.

[rustle]

Think about life together. Are you going to be soothing his insecurities all the time? He could have just asked, but an answer isn't as convincing as investigating, yourself. Besides, how would he know you're not just lying to cover it up?

 

I'd give honesty and soul-baring one good try. If things don't get better damn fast, they'll prolly get worse.

 

How much are you willing to invest in this relationship? IS he your "one?" Are you his?