straight friend is no more interested

[sandykv58]

i fell in love with my straight colleague.though he fulfilled my desire many times but to some extent unwillingly.many times he tried to keep distance from me but i insisted and he agreed only for once more. then again started refusing and i again tried hard to make him agree.

this has been the pattern of our relation for twelve years.he is the most handsome guy in the world. i love him badly and think about him most of the time. neither he was completely in nor completely out of this relation.he is 55 years old and suffering from decreased platelates 125000 to be exact.i feel he is not so sick.he looks almost ok

now he says i am sick etc and cant support you.

i see he runs after his wife like a mad dog.i feel rejected and jealous. now we work in  different institutions.i tried to leave him many times.but after two three days i again phone him to invite.but he is not ready to come i feel rejected,insulted,lonely ,sad and jealous.

what should i do ?

[LJH]

I really feel for you in this situation.  But it's time for you to move on.  You're still young and you can do it.  (Well, 47 in my book is young). There is really no way to know exactly what your friend is thinking.  `he might be trying to process his own feelings. Stop obsessing over him and stay busy, hang out with other friends. At the moment it might be a little hard but taking a little time out and space could be good for you. This could even lead you guys back to a friendship later. A one sided love affair is not the same as being in love and your love for him is not gonna change his sexual orientation. I suggest you connect with people who give you mental stability. Another way to get over him is to find his faults. In your post there are quite a few already, I mean, no one is perfect and let's be honest, this isn't the movies, it's real life. It may take some time, but in the long run, moving on will serve you well. 

 

Hope you find this helpful. 

 

Hugs

Edited October 13, 2013 by LJH

[sandykv58]

thank you very much LJH. first time in my life i have opened up myself to someone through this forum.its really relieving. since i am on a reputed post i couldnt reveal myself to anyone.

i feel your guidance can improve my morale. i am feeling a bit better.

actually i cant forget the moments passed with him. his name is k. thats why i wish to get him back. my problem is that he has my favorite body shape.no one is like him. except him i like one more guy to some extent. i tried on him to divert myself from my only love k. but this one is straighter than the first one. he is my subordinate too. i am an officer.

how can i find one who can love me. i feel lonely and rejected in life.

Edited October 14, 2013 by sandy58

[JamesSavik]

There is a key word that you seem to keep coming back too: straight.

 

I hate to be blunt about it but by pursuing straight guys, you are setting yourself up for failure and heartbreak.

 

That officer/subordinate thing is also a snake pit waiting to happen.

 

There is a saying in the oil business: there ain't no sense in pouring money down a dry hole.

 

There's nothing more futile than chasing straight guys. 

 

It's like fishing for bass and using the wrong bait. 

[obscene cupcake]

I can't really comment on this, because to be honest you sound like you need psychiatric help or to talk with your friends or something. You are sleeping or doing something sexual with a man, but talk bad about his wife. So either you and him are cheating on her (which makes you scum) or she let's him do stuff with you and you are ungrateful (which makes you a jerk).  He has told you he doesn't want to (admittedly it sounds like he gives mixed signals and is struggling with his own sexuality), but you insist on seducing him. It makes him feel sick, but you insist on doing this. He has health problems but you dismiss them.

 

Leave the poor man alone. Tell him that you can't talk to him because you will keep trying to get with him. Move on. he is in a relationship. 

 

Nothing in that post sounded healthy. It sounded extremely excessive.

 

Get out there. Find someone. I understand I am telling you to let go of him, your safety blanket. And I get that you are in love with him. I know it will hurt and hurt and hurt. But what you guys are doing right now isn't fair to anyone. 

Edited October 15, 2013 by obscene cupcake

[sandykv58]

Dear obscene cupcake,

The site contains a word gay in its name.

This is the misfortune of we like people that most of us are deprived of love because generally we fall in love with people who are around us. But most of them dont understand us.they take us as sick, perverted and in need of psychiatric help.

Whomsoever we love he is something of someone. I also want to leave him and live with someone who can love me equally because onesided love gives nothing but pain.

But the problem is how to search that person because majority of them are straights.

Thats why most of gays become lonely and depressed. Even we cant share our pain with our closed ones.they will react like you.

Many times I say to God why you made me this way. I wish either I would have been a complete man or a complete woman. The midway is very painful.

Hope you try to understand.

[obscene cupcake]

Dear obscene cupcake,

The site contains a word gay in its name.

This is the misfortune of we like people that most of us are deprived of love because generally we fall in love with people who are around us. But most of them dont understand us.they take us as sick, perverted and in need of psychiatric help.

Whomsoever we love he is something of someone. I also want to leave him and live with someone who can love me equally because onesided love gives nothing but pain.

But the problem is how to search that person because majority of them are straights.

Thats why most of gays become lonely and depressed. Even we cant share our pain with our closed ones.they will react like you.

Many times I say to God why you made me this way. I wish either I would have been a complete man or a complete woman. The midway is very painful.

Hope you try to understand.

I understand that. And India is probably not as open as Chicago... but the fact remains that you are hurting people when you cheat. And you know this. It sucks but there is not going to be a miracle that somehow makes him unmarried and makes him less confused about his sexuality and makes it so that you guys will get along together great. 

 

You, everyone, deserves love. You deserve to be the focal point of someone else's universe. You will not get this with him. 

[Ron]

It is very easy to be negative when you have options. Without them, whether it's a real lack or an imagined one, it is very difficult to be optimistic or move forward.

 

Sandy, no one needs to tell you what to do with this man that you're in love with because I think that logically you know what you should be doing. There is no doubt that it can be extremely difficult when the head has to over-rule the heart. Unfortunately this is one of those necessary times.

 

I wish you well.