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I'm including a link to this thread at the bottom of the chapters, but I don't like making too much of a song-and-dance about it :) I'm getting just enough feedback to let me know that people are enjoying the story, even if they're not commenting a lot.

 

in hindsight, this is definitely a story that will read best once the story is complete. Because of the complexity and number of characters, it can take more than one chapter for an incident to be foreshadowed to when it occurs. While that chapters are posting weekly, that means it can be two or three weeks before the incident occurs and the foreshadowing can be forgotten. Reading the chapters straight through will give more continuity.

 

Having said that, by spacing them out, it gives more time to contemplate a chapter and think about alternative explanations as why the characters are acting the way they are.

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Thinking about the most recent chapter it suddenly struck me that Neil looked forward to the dinner on Friday as a chance to talk to Jim. Yet in the snippets we saw, he didn't actually spend any time with Jim. But he still felt happy the next morning, and he realized that he was getting a friend in Todd. I think this represents a huge shift in attitude even if Neil doesn't know it yet. Having friends to support him if he is outed to his parents will be a lot more important than gaining a boyfriend.

I'm also impressed by the integrity of the Lilydale coaches, the way they deal with the potential draft pressure, and with Ty, and the issue of Dave. Peter, Will and Julie are growing into an excellent team - I'd say a winning team in relation to motivating and training the Leopards. I know you said in your reply to my review that you didn't want to have too much football stuff in the chapters, because readers aren't familiar with it. But so far you certainly haven't had to much, I've enjoyed it immensely and I want more of the football related matters. I think it's because you use it to show how the characters are developing and how it relates to their other issues.

It's a great story, Graeme, and I find myself interested in all the characters and their lives.

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  • Site Administrator

Thanks, Timothy! There were some interactions between Jim and Neil at the dinner, but nothing major. There will be some references to those interactions in later chapters.

 

There are few themes woven into the story, some deliberately and some that just appeared. The issue of family is one of those themes. What makes a family? Is it the blood connection or is it the relationships? In the original story, a comment was made by an outsider that the Leopards are a family. Will, Peter, and Julie play an important role in that family, but players like Todd and Jim do, too. Indeed, everyone, including the support staff like Jackie, have their role to play in forming the Leopard family.

 

Neil is becoming part of the Leopard family. What difference will that new family make to him?

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Great chapter, Graeme. I was slightly confused about the scores at the end of the game. Let me try to list what I made of it and then you can correct me:

The Leopards were behind with 3 points.

The got one point from the 'behind' goal.

They got 6 points from Ty's final goal.

Thus making them win by 4 points.

If this was correct, no wonder they lined up to praise Ty. And I noticed that Ty made the goal with his left foot, which was particularly funny after the spotter (Rick) had commented about him having a weak left side. I can't wait to find out what the AFL guy (Patrick) thinks about the info from Rick and Alan. Particularly Peter's parting shot about poof vs gay. I was so proud of him. :D

Edited by Timothy M.
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  • Site Administrator

You're correct, except a 'behind' is not a goal.

 

There are four posts at each end of the ground: two inner taller posts and two outer shorter posts.

 

A ball kicked between the two inner posts is a goal and worth six points.

A ball kicked between an inner and outer post is a behind and worth one point.

 

That's obviously a huge difference in scoring. There have been a lot of games where the losing team had more scoring kicks than the winning team, with the difference being the accuracy. Too many minor scores (behinds) can really hurt a team.

 

After a goal, the play is started again in the centre of the ground with a bounce or toss up (bounce is preferred, but if the ground conditions are not conducive, the umpire will simply throw the ball up into the air). After a behind, the play is restarted from the goal square (a ten metre marked area in front of the goals) with the ball in the position of the opposition team. That's what happened in the game. Jarrod's kick resulted in a behind, so the other team had the kick out. The Leopards put so much pressure on that the kicker didn't see anyone to go for so he just kicked long. As an aside, there was one AFL player who could reliably kick the ball over 60 metres in that situation, and over 80 metres at times! He then went on to become a punter in the NFL :D

 

There are also a number of other special cases:

 

A ball that hits one of the inner posts is a behind and worth one point

A ball that hits one of the outer posts is deemed to be out of bound and is worth nothing (and probably a penalty free kick to the other team)

A ball that is touched before it scores is a behind and worth one point, even if it goes through the two inner posts.

 

And yes, Ty is quite capable of kicking accurately with either foot. Not all players can do that, but the most players at the AFL level can. That's because when you're off at an angle, the difference in angle between the left and right foot can be enough to make a difference as to how difficult it will be to kick a goal. Also, if you need to kick quickly while running, you can't always afford to take an extra step to free up your 'good' foot.

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  • Site Administrator

LOL -- esoteric? You don't know how many ice hockey or American football stories I've read where they don't bother explaining the rather weird terminology used :P I think I've worked out most of it, but there are still areas that I really don't understand.... I'm trying my best to avoid that for my readers by slipping in explanations from time to time where I can do so without disrupting the story flow.

 

PS: Just be pleased I don't intend to cover the Australian/Irish International Rules game in the story. That's an annual game using a combination of Australian Rules and Gaelic Football rules, played between representative sides from Australia and Ireland. The scoring in that one is even more complicated, because they have a cross bar between the two inner posts. A goal occurs when the ball (a round ball instead of ovoid) is kicked between the inner posts and below the cross bar (similar in concept to a soccer goal) (six points), an over is scored when the ball is kicked between the inner posts but over the cross bar (three points), and a behind is scored as per Australian Rules football (one point).

Edited by Graeme
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  • Site Administrator

I'd put the details of AFL recruitment into a review, but here's the details again (with some extra information):

 

It's not possible for an AFL team to bring in new people partway through a season. The end of the season (October through to December) is the only time they are able to add people to their playing list. They can negotiate before then, but changes only take place in that window.

Teams can drop players at any time, but they can't add new ones. Instead, they have what is called a rookie list. That's a list of players who are able to be elevated to the senior team at any time, but only to replace someone who has either been taken off the senior list or has been placed on a long-term injury list. Again, players can only be added to the rookie list during that same October-December window.

This is why recruiting has become such a big thing for the AFL clubs. They only get a limited chance to get it right, and then they have to live with those decisions for the entire season before they can bring in anyone new.

 

New draftees are signed to a two year contract. Some interstate teams expand this to three years as a way to encourage the young players when they relocate. That's part of the standard draft nomination process, as well as the draftee agreeing to go with whatever team drafts them. This is the compromised worked out with the AFL Players Association, giving a reasonable amount of certainty to the players (minimum two years) and to the clubs (players can't refuse to be drafted by a club).

 

Another complication for the clubs is that there is a salary cap imposed by the AFL commission on all teams, as well as a maximum number of players they can have on their lists (senior and rookie). It gets complicated for the clubs to try to find the right balance of players, as they have both short-, medium-, and long-term goals. They need to be bring in new players regularly so that when they'll have the experience when their older players retire (or are traded/delisted to make room in the salary cap and playing list for new players).

 

This Thursday (27th Nov), Australian time, is the 2014 national draft. Next week (3rd Dec) is the rookie draft. I'm looking forward to seeing what happens :)

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I'm still speculating on poor Dave's fate. I hope the combination of booze and pills will make him sick, so that he vomits before the pills take effect. Or else I hope Charlie dares to check on him and reacts to the bottle lying half empty - although I don't want poor Charlie to get the fright of his life. But it is a lot better than to find Dave dead next morning - that possibility has me shuddering. Please don't let that happen, Graeme.

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I'm still speculating on poor Dave's fate. I hope the combination of booze and pills will make him sick, so that he vomits before the pills take effect. Or else I hope Charlie dares to check on him and reacts to the bottle lying half empty - although I don't want poor Charlie to get the fright of his life. But it is a lot better than to find Dave dead next morning - that possibility has me shuddering. Please don't let that happen, Graeme.

 

I don't think Dave can die without anyone's (but Dave and Graeme) knowing his story. That would not make for effective story telling on Graeme's part. :)

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On 11/30/2014 at 9:18 PM, impunity said:

I don't think Dave can die without anyone's (but Dave and Graeme) knowing his story. That would not make for effective story telling on Graeme's part. :)

God I hope you're right, but you do realize we can already figure out what happened to Dave, don't you? He was raped in the showers at some point. And as for the impact on the team, it would be even harder if Dave dies without anybody ever finding out what was wrong. So from a story telling point of view him dying would work. :(

Fuck I can't believe I just wrote that ! Please ignore it Graeme. (Although I know the next chapter is already written, so it won't  make any difference.)

Edited by Timothy M.
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  • Site Administrator

I don't think Dave can die without anyone's (but Dave and Graeme) knowing his story. That would not make for effective story telling on Graeme's part. :)

True, but one possibility is that the next part of the story would be the players trying to understand what had happened. The full story could come out over time as various pieces of information are revealed by investigating players.

 

In an almost-real-life example of this, there was an American TV soap (I can't remember it's name, unfortunately), where one of the actors committed suicide. It was totally unexpected. What the screenwriters and other actors did was to do an episode where they learnt that the character played by that actor had died, and when they tried to make sense of it, they found out all the wonderful things about that character that they didn't know. It was, in my mind, a very fitting tribute to both the actor and his character. I can still picture parts of that episode, though the name escapes me.

 

God I hope you're right, but you do realize we can already figure out what happened to Dave, don't you? He was raped in the showers at some point. And as for the impact on the team, it would be even harder if Dave dies without anybody ever finding out what was wrong. So from a story telling point of view him dying would work. :(

 

Fuck I can't believe I just wrote that ! Please ignore it Graeme. (Although I know the next chapter is already written, so it won't  make any difference.)

 

LOL -- okay, I'll ignore it. In turn, you can ignore my comment above, since it's only one possibility and may or may not have any relationship to what will occur in the next chapter.

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God I hope you're right, but you do realize we can already figure out what happened to Dave, don't you? He was raped in the showers at some point. And as for the impact on the team, it would be even harder if Dave dies without anybody ever finding out what was wrong. So from a story telling point of view him dying would work. :(

 

Fuck I can't believe I just wrote that ! Please ignore it Graeme. (Although I know the next chapter is already written, so it won't  make any difference.)

 

I had figured that out several chapters ago, and you just ruined a remarkably good bit of psychology (which doesn't seem to have worked, anyway, judging by Graeme's response). ;)

 

I also made an error in my original post that only Dave and Graeme know what really happened. Dave doesn't actually know. Dramatic irony is probably my least favorite literary device. :no:

 

 

True, but one possibility is that the next part of the story would be the players trying to understand what had happened. The full story could come out over time as various pieces of information are revealed by investigating players.

 

In an almost-real-life example of this, there was an American TV soap (I can't remember it's name, unfortunately), where one of the actors committed suicide. It was totally unexpected. What the screenwriters and other actors did was to do an episode where they learnt that the character played by that actor had died, and when they tried to make sense of it, they found out all the wonderful things about that character that they didn't know. It was, in my mind, a very fitting tribute to both the actor and his character. I can still picture parts of that episode, though the name escapes me.

 

 

Given that Dave didn't actually commit suicide, I think this would be a somewhat unsatisfactory approach. And now I have my fingers crossed that I didn't inadvertently insult your future plotline. (I am going to assume that if you planned to use it, you wouldn't have told us.)  :unsure:

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  • Site Administrator

Just for the record, the next few chapters have already been written, edited, and are ready for posting. I'm still writing the story, but by having a number of edited chapters ready to post, that gives me a buffer to allow a regular posting cycle even if real-life events means I'm not writing at a steady rate.

 

No, you've not insulted my future plotline. I don't mind speculation as to what might happen, or what would make a good/bad storyline. You never know, you might give me ideas for the future! If it gives you any comfort, I hate giving out spoilers, so if speculate publicly as to what might happen, the chances are that that is not what is going to happen :)

 

As an aside, I've already done the 'investigate after death' in another story, my short story Secrets, so I'm unlikely to repeat it again anytime soon...

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  • 2 weeks later...
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I'm currently on a business trip and I can't guarantee I'll be able to get online to post the chapters...so I've got the next couple already set up to post automatically :P One of the great features of the Stories software :D

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Well, I certainly didn't expect this development. And I guess I was a bit harsh in calling Helena stupid, but honestly? She knows Neil is in the closet except for his football friends, and also he's very shy. I can understand why she would think about introducing him to Liam, but saying it out loud ? But it fits her playful, confident, open personality, and I guess no straight girl could ever understand the pain of having to hide your sexuality.

And plot wise it was a huge leap forward, so I'm ready to forgive her, LOL. Oh how fun it'll be to watch Liam pine for Neil. :evil:  And the tables might be turned on Neil, who will evolve from being a stalker to being stalked, with Liam following him with sad moony eyes. :rofl:

I'm loving this story more and more, Graeme. I can't understand why we don't have more readers over here to discuss the intricate  plot.

Oh and I forgot: the coach discussion on how to challenge the players during an easy match was interesting too. More of that, please, plus I want to know how Patrick (the analyser) reacts. Those bits are so cool. If you wrote more of them, but didn't use them in the story, could you add them as a sort of commentary at the end ?

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I am loving the idea of Liam's pining for Neil. Such poetic justice! Although I can't help hoping that Liam somehow redeems himself and they end up together. And not just because there are no other gay characters their age in sight. Or, now that I think of it, single gay characters of any age, other than the elusive college students who haven't made an appearance. :)

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Great chapter Graeme!

 

Not so great on the later content, but it does explain a lot of what Dave has been going through. It is amazing he has survived this long but the history of coaches abusing their trust with young players is sickening and happens way too often. Once is too often in my opinion and I'm with Roger in what he wants to do to this so called coach. My heart goes out to Dave and rest of the team that were there to witness it, especially Charlie. With this coming up, I can't help but to feel the media speculation will be that it all happened because of Jim coming out :(

 

Thank you for sharing :hug:

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My main fear is that the media wil makes the same stupid mistake of equating gay and pedophile. It always makes my blood boil when that happens. I hope Tony can help prevent that, and in any case they need to squash rumours right now. But of course, if Mr R is charged, everything will blow up. The scary part is how many other victims he has molested...

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've been reading the last three chapters again in preparation for tomorrow's treat. I just thought of another complication. If the news of Dave's breakdown and the coach being charged with molestation gets out in the media, Neil's dad will most likely see it. In the worst case there will be pictures of either Todd, Paul or Ty in the background. If that happens Neil may be in trouble. And I still worry about him being outed in school.

It's going to be a long wait for Saturday... :(

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