Graeme Leopard Spots

[Timothy M.]

I wonder if Neil will even want to tell Clarissa about the Liam / Alf reveal. But knowing her she will make either of them confess fairly quickly. If Liam does not go to school on Monday, and Neil refuses to discuss him and say he doesn't want to see him ever again, she may put two and two together, or go over to Liam's house. His parents may ask her to help, if Liam is truly depressed, depending on whether they liked her before.

But first Neil has a whole weekend to get through. I hope Ty tells Jim and he tells Tony and that Tony offers to take Neil to Radio Pride to distract him from his woes. Then there is Sunday's game - if Doug has found out about Liam being depressed (maybe he won't turn up to their game if they are playing), he may come looking for Neil. That may not turn out well for either of them - I can just see Zach or Ty come storming over to defend Neil if Doug starts bullying him. On the other hand, Doug wants Liam to forget Neil, so he may just say Good Riddance and try to cheer Liam up. 

No matter how I try to find a glimmer of light, things are looking grim for Liam. It may be one of the most merciless punishments for a bully I've ever seen. But I can't blame you or Neil: Doug, Liam and Rod made Neil spend five years in Hell so Liam made his bed - only Doug and Rod gets off too easy in comparison.

Only two more days...

Edited March 19, 2015 by Timothy M.

[Graeme]

Interesting speculation. I can't see anything glaringly wrong, though what you've described are only a few of the possibilities. One piece of information that's not obvious is that the last chapter ended on Friday 9th May 2014. Sunday 11th May is Mother's Day. That won't change anything you've written, but it might add an additional complication to what's going on....

[Timothy M.]

Sorry for calling Zach Troy, I went back to check his name. That's when I realized it's really difficult to find a specific chapter. Your chapters don't have titles, and there are no chapter notes to indicate content. It would be very helpful to your readers if you could add either or both.

[Graeme]

I've never been one to try to title my chapters. The closest was in Heart of The Tree when I broke it up into four sections. To be honest, I could probably do that here, too, but I'm not sure what will happen if I tried to rename the chapters.

 

As for chapter notes, I'm not a fan of giving a summary or lead-in to a chapter. It acts too much like a spoiler, especially because a reader will get to see all the chapter notes before they read any chapters, which means they get an idea of what's coming up and I don't want that to happen.

 

The one thing I do do a lot as I'm writing is to go back to the dramatis personae from Leopard Skin Cover. It still has a lot of useful information that I would otherwise forget.

[Timothy M.]

Yes I see your point. I never see the chapter notes when I follow a story, since I go directly from notifications or the recent story list to the chapter. So it's only when I go to the list of chapters later that I see the short teasers. And by then it's no longer a give-away.

In my own stories I also try not to reveal anything, but to use titles and teasers which will mainly be meaningful after you have read the chapter. But I don't think I'm always successful.

I don't think anything would change if you went back and named some of the chapters, it would just be another edit. But I can see how it might be a lot of Work - and of course you should focus on writing the story.

Edited July 24, 2019 by Timothy M.

[impunity]

I am definitely not a fan of chapter notes and have commented to one author about spoilers in them. I also don't really care about titles. However, I was thinking that, as you're tracking the dates of the story anyway, it might be nice if you included the dates in the chapters. It'd help readers orient to seasons, holidays, etc.

[Graeme]

Not a bad idea. That wouldn't be a spoiler in the chapter notes I'll see what I can do, though don't expect anything quickly, because while I'm keeping track of the dates, I haven't recorded them explicitly anywhere and I'll have to recalculate them all.

[impunity]

I'm a huge fan of not doing unnecessary work. I expect doing it retrospectively would be a huge pain in the arse. Maybe just consider for the next story.

[Timothy M.]

On 3/19/2015 at 7:56 PM, Graeme said:

One piece of information that's not obvious is that the last chapter ended on Friday 9th May 2014. Sunday 11th May is Mother's Day. That won't change anything you've written, but it might add an additional complication to what's going on....

Do male teens Down Under actually do Mother's Day stuff ? Or even notice it ? I thought this was something kids were forced to do by their dads who don't want to suffer the annoying rituals of flowers, breakfast-in-bed and various other mushy mother-worshiping stuff all by themselves.  

Oh and less than 12 hours now

Edited July 24, 2019 by Timothy M.

[Ken84050]

.... One piece of information that's not obvious is that the last chapter ended on Friday 9th May 2014. Sunday 11th May is Mother's Day....

 

In that case perhaps Todd will help Lorraine's children to celebrate her.   Then Becky's frosty attitude to Todd may begin to thaw.

 

Anyway we shall find out very soon.      

[Graeme]

Do male teens Down Under actually do Mother's Day stuff ? Or even notice it ? I thought this was something kids were forced to do by their dads who don't want to suffer the annoying rituals of flowers, breakfast-in-bed and various other mushy mother-worshipping stuff all by themselves.  

 It varies. Some kids will do things, other kids have to be made to do them Fairly typical of most places, I suspect....

[Timothy M.]

I can see most of my gloomy predictions were wrong, which is nice and probably a lot more realistic. I'm secretly please at the idea of Phil having to console and apologize to his wife for drivng Neil away, I bet he loves her and is rather upset she's desperately unhappy. Serves him right.

I wish we had heard Karen lecture Ty's dad, but I guess we can imagine all sorts of lovely cutting remarks and polite put-downs.  Particularly since he was obviously pissed when they left, and he wouldn't be if he had gained the upper hand.

[impunity]

Do male teens Down Under actually do Mother's Day stuff ? Or even notice it ? I thought this was something kids were forced to do by their dads who don't want to suffer the annoying rituals of flowers, breakfast-in-bed and various other mushy mother-worshipping stuff all by themselves.  

 

I don't have kids but my mother has told me how much of an ordeal those breakfasts in bed were for her. I think it was usually burnt toast and lukewarm tea, with 4 small children eagerly watching her choke it down. 

[Timothy M.]

On 3/21/2015 at 1:28 PM, impunity said:

I don't have kids but my mother has told me how much of an ordeal those breakfasts in bed were for her. I think it was usually burnt toast and lukewarm tea, with 4 small children eagerly watching her choke it down. 

exactly what I was imagining.

Edited July 24, 2019 by Timothy M.

[Ken84050]

      Graeme has given us a splendidly horrible picture of Ty's father, a first-class villain.   Doug's villainy is less certain.   If some of his loyalty and support for his friend Liam could be extended to other people he might not be such a thug.   He could even become a boyfriend for Clarissa.   Sparring between those two would put Ty and Karen in the shade.    

 

      Ty and Neil both handled Mothers' Day well in the circumstances.   It even began the process of taming Neil's father.   I'm still a bit disappointed that Lorraine and Becky weren't featured as well.

 

      Chapter 33 makes clear how differently Liam and Neil view Alf.   Liam thought that Alf was showing his real self to Neil.   Neil seems to think Alf was a cynical device for psychological bullying.   That doesn't really make sense, as Todd or Ty may point out after Neil calms down.   Since Liam is so obviously smitten, he would surely not show such malice.   But Neil isn't ready to be logical.

 

      From Graeme's note about dates it seems that Chapter 33 ended on Tuesday 13th May.   That leaves just 18 days until Neil's party, a major event on the horizon.

 

      Many thanks again to Graeme.   Often I think about your fictional characters more than about various  real people, although of course there is no helpful narrator standing by to explain real people's minds.    

Edited March 22, 2015 by Ken84050

[Ken84050]

.... while I'm keeping track of the dates, I haven't recorded them explicitly anywhere and I'll have to recalculate them all.

 

      Well,  Graeme (or anyone else) is welcome to correct this chronology.

 

Chapter     Dates

 

Prologue    Saturday 22nd March 2014

 1               Saturday 22nd

 2               Saturday 22nd,  Sunday 23rd

 3               Sunday 23rd,  Monday 24th

 4               Tuesday 25th

 5               Wednesday 26th

 6               Thursday 27th,  Friday 28th

 7               Saturday 29th

 8               Saturday 29th

 9               Sunday 30th,  Monday 31st

10              Monday 31st March

11              Tuesday 1st April

12              Friday 4th to Monday 7th

13              Monday 7th to Wednesday 9th

14              Wednesday 9th to Friday 11th

15              Friday 11th,  Saturday 12th

16              Saturday 12th

17              Sunday 13th

18              Monday 14th,  Tuesday 15th

19              Thursday 17th to Saturday 19th

20              Saturday 19th

21              Saturday 19th,  Sunday 20th

22              Sunday 20th,  Monday 21st

23              Tuesday 22nd

24              Wednesday 23rd to Saturday 26th

25              Sunday 27th

26              Monday 28th April to Thursday 1st May

27              Thursday 1st,  Friday 2nd

28              Friday 2nd,  Saturday 3rd

29              Sunday 4th,  Monday 5th

30              Monday 5th

31              Tuesday 6th

32              Thursday 8th,  Friday 9th

33              Saturday 10th to Tuesday 13th

34              Friday 16th to Wednesday 21st May 2014

Edited March 28, 2015 by Ken84050

[Graeme]

Wow!     That's fantastic! It certainly looks about right. I remember thinking that the first 15-20 chapters were close to a chapter per day.

 

EDIT TO ADD:

 

I've added the starting date of each chapter to the chapter notes. If you can remember roughly when an event occurred, that will help you find that chapter

Edited March 28, 2015 by Graeme

[Timothy M.]

Quote

Liam smiled his thanks at Clarissa. Neil’s reaction to her question had given him hope.

I'm not sure whether Clarissa is doing Liam a favor by raising his hopes, if Neil never changes his mind. But right now it's probably better than nothing. And Jim talking to Liam is definitely a great idea, since both of them could learn from that. Jim needs to have reinforced the lesson about making notes whenever he encounters homophobic behavior by being told what happened to Liam, and Liam needs to talk about his frustration and how to tackle it.

Edited July 24, 2019 by Timothy M.

[Ken84050]

      Clarissa!   Gruff exterior and heart of gold - a fine Aussie.   She now understands very well both the Village Idiot and Stubborn Boy,  and we can rely on her to continue banging their heads together for a happy ending.   Graeme likes happy endings.       But she has only ten days to achieve it before Neil's party.

 

      Poor Deon.   Football lost him Pamela, but football and Pamela helped him to regain his father.   It was Sam (in Chapter 20) who first clearly pointed out Deon's kicking problem, and now he gratefully acknowledges that.   He is such a dedicated player that I wish the Carlton club were interested in him as well as Ty.

 

      Thanks as always, Graeme.   It's a long time until next Saturday.     

[Timothy M.]

On 3/28/2015 at 10:54 PM, Ken84050 said:

Thanks as always, Graeme.   It's a long time until next Saturday.     

But less now than it was then.

I'm hoping we'll see the chat between Jim and Liam, if just via Liam's email to Neil. Perhaps Neil will even answer !

Edited July 24, 2019 by Timothy M.

[Timothy M.]

AS I'm sitting here at 4 am waiting for the next chapter, because I can't sleep, I wonder whether Liam will resend the first email (or emails), which Neil deleted, now that he knows they are being read.

[Timothy M.]

Quote

As for Liam telling Neil, Neil's not talking to him. Given Neil's reaction to Clarissa telling him that she's bring Alf to the party, do you really think Neil will tell Liam's parents that he wants him there?

I was hoping that after the talk with Tony and perhaps more talks with Clarissa and others, Neil would accept Liam's presence at the party and maybe even think about finding out who is the real Liam. If Neil got this far, he might feel a bit disappointed, if Liam suddenly says he can't come because his parents won't let him. But obviously this is hoping too much.

OK, I'll settle for Liam not going and Neil feeling a little bit disappointed, much to his own surprise. Although I'm not sure why I'm even rooting for Liam in this matter. Perhaps because Neil has no one else his own age to get interested in. But on the other hand, they did get along really well when they chatted.

About Neil working in the shop, I thought he would work alternate Saturdays during school weeks and full time during holidays, my mistake. But he does need a job, doesn't he?

Edited July 24, 2019 by Timothy M.

[Timothy M.]

Damn, somehow I managed to post twice. Oh well, I can bring up another matter on my mind. 

I loved all the football stuff, and I noticed that the goal is named differently to European football, which confused me for a moment. The Leopards' goal is the one they are trying to score in, whereas in soccer it would be the one they were defending (with a goal keeper).

Edited July 24, 2019 by Timothy M.

[Graeme]

I loved all the football stuff, and I noticed that the goal is named differently to European football, which confused me for a moment. The Leopard's goal is the one they are trying to score in, whereas in soccer it would be the one they were defending (with a goal keeper).

I've never noticed that before, but I'm not a great follower of European football (or Australia's A-League (soccer)).

 

There's another fine detail that I've been trying to avoid in the story, but it's actually "the Leopards goals". That is, plural, rather than singular. I don't know why, but I suspect because the goal area is defined by two goal posts on either side, and not an enclosed area with a crossbar.

 

Of course, Australians and Americans have a number of terms where the plurality/singular is reversed: eg. Math/Maths, Sport/Sports. This may just be another example.

[Ken84050]

      There now seems a good chance that Deon as well as Ty will be drafted into the AFL.   It's sad to think of the close-knit Leopards team being broken up, but of course there will be changes at the end of the season anyway.

 

      Neil's initial attitude to Tony was jealousy,  but Tony has become a good gay mentor for him (as has Sam).   Comparing the Liam/Alf duality with the Jim/Ken duality never occurred to me, but evidently Graeme had it in mind all along.   He really is a consummate story-teller.

 

      Liam's parents are good people, and their severity over Liam's violence is quite justified.  In Chapter 34 even Doug seemed critical of Liam's breaking bones in response to homophobic taunting.  The only person giving any support to Liam was, surprisingly enough, Neil:  “The guy had it coming to him. He knew Jerk Face is gay and he’d been making homophobic comments all game. Jerk Face did well to wait for as long as he did before he lashed out.”   Graeme never over-simplifies human mixed feelings.

 

      Liam is obviously desperate to get to Neil's party, but asking Doug for help is likely to make things worse.   So who is the best person to entreat his parents?   Why, Supergirl of course!   They already know Clarissa from when she was Liam's girlfriend.  Without using Portia's words, she can still plead that "The quality of mercy is not strained...."

 

      One of my little fantasies is that Bruce and/or Beth Bellweather happen to meet Neil somewhere like a shopping mall, while Liam is grounded at home.  They offer Neil coffee and a chat.  Neil's new friends are all of his own age or a few years older, but the Bellweathers can be an honorary aunt and uncle if Neil ever wants to talk with someone else of his parents' generation.   They are too tactful to say much about Liam, but they may mention that he has been grounded since they heard about the bullying.   Neil doesn't yet know about that, does he?   If Bruce and Beth are ever to be Neil's "in-laws" it would be good for him to see what fine people they are.

 

      A small question for Graeme.   More than once Clarissa has described Liam as a jerk but not a bastard.   I'm quite familiar with "bastard" as a pejorative term, but the American term "jerk" is too subtle for me.   Could you briefly explain the distinction, please, Graeme?