Let the Music Play

[C James]

I thoguht I'd try and revive this very useful forum, and take advantage of it to post something that isn't quite ready for sneak peeks yet.

 

Basically, this is a fragment of chapter one of a story that has been laying around on my hard drive for a few years. I've made a few changes to the wording due to things I've learned since, but I'm utterly incapable of judging my own work. It might be utter bunk. If it is, please do me (and any readers) a favor and tell me so.

 

This us un-beta'd, and UNEDITED, so it is decidedly rough. Any and all opinions welcome. I'm basically trying to see if it is work salvaging or not. I like the storyline, but that doesn't mean anyone else will. Thanks!

CJ

 

 

Let the music play

Chapter one

Roadie.

Cody ducked as the speaker came crashing down less than a dozen feet from him, and felt more than heard the thud as it hit the stage, accompanied by its mounting bracket. Cody turned in time to see the last of the scattered pieces come to a standstill, the sudden, overwhelming silence soon shattered as he heard Gabe, his boss, yell,

Edited December 22, 2006 by C James

[Camy]

I like it CJ, though it does seem obvious where it's headed - Cody becomes the lead singer?

 

Having worked both on the road, and in static theatre: a venue would normally provide staff (who would be happy to help sound check).

Roadies get a weekly salary plus PD's (per diems - daily spending money), at least I did. You work till you finish and no overtime. It's the fun that drives you ... and other things.

 

So, when do we get to read the finished story?

[Graeme]

The story line is nice, and while there's the obvious lead that Camy's picked up, I'm not as confident that that is the direction you'll take it as you have a habit of misdirecting the reader However, on that subject, there is nothing wrong with an obvious plot direction IF it is delivered well. Sometimes it is the journey that is important, not the destination.

 

On a negative point of view, yes, this needs a lot of work. Given what you've learnt over the last few months, I would consider keeping the plot, but starting from scratch and writing it out again. DON'T look at the original when you are doing it. You'll remember most of it, but you'll be able to delivered the story better by incorporating all the experience you've picked up since.

 

As has been said before, being a good author means being a good storyteller and a good storywriter. You've got the makings of a good story here, bit you need to tell it well.

 

Just my opinion.

[C James]

I like it CJ, though it does seem obvious where it's headed - Cody becomes the lead singer?

 

Having worked both on the road, and in static theatre: a venue would normally provide staff (who would be happy to help sound check).

Roadies get a weekly salary plus PD's (per diems - daily spending money), at least I did. You work till you finish and no overtime. It's the fun that drives you ... and other things.

 

So, when do we get to read the finished story?

 

It's not much of a surprise, but Cody does get to sing with the group, either late in chapter one or early in chapter two (it's been so long that I don't remember exactly). I was never trying to hide that, as it's basically the start of the story, much as I used a blackmail plot to kick off the story I'm currently posting, "For the Love".

 

Thanks for the "inside info"! Cody isn't at a venue, but rather at a recording studio that also has a rehearsal stage. I think there used to be one like that down on Wilshire in Los Angeles, but I really haven't a clue. Also, needless to say, I won't be using any "celebs" of any sort, as I have zero knowledge of them (plus, frankly, I find it boring trying to write when I'm not free to develop my own characters how I choose). I did use the name of one real venu; The Mason Jar in Phoenix. I don't know the legalities of mentioning a real place by name, so, I'll change that.

 

Given your background, would you mind if I send you a couple of PM's in the future, when things are further along, to bounce a few aspects of this off of you? It does center on the music industry, which I have near zero experience with.

Thanks!!

 

Oh, to answer your other question: This one may take a while, as I basically have to re-write it. Most of it is even worse than the draft above, which I did brush up a little. I'd never intended for anyone to see this story (I wrote it before I found GA) so it is basically just one big 60k words .doc file, very rough, and not even broken into chapters. It was just one of those stories that popped into my head, and I just had to get it down on paper (or hard drive). I've got a few others like that, though this one is the largest.

 

Thanks Camy!!

 

The story line is nice, and while there's the obvious lead that Camy's picked up, I'm not as confident that that is the direction you'll take it as you have a habit of misdirecting the reader

 

What? Moi? Misdirect the reader? Would I do such a thing?

 

Nah, on this one, Camy pegged it, he does at least get to sing with them a few times, but that will probably all be in chapter one so not much point in hiding it.

 

However, on that subject, there is nothing wrong with an obvious plot direction IF it is delivered well. Sometimes it is the journey that is important, not the destination.

 

On a negative point of view, yes, this needs a lot of work. Given what you've learnt over the last few months, I would consider keeping the plot, but starting from scratch and writing it out again. DON'T look at the original when you are doing it. You'll remember most of it, but you'll be able to delivered the story better by incorporating all the experience you've picked up since.

 

As has been said before, being a good author means being a good storyteller and a good storywriter. You've got the makings of a good story here, bit you need to tell it well.

 

Just my opinion.

 

Hmmmmm.... That is an interesting idea. I probably won't do it that way as there are some scenes in it that I very much like the way they turned out, but I will most likely re-write more than half of it completely, and just heavily revise most of the rest. I think, though, that chapter one (including the bit above) will amongst those that are entirely re-written. I dislike how the above bit "feels", and the first chapter is so critical.

 

Thanks!!!!

[Graeme]

Hmmmmm.... That is an interesting idea. I probably won't do it that way as there are some scenes in it that I very much like the way they turned out, but I will most likely re-write more than half of it completely, and just heavily revise most of the rest. I think, though, that chapter one (including the bit above) will amongst those that are entirely re-written. I dislike how the above bit "feels", and the first chapter is so critical.

By all means keep scenes you like. Part of what I was trying to say was that you'll write a scene better now than you did before. However, the most important thing a re-write without reference would affect is the story flow. If you edited the current story, you will generally keep things happening in the same order and just be adjusting how it's stated. If you write it from scratch, you'll get a different story flow -- one that takes advantage of what you know now. You can still drop the scenes you like into that new story flow without a problem.

 

Does that make sense?

[C James]

By all means keep scenes you like. Part of what I was trying to say was that you'll write a scene better now than you did before. However, the most important thing a re-write without reference would affect is the story flow. If you edited the current story, you will generally keep things happening in the same order and just be adjusting how it's stated. If you write it from scratch, you'll get a different story flow -- one that takes advantage of what you know now. You can still drop the scenes you like into that new story flow without a problem.

 

Does that make sense?

 

That is a good point, and does make sense. I'll see how I do with chapter one, as that does not, to me, flow well at all. Thanks!!

[Camy]

Given your background, would you mind if I send you a couple of PM's in the future, when things are further along, to bounce a few aspects of this off of you?

Surely, and my pleasure.

What goes on on the tour bus post gig is unfortunately 'classified' under bestest pinky oath, but anything else is fair game

 

Camy

[C James]

Surely, and my pleasure.

What goes on on the tour bus post gig is unfortunately 'classified' under bestest pinky oath, but anything else is fair game

 

Camy

 

Thanks Camy!!

 

I have it on fairly good authority that what goes on on the tour bus post gig is that they all sit around and play backgammon, but I might possibly be wrong.

[Bondwriter]

Just noticed it today. From my own experience, for the professional side of it, I'd say you should check with American people also, because I don't want to say Camy's wrong, but having hung out with bands from all over the world, I noticed a lot of business aspects are really different between the US and Europe. Though there are more similarities between the UK and the US than between the UK and France.

 

Otherwise, it's promising. Otherwise, I remember that when I toured, the biggest activity in the back of the van was reading. Not going to say anything about hotel rooms, though.

[C James]

Just noticed it today. From my own experience, for the professional side of it, I'd say you should check with American people also, because I don't want to say Camy's wrong, but having hung out with bands from all over the world, I noticed a lot of business aspects are really different between the US and Europe. Though there are more similarities between the UK and the US than between the UK and France.

 

Otherwise, it's promising. Otherwise, I remember that when I toured, the biggest activity in the back of the van was reading. Not going to say anything about hotel rooms, though.

 

Thanks! I sort of have it on hold while I try and catch up and get a few chapters ahead with "For the Love".

 

I'll keep that in mind about the differences. I also hear it varies a lot from band to band.

[Obex]

Nice start. I would like to see the word 'Cody' used less. Perhaps a 'he' in there. I counted at least 20 times his name was said, not counting Gabes use of it. But thats just me. Pronouns rule!

 

Also the first paragraph is a run-on sentence. ; or : work well if you want to keep a thought going but not stop the pacing.

 

But hey, what do I know, I only write scripts .

[C James]

Nice start. I would like to see the word 'Cody' used less. Perhaps a 'he' in there. I counted at least 20 times his name was said, not counting Gabes use of it. But thats just me. Pronouns rule!

 

Also the first paragraph is a run-on sentence. ; or : work well if you want to keep a thought going but not stop the pacing.

 

But hey, what do I know, I only write scripts .

 

I agree in many cases that I could have used it less, and should have.

 

In this context, it is clear from the context who is being referred to in most cases, so a pronoun would suffice. However, if there were other people on the stage I'd go with his name, because one of my pet hates as a reader is having to stop when I hit a pronoun and figure out who is who (unless it is very clear). So that, I need to avoid, but in this case you are 100% right: I could have cut out about half the "Cody's".

 

Thanks!

[AFriendlyFace]

I agree in many cases that I could have used it less, and should have.

 

In this context, it is clear from the context who is being referred to in most cases, so a pronoun would suffice. However, if there were other people on the stage I'd go with his name, because one of my pet hates as a reader is having to stop when I hit a pronoun and figure out who is who (unless it is very clear). So that, I need to avoid, but in this case you are 100% right: I could have cut out about half the "Cody's".

 

Thanks!

LOL, it looks like you ultimately decided to cut out all the Cody's