Cia

LOL. You were right, this is an interesting dream! However, there are some things I need to point out. You have Gabriel's age as 15 in his little mental monologue when he's 16. Also, your delivery could use a little work. Like the exchange between Ted and Gabriel. You keep having one of them say something and the other person's action. Like this: “You really don’t have to…I’ll be fine on my own now that I’m dry.” Ted ruffled Gabriel’s hair, the thought of when his father did that to him come rushing back. “It’s no worries kid. You look like you need some help. I bet your parents are worried so after the delivery I’ll take you back home.” Gabriel’s shoulders sagged in defeat and Ted was quick to catch it, and the mutter the teen gave that he probably didn’t want the adult to hear. “I doubt they want me.” Ted looked confused, but probably more taken back by how the kid’s tone was. I would change that up so that the first dialogue line stands alone and then shift the actions and rest of the dialogue so that the person speaking is the one with the action. Also, right at the very end.. you switch to a narrator view. 'the kid's' tone isn't Gabriel's mental thoughts on how taken aback Ted is. It's like an outsider's pov, or like a narrator. If the chapter is supposed to be from Gabriel's pov you need to have the kid's tone be his tone. The only other glaring issue is that the family that bbq's and invites them to eat seems a tad weird. How does Ted know their names if they don't know Ted that well? Why did the dad assume Gabriel was Ted's son but then Sean ask if Gabriel was from around there? Also, right there in that exchange you switch over to Sean's pov of the conversation with Gabriel, rather than Gabriel's perception of it. Head hopping happens quite often in fiction but you should try to keep each section or chapter to a single person. All in all, still an intriguing story but as I said, a few tweaks to your delivery would make it a bit cleaner and easier for a reader to process.

More intrigue, more action, more questions. I wonder how the kid knew Raoul's name or if the 'wolf' just adopted it when he adopted 'his human'. Reading on!

Well that's an intriguing start. I do want to read on, fortunately there is more to read But what's up with the quotation marks around the paragraphs? Is he talking to someone we don't know about yet? If not they need to go.

I think this was sad and happy. We equate sex with sexiness but for me the actions your ghost used took on more of a comfort vibe than an arousal one. That being said, loved it!!!

Obviously, it can be done. Gone From Daylight has myriad fans who love updates, I'm sure. For myself... I don't think I could get into a story of that type. I need an introduction, a conflict, and a resolution. No resolution just irritates me, especially in a book that I purchase. I think you can do sequels that involve the same characters but each story MUST be complete. There can be an overarching plot throughout the books but each one should focus on a set issue with the characters and it should be resolved before the HEA occurs. Yes, because I'm a sap, all my stories need a happily ever after I'll read those that don't but I don't get the warm fuzzies from them and will rarely buy more books or read further in the series.

Welcome Schitzo. Like the name with the signature comment combo I'll think you'll find many compatriots here in the same boat, LOL!

Thanks again everyone! I'm off to make dinner and then enjoy my chocolately chocolate cake!!! Big to everyone who took the time to send me birthday wishes, you really helped make my day!

LOL! I wasn't really sure when I wrote this which way it was going either... which is why I left it up to the reader. Though, if the one in chains is enjoying it... time flies in sub space!

Happy Birthday!!!

Most people think of not being able to see being from darkness or being blind. Light can be equally blinding and painful. This is one of my few not so happy endings. I can't do it to characters I spend more time with but a dribble will let me kill people off or make them sad at the end. Thanks for all the reviews!!!

I know, don't ask me why I thought that up but the comment came from a conversation with Renee and I just had this picture of this naked guy dying all suffocated by gathering dust bunnies under this bed. Sort of drives home the message for personal accountability though, yeah? Even if it wasn't the cheater he knew something was off. Sucks that he didn't go with his gut on it.

This story even made me sad when I wrote it. I felt for the dad so much. Rupert is definitely a poignant reminder.

Umm, yay? I'm glad I got it right, though not that it happened to you

You never know, my dad gave me some pretty wicked ideals growing up and I got past them She might too. I like to think of it that way. This was one of my favorites of Lugh's prompts.

Yes, I read yours too. This one was just so sad but for some reason it's still my fav! Thanks for the reviews!

I had a teddy... the only difference was mine didn't have a music box and he was white. His insides hid my most secret possessions though as I tunneled a secret hole in his neck when he got a bit more careworn and some threads came loose. Perfect companions, teddy bears!

Thank you! I did want to make it unexpected and a little different. I don't know why but I hate clowns so when I read the prompt the first thing that my head went to was something dark. In the end though... it wasn't about horror or hate, it was about protecting, as you said. Well, and Barnabas' greed, lol. I think all ringmasters are given a bad rap in stories, I couldn't go too far off the mark.

Awww, thanks for all the birthday wishes, cute pictures (Great job Nephy!!) cakes (I am having dark chocolate with milk chocolate frosting Bandage! Mmmm... ) and lovely sentiments as I wave bye bye to my youth. Okay, who am I kidding? I've been old for ages, now I just won't get 'really?' with wide eyes as I tell people I'm in my 20s. LOL, again thanks everyone, this was lovely to wake up to!

Awww, you're welcome, John, KC, Quonus, and Conner. Thanks for the thanks

Just seeing that makes my ankles hurt Sky but you look good doing it!

Thanks JC! Frosty, Andy, Cam... LOL, what can I say? You make me laugh.

Has GA been life changing for me? Oh yes. I read everything I could on the site almost 2 years ago and then a lifelong love of reading turned into...well, maybe I can write too. Lugh, Nephy, and Paya were the first to encourage me and help me along and now I like to do the same for others as often as possible. In life I appear to be the most "normal" of women, a wife of nearly 11 years and stay at home mom to a girl and boy. On the inside... I'm way more than that. I never had the outlet before GA and somewhere along the way I lost a good part of me. I didn't think I would be accepted here as a woman but as I browsed the site I found that wasn't the case and when I joined I found acceptance, friendship, and people who didn't think I was a freak, no matter how weird I can be. I found the bits of me that could reach out to people, the part that liked trying new things and being creative. I found new friends who I would be less without and because of this site I have even gotten published. That's a dream I never had the confidence in myself to reach for and now... I do. The support and acceptance I found on this site is a gift, one I'll treasure more each time I can pass it along to someone else, on GA and off.

Well I'm a mishmash of all sorts of things when it comes to 'personal animals' Chinese Zodiak has me as a rooster: The quiz tied me between the wolverine and bear: Astrology has me as a Leo: Pfft.... You know what all those wordy descriptions mean? (I'll paraphrase so you don't have to read them!) I'm a bossy person who likes to collect people to push around and I'm prone to vanity and need to watch that I don't have my head fall over all over-inflated from the weight of my own awesomeness. Ah well... I think my avatar says it all.

Look at all of these newer members obviously friends with new members! Lovely to see!! Welcome again Rosie I'll welcome you all over the site at this rate, lol. Hi Listen2UrHeart in North Dakota! Welcome to GA!! HI WriterX... did that drop hurt when you hit the bottom? (I know bad joke, I'm sooo not funny) Welcome Hi Smooth... any friend of Q's is always welcome! I hope you enjoy the site!! Did I miss anyone? If I did... sorry! Welcome Welcome Welcome! Now don't bug me, I'm hostile and totally unhelpful. Leaving me messages if you're confused about anything would be a really bad idea. I mean... really bad.

so... I guess I don't understand. This is complete? When we don't know who the attacker is and the story isn't resolved at all? Even short stories need a conflict and a resolution of some sort, imo. Did I just miss the clues to let the reader know it is is? I know your notes say this is a prequel to another story but it just doesn't seem to stand alone. I'd consider this more of a prologue, depending on how your story goes. Interesting characters, you definitely made Erich come off the screen but the story left me feeling dissatisfied.