Renee Stevens

@Cole Matthews Not too late at all! Yes, pick a story by @jkwsquirrel and the next person to sign up will do a story of yours

I hope you all enjoyed the last Improve & Encourage feature, because it's time for another one. These features are meant to both provide feedback to authors and, similar to story reviews, point out stories that readers might not otherwise have found. It's similar to a review, in that the person doing the critique tells you what they liked about the story, but it differs in that they also provide constructive criticism. Each author signed up to participate, and sign up's are still open! These will post once a month until we no longer have content. Once that happens, I will critique the last author that posted. If you'd like to provide a critique for the blog, sign up in the thread. I'm hoping to have a lot more authors sign up, and just remember, by signing up, you are also volunteering to have your story critiqued and featured. Between the Push and the Pull Hudson Bartholomew Critique By: Wicked WItch Please give us a short summary of the story you chose. Ryan carefully separates the real him from his façade as Roman Cox, porn actor. But when he is recruited for a new type of porn, with story and romance flaring between the characters, he finds it harder and harder to separate what is happening in front of the cameras from his real attraction for fellow actor Erik. What do you see as the strengths of the story/poem? The summary I’ve written makes this story sound way too much like a corny erotic romance. As the character Ryan mentions what they do on screen is much like a Harlequin romance, but Hudson Bartholomew manages to provide real emotional depth in this story that quickly breaks any illusion of this being such a book. The description and imagery here are wonderful and make things flare to life in the readers mind, and Hudson has crafted a very interesting plot. Though the sequence of events that make up the beginning middle and end are not complex, the emotional journey the characters embark upon is winding and twisted. The plot of the porno being filmed, the story of Ryan and Erik’s private lives, and the story of their meeting all explore the way the psyche deals with many issues. Trying to write this, I honestly feel like I am back in Literature analysing stuffy old Victorian novels. There is so much interesting exploration of the psyche in this work that almost deserves an essay. But Hudson livens it all up with a modern story and a dash of the erotic that makes it a really enjoyable read. Those stuffy Victorians would be scandalised. What do you see as the weaknesses of the story/poem? This is the most difficult part as I don’t see too many weaknesses. The romance felt a little one sided as we just don’t see enough of Erik for my liking. The character of Erik could’ve been explored a bit more deeply, but he is still a well rounded and solid, believable person. I’d have liked to sneak a peak more into his mind however. In addition there were some minor typos in the work that could do with being rectified. How do you think the story/poem could be improved? Another run over by an editor might improve this by cutting out some of the typos. Another edit would help almost any story however, that said, so it is a general thing. While pacing is good, I think that making this work a bit longer and working in more of Erik’s perspective would really build things up more. We get a glimpse or two of his life but we see into Ryan’s world far more deeply than Erik’s. As much as I don’t love the ending of this work, because I’m a sappy fool and it was heartbreaking, I think that it works with the piece. Now, a sequel would be perfection. What was your favorite part? (scene/sentence/etc) I’m of two minds about my favourite part. I don’t want to spoil things, so I won’t quote anything. But the ending is my favourite, and yet my least favourite. Because it left me a temporary emotional wreck, I hate the ending. Yet it is so beautifully written and it makes so much sense to the story, and so I love it. The descriptions, the power of the words. It was perfect in one way and so heart wrenching in another. I feel so deeply unsatisfied that it couldn’t end another way, and yet it was such a good ending. It inspired deep emotion. I could – I still can - see the scene so vividly in my mind. I feel like these characters may yet haunt me; they feel so real, even though they are fiction.

Wonderful poem, tim!!!

Thank you, JayT! I'm a bit discombobulated lately. Next person to comment will critique @jkwsquirrel

Hope everyone has had a great week, so let's take a look at what happened this past week in the various GA News blog! Contests Halloween Short Story Contest - Due September 15th, 2017 Anthology Announcements: ***NOTE: All Deadlines are for submission to the Anthology Proof Team 2017 Fall Anthology: The Fall Out / Secret Spaces - Due November 15th, 2017 Premium Updates: A Closed Door by Andrew_Q_Gordon *Premium* Negative Splits by Cia *Premium* Classic Updates: Reggie's Journal by Ronyx Signature Updates: 319 Winesap Lane by CarlHoliday A prompt a week by comicfan Fanfic by Comicality; Book 0 of Fanfic Mine! by Cia New Kid In School by Comicality On The Outside by Comicality Poetry by Renee by Renee Stevens The Best Year by Krista The Castaway Hotel: Next Generation Book 2 by Bill W; Book 11 of The Castaway Hotel Promising Updates: Buy One, Get Two and Three... by Caz Pedroso Choices by LitLover Cozy Contemplations by Headstall Headstall's Reflections by Headstall Lyrical Laments by Headstall timmy's poetry by Mikiesboy Walls by Carlos Hazday; Book 6 of CJ

Wow! You've captured the strength of your love and commitment to each other. Wonderful poem, Mike!

Thank you, tim. Unfortunately, sometimes the truth is sad and hurts, but at the same time there is a release in recognizing that truth for what it is.

Thank you, Gary. There's really no way to describe how depression attacks, and I saw more than my share over the years. But, there has to be hope, or what's the point?

Thank you, Mike. Glad you enjoyed it.

Thank you JP!

Thank you, Moggy.

Thank you, Def. I wish I could say I'm glad you could relate, but I wish nobody ever had to feel that way.

I have that same problem when I try and comment on something someone has written. You're right that it's not a good feeling, but sometimes all you can do is deal with it, or have the strength to walk away. Thank you for your comment!

Thank you, RJ. I'm not well versed in it either, but luckily I was able to convey what I wanted.

Thank you, Gary. I'm not a poet, not like many here, but sometimes I just need to get how I'm feeling out and I was recently challenged to attempt more poetry. I debated the spacing, but in the end I preferred the two lines together vs four. Glad you enjoyed it.

Thank you, Gary. I still have days like this, but for the most part they are few and far between. I can't remember exactly what prompted me to write this one, but I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Thanks, Gary!

Thank you, Gary. Time to Say Good-bye and Overcoming Depression were both written a couple of years after my brother's death when I took a creative writing class in high school.

Thank you, JP! Emotions can be a difficult thing. Thank you, Reader. I'm glad that it kept you in it's grip and that you enjoyed it. Thank you, Def! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Every day a struggle Looking from the outside in Wanting to belong Trying to fit in How to change it Wish I knew Short of changing who I am Not much I can do Perhaps it’s time And best for all To simply walk away And find where I belong.

I've started writing a comment and then deleting it half a dozen times. I remember reading tim's story on how you met and married and it's a treat to now get to read it in your words as well. So happy that you two found each other at that mission and that you were as persistent as you were. You and tim are very lucky to have each other and just from talking to both of you, I think you can make it through anything together.

I hope everyone is having a great week! It's time for this weeks prompts, supplied by our prompt guru, Comicfan. Just a reminder, and for those who haven't worked with the prompts before: prompt responses under 1,000 words must be posted as part of a collection. Hopefully you'll find something in this weeks prompts to spark an idea and get you writing! Prompt 588 – Creative Tag – The Pitch You were hired to write a new television show. You were asked to create something unique. What is your pitch? Prompt 589 – Creative Tag – First Line Who is singing that? Our three responses to Prompt #586: BHopper2 - Prompt #586 “Where are you planning to get the money for that vacation?” Professor Kline asked looking over at AJ. “Three weeks touring Ireland, England, and Scotland, seems to be rather expensive.” AJ smiled at his Professor, knowing he meant well. Professor Kline was his academic advisor, and whom he sought guidance on a variety of issues over the years. He’s also the man, which needed to approve him to access the campus computer system while he was away. “It’s mine and Tommy’s wedding honeymoon. Dad’s bankrolling it. Though, we have to take our own spending cash. I’ve already talked to my grandparents, and I can pull the money out from my Trust. It’s going to be a magical trip.” AJ stated with a twinkle in his eye. “Alright, thanks for answering, though you didn’t need too. Are you going to have the time to study while over there? Don’t get me wrong, schoolwork would be the last thing I thought of, while I was with my new partner while on a honeymoon.” JohnAR - MetaDeprivation “Where are you planning to get the money for that vacation?” the mailbox message said. Colt closed his phone before it had finished, checked the time, 30 more minutes, before putting it away. It seemed his mother during one of her not so bright moments, had called him and left that message, instead of on his father’s phone. He didn’t even get excited about the notion of ‘vacation.’ They would never go for a vacation. And even if, he didn’t want to go on vacation. Not with people he didn’t love. So no vacation. Ever. He only felt guilty for two seconds, he was supposed to love his parents, but he didn’t feel it. No surprise, the freak he was. No surprise, the loner he was. “You will never belong,” the stranger said, reading his thoughts. Comicfan - A Prompt A Week “Where are you planning to get the money for that vacation?” Tony looked over Mark’s broad shoulder at the website on screen. “I can look. You know I’ve been putting money away.” Tony turned and glared at his brother. “And it isn’t a vacation, it’s called a honeymoon!” “Yeah, yeah.” Tony smiled and sat on his older brother’s bed. “Just don’t you and Bran forget to bring me back something!” “You do realize its our honeymoon. We aren’t going for souvenirs, you know?”

Wow. I'm not sure I can come up with anything that hasn't already been said, but I definitely hope to read more of this one! Thanks for sharing, Mac!

The way the query works is that it only looks at the last chapter posted of each story but it's seeing if that date is part of the previous week. If not, it's omitted. So if you post a chapter on Sunday, and we haven't run the query yet, it will read that chapter instead of the one from the previous week and won't include it.

Thanks, tim! Most of these were written after my brother's death and I was a very angry and depressed teenager for quite a few years and had a lot of days like this one. Spending a lot of my time in the outdoors, those seemed the most appropriate to get my feelings out. Thank you, Mac!