viv

So, I didn't need Jason after all But that's only cause Steve knew that I'm as inept as I am at finding places and gave me the idiot version of directions. Thanks I appreciate it SO much more than you know! He was also smart enough to tell me which house was his, which is a good thing cause even though he told me, I was looking for an address, and where I live they are painted on the curb out front, or up on the house somewhere and I wasn't seeing any. I did see them later that night all lit up above the garages though! So, the good news is he's still alive, and I still say I can do whatever I want to in my own lane Also, right turn only my ass! He fixed my mirror in my car! SO yay! My son pulled it off somehow a week prior So we toured the Air Force Base, and the city too, and yes there was a pirate, oddly enough more than one actually, but the rest were paper cut outs. He saw the rest of the inside of Macy's, and I think that was a new experience since he said he doesn't usually get past the MAC make-up counter when he's with his sisters. I say, I'm cute enough to look like me right? It was pretty fun watching him squirm during the movie, and I'll admit now that for me, it's just funny cause, well, I don't have those parts... but you know, it was still funny the second time around. I was trying my very hardest not to ruin the movie for him since I had already seen it and I have a tendency to ruin the punch line sometimes. We ate, anything was fine at that point cause I was running on a bowl of Apple Jacks since 9 am... so, "just feed me," is what I believe my words were. His kitty is snuggly! Not like mine I'll have to visit him again soon and snuggle more! I LOVE kitties! I'm gonna take a chance here and hope he doesn't kill me but let me tell you some things I learned about Steve that I didn't know before... He is SUCH a gentleman! Not like we were on a date or anything but, he was really great, and I'm not exactly a whiny girl or anything, and I am usually fine with doing things for myself, assuming they don't involve bugs :wacko: I guess that can be intimidating to some men, but he was cool about it. He even waited till I told him I made it home safe before he went to bed! He smells good. He's a good boy, and I love that. He has his... humor and his thoughts, and don't even get us started on massages in the middle of the mall, but all in all, he is a good boy and I think that's sweet. He has a room with a view, (not that I saw it) but I was told... and that seems pretty cool to me too. I think he might just be organized somewhat... which is fascinating in terms of most men I know. (Cites the fact that he knew where the box was for his digital camera was) And, he didn't even flirt with REALLY tall and cute James the waiter when I told him to! He hugged me all on his own this time and I just want to say, again, thanks for a great night luvuh I had a lot of fun! Even if we did stay out all night, and you better let me have my turn to buy soon, deal? Hugs, Vivian

... but I thought it looked fun TEN EMOTIONS. 1. are you missing someone right now?: Yes 2. are you happy? right now? Sorta 3. are you talking to anyone right now?: Yes 4. are you bored?: Not often 5. are you German?: Some 6 are you Irish?: Also, some 7. are you French?: No 8. are you Italian?: Yes 9. are your parents still married?: Umm, I guess I'll go with yes, if they were still alive, even though they had separated. 10. do you like someone right now?: Yes, I hope so anyway, since I married him. TEN FAVORITES. 1. store: Borders, I guess 2. flowers: Roses 3. color: Green 4. sport: To play? Swimming. To watch, gymnastics, ice skating, baseball, hockey, football... 5. mall: Probably Brea Mall, or the one near my work. 6. movie: Gosh, I dunno... I love so many... 8. season: Right now, spring 9. animal: Kitties or giraffes 10. state: I've been to almost every one, at least in the contiguous 48 and I'll say California, cause it's home and warm. TEN FACTS. 1. hometown: Anaheim, CA 2. hair color: Brown 3. Birthday: June 20, 1977 4. hair style: Medium/long and straight 5. eye color: Hazel brown/green 6. best friend: Heh, going with Davey here 7. mood: Tryin to be indifferent 8. skin color: White 9. available: Nope 10. left/right-handed: Right TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE. 1. have you ever been in love?: Yes 2. do you believe in love: Yes 3. why did your last relationship fail: We were kids... 4. have you ever been heartbroken: I think I thought so at the time, yeah 5. have you ever broken someone's heart?: I hope not 6. have you ever fallen for one of your best friends: No 7. have you ever liked someone but never told them: Maybe as a kid 8. are you afraid of commitment: Nope, not at all 9. has someone ever kissed your hand: Mmmhmm! 10. have you ever had a secret admirer: Not that I know of TEN THINGS: THIS OR THAT. 1. love or trust: Both, what's one without the other? 2. hard liquor or beer: Neither, Margaritas! 3. night or day: Day 4. one night stands or relationships: Relationships 5. television or internet: I guess internet... depends what's on TV 6. pepsi or coke?: Coke 7. wild night out or romantic night in: Romantic night in 8. chocolate or vanilla: Depends 9. phone or in person: In person 10. Love or Lust: Love TEN HAVE Y0U EVER 1. have you ever been caught sneaking out?: Umm, no. 2. have you ever skinny dipped: Don't think so 3. have you ever done something you regret: Sure, who has't 4. have you ever sky dived: NO! 5. have you ever been on a house boat: Yeah :wacko: 6. have you ever finished an entire jaw breaker: Yep, I perservere! 7. have you ever liked someone so badly it hurt?: Yes 9. have you ever danced in the rain?: Yes 10. have you ever had a hang over?: Nope WHO 1. Who was the last person you laughed with? In person, Steve. Online, Davey. 2. Who can cheer you up instantly?: Davey, and Jeff, and Rich, depending on the circumstances I need cheering up about. 3. Who do you think will make you smile tomorrow: All of the above 4. Who is making the world a more terrible place to live in: Selfish people 5. Who dominates the family: I think me 6. Who is like a brother/sister to you: Davey 7. Who is the youngest person you know: Heh, I know babies.. moving on 8. Who makes the best dinner: ME! 9. Who needs to chill: ME! WHAT 1. What do you hope will happen next week: Nothing horrible and lots of smiley stuff 2. What would you name a newborn puppy: Max? I dunno... 3. What relaxes you: Laughing 4. What is the most difficult decision you had to make: Not telling... sorry 6. What's your style: Casual, comfortable, but feminine, I hope. 7. What is your number one priority: Uh, kids, family, totally. 8. What is the worst movie you've ever seen: Napoleon Dynamite... 9. What do you want for Christmas: A trip to Scotland! And some snowball making lessons so I can protect myself! WHEN 1. When is it a good time to be truthful: Almost always. 2. When was your last break-up: Over 14 years ago 3. When do you take time for yourself: In the shower? When I'm home alone maybe. 4. When is the next time you'll see your best friend: Not soon enough 5. When will world hunger end: When people stop being so selfish and get their priorities in order 6. When was your last bad hair day: A few months ago 7. When do you usually take a shower: Morning, or before work, depends. 8. When are you going to go on your next date: No dating for me, I'm married remember? 9. When will emo kids grow up: I think that's a stereotypical question 10. When did you first learn about sex: Maybe 13? WHY 1. Why do you feel the way you do right now: Cause I hate that growth has to be so hurtful, when it should be invigorating. 2.Why are teenagers becoming more apathetic: Are we making them grow up to fast? 3. Why did you say the meanest thing you've ever said: It was probably the truth... 4. Why can't perfection exist: Eye of the beholder right? 5. Why is gay marriage illegal: It's not everywhere, and the US is supposed to be the place for freedom 6. Why, in your opinion, are some countries more privileged than others: Because we continue to make it so 7. Why is your father the way he is: He was... too smart for his own good, not a lot of common sense I guess 8. Why do bad things feel so good: Who knows, everything in moderation right? 9. Why would you hurt someone, if you ever did: To protect myself 10. Why did you go online today: To talk to Davey SPILL YOUR GUTS Q. First thing you did this morning?: Saw Rich next to me in bed. Q. The last thing you ate?: Olive Garden... Salad and Capellini Pomodoro Q. What's something you look forward to most in the next 6 weeks?: My anniversary and Mother's Day Q. What's annoying you right now?: I'm hungry but too stubborn to go eat. Q. What's the last movie you saw?: Blades of Glory Q. Do you believe in long distance relationships?: Sure, do I think they are healthy and work out well, probably not. Q Where is the last place you went?: To hang out with Steve. Q: Who is the last person you called?: Rich Q: Been cheated on?: I don't think so Q: Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?: I'm sure somewhere Q: Do you wish on stars?: Mmhmm Q: Did it work?: Things happen as they are supposed to Q: Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?: NO! Q: When did you last cry?: Last week at a movie Q: Do you like your handwriting?: Sometimes Q: Are you a friendly person?: Almost always Q: Are you keeping a secret from the world?: Not likely Q: Who's bed did you sleep in last night?: Mine Q: What color shirt are you wearing?: Black Q: Do you have any pets?: Dog named Ocean and a cat named Licorice Q: What is the color of your bedsheets?: White Q: What were you doing at 9 last night?: At a movie with Steve Q: Last person you talked to: Steven, my prince! Q: When is the last time you saw your dad?: The day he died Q: Look to your left: Pencils, my old cell phone that retired, my kitty, and a bottle of Aquafina water. Q: Ever cried yourself to sleep?: Yes Q: Ever cried on your friends shoulder?: Yes Q: Song that makes you cry?: Mariah Carey, One Sweet Day http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/One...825686200131926 Q: Are you a normally happy person?: Usually 1. Smoked a cigarette: No 2. Smoked a cigar: No 3. Drank so much you threw up: No 4. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back: Yes 5. Been arrested: No 6. Gone on a blind date: No 7. Skipped school: Yes 8. Seen someone die: No 9. Been to Canada: Yes 10. Been to Mexico: No 11. Been on a plane: Yes 12. Been lost: Yes, always 13. Been on the opposite side of the country: Yes 14. Swam in the ocean: Yes 15. Felt like dying: No 17. Played cops and robbers: Yes 18. Recently colored with crayons: No 19. Sang karaoke: No 20. Paid for a meal with only coins: Yes 21. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't: No 22. Made prank phone calls: Yes 23. Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose: No 24. Caught a snowflake on your tongue: Yes 26. Written a letter to Santa Clause: Yes 27. Been kissed under the mistletoe: Yes 29. Blown bubbles: Yes 30. Made a bonfire on the beach: Yes 31. Crashed a party: No 32. Gone roller-skating: YES! Personal questions to know you better: 1. Nicknames? Viv, Vivvy, Various others... 2. Mother's name? Kathryn 3. What is your favorite drink? Water or Pink Lemonade 4. Tattoos? No 5. Body piercing? Ears 6. How much do you love your job? It pays my bills, mostly, and gives us medical insurance, and works with my schedule I need for my kids... It's okay I guess. 7. Birthplace: Los Angeles, California 8. Favorite vacation spot? Someplace with good friends and family 9. Ever been to Africa? No 10. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? I'm sure 11. Ever been on TV? Mmhmm... in my youth 12. Ever stole any traffic signs? I have some in my garage 13. Ever been in a car accident? Yeah, a few 14. Was it your fault? Sometimes 15. 2 doors or 4? 4 16. Favorite salad dressing? Blue cheese or Italian 17. Favorite pie? Uhh, cream cheese with strawberries and whip cream 18. Favorite number? I have no idea 20. Favorite holiday? I dunno, I like Christmas and my birthday 21. Favorite dessert? Strawberry shortcake 22. Favorite food? Anything Italian, Pizza!!! 23. Favorite day of the week? Sunday 24. Favorite brand of body soap? Oil of Olay 25. Favorite TV show? Alias 26. Favorite Toothpaste? Crest 27. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Worrying about being almost 40 :wacko: 28. What do you do when you are bored? Read, blog apparently ******************************************************************************* So, Steve's kitty likes me! All is well right? My son went for his first sleep over EVER last night... at his cousins. I have to go pick him up here pretty soon... I miss his smiley self and his hugs. I need food! Hugs, Viv

I agree! There is a LOT more to Joey than meets the eye, and besides... at 17 you should be dating and finding out about yourself and what and who you like and don't like... Anyway, I'm SO glad you had a fantastic night and you'll pass your exam cause you're crazy smart too... Hugs, Viv

Hey Vancey, Happy Birthday cowboy! Hope it's a GREAT, SUPER, FANTASTIC, WONDERFUL, SEXY Sunday for you! Love ya lots, Viv PS. I guess it'll be late, sorry, but Happy Birthday

So my Prince and I were just talking and playing around taking fun little quizzes and I gave him this link

Welcome home Cutie! Sleep well! Hugs, Viv

Benny!!! LOVE! Happy Birthday hun! Hope it's a great year for you! Hugs, Viv

Umm I have a few points to make here... since I started this all. I neither fall under the category of a 'real man' or a 'shoe whore' in the female sense of the word... I think. Nonetheless, I have more pairs than necessary and since I almost always have flip-flops on anyway, it seems silly... But most importantly, I love you most when you have no shoes on Hugs, Viv PS. Rich wants to know why you called him average

1. a - in the morning 2. a - fairly fast, with long steps 3. d - touch or push the person to whom you are talking 4. d - one leg curled under you 5. a - big appreciated laugh 6. b - make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know 7. c - vary between these two extremes 8. d - green 9. c - on your side, slightly curled 10. e - you usually have dreamless sleep Equals 44!

... so did Davey even with half of our answers being different... Rich got a 36 Pretty accurate if you ask me... Below is Dr. Phil's test. (Dr. Phil scored 55; he did this test on Oprah - she got a 38.) Some folks pay a lot of money to find this stuff out! Don't be overly sensitive! The following is pretty accurate and it only takes 2 minutes. Answers are for who you are now --- not who you were in the past. Have pen or pencil and paper. This is a real test given by the Human Relations Dept. at many of the major corporations today. It helps them get better insight concerning their employees and prospective employees It's only 10 Simple questions, so grab a pencil and paper, keeping track of your letter answers to each question. Ready?? Begin. 1. When do you feel your best? a. in the morning b. during the afternoon and early evening c. late at night 2. You usually walk... a. fairly fast, with long steps b. fairly fast, with little steps c. less fast head up, looking the world in the face d. less fast, head down e. very slowly 3. When talking to people you... a. stand with your arms folded b. have your hands clasped c. have one or both your hands on your hips d. touch or push the person to whom you are talking e. play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair 4. When relaxing, you sit with... a. your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side b. your legs crossed c. your legs stretched out or straight d. one leg curled under you 5. When something really amuses you, you react with... a. a big appreciated laugh b. a laugh, but not a loud one c. a quiet chuckle d. a sheepish smile 6. When you go to a party or social gathering you... a. make a loud entrance so everyone notices you b. make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know c. make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed 7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted... a. welcome the break b. feel extremely irritated c. vary between these two extremes 8. Which of the following colors do you like most? a. Red or orange b. black c. yellow or light blue d. green e. dark blue or purple f. white g. brown or gray 9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep you are... a. stretched out on your back b. stretched out face down on your stomach c. on your side, slightly curled d. with your head on one arm e. with your head under the covers 10. You often dream that you are... a. falling b. fighting or struggling c. searching for something or somebody d. flying or floating e. you usually have dreamless sleep f. your dreams are always pleasant POINTS: 1. a. 2 b. 4 c. 6 2. a. 6 b. 4 c. 7 d. 2 e. 1 3. a. 4 b. 2 c. 5 d. 7 e. 6 4. a. 4 b. 6 c. 2 d. 1 5. a. 6 b. 4 c. 3 d. 5 e. 2 6. a. 6 b. 4 c. 2 7. a. 6 b. 2 c. 4 8. a. 6 b. 7 c. 5 d. 4 e. 3 f. 2 g. 1 9. a. 7 b. 6 c. 4 d. 2 e. 1 10. a. 4 b. 2 c. 3 d. 5 e. 6 f. 1 Now add up the total number of points. OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should "handle with care." You're seen as vain, self-centered, and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you. 51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate. 41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out. 31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken. 21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature. UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions & who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you' re boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't. I'll post my answers below in case you're interested.... Hugs, Viv PS. I just saw that there is going to be a guest writer reviewing our anthology entries OMFG!

Mandatory, definitely! The child has spoken! And you are too sweet to me, and awfully good at pointing out that she is her mother's daughter Hugs Ex!! Viv

... as told by a five year old. Rule #1 - Kissing. Rule #2 - No smoking. Rule #3 - No eating. Rule #4 - No drinking. Rule #5 - If you run out of gas, then put gas in your gas tank. Rule #6 - If your tire is out of air, fill it up with air. Rule #7 - You turn on the radio and listen to music. If it's too loud, then turn it down and if it's too quiet, then turn it louder. Rule #8 - You have to keep your seatbelt on until Mom or Dad turns the car off. Rule #9 - If the car is off, then you can unlock the door. QUITE amusing if you ask me! Anyway, I hate to admit this but... I haven't started FBTE 25 yet! I know, I know... but I'm having this semi tiny exhaustion/overworked/friends with drama/anxiety about the release of the anthology thing happening, and the kids are on week three now of spring break. Also, I have some commitments to other writers that I have made and so I have to keep those too and get their stuff edited... but it's the next thing on my agenda, I swear. Okay, I somehow got suckered into allowing a third kid to sleepover tonight so I must go... but HUGS!!! to my Sweetie and my Angel who are sick... Get better please! Love ya, Viv

Look at you being all studious! And damn sweet too! Sweet dreams Luc! Hugs Viv

1:31 am... 9989 words... officially the LAST day to submit an entry... So in classic Viv style right? HAHAHAHAHA! But it's done and I sent it in so.. let's all wait together kay? Waits.... waits.... waits......waits.......waits........waits..... I'm not so good at waiting in case you were wondering *** Fair warning*** This entry is gonna be one part of a larger story that should span all the themes this year just so ya know... *** End of Fair Warning*** Anyway, I need sleep... LOTS of it. Nighty all, and Happy Sunday! Hugs, Viv

Happy Birthday Lughy! Have a fantastic year and smile LOTS kay? Hugs Viv

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1750360

Awwwww Vancer How utterly scary! Glad she's fine now and you too, and I LOVE the whispering story! FANTASTIC! Hugs, Viv

awwwwwwww *giggles* *ahem* I mean... yeah, umm... you can send Sam here and I won't be a bitch AND I won't stick him with any needles, and he and my daughter can have a contest about who is the bigger drama queen Hugs Luc, Viv

GOOD plan cutie! Love ya, Viv

... then that only further proves my point that I *must* know everything! Just kidding So it's been a while. I've been awfully busy with parent teacher conferences, and report cards. and awards assemblies, and Rich's recovery, and editing for the anthology, and writing for the anthology,and working, and family visiting... The kids are on spring break for 3 weeks and my son is sick Tony is home this week for spring break and we went to Disneyland yesterday. It was SO busy! Apparently the 2007 National Cheerleading Championships were going on so we had all kinds of cheerleaders everywhere... yay I had to go vote on Sunday at my union about if we will go on strike or not... again! We just did this 3 years ago and were out there for 22 weeks! f**K that! How hard is it to treat your employees with respect and compensate them fairly? Ugh... I hope I can get my anthology finished in time... but I'm gonna warn you all now, it's different than my usual style, and it's not going to be a complete story, maybe just the first chapter of something much larger. That said, I love the idea, and the setting, and the plot... should be exciting.. I hope. Should get back to writing... but I want to say that I hope that Luc is getting the help he needs, and obviously wants, and I hope that Mark has someone to talk to. I can't even imagine if this was happening to Davey and I. I would be... just lost. If you feel like talking to someone who is a completer stranger, but understands exactly what Luc means to you, I'll gladly volunteer. Hugs, Viv PS. Sweetie, I love you lots! Thanks for caring and loving me back.

No Mark... no... Just like it's not his fault that you did whatever it was that you did, it's not your fault he does what he does. You can be sorry, but that doesn't make it your fault or your responsibility, there is quite a fine distinction there. Please see it. And, for what it's worth, I'm sorry, too, that you have been hurting, and I hope that you don't have any more reasons to hurt because of this... Hugs to you, Viv

Luc... Imagine Sam 10 years from now... thinking that you CHOSE to abandon him, that you thought that it was more important to stop your own hurting, than it was to give him something you and I don't have; a life that he can live happily without the first third of the year threatening your very survival from now until forever. If you do what it sounds like you are going to do, all you will succeed in doing is the one thing you say you are trying to stop from happening. You will be forever and permanently hurting and scarring Sam for the rest of his life. I'm going to repeat that in case you don't understand the weight of it, or are overlooking it... THE REST OF HIS LIFE, Luc. I've talked to you about Sam, and about Annemarie, and I know you're a good dad and you love that boy like crazy. The thing is... you're being selfish. I'm sorry that you're hurting, and I'm sorry you feel a guilt so heavy you can't find any other escape that will cease the pain, and I'm sorry that somewhere along the way you got just enough mixed up to lose sight of what's important in this life we have that is far too short. I know you said you caused someone else to hurt themselves, but the thing with that is... I know, even now, as I sit here and type this to you, that you are going to do whatever it is YOU want to do. It would be nice to think that my words, or the words of one of the other people here that have grown to love you, would help you to find your way again, but I know you are going to do what YOU want to do no matter what I say. In that same right, no one would hold you accountable for someone else's actions, just like I would, and will, only hold you responsible for yours and the subsequent detrament and pain that will remain after you no longer do. There are things you can control in life, not many, but a few, and your actions are one of them. You gave up your right to be selfish when you decided to commit the act that made you a dad to Sam. I know that it's generally unfair that we are forced to put our own happiness, and well being, and our dreams second to our childrens, but too f**king bad, Luc, that's the deal, and you don't get to say 'I'm taking my ball and going home now since I'm not having fun anymore'. I know we don't talk much, and who knows if we'll ever speak again... well, you know, but what I do know is that the world would be out one hell of a heart, and Sam would be out the one father he has... because you gave up. You chose to give up. My heart hurts for you Luc... Love you, Vivian

Happy Birthday Camy! Hope you have a great year!! Hugs, Viv

Hiya Boys and Girls, It's been a LONG week for me so sorry I haven't updated but I have had a bunch of stuff going on... Everything is fine, so no worries kay? A quick story update before I get to the point of this blog... I haven't yet started FBTE 25 because the Anthology deadline is approaching and I need to finish that up first... but then it's back to FBTE and to finish that up, another 2... maybe 3... chapters left in case you were wondering. Okay on to the smiles right? So I don't normally do this, I tend to get emails from readers and reply and hopefully build some sort of connection or friendship, but I was just so amazingly awestruck when I got this email from this man, I was literally speechless, and fo9r any of you that know me, that's pretty damn hard to do. I was so... touched, happy, fulfilled, smiling, proud even.. and so I asked him if I could share it with you... thinking that maybe it could give you something to smile about too. Since that request, he has joined here as a member and posted a HUGE post in my forum on the subject if you're interested in participating in the discussion, I would love to hear your answers... Click here to participate... PLEASE participate If you do participate you will be halfway through reading his post by reading this... but for those of you who don't want to, you should still read this and smile with me... Dear Vivian, I just finished reading 24 chapters of "From behind those Eyes." It was so beautifully written, and profoundly moving, that I only allowed myself to read 1 or 2 chapters a day - soI could savor this story. Many times during my reading, I found myself sobbing out loud (a rarity for me), with profound tears of sadness, joy and courage. I don't remember ever reading any story that was so emotionally moving to me. I can truthfully also say, I've never read a love story that was as inspirational as this one about Stephen and Jesse. found myself over and over wishing I had been as loving to my wife as Stephen and Jesse were so consistently to each other. But now at least I know what I want my loving to be like. I'm age 65+, but I still have many years of love to give. Vivian, You so delicately handled the love scenes - telling us enough to imagine what beautiful things were happening as each chapter gave expression to the genuine love between Stephen and Jesse. You have a truly remarkable gift for being sexually explicit in a way that appeals to the highest part of my character. I've given some thought to why I sense that I haven't seen even a hint of pornography in your very explicit love story. Another writer could have taken the theme of "coming out" in high school and written a story intended to spark as much lust as possible in the reader. The story would have just enough "plot" to tie together the sexual episodes which drew the readers. But you have demonstrated an amazing gift for consistently painting the scenes as Stephen's primary motivation being to make Jesse feel his love - and feel better. And Jesse the same primary motivation re pleasuring and expressing love to Stephen. To me,that distinction is essential to determining whether something sexually explicit I am reading is porn or not. I found myself so absorbed in the story that any thought of my taking some lustful pleasure from the explicit scenes seemed like it would be a betrayal of the wonderful love being expressed between Stephen and Jesse - as if I was hiding behind a door or a bush secretly taking pleasure from the holy act being portrayed. I forget which chapter its in, but I thought it was really classy the way you dealt with Stephen's "need to take care of his erection (or "excitement" maybe?)" You wrote simply that Stephen took care of it while he was in the shower that night. Easy for me to understand what he needed to do without having to give it more attention than it deserved in the context. Your story has helped me greatly to appreciate the potential for authentic love between gay men - expressed in a way no less beautiful - and true - and indeed, holy, as between a man and a woman. Over and over throughout the story, I have gained greater appreciation for the men and women I have known who have "come out" under difficult circumstances in order to keep their human integrity. And I have resolved to be as supportive as I can. I realize that I was warped in my own early development by exposure to the constant teaching that it was a sin deserving of hell (unless one gets to confession before dying) if a teenager allowed himself to dwell on an erotic thought, or continued to kiss or hold hands after becoming sexually aroused. Of course masturbation was gravely sinful. During "retreats"in high school, I heard stories like the one about the teen couple (in the 1950's heterosexual, of course) who fellasleep in he back seat after doing some heavy petting (or more) and were overcome by carbon monoxide poisoning -- and of course went right to hell. Fifty years later, I'm still angry about that kind of teaching. Toward the end of seminary before ordination, my classmates and I came to realize that teachings like that were terribly destructive. The Episcopal denomination, in which I am a clergyman (for many, many years), is in the throes of division these days over the issue of whether to bless same sex unions or ordain gays and lesbians. If other clergy in my church would read this story with an open mind, I believe a great deal of understanding could be reached about why it could be a very godly act to bless same sex unions in some way. If Stephen and Jesse asked for such a blessing, it would seem so right to confirm this wonderfully human relationship in this way, hopefully encouraging and supporting a life of faithfulness to each other. (Since I'm forbidden to do that currently in my diocese, I would probably suggest that I come over (joining with whichever guests they wanted present) for a "house blessing" that would be very inclusive, blessing the wonderful things that happen in the home to express love to one another.) I'd love to be in a discussion group with this story as the prime text. It would sure have to be an extraordinarily safe environment to allow frank expression. (It would be wonderful if we could get to the point where men could acknowledge that some part of most of us is not completely straight - or gay. Of course we have been culturally programmed to cast one another as completely straight or completely gay instead of some combination, even tho we only express one side or the other.) This forum may be the next best thing to a discussion group! *************************************************************************************************************** Since then, I have replied, and he has replied, and I have replied again, and he has again, and so on... so I have more to share in a couple days... but I'd love to know that you got as much joy out of this as I did and what you think about it... and Welcome!!! TonyBillD to GA! Hugs, Viv

FANTASTIC!!~ My daughter was scared and my son was back and forthe between yawning and covering his ears... But, reallly well done~!