viv

Okay so, I don't know who that guy is and I really don't even care, except to say thank you to him for showing... well, a few things... one is that not all straight people are idiots or selfish or trying to make life harder or unfair for people who aren't straight and another is that he is helping to educate the idiots out there who don't fit into the first category! To me, a 'union', any union, formed out of love and then used to allow the people in that union to be loved and to build a life together is a right we all are entitled to. This brings up another point... the difference between a privelage and a right... a right is something you are entitled to and no one can take it away from you without breaking the laws we have established to protect those rights... a privelage is something that you earn or is bestowed upon you for some reason... since when did deciding who you want to marry or enter into a union with become a privelege? I'm pretty sure we stopped the whole arranged marriage and selling off our daughters thing a LONG time ago! My point here is... I KNOW I have the 'right' to vote for my opinion and to elect someone I hope will act on my behalf when needed. I KNOW that everyone has the 'right' to appreciate the benefits of being in a union with another person and that no one should have the power or right to take that right from someone else. I KNOW that I appreciate every day the union I have with my husband and the life we have worked together to build and the benefits we get from that union. Thanks Joey! Love you guys! Vivian

Rich gives REALLY great hugs! Just thought you might all like to know that... I think it must have something to do with how much bigger he is than me and how I can just melt and hide and be totally consumed by him... sigh... I am actually gonna write today! I promised myself... so this is gonna be short, kinda like me... well actually, just like me So after Davey posted that piece he found about the twin flames I sat in my car at work and wrote him a sappy message... but it really is how I feel so I hope he doesn't mind me tellling you all too... I said... This flame burns brightly, strong and eternal, as it has since the first day it was ignighted, and as it will each day until forever... I love you Sweetie! and it's true.. I do. I LOVE this line from the new Chili Peppers song Dani California... "She's a runner, rebel, and a stunner..." It's official... I have gotten Joey hooked now too Yay! So, I LOVE being a mom too! I get the best hugs and I get to look at my beautiful kids every day and smile and laugh with them and cuddle them... it's a phenomonal experience! Even if that means I have to see 8 am sometimes... GASP! I have to take my son to the doctor on Thursday for shots for kindergarten... but don't tell him kay? He likes this guy... so that's for you little guy! Okay enough! I AM going to write! Right after I read what my angel sent Foxy, hope you have a safe trip! Beautiful glad to have you back on the same continent. Kev... smile okay? Hugs, Viv PS. Petey and Joey.. yay for you guys! and Jason... HUGS!!!!!

Hey Val, Hope it's a great day for you and the start of a great year! Happy Birthday! Hugs, Vivian

Hey Foxy, Okay so I totally get why you're feeling guilty and almost selfish and irresponsible... I mean you made a commitment to be the owner/provider for those kitties right? Thing is hun... you have to be able to function and if your choices are... lock Timmy up in the bathroom all the time when you leave caue he is being destructive or give him a home to play and be free and run around... it seems like to me, letting your mom take Timmy is the best for all of you... not an easy choice, but the best one... and, the good thing is you can always go visit right?! Good luck hun, Viv

So yeah... did you know that what they put into the pink lemonade to make it pink is actually grape juice? I find this funny cause I LOVE pink lemonade and I really don't like grape juice at all... weird huh? So, I can't go into details here... so don't even ask... but... I LOVE Rich! I mean, I know you already knew that... and so did I for that matter... but he did something so sweet for me and it has shown me something and made me smile like crazy! So, thanks babe! I love you! So it's official... Tony is now single again, and I am trying to deal with his somewhat broken heart. It's funny cause I think if he had taken the initiative to break up with her instead of vice-versa... he wouldn't be so sad... but I know he was thinking about it too. I'm just waiting for him to realize this is okay and in the end, probably a good thing... I just can't say that to him right now. But... poor Tony! Okay so I randomly and out of the blue got this email from... Rich's brothers' ex girlfriend, who he has a son with. When Rich and I were just getting together I remember the first 'family function' he brought me to was Michael's first birthday party... and now the kid is 14!! and SO cute! and... looks just like his dad. I miss the guy ya know! I think I'm tired... is that allowed? I don't know, I'm pretty sure it's not, according to the mom manual, but a nap sounds REALLY good right now and I only got out of bed like 2 hours ago I do recall there being some rule about the dog watching the kids though :wacko: Working again tonight... Some people I need to hug! Luc Sweetie Angel!! I miss ya Eric the beautiful! The man... for being so smart and so strong... Ronnie, Natey, Tobi, Petey, Umm, Kev... where the heck are ya? Worrying me is NOT nice! Have a good weekend everyone! Vivian PS. You have a GREAT shoulder! Nice meeting you Vin!

Okay so, I don't have any and I can honestly say if I do ever get one it will be small and somewhere no one can probably see it anyway... which is fine since I would be getting it just for me anyway, right? But... I really like those tribal ones guys get on there upper arms! and... More importantly... who am I to judge what you do to your own body? I mean really, it's not like it affects me in anyway, or anyone else for that matter. I suspect... that in the end the person we should all be afraid of... is not the one who was brave enough to be himself and express himself in a way he chooses without forcing his feelings or beliefs on anyone else but the one who hides behind his mask of 'normalcy' or let's what he thinks other people think, make his decisions for him. I say.. be who you are, love yourself, in whatever way you feel is right for you and don't ever let anyone tell you it's wrong or that you are wrong for being who you really are. Moreover... why stop at tattoos and peircings, why not just classify us by sex, race, sexual preference, income, location, material posessions, political party, religion, friends we have sold ourselves out to get... I could go on forever here but I assume you get my point... Viv PS.. Snowy and Dom well said!

Thinking good thoughts and wishing the best for you both... the unknown and the waiting is the hardest part... HUGS!! Viv

Oh Luc... Hugs! Know I'm thinking only the best thoughts for you both... Viv

... and it's been 12 days since my last blog. Whatever I can quit anytime, I swear! So much to say, and I'm sure I won't even remember it all so forgive me and I'll apologize in advance for the random crap that is to follow.... Okay so... Petey has officially made me Westlife's newest fan!! *Giggles like some crazy 16 year old* ... Talk about ways to hold onto my youth eh? PS. I LOVE Shane... *Screams like an insane fan!* okay well tone it down a little maybe but you get the idea. Anyway I REALLY love the song World of our Own! Amazing lyrics! So I know to them this is just me being supportive, and I am, but... I really, REALLY mean the following so you both can just deal! You guys are both very talented writers who give a very strong message in your stories. Your stories come from your hearts and that is part of what makes them so great, the other part is how they are expressly 'you' and you both are amazing people with beautiful hearts! So read their stories... http://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewstory.php?sid=119 by Dave and http://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewstory.php?sid=122 by Dezlboi, they have more in the efiction section, but these are the newest of their projects. and then give them some feedback! Tony and his girlfriend are having drama... and I am trying to be neutral about the advice I give him and not just say break up with the girl.. but I kinda think he should. I really don't think they are the right people for each other... not that it's my choice to make. Sigh... Okay so I have to say.. thanks Foxy! The super starter of all things in my forum almost... I was so excited to come home and see what people had to say about the anthology stories... and you had started that topic and thanks! That, and I love reading your reviews~ I feel like my head is spinning, so much has happened and I'm trying to remember it all :wacko: I've been kind of on an emotional rollercoaster the last 2 weeks and I think it's finally over... and before you all think it... it was not hormonal... this time! I tried to stick up for myself... finally, and I still don't know how well that went, and I gave all kinds of pep talks to some really great guys! Anyway, I think the best part was Davey though like always, he managed to find a way to make me smile like crazy! Love you Sweetie! Okay Davey sent me this quiz... http://www.blogthings.com/howevilareyouquiz/ thingy... and I took it... and apparently I am 32% evil Me?? Evil!? Psh, as if! I would tell you all to go take it but it must be broken or something. So, it was 105 degrees here the other day and the weather report said 'feels like 111' and I was thinking... like it f**king matters at that point! and then the next day it was thundering and rainy and humid as all hell and just... miserable. I've been reading like crazy and not getting any writing at all done... and I can't really decide if I want to finish FBTE first or start on A Time for Truth... and editing like crazy too! SO many good stories going on right now! Okay so... hope everyone has a great week! Ronnie!! OMG good luck hun! Love ya, Vivian PS. Sweetie! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many thank you's! Snowy...

Sorry I'm late hun... But hey... I hope you had a wonderful birthday!!! Viv

Hey Foxy, I think I already said Happy Anniversary so I'm just gonna go with Love ya, Viv

Hey there hun! Happy 17th Birthday! Hugs! Viv

Hey Beautiful, Since you're abroad and all and it is officially your birthday where you are right now I figured this was legit... so on with it yeah? Happy Birthday Freak! I love you lots Eric! Viv

Dear Luc, I guess today is going to be an emotion filled day for me... so I might as well start here... with you. I know we don't know each other very well, and I hope to change that, but what I do know amazes me and I can't wait to know more... You said... if there was any sense of balance or poetic justice in the world hopefully you won't wake up... but I think... if there is any sense of balance and poetic justice in the world... Sam's dad will wake up in the morning and appreciate all that he has and his opportunity to make the most of it while he can, before it's gone for him too. Like you, I've lost a lot of important people in my life, the only difference being that were people I loved, not in love with... my mentors, my guides, my teachers, my parents... but this isn't about me. No, it's about you. I am slowly learning that you can't fix everything, save everyone, you can't make someone be rational or see things as they should. This revelation is difficult for me because emotionally, I NEED to fix everyone and make them feel better, so not being able to do that makes me feel helpless... begin vicous cycle here. Point is... I know what it's like to worry about someone you love for the reasons you're worried, and have them so far away you can't even hug them, I know what it's like to lose someone you love over and over again, I know what it's like to feel alone and the people who can fix that... just can't anymore because they only exist in your heart... so you go there looking for them and comfort.. and no that doesn't make you self destructive... it makes you real and embracing your feelings... not in denial that everything is just fine and you didn't need them anyway... People aren't supposed to be unfeeling, cold, destructive beings... that's what separates us from animals or savages if you prefer... the ability to let love and emotion help guide your way and teach you what is important and so long as you learned something from the situation with your friend Kyle, good or bad, you will always have him in your heart to remind you, that is a gift. Now about a friend who I want to hug but is too far away... I guess this will have to do as inaffectual as it is and unfuflfilling. I think I've said this before, and I know it's not your style... but you know where I am if you ever want to talk or just hug and snuggle. Viv

Umm... chyea! Viv

Okay so I had a dentist appointment this morning and since Rich's car has taken up permanent residence in our driveway I had to drive him to work and then go to the dentist. Well I was like WAY early for my appointment so I thought I would stop at the Borders book store but it didn't open till 9 am so I figured... wtf? and went early to my appointment. I walked in and the dentist took me right away and gets me all in his chair with the little bib thingy on and then he grabs this scary like huge plier, tweezer, scissor looking tool and says something like... "Oh, I made a really good temporary tooth didn't I?" and I am thinking to myself... Huh?! So then he starts like looking around in my mouth and keeps looking at the opposite side of my mouth from where he told me I had to have a broken filling replaced, again I was like... Uhhh???! So when he went for that scary tool thing again I said, "Wait! Umm, you said I just needed a filling replaced that was broken on this side of my mouth." So he is all confused and trying to figure it all out and I finally ask him if he maybe had the wrong chart maybe since I was so early and it turns out he did but... OMFG! :wacko: Aside from that... what is the deal with the guy repeatedly smoothing down the bib?! Anyway, once he finally got it straight who I was and what I needed done he said, "Oh, this should be simple and quick... maybe we can do it without numbing you." Hell f**king no! SO I made him numb me and then I was out of there in 10 minutes So I spent a LOT of time on the phone today 2 hours I think with my Sweetie and some more with another cutie... which I cannot quit smiling and grinning like crazy for I tried to call my angel, but I think he was out on a hot date with some paint or something, but anyway I missed him. I missed you angel Oh and Kev... Davey and I will call you sometime together since it's free. Soon since he is on PDT for the week One more week of Good Scouts before we are done for the summer, but it was too cute today. These are a bunch of 9, 10, and 11 year olds and we are in the park practicing some songs and a flag ceremony, etc... for our awards ceremony next week and these boys in the park seem to flock over and sat down to watch them I actually wrote some more... finally and I have the next chapter of FBTE ready to post, hopefully it will be up tomorrow... even if I have to do some fancy persuading to get Rich to do it While I was on the phone with Davey today... it was SO funny! My son was skipping around in some new flip flops and when he went from the room I was in, which is carpeted, to my bedroom, which has wood flooring, he slipped and skidded into the closet door and the look in his poor little face was like Oh s**t! Too cute! That, and I measured him... at 4 1/2 years old he is 42 inches tall and Dave was laughing when I reminded him I am only 63 Just for reference, my daughter who is 10 1/2 is 59 inches now... Whatever... I'm short and sweet Hugs guys, Vivian PS. Jason, I have had so much fun meeting you and talking and I wanted to officially welcome you to the world Ronnie, I swear if you give me a heart attack... I'll kick your butt myself! Natey... hope your night with the a**hole wasn't too bad. PS2... Angel.. I almost did it tonight but I waivered... but I decided I'm going to do it... definitely, cause I'm being totally pathetic right now and I am not a pathetic person! Sigh... Besides... Davey agrees so... I know if the guy who is the same person as me says I need to do it, I must need to... and yes I know that's a cop out... I just hate having to be pathetic and I'm not used to having to stick up for myself... but I'm going to try

LONG and HARD Angel Happy Birthday Cutie! Eric is alive and smiling and having all kinds of fun! Okay so some serious thank you's to deliver here, so hang on to your seats or whatever... Davey - For ALWAYS being the Sweetie you are, MY Sweetie and my freak of nature pal, the one I can always count on to say the exact same thing in the exact same way at the exact same time and find it superb and not at all creepy! For always holding my hand and calling me while I'm naked and just... everything! I love you lots! Joey - For being the man, saving my ass vocabulary wise, for making me laugh, for teasing me about being short wait... umm for being you even if you are stubborn! You know I love ya too... Angel - For being the therapist to the therapist and for taking me on trips with you and for trying really hard to tell me how much I mean to you Kevin - For giving me space and for caring like you do. Foxy - For going out of his way to ask me how I am. Petey - Oh my God! I am so, SO proud of you! Tobi - Good luck on your exams! Ben - For leaving me great hugs and slurpy kisses 5 more days till the anthology is due and I'm STILL not done! Gotta go to work now... *pouts* Hugs, Viv PS. OMG! Davey taught me something great!

This is NOT a Happy Birthday post so I expect it to still be here when I wake up in the morning But this IS a NON Birthday post to one of my favorite cuties... Happy Monday Joey! I hope you get your NON Birthday card today too Thanks for being the amazing friend you are and for always helping me, thanks for making me smile and for listening. You'll understand the title once you see the card... Love ya, Vivian

Okay so originally I was going to write this blog all in honor of my angel because today was, in fact, his birthday but, since I suck SO DAMN much, I didn't even know it was today till he mentioned it in some silly off the wall way. See I told him Rich was out picking up some chinese food for dinner and he said... Oh! Chinese, in celebration of my birthday!? To which you can imagine I was like Wait JUST one minute! I knew it was coming for a couple weeks now, I just didn't know the exact date and I was even reminding myself to ask after he dropped me of from our litlle trip to Lowe's but I totally blew it, and not in even a remotely good way. Anyway... officially I'm sorry, even though I know you probably don't want it to be a big deal... unofficially... it gives me 364 more days to think of something freaking amazing to do for next year to make it up to you! Anyway before I go on with what I am going to stray with later... Happy Birthday Angel!! I really am so happy that we met and that I am getting to know you a little more each day. I really think you are so special and one hell of a good man. Funny, smart, creative, way good looking, a great dancer and bartender, a good snuggler, always the giver... I think you are witty and amazing, and thanks for making me smile! Now on with the other stuff... I got a huge splinter in my ass tonight, don't even ask! And before you do anyway, I wasn't doing anything fun at all, just laundry. Rich was talking about reformatting my computer and, like as if I have any freaking idea how to do what he asked me to, I messed it up and lost a BUNCH of my files, including ALL of my pictures of you guys you ever sent me! We don't even have a suitable emoticon for this... OMFG! Anyway, if you have ever sent me one and would be so kind, I would LOVE it if you would send them again... email me, whatever! Hugs everyone! Viv PS. Happy Birthday Deb! Go get 'em girlie! And... Joey... I would NEVER break up with you... Sweetie.. get better already!

Deb! OMG!! Happy Birthday hun! I miss ya! Hope it was a great day! Best wishes for a great year! Love, Viv

OMG! I think I might die if I don't do one of those absolutely sickening girl squealy things... Ariel and Tyler are just so damn cute! Nothing is as sweet as discovering what love feels like for the first time and having it returned is even that much more satisfying and rewarding... Thanks Com, seriously! LOVED IT!! I even took a break from reading GFD to read these two, and I am so freakin hooked on GFD now that I have started it, it's ridiculous... I think I've read 740 pages of the almost 900 in 5 days :blush: Hugs, Viv

Oh my gosh! The big 15... Happy Birthday Robbee! Viv

What's that all about? Davey sent me this video of this really funny comedian, Peter Kay, and those are a couple of the lines I really loved, the dude was pretty funny! So I officially must have sucker tattooed across my forehead :wacko: I was supposed to be off work yesterday but instead, they asked me to work for another girl who went out on disability, along with a second girl who lost a family member and will be off for several days dealing with all that, and so... I said I would... it's a holiday weekend after all, but that means my last day off was last Thursday and I don't have another one until next Friday. On top of all that, Rich got mad that I said I would work since it was the first day we would have had to spend together since I started with this whole working nights bulls**t, which confused me since he is always saying how I need to work more and the best part is... I have to close the store on the 4th so I don't get to see any fireworks, I don't get to see my kids see them, I get to deal with all the grumpy people who are running way late or are out of beer instead. Y'all have some fun for me okay? Rich's friend Joe is visiting again for a week, the one from the army, which is cool, so long as my house doesn't turn into the disaster it was last time he and Tony were both home at the same time... cause if it does... well let's just say that I'll be the girl that's out of work for a few days planning a funeral! I started my summer anthology entry... FINALLY but I don't know if I'm happy with it. I guess I won't give up on it yet. Rich's car is broken... AGAIN... terminally now. I have mixed emotions about that. On the one hand I hate that car like you have no idea... well maybe Davey does and I can't drive it, and it has no A/C and nothing power and the seatbelts don't even move with you... ugh! On the down side... Rich loves it and that means we have to get another car which means a car payment, etc. and he thinks he wants to try and fix it himself which undoubtedly means buying tools and him turning my backyward and garage into some lame form of Pimp My Ride The upside... if he is planning on fixing it... the new car we get will be mine I know it's been a while since I blogged, and to tell you the truth, i was just kinda moping and pouting for like a whole week and I didn't feel like pretending to be cheery so I just kept my mouth shut. I know that's totally dumb, oh well. I'm going to blame the hormones this time... comes with the territory I guess... but I hate that it can affect me so strongly. It normally doesn't happen to me like that, so I'm happy about that, but for a control freak like me it's REALLY trying not to be able to control your feelings, and even when I knew why I was feeling the way I was... it just made me feel more lame cause pouting for that reason is pretty pitiful if you ask me and that made me feel even worse... start vicous cycle here. Anyway, I think I'm over it now and I sort of talked it out with a few friends so it's all good. Thanks guys! Joey!! We miss you! Come home soon... so we can start the festivities Foxy, I want to hear ALL about it! I hope it went well!! Matty has a new story up, and it's so good! Read it http://www.geocities.com/matpazcas/stories.htm Let's see... I talked to Kevin twice... and that guy NEEDS a nickname dammit! I talked to Davey once... naked and Joey, from his sleeping bag Bette's gone back home now... but I'm glad she came for a visit Wishing Tobi good luck on his exams! So this guy I know and kinda respect alot sort of managed to talk me into reading the one story by Comicality I haven't read yet, Gone From Daylight, and I have read about 500 pages in 3 days! I am LOVING it! Seriously. I mean I was staying away cause I thought it would be scary or gross or something since it's about vampires, but OMFG!!! I am so hooked it's not even funny! I can't wait to see what happens! Anyway, thanks angel for the story recommendation/arm twisting, and for listening to me be pitiful and lame. Gonna go read some more now I think... Hugs, Viv PS. Get well Sweetie!

Happy Birthday Sam! Hope you had a great one Glad to see you're making good use of your new camera hun Happy 3rd of July Hugs, Viv

I DEFINITELY would fancy a trip to Scotland... and I bet I could get foxy here to tag along All kinds of cuties in Scotland it seems!