LJH

There is a strange aesthetic to this work that I can only describe as mercenary to the theme of the Spring Anthology. Two words drew me to the work, and those words make up the title, The Room. At once, the title attracted me to it and I was hoping to read a dramatic discourse, a framed moment in time of an event inside a room, not just any room, but this room, The Room. I wanted suspense, perhaps horror, I wanted drama, perhaps a little fantasy. I wanted something like Stephen King’s, Room 1408. To my utter amazement, I got more. Johnathan Colourfield’s story is based on something that may have happened to him for he admits that this is a “very personal experience”. There is the smell of volcanic ash. It is dark. There are voices; a child’s voice. There is a light. He is tied to a chair in a dark Victorian room with a bed and a TV set. There are nursery rhymes. One thing is clear, a house had been set alight. In the tradition of Virginia Andrews, the suspense builds up as the reader seeks a valid conclusion, because the author has drawn him in by using second person narrative. Using second person narrative is surreal, and there is a definite trend towards incorporating it into popular fiction. The second person viewpoint is often seen in experimental writing, cult or art novels, for example, in “Bright Lights, Big City” by Jay McIniery. Second person creates an almost intrusive intimacy, and is most effective when used in the present tense. The author wants to make his reader uncomfortable. He places the reader in the middle of the action, a witness to the events in the story. Johnathan manages this narrative extremely well, although there are breaks in present tense when he suddenly moves to simple past tense. A gremlin in the editing process I would imagine. But, by using second person narrative, he deliberately makes the reader the victim, so to speak. The Room is nightmarish. The YOU is bordering on dark insanity. There are nuances of blame for the fire, for the voice asks a question, “Why did you do it?” The tale leaves enough space for the reader to formulate his own views. But if the reader has taken note of the nursery rhyme and the newspaper report, it will become evident that the man is the victim, and maybe, just maybe, this is a hate crime. And maybe, just maybe, the entire story is based on hypnotic regression? Nothing is as it should be in this story. So many questions. No available answers. This is precisely why I mentioned in the beginning of the review, that The Room has a strange beauty that is mercenary. The prose is beautifully constructed. The sentences are clear and cut to the bone. This ismade deliberately to heighten the drama, and the darkness of the piece. I was pleasantly surprised by the execution of the prose itself. Masterful. If I did not know that Johnathan wrote it, I would have assumed it to have been written by Edgar Allen Poe, or maybe even Virginia Wolf, all artistes of dark prose. To paraphrase The Room. Enter. YOU will be scared shitless. The rest is up to YOU. Hopefully, YOU will awake from YOUR nightmare.

Having only just discovered this author’s work, I find myself asking why it is I have not read him before. He has the ability to draw the reader in without shouting and whining. The words seem to roll along without any effort at all. It’s like taking a walk through a forest and discovering the soft dazzle of a dew drop, the silky strands of a spider’s web, or the strange moan of an animal one has never met. He writes in hues of peaceful yellow, and mixes his colours until he has a powerful blue and finally a dangerous red. He pulls the reader into these colours without a chance of escape. In short, he is a master of structure. He offers his reader a spellbinding experience through a rollercoaster of events and emotions that are difficult to shake off long after reading the last word. Jason and Patrick are 17 year old teens on their annual camping trip in the Wauskogee Park. It’s the middle of winter and it’s snowing. They spend their time reminiscing about old times and good times and have brought along all the equipment they require to make a winter camping trip comfortable. But, on the third day they find out that the area will soon be snowbound, and all too late they realise they will have to leave the site. Their friendship takes on a whole new aspect when, on their journey home, tragedy strikes. I read quickly and digest words as I would a good South African barbecue, which we call a braai. The cooking of this story deserves applause, not only because it was written as a class assignment some years ago, but also because the structure of the piece is near perfect. The writer’s intention in this piece, I believe, is to deliver an act of heroism where the hero is not fearful of losing his life through his actions. I also believe, that if the author could have, he would have made this a gay story; however, there are references to a deeper relationship between the teens that compelled me to read more, just to find out. The author has given the reader two characters that are not just anybody. I believe readers want to read about people that tiptoe, and stroll and sprint through a story. Sunny, foggy and gusty characters. Mr. Smith delivers. He writes using the senses of sight, and touch and sound. He writes about characters that have faults and are able to evoke in the reader some measure of emotional response by the way they talk and walk. He paces this story through dialogue and flowing action, and this allows the story to develop until the very last word. He keeps his sentences in check. They are sharp and clean. “After he successfully removed most of the glass, he started crawling his way out the window. He screamed in agony when he tried putting weight on his broken ankle. It felt as though someone were crushing the bone between two boulders every time he put any amount of pressure on it.” But for me, the most compelling part of the story is the nauseating feeling that maybe, just maybe, neither of the lads will survive. BLIZZARD is like a wild gust of wind. I recommend it to any reader who loves a thrill and an adventure. These are two teens that any teenaged boy will identify with as they approach the crossroads of their lives.

Action packed. Enjoyed the read. Pacing perfect. One criticism only: the just word is very repetitive. Characters are well thought out. A normal guy in love someone we can all identify with, and another guy who is larger than life. The setting is perfect. I like all those gadgets and hidden spaces. The mountains always add to drama. Mechanics. I liked the way you SHOW and not simply TELL. Sure there are Gremlins but a good editor could point them out to you. As the writer you are IN it so its difficult to notice a gremlin. There are not many. You don't waste words and in a thriller pacing and choosing the right word is paramount. The dialogue does what it is supposed to do, that is move the story forward and show character. All in all a fabulous effort. Thankyou.

Can depression lead to other health issues? My mind tells me yes. My first lover committed suicide. I never even saw it coming. Man oh man, if only he told me what the problems were. He was 27. The thing is, in his letter, he blamed himself for making everyone's life miserable. Hoo boy! I cant talk about it. I came thru it all by writing about it. But, you know, it still haunts me to this day. If only he had said something... Mark and Stuby...(i got it right this time), what im trying to say here is communicate. Never stop talking to each other. If my Rodney had just lived by that standard, he would probably have been alive today. Communicate, do silly things, create great memories. Joekeool, you are right. My (our)problems are miniscule compared to some of the problems experienced in this topic. Hugs n respect

After having read these posts I am silently emotional. The thing is I don't have a clue what manic depression is. I hve had bouts of depression sure, for instance when a family member passes on. I truly had no idea. All i can say is what i have learned through my life: positive thoughts bring positive things. I can only imagine what Mark and Agaith and so many of you have been thru and it jolted me. I wish you well Mark and Stubby. Your lives are a gift and an example to others. At the end of the day, when all is said and done, one thing is for certain: sharing is healing. Love is medicine. And two in love can conquer their world. You guys rock!

So why did the guy commit suicide?

So Mr. Smith... You certainly know how to hook a reader. Took me ten minutes thats how good the pacing, characterisation, and me hanics are. Your writing has an easy flow to it and i couldnt stop reading.

As with all of her tales before this, Neph has the remarkable ability to immerse the reader in the character. Her stories weave, they draw and embrace with minute attention to detail and Unaware does just that. Her plots are character driven, and lets face it, we love to read about the misfits, the unjust, the shallow courtships, the stranger than fiction, especially in this genre. Unaware is not a meak silly little story. It has all the ingredients of a well defined plot and strange characters. We find ourselves understanding of the pressures involved in being a loner as her main character surely is, we find ourselves wanting because in most instances we have all been there. A character who is unaware, aloof, cold but present. A character drawn to look into himself as we all do at times, if only to find something, someone else, some form to bind ourselves to. As writers we all do this. Its called magic. And she has done it again in this first chapter which i thorougy enjoyed. Im looking forward to the next instalment.

I dont know souch about ballet d, all i know is i may have to go back to the drawing board and restructure the mechanics. Its not working and i knew it wouldn't but comtinued none the less. Hve a bootiful day/ evening and thx for reading bro.

The Art Of Capturing Stars QIN DYNASTY Several bursts of brilliant energy emanated from the region of Aries, leaving behind a black rip in the night sky. They sped toward Earth and within several seconds converged into a single ray of white light. The moment they reached the atmosphere of the earth, causing major blackouts and fear, Alpha Arietis , Beta Arietis, Gamma Arietis and Lambda Pi 30[i], all the major stars in the constellation entered the candle in a blinding explosion t

Yup u got it right. Ill be updating this story shortly with description of characters and more motivation. Thnks for reading bud.

Nice thought provoking piece. We could laugh, but I won't. Cool play on words.

I write the same way. However, when I get stuck on anything, I refer to these research and books on body language, and ... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The dictionary. My writing bible. Since discovering the SECRET of description, the dictionary is always on my desk. Three of them. well it's not really a secret....errrr

One of the things that has annoyed me many times as I read was the way poor word choices fail to describe the character, their actions, or their speech properly. If you have a brainy character who happens to be top of their class and they say, "We don't got a hope to save ourselves." then you're obviously not keeping the character 'in character'. Yup, the example you mention is a badly written sentence, unless the character is created to speak like that. My main characters have distinctive voices in many of my stories. In my published work called Revival, one of the main characters, Tomas, has just recovered from a fifteen year coma, later on he develops a speech impediment. He cannot pronounce S, so he substitutes T for the letter S. Another aspect of this is word choice, especially for actions. A teenager might stomp across a room or slouch but you'd expect a small child to dart or skip. An adult might stride across the room if they are a confident character or scurry if they are scared or a less dominant character. I once read a published ebook where a female character comes into a room to her remaining 2 werewolf mates after one had just been killed. She 'sauntered' into the room. Would I saunter (stroll or walk leisurely) to the remaining loves in my life when they are holding the one who died? Heck no! I'd be rushing or bursting into the room. That single word choice ruined the scene for me and made it completely unbelievable. (Yes, I know werewolves aren't real but they were in this world I believe Werewolves take things in their stride...lol. Maybe the author of the werewolf piece understands the female character's motivations and hopefully showed the reader why she behaved as she did. Maybe he has chosen this detail in keeping with the character's personality. Stating that she sauntered without explaining might impress some readers, but without a clear motivation, the character's action might seem out of place as you noticed while reading the piece. If the writer wrote sorrow into her eye language, that would have been enough for the reader. Sorrow and depression affect our eye language, according to Jane Lyle, expert on BL One of the biggest keys to creating dynamic characters, beyond keeping them in character and using proper word choices for their personality/age/role, is to consider 'status'. Your hero needs to be someone the reader can admire, respect, lust after. That means giving them a higher 'status' than the characters around them. They need to have confident demeanors, strong word choices when it comes to the verbs you use to describe their actions. The villian also needs to have a high status, but never higher than the hero. However, one isn't always high status. A real person has people they turn to, moments of doubt... you need to create those small clues to the reader to show that the hero isn't always perfect, the villian isn't always a completely evil person, or it's just not believable. Even in fiction, we must work within the structure of what the reader will and will not accept. The perfect man or an unrelentingly evil villian? Boring and flat. Stored away in my head is a character checklist I use whenever I'm introducing a character, or writing about a character: Does my characterization have enough detailsto create a strong visual image? Have I chosen details in keeping with the Character's personality? Have I chosen words that reinforce the kind of character I want to create? For example, "She strode across the field. Her umbrella engaged the elements in a fully fledged battle. Her raaincoat an armourfrom the downpour. Have I chosen too mnay details when One good detail is worth a thousand weak ones? Have I used these details when we first encountered the character? The reader must understand the character's motivations even if he doesn't agree with them. The writer must SHOWus why he's behaving as he does and give the reader a platform to establish empathy or belief with these people. James Frey said, "Lets face it, I don't want to read about characters who are just anybody. I want to read about interesting somebodies, characters capable of evoking in me an emotional response." ' Character is the heartbeat of any story. They are interesting people in terrible difficulties. I read a story not only for the story, but also for intimacy. I want to move into a character's life, live inside his thoughts and emotions and take on his goals and problems, therefore, i create flawed characters. The characters who impressed me in my life are: Scrooge, Madame Bovary, Holden Caulfield, Atticus Finch, Don Corleone, Nancy Drew, jay Gatsby and Scarlett o Hara. To me, these characters have stature, presence and flair because they are memorable. Eye Contact: You are right that eye language varies from culture to culture. Mediterranean people like to stare at strangers in public places. Arabs look at a person when talking and listening Japanese people look at each other's necks during conversation and hardly use a direct mutual gaze. I tend to look people in the eye when communicating. Minimal eye contact, to me, is a turn off. The shifty eye: glancing to and fro while talking, maybe searching for an exit or a more interesting companion. The stuttering eye: where the eye cannot decide whther to open or close their lids, a disconcerting nervous flicker. The evasive eye: staring sightlessly into the air or down at the ground, the speaker is unable to meet your gaze for any length of time. The person seems to be in another world, so near yet so far. The Stammering eye: A lengthy blink, lasting several seconds longer than normal. So all in all, the depiction of character should always be planned. William Hazlitt said: "I like a friend better for having faults that one can talk about" Oscar Wilde said: "Only the shallow know themselves." Anonymous said: "The lawyer's best client is a scared millionaire" Jean-Amedee d'Aurevilly said: "When God providessa beautiful woman, the devilat once retorts with a fool to keep her." Thank you for all your hard work on GA, this is one guy who appreciates your imput.

anytime...

Hey Cheryl...law has fascinated me too and were it not for undesirable circumstances I would have become a lawyer, instead i opted to be closer to home and studied Horticulture instead. Never been happier. My plants talk to me...errr. I'm lying- about the plants that speak to me. You speak about the truth of the matter and i believe there are many shades of grey between the little white lie and the completely untrue falsehood. But what if I put it to you that, in certain situations we all enjoy being decieved. Or rather let me say it like this, actors, conjurors and magicians are all lying to their audience....oh, and lawyers lol. We all like seeing justice done, but we also enjoy the entertainment of digging deeper to get to those fine threads of deception and intrigue. What I noticed about people who do not tell the truth, is that they rub, stroke, scratch their noses more frequently than a truthful person. But the successful liar has total control over his body language. It's easy to lie over the phone, or by email and even get away with it in today's technical social network society. I mean, i say i'm 53 here on GA, but I could just as easily be 76. LOL It's true that the mind might want or need to lie and is capable of inventing a story that rarely goes along with this, and the body betrays the mind. Hence, the signals that liars give out are notice by you. A lie detector can detect what's going on in the nervous system, but facial expressions can be manipulated by the mind and detected by the witness. Jane Lyle, an expert on body language, says that when someone chooses to lie during a conversation, he or she will often suddenly cross arms or legs simultaneously. A self defence against challenge. Feet point toward an exit wanting to escape the situation. Foot jabbing movements in the air. Fidgety gestures include things like foot tapping, restlessness, jingling coins. But the hands and posture also tell the truth about a liar. We use our hands to amplify the meaning of what we say. The hand shrug says, this has nbothing to do with us. Eye rubbing. Nose touching. and the listener twiddles his ear or rubs his chin expressing doubt as to the truth of what has been said. Sometimes people are surprised by their own lie and instead of covering their mouth as in childhood, the moivement is deflected to the nose. Touching the face, ears and neck also indicate nervousness. Our voices become less resonent when we lie. The voice flattens and looses depth. Becomes monotonous, because a liar cannot express himself freely. people talk less when they are lying. make mistakes Um and aah. stutter, slur, hesitate, unless they are expert conmen. See how all these are really signals of concealment. But be careful, not every nose rub indicates a lie...lol. See how many active verbs are highlighted. Beautiful.

Singing in the Rain / Carousel / Madam X / The LAst Time I Saw Paris - all the old classics. Mother even bought a movie franchise for goodness sake! LOL

Aha! Just the man I wanted to hear from. LOL. You know that for you I will write an entire thesis on Body Language (I'm being cheeky funny). Okay, you raqise an interesting point about telling/showing Andy. During the early days of my apprenticeship as a writer, oh, man, I thought I was going to change the world with my words, until someone hit me over the head and said, Harris, this is the worst stuff I've ever read because you TELL instead of SHOW. So, with a deflated ego, now ready to trash my first story and never ever ever write another word again, I paused, reflected, and asked a good writer friend to SHOW me. I was blown away. Suddenly my writing came to life. Suddenly active verbs and nouns ate up all the passive crap. Suddenly I realised, I can write description, narrative and dialogue, as long as I am able to SHOW and make the characters come to life. I could make a boring character, interesting. I could walk the writing talk. So, yes, telling is like passive writing. No magic. Showing is an explosion of words that create the image. "The man sits on a bench, looking rejected." WTF. What is this? The writer TELLS me the man is on a bench and is looking rejected. What does rejection look like? How did he get there? We know, as writers, that when status, home and support structures are removed, the psyche begins to sag and the body takes on a collapsed position too. If the writer had written: "The man sits on the bench, his head sags, chin resting on his chest, arms and legs folded." We now know he is either sleeping or rejected. The writer showed it. But the most fantastic thing I found out whilst researching body language, is this: A person's usual posture or carriage, seems to act as a record of past experience. A manic depressive will frequently retain the sagging, hopeless shape that typifies the illness. It has become second nature to them and even when they have recovered, their bodies recall their unhappiness. You must have a great day Andy. I know you lawyers are always looking at body language. LOL

Aha, Mr W. Thanks for this insite. I will go back and make the characters real. )

I don't know if this is the correct place to talk about body language. In my view, body language is a very important part of how a writer identifies their characters, hence, as an editor, I would have placed it in the editing section, however, maybe the topic will be kicked out of that section, so to play it safe, here it is, in the lounge. Who notices body language anyway, for goodness sake. Oh, sorry, I do. It identifies our state of mind, physical fitness, and personal body image, also our habits and preferred postures. Some (but not all) types of posture are: Approach Withdrawal Expansion Contraction They cover basic motivation and mood very neatly. For instance: The stiff, erect body of a military man whose ramrod back betrays his profession even when he is out of uniform, or a sulking, slouching adolescent, round shoulders and concave middle. Imagine a sulky, concave military man...or the stiff, ramrod attention of an adolescent. Reverse the postures and you see how the teenager now becomes a pillar of society and the military man loses his authority. Sitting, standing and lying down is the first clue to character and personality. It reflects whether you are feeling confidant, submissive, optimistic or depressed. Correct me if I am wrong, but doesn't a relaxed, upright posture suggest confidence? We say CHIN UP when we mean adopt a hopeful, assertive attitude. We say SPINELESS when we imply the opposite state of mind and posture when a person cannot stand up to life. I'm thinking of writing a few articles on body language and posting them here on GA. If anyone feels that this is a necessary part of writing, let me know. If you feel it a waste of time, also let me know. Louis

Hi K. Thanks for the read. Now there's plenty to do on a Sunday in Orange Grove. Hugs

Hi Dave could be both; depends how far they 're prepared to go with the third person. Thanks for the insight there. Hugs

13.30 Nothing of significance ever happens in Orange Grove. Not the important stuff at any rate. We had just arrived home from church and the ladies were cooking it up in the kitchen. Petra talking loud. Silence. Maybe a whisper. And finally both of them laughing hysterically. You can imagine my curiosity. However, I left the ladies to their own devices in the kitchen and continued to watch rugby on DSTV. South Africa led against Fiji 42 – 3. Fiennes sat beside me on the three piece sofa

Orange Grove is a resting place or a quick stop: nothing of significance ever happens in Orange Grove.

I was wondering where you were going with this and it blew me away. Perfect twist. Who'd have thought?