LJH

Bonding. Group living. Intergalactic civil unions. I love the condundrum that Keefer and Jayce must face and I enjoyed the intelligent yet humurous way it climaxed out.

Its amazing what a writer can think up when he writes what he knows in this case about computers. I loved the hastiness and swift work in Michael's character. I loved Adam's Maturity. The first sentence totally hooked me. The last paragraph had me wooping woop woop. Inbetween, I was fascinated. The dream that is Adam almost gets away, but quick thinker Michael (as I said) Is so intent on drawing him in that he won't allow him to just fade out of his life. Not when he went to all the trouble of trashing his computer. I know there is a backup, but still. This is an incident based story and the conflict is almost tangible, quick and worth reading over and over again.

Something must happen in a story. The writer has used his craft well in this story. He has arranged incidents in such a way that they appear to start at a beginning and proceed inevitably to an end. However, it only appears that way. I believe that lurker chose a random point and seemed to be heading nowhere with this story. That is, until the very last line. A moment of genius. Lurker does not seek to give the reader a solution, because in real life there more struggling and searching than finding and solving. This short story reveals only the "tip of the iceberg". It is a brilliant concept not to state the obvious. But it has only one fault and that may not be a fault at all: Does the writer lead the reader to an accurate understanding of what is hidden beneath? Perhaps that should have been the title: Hidden Beneath. With a little fine tuning, this story could be not just good, but GREAT!

Writers usually write about what they have experienced to a degree. Life is like a packet of all sorts and to be sure, child abuse is somewhere in there. You are brave to have delved into this aspect of that packet. But, like war and various atrocities it is important to remember that this is an anti-abuse story, one that will shake the reader into the realisation that these things exist and we should always be reminded of the evil connected to it. A brave effort.

Special! Here's how it is: The story is rich in dialogue and written well. The dialogue moves the story on and I got to learn a lot about the characters involved. It is a beautifully written story. Cudo's to the writer and the editor. There are no repetitive words and the grammar is spot on. It flows just right. It is heart warming story of two guys who love each other and I got a lumpy throat from about halfway through the story. Lumpy throat and teary eyes means I am engaged and compelled to read more. Likes: "what dipshit weather...Curt" and "It was hailing...white" The images are vividly written and there is description in exposition. Goose bumps: "He interrupted me. STOP!...forever." A short story usually concerns itself with one plot. But this story has two. I enjoyed both tremendously. I'm a sucker for romance. The only thing wrong is that I wanted it to carry on like....forever. Thank you Colin

The style in this story is not much different from A Family's Sorrow which I read earlier. However, there seems to be a truth in this story that grabs me. We were all teenagers once upon a time, I remember having thoughts of how I longed to be 18 when I could do as I please without having Mom or Dad come down on me. I enjoyed being a rebel though. For a writer to get into the head of a child, or a teenager, it is very difficult. I think NikolasJames understands kids far better than many parents even. To me, the boys are dynamic characters. NJ reveals their natures by describing their behavior, rather than talking about them. The characters are not just passive, they act within the setting and circumstances surrounding their personal lives. They help each other to shape their destiny by their own behavior, and will themselves be shaped by experience. Change will follow. Their is lots of conflict in this story and I enjoyed reading it.

In this story I found something quite startling. It's the use of the Direct Observer POV. What?!!! Well, to put it simply, the DO cannot reveal all that is happening insode the minds of his/her characters. She concentrates on events alone. Nothing is recorded apart from what the character sees and hears. In this way, the writer must ensure that the reader is given just the right information, and at just the right time, to understand the story, or to come to a conclusion. I liked the ideas presented in this story and felt that it would do better as a longer piece. However, I also understand the nature of a short story's brevity. The writer expounds on various issues, the book, the blood, the secret room which I found admirable, however, I couldn't shake off the feeling that the writer wanted this story to end. But did the reader want it to end?

It's amazing what forces may or may not come into play after an accident like the one Ryan has in this follow-up. The mind is a unique force. I found the writing light and easy, sure, a couple of tense gremlins, but a good, light, sometimes funny read. The tragedy strikes unexpectedly and I liked the way you made that the pivotal scene in the story. The next pivotal scene is when Ryan meets Jake's ex. A neat surprise. I found a hint of jealousy and truth be told, I would be jealous too. In a short story of this nature, it's always best to use surprise to compel the reader and you did that quite well. I liked: "Doing so...head" "I love...himself." Thank you.

I read this story several times and each time my hair stood on end. But let's take a look at it for a moment. This is essentially a story of incident. The writer doesn't say what it is, nor how it happened, but it is clear to see that the moment of personal insight and the statement of theme is so often found in the story's conclusion. The brevity of the story lies in those closing paragraphs. Terse. When I realised what had happened it was like a WOW factor because the incident is not described, leaving it to the reader to gather his thoughts and come to a sensible conclusion. Just look at the title. You will see. I enjoyed this story for the above reasons. Becareful of the word JUST. It's repetitive. Thank you.

I do like the way in which you write your teenage characters. They are real, and funny. Witty and bitchy as teenagers usually are. You describe their preconceptions in an almost effortless way. You also managed Tay's scene goals well through dialogue. At the start of the story it is clear that Tay is a bit of control freak. He likes to have his ducks in a row all the time. I found the humour quite appealing. In a story like this, which could end happily or sadly, it is important for a little humour. Throughout the piece I found your characters Tay and Blake compelling reading. You milk the conflict. I loved the last line. If this were an adult story I would have commented on the repetitive use of certain words. So, just,pretty etc. But I get that this is Tay's story and he is a teenager. Well written.

Irksome: these words Really Some So Started to Began to Highly Fairly Appeared to Back Look, looking That Then Got (king of Mindless Verbs) A bit A little Just Kind of Pretty Quite Rather Somewhat Unnecessary articles The phrase The Fact that Body parts acting on their own The gerund ING And and and Overuse of the above freaks me out Writers should get a handbook and learn the craft

Random thoughts? I read this three times to find a sense of balance. Then I thought, well, the piece is based on a day of silence. Do we think random thoughts in silence? I think we do. There exists a strong sense of pathos in the piece. Raped by 3 guys. Gosh! Just a practice run! Gosh and gosh again. I loved this line: "My life's been interesting ... worse." The piece is, however, not organic. There is no flow which makes it difficult to follow as there is no sense of development.

Well, with such a bodyguard I surely know how I will survive. A twist in the tale? Excuse the pun. I love reading your work, Mister. You have such a command of the imagination. I could hear the dialogue. I could visualise the man being dressed. You waste no words in getting to the point of the story. I'm sure the bodyguard will always be on point. LOL

An enchanting story. I really got into Nathan's head and was accelerated into the way he sees things. To me, his character is real, not stereotyped. Of-course I don't identify with him, because I am not deaf, but that did not in any way deter me from reading. I think I identify more with Andy. You wrote him with a gentle hand, as if he was your own child. In fact, both characters are written from that same gentle perspective. I could imagine the dialogue being spoken, and I was fascinated with the signing scene. It brough a quick tear to my eye, and I love crying as so many GA authors will tell you, so you hit it right on the spot with the emotional quality. The signing scene is pivotal to the story. Without it, the story would not have had such a huge impact on my emotions. The setting is convincing and alive. I was able to visualise all the scenes, but the most vivid scene was the snowfight and the two boys struggling to stand. That scene sold me a smile. The story develops organically, from Nathan being a lonely teenager seeking a place of his own, to meeting Andy, and to falling in love for the very first time. And it is love at first sight for both of them. Maybe experimentation. But I think and hope it is love. There are no sudden leaps and bounds between each scene, which I loved. It flows smoothly. I was drawn intoi the story not by the first paragraph. I was hoping for more of a HOOK in the first prargraph. But I thought well, is it an imperative? To be hooked in the first para. I usually like that to happen. Instead, you drew me in from this line: "Sometimes I hated not being able to hear..." From that moment on I was engaged and compelled to read more. Always remember, to garner a solid readership, a writer should always start closest to the action. I don't see a problem with beginning with this paragraph that hooked me. I noticed you received only 4 reviews for this story. Maybe the hook was the problem. Also, I understand that we're looking at the story through the eyes of a deaf teenager. However, I would try to rewriter some of the unintentional hilarity regarding sentences that use the word eyes. "His eyes returned to mine..." Hmmmm... "His eyes darted over my shoulder..." "He pulled his eyes...okay." Maybe it would have been better to use words like gaze etc. Overall, a fabulous little story. Thank you.

Well. I was pleasantly surprised by this travelog on several levels. 1. The first line hooked me. And after all, the hook must be quick to draw the reader in. 2. Being a personal account, it would be written in 1st Person Simple Past tense but I wonder why you changed to 2nd person in this paragraph; "Unfortunately...as well." no matter how brief the change is, it is noticeable. 3. Humour. There are so many lines which I thought were fabulous. "I thought...lynched" and But alas...biker chick" and "...but I'd been born...must" I keeled over laughing in many more lines. 4. The way in which Austin meets Matthieu is so funny. 5. The story is really about rebellion. 6. I really got the feel that I was in Paris on tour with Austin through his vivid images. A lovely memoir, Quite sad at the end, but well worth the read. Thank You.

First thoughts: The title made me reach for tissues and I'm glad I did. The title brings to mind grief and loss and the story is character driven, as opposed to driven by plot. Characterisation: I found the characterisation was mostly in the narrative. It's a story about a boy who loses his mother's love because he is gay. There is sadness, despair, anger and hoplessness, all vividly expressed in the narrative. I found the father to be a ray of sunshine in the lad's life. Dialogue: The story is almost all narrative with dialogue where necessary. The dialogue is not forced and brings out the lad's character and the dad's character. It also moves the story into the next phase. POV: 1st person Simple Past Tense. This kind of POV brought me into conbtact with the lad's innermost feelings. I did pick up a few lines where the tenses are mixed up: take a look at "Technically...Williamsburg." Development: The story is a flashback. A memoir. With three pivotal points: the first is where he comes out to his mother and her profound reaction over a number of years. The second is moving in with his father. And the thrid is when he reads the letter written by his mother. The story has clarity, and develops organically. I was not confused at any point. Pacing: neat long and short sentences heighten the tension. Mechanics: "I thought back on the events" should be "I thought back TO the events" I found at least one punctuation error. In general the story is well written. A few gremlins can be sorted out quite quickly. I see the story was last updated in 2010. I do like the way in which the reader is left wondering what the lad is going to do once he reads his mother's letter. All in all, a good, sad read.

Dont hesitate to contact me if you need assistance. Way to go. Thanks for posting this.

I agree with everything that Ieshwar has to say about this story. I made the following comments as the story unfolded, and truthfully. Tristan and Cameron's characterization is mindblowing. I have this thing see, it happens when I fall in love with a character, I start referring to them in my comments, instead of directing my comments to the author. Tristan and Cameron do this to me. Part 1 Wow! I looooooooved this. Its fresh N hilarious and like seriously maybe I'm into suits. The story had me laughing and giggling like a horny giggling girty. Well Tristan, you know what they say, call me. Except now that Cameron has your attention you will probably pass me up. Cameron, you are so unassuming. Who would have thought that you would have called Tristan just as he was leaving. Good timing my man. Hey, I bet you waited and watched for him to leave the building right? Wrong, you say. Come on Cameron (can I call you cam)? I wasnt born yesterday to see a planned coincidence. You devil. You have the hots for Tristan. You. Cant wait for the next chapter. Just love this. Part 3 Laughter is not the word. Hysterical. I read this twice at gym today. A girlfriend approached and wanted to know "Wha...?" I told her and she wanted to laugh too. She had a bad hair day. So I read it to her and we both laughed again. Oh. My. Word. This is just So. Oh. Good. I love every line. You just don't let up, do you. I loved Rebecca. I loved Alexis. Mark is special. You have brought such a deep richness to your characters. Cameron, I think I wanna stalk you. Tristan can stalk me. I can stalk both of you. The writing is solid, and you are so comfortable in this genre that it makes me jealous. However...but... Here's the thing... You know what really got to me? Not only was I in hysterics, but I was also moved. Tristan's Craiglist thingy was heartfelt. His true colour came out. He's just a lonely guy with normal feelings and he wants to be loved I cried Part 4 Oh wow Tristan, you are wild! I love the coffee scene and the words on the coffee cup. You're a romantic genius you are. You should continue with Tommy's advice. You never know what's waiting for you in the next chapter. Oh, wait. You do? This is your story, ag I forgot. Cameron came to visit me after he left the bar. Yup. That's right. He dropped Justin off and came to me. I'm not a slut, Tristan, but if you can't get it together with Cam (I love that name Cam), then, I will have to show him the ropes. Just kidding. Well, he did visit me. We just chatted. This and that. Is he gay? Oh, you'll have to wait and see. But you carry on the way you are going and I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised. LOL Cameron, how could you arrive with Justin? You're crazy. And those deep stares between you and Tristan tug at my heartstrings. I think I will be pleasantly surprised. I love the dialogue. Tristan reminds me of a friend from a couple of years back. I guess that's what makes him so human. Gentle. Caring and kind. Way to go bro. Loving every minute of this. The writer promised his readers that he would deliver two more parts. This hasn't happened. I'm sure he has his reasons, but I wanted to read right to the end. I hope this will still happen. xTony, I want my Tristan and Cameron chapters please!

Finn. Finn. Finn. I love your shirt. (That's a metaphore for existence) LOL. Thoughts as I read this and take notes: Eternity. Forever. Olam and Aion. One thing you don't point out is that forever WILL end. First sentence. Two words. Homonyms. Isn't Eternity the same as Forever. Well. Etrenity is an idea. Time, however, is a measurement of duration. Therefore, eternity is the same as forever and cannot happen. The only place in time that exists is NOW. So, i read this work as if it IS. Now. Likes: The fountain metaphor. The fountain of life. I liked those random thoughts of progenation. I like the image of a duplicate self. A triplicate self? I question if you asked for freedom, why didn't it manifest? 2nd Part. I get loneliness. Not used to love, or being loved. Alienated. Lack of emotion, hence the surprise when the tears come. I also get the narrator wishes to be someone else in the now. My world's a prison - translate. I am a being of shackled circumstance. I want freedom. I want love. This is a difficult thing, to interpret random thoughts in the mind. Many people might get different messages from this work. These are the messages I got whilst reading. There is no right or wrong here. A brave effort to bear your innermost thoughts. You are a deep thinker. Finn. Finn. Finn. I like your shirt.

Colton glared at the man with hatred in his eyes. He contemplated the notebook in his hands, amazed at first how such a trivial item could cause such a lot of harm. He glanced at Richard, then at Bernard, took three steps forward and nervously placed the book on the ground. The gun was still with Richard. Bernard was still held in a vice grip. Colton had no idea how he was going to get the gun from Richard without placing his son’s life in danger. Richard stared at Bernard, a lump in his thro

I ran out of likes but I shall revisit. Could i possibly ask if they are prepared to share some of those dollars? Your writing flows so well, and you had me engaged the whole way through. An enertaining, delightful piece. I sincerely hope they stop quarreling now and just enjoy the fruits of their treasure.

My tears as I read toward the end are silent but worth it. This is an amazing gut wrenching love story. One thing i noticed is that the dialogue moves the story forward and creates character. I especially enjoyed the bookshop scene where I thought Teddy was just an overconfidant lame somebody who gets his way with everything. I am a reader so im allowed to think this way. His confidence and Andy's warm heart struck me as two totally opposite people getting together. Well, that confidence in Teddy really took a dive when he just left leaving only a letter. It showed his weakness. WTF i thought and thats when the tears began for me. I wish i had friends like Bob and Mary LOL. It seemed that everyone liked Ted but i got to wonder about the extra ticket i really thought she was trying to play matchmaker. But on the ship, when he meets Ted's mom. I wrote down "book" and "beads" And from there on in i couldnt stop weeping. The story is compelling. It is engrossing. It's told beautifully. Thank you for this.

Happy Birthday and everything of the best for the future.

This is perfect. If you could see this story through my eyes you'd know that it not only does justice to the theme of the anthology, but it is also a stand out tale that is beautifully conceptualized. Your writing comes from your soul and this is what makes the inner voice of Artie so authentic. What I love about your writing is that you are able to transcend genres. Why, I could quite easily turn this into a musical. LOL. That's a compliment. If I were to analyse every word, every thought process that you have written in this tale, it would run twice as long as the story, so I won't do that. What I will say, however is that you take a normal situation and turn it onto its head, and use whatever resource you have to follow through with the story. Especially using GA and this theme as a thread in it. Lots of surprises in this story. There were moments of sheer brilliance: 1. The first was John wanting to feed his curiosity. That was expected, I could see that coming. 2. The moment where John says he still loves Tiffany, which I did not expect, but realised that it could happen and has happened in real life. 3. The point where Tiffany is outed by her pregnancy. That was brilliant. I had to go back and read that again. It was the turning point in this story for me. 3. Artie and Luis, a nioce surprise and a brilliant ending. There is a fine mix of sadness, drama, joy and love in this story. It's the kind of story I would read over and over again. Well done, Mann. You are an extremel;y talented writer. This is just a magnifeiscent story.

Wow, that was a nite to remember if ever there was one. You know, each story should begin with a hook and well, you hooked me the moment I read we're dealing with a hunter stalking a deer. I enjoyed your descriptions of the stag and of Marcus. His tale is sad, and sadder still, is the way in which he left Edain. This is a really beautifully told story. There were a few sentences that i thought stood out for their beuty and strength. Like: ..."Tempered...wilderness" and " ...as his fingers glided....string". Thank you...I thoroughly enjoyed this tale.