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It looks like a spade...



So I may have to call it that.


Every so often I go through this period during which I keep thinking, "I used to be a much nicer person." I admit that there's every possibility that I did not used to be a much nicer person. Perhaps it's just an illusion, the classic 'good ol' days' phenomenon, but in any case I think I used to be a nicer person.


I never used to be judgmental. I always used to try my best to see things from the other person's perspective, give them the benefit of the doubt, that kinda thing. I'm still very pleasant to people on the surface most of the time. It's the thoughts I have that are particularly bitchy.


The other day at work this businessman who is associated with a company we use a great deal came in with his wife and two year old child. Now the boy was adorable and a delight. The gentleman was also quite pleasant. His wife... well I really don't have anything nice to say about her. This is why I didn't say anything at all 0:) But this is my blog, and I doubt she's reading it, so I'll just say that I thought she was an extremely shallow, snobby, self-involved, bitchy person who is also an all-around cold wife and ineffective mother. Being in her presence grated on me like a very annoying song playing endlessly in my head.


Today I met someone - ok technically it was a sort of date - that I was similarly judgmental toward. Now he was a perfectly nice person, and I find no fault with his disposition nor his manners. No, it was his sexuality and self-attitude that I found so objectionable. He is 'bi'. Only in this case 'bi' translates to gay but deeply closeted and with a slough of other issues which I won't enumerate because I pity him.


I could go on with similar situations; the point; however, is that 'back when I was a nicer person' I would never have thought these things at all. I'd have looked for something positive in these two individuals. I'd have tried harder to put myself in their shoes before I cast any judgment.


I really like my boss. He's such a nice person. Very friendly, very non-judgmental, very considerate, great attitude. He's always trying to helpful and kind to the people with whom he interacts. I could be wrong but I *think* that's how I used to be once upon a time.


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I don't know if you can simply say you're not as nice of a person as you used to be. What I would say is that yes, you are becoming more judge mental, but that is not necessarily a bad thing. It seems the more that we mature :P , the more that we see the bad side of people where earlier we weren't really interested in that side of people. As that effects you more and more, it is next to impossible to be more judgmental as you have to be aware of how those negative traits it will effects you personally. I think the key is that you are aware that you mindset is changing, and know when to bite your tongue, and know how to treat everyone with respect.

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I don't think being more judgmental makes you a *worse* person. It means you're more realistic and less rosy-eyed, which also translates to being more insightful and less naive. So really you're becoming a better person. :)

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If he's nice and the kid's sweet, then she must have some redeeming qualities. Perhaps she's just uncomfortable meeting new people and comes across as shallow and self-involved. After all, the topic of conversation she would know best is herself.


As for the guy... you're probably used to people who are more comfortable in their sexuality. He, obviously, is not. Comfortable, that is.


I agree with corvus, btw. As long as you don't allow reality to make you jaded and bitter you're only improving.


There's enough of us jaded people out there anyway.

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