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I'm not getting better...just older


AFriendlyFace

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Warning: self-pitying, whiny post ahead

 

 

So it's almost my birthday and I've been trying to forget it...isn't easy though, I told one friend months ago when it was during a time when I wasn't stressed out about it and damn if they don't all know now!

 

I keep getting that, "So what are we doing for your birthday?" question.

 

Don't get me wrong; I appreciate the sentiment, but I'll be honest, here's what I want to do on my birthday: I want people to send me a nice text, or a brief, casual phone call telling me that they care about me and that they're thinking about me. "Happy Birthday" is okay if you absolutely must. "Happy ___ Birthday" is most definitely not okay. If you don't know how old I am...well I don't particularly want you asking in the first place, but if you have the extreme poor taste and insensitivity to ask me on my birthday (when it's already fairly well-established and well-known that I'm not happy about getting older) then you deserve to be bitch slapped, but I'm a non-violent person so I'll probably settle for giving you an icy glare and coldly responding that it's none of your damn business.

 

In general I do not want to act like I'm happy about getting older and I do not want to be reminded of my age. I do want a little extra positive attention and affection though (so shoot me, I'm human), just do it without bringing age into the equation.

 

I don't want saccharine words of encouragement about how 'we all have to get older' or 'it beats the alternative' or 'you're just getting better'. You can give me a little sympathy if you like. You can flatter the hell out of me. But don't try to make me get over it. If you want to help me deal with my issues about aging wait 4-8 months when it won't be quite as touchy a subject.

 

So why do I, someone still clinging to his early twenties, have so much of a problem with aging? Always have actually. It wasn't always 'getting older' related, but I was never really comfortable with the whole concept of age. I never enjoyed telling people my age. I've always found it rude to ask, even when I was a kid.

 

I do buy into that 'you're only as old as you feel' crap. I really do, so let me feel like I'm 19 damnit and quit reminding me that I'm not! :angry:

 

Anyway, back to why getting older sucks. Basically, every single birthday is a reminder of all of my failures and shortcomings. Another year has ticked away and I still haven't done, or made progress toward, X, Y, and Z. Another year has come and gone and I'm still dealing with A, B, and C. I guess it's sort of like New Year's resolutions for other people. I have all these plans for my life that I really want to achieve. But I'm not a dumbass; I know when I'm not making any progress. Nevertheless, more often than not I'm perfectly content 'in the moment'. Don't get me wrong; I love my life and I'm a very happy person. But birthdays are when I can't help but to seriously look at my life and notice what I didn't accomplish or still haven't fixed. Frankly, I'm not like that at all around the holidays. Honestly the holidays are mostly meaningless to me. I try to take them for their general purpose of good will to all men and counting your blessings and what not. I enjoy the time off, the parties, the time with friends and family...but I really don't measure my life by them. I don't see New Year's as a new year. THAT is my birthday, which makes more sense to me and is a lot more accurate and concrete than some silly day someone randomly picked to start the new calendar.

 

I even get that crappy, "Oh look, I'm alone for my birthday" thing that other people get for Christmas and whatnot. It's like, "well, I'm another year older and still haven't found anyone I'd want to spend the rest of my life with." But again I'm not going to delude myself; I'm not going to date some random person just for the sake of not being alone...that would make me feel more pathetic. I could have easily gone back with one my ex's in the last couple of weeks, but it was wrong then and it's wrong now.

 

Then of course it's just the getting older thing literally. It's like, "well, I'm not as (physically) strong as I used to be" (I'm really not :( ). "I don't have as much energy" (well I do but it requires more sleep and I need much more downtime now). "I'm just not as attractive as I used to be" (maybe if I fix myself up and compare myself to an only average day from the past). "I don't learn as quickly" (I don't have strong evidence for this but I'm suspicious). It just goes on and on. I worry about my declining health, my dwindling opportunities, my wasted time, everything! And it's not like I think it's really that bad. It's not like I think I can't 'do something about it' or still have it really good.

 

The thing that just pisses me off and makes me sad is that while I can still be in excellent health it won't be easy as when I was a teen. I can still look young and hot, but I want to get carded damnit! ROUTINELY. I can still learn most of the skills and knowledge I want to learn, but I worry that the older I get the harder it'll be to gain the same level of fluency and proficiency that I would have had in my childhood. Basically what it comes down to isn't thinking that it's all that bad...just that it'll be harder to make it as good. The most depressing thought is that I feel like each year marks another notch. Every year from now on I'm just going to have to keep working harder for what I want than if I had gotten it already (or at least made a good start). That's why I take stock of what I haven't done and what I haven't fixed. That's why I'm mad at myself when I realize I've blown still more time and opportunities and if I can get it, it'll be more difficult.

 

I just pisses me off!

 

 

Anyone ever see that episode of QAF when Brian was freaked out about turning 30 and he was like messing around with erotic asphyxiation and Michael caught him and gave him that pep talk and he was like:

 

"You'll always be young and you'll always be beautiful"

 

Well that's lovely, but it's still a boldfaced lie. Oh he can do that 'young at heart' thing, or 'look good for his age', but anyone who's ever seen the show knows that Brian wanted to be young in the literal, chronological logical sense and look hot for any age. Let's face it, he's going to get older (or die) and so will I. I can accept it. I will accept it. But I don't have to like it.

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How very strange. You're younger than I am, and I don't feel remotely old. I'm not the same person I was at 17, but that doesn't make me even middle aged yet. That's not to say your fears are trivial or baseless; I'm just saying I don't share them yet.

 

Granted, the people in my work group, who for better or worse are the people I spend more time with than anyone (dammit), are all at least a decade older than me. That probably keeps my relative mental age artificially low.

 

Best wishes anyways, in getting through the actual day.

 

--Gabe

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Thanks Gabe :)

 

 

Well, it's not so much that I feel 'old' per se, just all those other things and I don't like getting older.

 

Anyway thanks :)

-Kevin

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I can totally sympathize with your feelings, Kevin. Every time *that* date rolls around I cringe inwardly, knowing there's some schmuck out there that will, regardless of past reactions, call up or show up all bouncy and excited and "Bet you thought I forgot it's your birthday!" No, dumbass. I knew you wouldn't. I was hoping you'd forgotten my address/phone number. That was the one gift I really, really wanted.

 

The commercial seasons don't affect me. The new year rolls in and I'm usually stacking z's. Sounds good to me.

 

Besides... my birthday is usually a harbinger of something emotionally crippling. Never mind the mental rota of all the things I wanted to accomplish by this stage in my life that I'm not even close to achieving. My mother is the same way. Don't mention it, don't buy anything for it. Of course no one listens to her, either. I just make sure when I talk to her on that day that I tell her I love her. It's something I'm prone to forget in other conversations. Due to circumstances we're not as close as we once were.

 

You're a beautiful person whose personality is a wondrous gift all on its own. When the whole situation is dragging you down, try to remember you have family here that cares about your well-being and looks forward to reading the psychological gems you cast in your wake.

 

I, for one, am glad to have you around just as you are. Take care, Kevin. Today and every other.

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yep take care Kevin like all the others said.

 

something simular happened with one of my friends a few days ago. she's just turned 22 and I asked her if she was happy, she replied she felt like she should be accomplishing lots more, like she's very behind. she felt she should be doing something with her life like starting a family even though she doesnt want one (and is the last person I thought would say that). I feel like that whenever I see some young star of somekind in the news or somewhere, and think, omg they're my age, or as is now happening more, they're younger than me, but I block that out and am rational about what it was possible for me to achieve in the time I've had otherwise I'd freeze.

 

goodluck with everything, its been a pleasure chatting with you in the forums, and it sounds like to me that your making progress.

 

celia

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Kevin, you're not old, and you know it. Besides, do you have any idea how old I'll be on my next birthday? I'll be 26. If I remember correctly, you'll be like 24, right? Anyway, it's not that bad! You're not quite halfway through your 20's like I am, so don't fret about it. FYI, I don't have my b-day on my profile for a reason. The first is that I would prefer most not post the announcement. The second is that there's actually a friend of mine on GA who I don't mind knowing my b-day, and I want him to memorize it. He can post the b-day announcement if he remembers. Otherwise, there will not be one. :P

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  • Site Administrator

Kevin,

 

Great Post. You expressed how I feel myself every time a birthday approaches. I would imagine that half of the people here feel the same, but some hide behind the false exterior of looking like they are happy or are just openly hostile. You expressed how you feel, and now we all know. You also mentioned that you'll get over it, like you do every other year. All I can say is that makes you sound perfectly normal.

 

Steve B)

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Lots of people feel this way. That's not meant to trivialize anything or lump you among the masses, but I wonder if it's something common due to our age, as in early twenties. I've felt bad about aging, hmm, since the end of high school. Prior to turning 18, I felt like such a baby, a little kid. But as I slowly worked my way through college, I just felt so old and unaccomplished, with no direction.

 

My mother says it's because I'm reaching a new stage in my life, as in figuring out a career, etc. I think she's partly right. However, for the most part, and like you mentioned, it's just that every year my birthday rolls around, I start thinking and evaluating my life/situation. If I wanted things to get better, and it didn't, I feel like a huge failure. Or if I wanted to try something and never got around to it, I beat myself up. And if I haven't found someone to be with, as in a good long term relationship, I wonder what's wrong with me. After all, time's wasting, that biological clock is ticking....Then even worse, I start comparing myself to my friends and their accomplishments...good jobs, engaged, graduate school, etc.

 

I tell people my age if they ask, but always with a heavy heart. LOL. Unless they're older; then I don't feel so bad. I HATE telling people when my birthday is. I don't want gifts, only a simple dinner with my family. No big celebrations. Just leave me the hell alone, people!

 

Of course I have older friends in their mid to late thirties, telling me I'm sily, that I'm young, I have lots of time, I should have fun, or they ask me if I rather die young....and they're all right, but I can't shake off those bum feelings during that "unhappy" birthday.

 

I really loved this blog of yours, even if you're ranting about something that's bothering you. It's because I, among a bunch of thers, feel the same way. Now I don't feel like such a raging idiot when I complain...

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Kevin, I have a task for you... between now and your birthday, I want you to write down all of your accomplishments from the past year. You know what I mean, so don't give me this 'I didn't accomplish anything' crap. Wrap it up in a pretty box and give it to yourself as a present for your birthday. Include some nice new bath stuff if you want, because I want you to read your list ALOUD as you soak in the tub. And don't read it just once. Repeat each item multiple times. And, this is important, NO BUTS! Do not diminish any accomplishment by thinking that it wasn't good enough, so no 'but this' or 'but that' crap.

 

Have fun. ^_^

Steph

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I can totally sympathize with your feelings, Kevin. Every time *that* date rolls around I cringe inwardly, knowing there's some schmuck out there that will, regardless of past reactions, call up or show up all bouncy and excited and "Bet you thought I forgot it's your birthday!" No, dumbass. I knew you wouldn't. I was hoping you'd forgotten my address/phone number. That was the one gift I really, really wanted.

 

The commercial seasons don't affect me. The new year rolls in and I'm usually stacking z's. Sounds good to me.

 

Besides... my birthday is usually a harbinger of something emotionally crippling. Never mind the mental rota of all the things I wanted to accomplish by this stage in my life that I'm not even close to achieving. My mother is the same way. Don't mention it, don't buy anything for it. Of course no one listens to her, either. I just make sure when I talk to her on that day that I tell her I love her. It's something I'm prone to forget in other conversations. Due to circumstances we're not as close as we once were.

 

You're a beautiful person whose personality is a wondrous gift all on its own. When the whole situation is dragging you down, try to remember you have family here that cares about your well-being and looks forward to reading the psychological gems you cast in your wake.

 

I, for one, am glad to have you around just as you are. Take care, Kevin. Today and every other.

Awww :hug:

 

Thanks Dion! I really appreciate your kind words. In fact I read them right before I went to bed last night and they cheered me up considerably :)

 

I'm glad someone can relate and I think you're just nifty as you are too btw ;)

 

 

-Kevin

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yep take care Kevin like all the others said.

 

something simular happened with one of my friends a few days ago. she's just turned 22 and I asked her if she was happy, she replied she felt like she should be accomplishing lots more, like she's very behind. she felt she should be doing something with her life like starting a family even though she doesnt want one (and is the last person I thought would say that). I feel like that whenever I see some young star of somekind in the news or somewhere, and think, omg they're my age, or as is now happening more, they're younger than me, but I block that out and am rational about what it was possible for me to achieve in the time I've had otherwise I'd freeze.

 

goodluck with everything, its been a pleasure chatting with you in the forums, and it sounds like to me that your making progress.

 

celia

Hey Celia,

 

You know, that happens to me too! It sounds like you have a really good approach to handling it and I'm going to have to give that a shot as well.

 

I'm sorry for your friend too of course, but it is nice to know I'm not totally alone on this. It seems like most people in this age bracket don't really care about getting older.

 

It has been a pleasure, take care and thanks :D

 

-Kevin

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Kevin, you're not old, and you know it. Besides, do you have any idea how old I'll be on my next birthday? I'll be 26. If I remember correctly, you'll be like 24, right? Anyway, it's not that bad! You're not quite halfway through your 20's like I am, so don't fret about it. FYI, I don't have my b-day on my profile for a reason. The first is that I would prefer most not post the announcement. The second is that there's actually a friend of mine on GA who I don't mind knowing my b-day, and I want him to memorize it. He can post the b-day announcement if he remembers. Otherwise, there will not be one. :P

LOL! What a clever way to test your friend, Tim!

 

Well I hope he does remember then :)

 

Thanks for the encouragement!

 

-Kevin

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Kevin,

 

Great Post. You expressed how I feel myself every time a birthday approaches. I would imagine that half of the people here feel the same, but some hide behind the false exterior of looking like they are happy or are just openly hostile. You expressed how you feel, and now we all know. You also mentioned that you'll get over it, like you do every other year. All I can say is that makes you sound perfectly normal.

 

Steve B)

Wow! :hug:

 

Thanks Steve! That made me feel much better. It really does often seem like I'm one of the few people who has issues with it. I'm glad that you and others can relate, and I'm happy if we can all manage to get over it every year and go on :)

 

Thanks very much for the kind words!

Kevin

Link to comment
Lots of people feel this way. That's not meant to trivialize anything or lump you among the masses, but I wonder if it's something common due to our age, as in early twenties. I've felt bad about aging, hmm, since the end of high school. Prior to turning 18, I felt like such a baby, a little kid. But as I slowly worked my way through college, I just felt so old and unaccomplished, with no direction.

 

My mother says it's because I'm reaching a new stage in my life, as in figuring out a career, etc. I think she's partly right. However, for the most part, and like you mentioned, it's just that every year my birthday rolls around, I start thinking and evaluating my life/situation. If I wanted things to get better, and it didn't, I feel like a huge failure. Or if I wanted to try something and never got around to it, I beat myself up. And if I haven't found someone to be with, as in a good long term relationship, I wonder what's wrong with me. After all, time's wasting, that biological clock is ticking....Then even worse, I start comparing myself to my friends and their accomplishments...good jobs, engaged, graduate school, etc.

 

I tell people my age if they ask, but always with a heavy heart. LOL. Unless they're older; then I don't feel so bad. I HATE telling people when my birthday is. I don't want gifts, only a simple dinner with my family. No big celebrations. Just leave me the hell alone, people!

 

Of course I have older friends in their mid to late thirties, telling me I'm sily, that I'm young, I have lots of time, I should have fun, or they ask me if I rather die young....and they're all right, but I can't shake off those bum feelings during that "unhappy" birthday.

 

I really loved this blog of yours, even if you're ranting about something that's bothering you. It's because I, among a bunch of thers, feel the same way. Now I don't feel like such a raging idiot when I complain...

Wow again! LOL, I really am surprised that so many others can relate!

 

Yeah, practically everything you said is similar to what I mean and a lot of it is what I've gone through. I'm glad you did enjoy the blog...I was actually about to delete it last night! But then Gabe and Dion posted responses and I thought how nice and felt a bit better so I left it up. Glad I did now :)

 

Thanks for the support, Tiff! :)

-Kevin

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Kevin, I have a task for you... between now and your birthday, I want you to write down all of your accomplishments from the past year. You know what I mean, so don't give me this 'I didn't accomplish anything' crap. Wrap it up in a pretty box and give it to yourself as a present for your birthday. Include some nice new bath stuff if you want, because I want you to read your list ALOUD as you soak in the tub. And don't read it just once. Repeat each item multiple times. And, this is important, NO BUTS! Do not diminish any accomplishment by thinking that it wasn't good enough, so no 'but this' or 'but that' crap.

 

Have fun. ^_^

Steph

Oh wow, Steph, I really like this suggestion. At first I thought, "Well I'd feel silly doing that!"....but the more I think about it the more I think it really might help....especially on 'the day'. So I think that's a great suggestion. Even if I do feel a bit silly at first. It's interesting that you said that, because I kept comparing this year to last year and the year before...when I really did feel like I'd made more accomplishments, but I guess there's always that tendency to think you were doing better before. The whole 'good old days' thing I suppose.

 

Anyway, I'm really going to give this a try! Thanks :D

 

:hug:

 

-Kevin

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Hi Kevin,

dont look back too much !

Just enjoy each day without thinking of the past and the future.

"carpe diem" my friend.

You torture yourself with your feelings about your age !

Believe me, each age has its pleasures. I'm the best proof of it :rolleyes:

BTW, we talked allready about the same subject a year ago. It seems to be a bad habit of you to "fall" in the same mood each year when your birthday comes near :lol: .

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Hi Kevin,

dont look back too much !

Just enjoy each day without thinking of the past and the future.

"carpe diem" my friend.

You torture yourself with your feelings about your age !

Believe me, each age has its pleasures. I'm the best proof of it :rolleyes:

BTW, we talked allready about the same subject a year ago. It seems to be a bad habit of you to "fall" in the same mood each year when your birthday comes near :lol: .

Hey Old Bob :)

 

Yeah, I'm afraid you're right about this being a habit :(

 

I'm actually feeling better now though :)

 

Thanks for the support!

:hug:

-Kevin

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First of all, happy b-day.

Second of all, I know your pain. I tend to turn the phone off, lock the doors, close the blinds and sit in front of the t.v. with a bottle of something good and watch movies. I dislike my birthday. Bad memories....

Anyways, hope this one is better then others.

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First of all, happy b-day.

Second of all, I know your pain. I tend to turn the phone off, lock the doors, close the blinds and sit in front of the t.v. with a bottle of something good and watch movies. I dislike my birthday. Bad memories....

Anyways, hope this one is better then others.

Thanks Rose :)

 

...Actually, it's not too late to take your suggestion. I have got a lovely bottle of Shiraz that's taking up far too much room 0:)

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LOL, with the way the weather has been around here the last couple of days I'm beginning to think someone is trying!

 

Great to hear from ya, Eric :hug:

 

-Kevin

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