AFriendlyFace

Aww thanks Kitty! .....I have felt much better the last couple of days. Was just a lousy mood one evening Anyway take care and have a really great day Kevin

Hey David! I'm so sorry to hear you've been sick the last few days. I've been ill too, but mine's been entirely headcold stuff, no stomach complaints. I just read chapter 4 of SOOTB; it was awesome! What a cliffhanger! And I feel so bad for all three of them. You've done a great job writing realistic characters, whose plights we can identify with. I don't want to mention specifics incase anyone here reads your blog before they read the chapter, but WOW Can't wait till chapter 5 comes out! Take care and have a really awesome day. Kevin P.S. I read your coming out story too. It was excellent and moving, I'm so glad everything turned out so well. It is great to hear about a good, positive one.

No, I really think Jame is going to be Hailey's love interest. But anything's possible I suppose. That painting a picture of him as he sleeps idea is so perfect and romantic! LOLOL I doubt anyone would be too thrilled with my stick art though

Just like that bunny! Yep we coulda done the whole Nevada thing and still ended up right were we are now. Isn't that LittleBuddha's line? j/k! LOL I have to be nice or he won't let me find out how his cliffhanger at the end of SOOTB 4 turned out! I agree Ann, I think Aaron's bound to make a return appearance I disagree. As Xandra pointed out she probably didn't fully know the situation until she'd been there a little while. But furthermore, and just as importantly, her speech wouldn't have worked at any other time than on the plane. EVERYONE was trying to give Rory a similar speech. He just wasn't going to be responsive to it until the ramifications of his decision were right there in his face. Not until he'd already made himself sick and could honestly answer "no" to the question of whether or not he wanted to be on that plane at that moment. LOL Kitty! I'd been thinking something along those lines myself, though not seriously, just humourously. LOL I mean wouldn't it be a laugh if Luke's call said: "Chey had another accident. Oh and Eddie's hurt that you left. OR simply something to the effect of: "There's been an accident, but don't worry Eddie's not hurt." A third possibility is that it's an evil ploy by Luke to try to make Rory rush back. But I don't really believe any of that, I think there was an accident. Where was that in TOU?? I was waiting for a moment like that myself and I'm pretty sure I missed it if Jude ever told Quinn he loved him (or visa-versa). Welcome Peace!! Hope to see more of you in the future So many people seem to be a little miffed about the way this chapter ended, but here's what I think: First of all, as many people pointed out, the "stay or go" thing was only one of many issues. I really do think there's a little stuff left for Eddie and Rory to work out. There's several other loose-ends too, like Aaron, Jason & Nathan, Still seems like more w/ Seth and Rory, and a whole lotta Luke stuff. I agree that could have been wrapped up easily in some sort of epilogue, but I'm glad if even a little of it is touched on within the story itself instead. Secondly as someone (I believe Kitty or Ann) pointed out many chapters ago, if TLW and TOU are like movies; DD is like a soap opera. I also think it's ashame how all of us (myself included) have been trying to shove DD into its grave so to speak. Let's just sit back and enjoy the show and let it end when it ends. Also I got/am getting a kick out of Tim and Green's little antics Have an awesome day everyone and take care Kevin

Happy Birthday!!

woo hoo! WTG Ronnie! Congrats about getting the part Ouch! about your hand That completely sucks. Glad you at least got your breakfast though. I hope you heal quickly. Good Luck and take care Kevin

Mikie....I couldn't have said it better!! extra huggles for you and for our friend Kevin:) Michael Awww thanks guys! I needed that

You ever just look around suddenly and realize you don't know how you get somewhere? And worse you really don't know where you're going? That would be my life It's stupid really. I'm just tired and still sick. I should probably just go to bed. Chapter 35 of DD depressed the hell out of me. I cried for most of it. And yeah partly it was Rory and the gang, but it was so much for myself and my own life. It hit a little too close to home, in all the wrong ways. I'm moving soonish. 73 days. I'll know NO ONE. I won't even have a job (unless I manage to find one online or something and try to get it set up before I move). But it's an adventure, and that's what I was after. It's a chance to "start over" and that too is what I was after. In fact I'm absolutely not torn at all anymore, it's definitely the right decision. The thing is that kinda sucks because it illuminates the fact that there's really nothing here for me anymore (or very little). The last time I moved to a new city it was this one, and I was only moving about 70 miles from the town I grew up in. Not only that, but I was moving with an armful of friends. Like 8 of my friends moved into the same apartment complex as me, and MANY others moved into other parts of the city. And it was great. I can honestly say that pretty much since that year's ended I've been occasionally looking back on it and thinking, "that was really one of the best times of my life". It's cheesy but it was really like Friends in a lot of ways, we'd all just "hang out". I wouldn't go through my day thinking "gee I wonder what I'm going to do when I get home". Every night I'd hang out with my friends. Usually we'd cook dinner (that was the year I learned to cook), sometimes watch a movie or go somewhere, but most of the time we just sat around and talked. But then everything changed. I suppose it always happens after the first year at college. About half the people ended up moving back home or transferring schools for one reason or another. I kept my same two roomates but we got a larger apartment so that one of them's girlfriend could move in, and everything was downhill from there. Completely changed our dynamic even though she was our friend too. I started my job, I was almost never home between work and school, and I drifted away from them. Several times I got the "we never see you anymore.", "you're hardly ever here" or something to that effect. It was my fault in large part, I was busy and I took them for granted. Eventually one night (when I got home from work early) we all had this ugly fight. It was never really the same after that, after that we all wanted to go our seperate ways (except the two that were dating). I slowly lost touch with everyone else (not completely, but I don't see/talk/visit with most on a regular basis anymore). I made lots of new friends, but I didn't get especially close with any of them....I was busy. Now I've really only got one close friend left in the city. All my other friends are work friends, and they're great but the thing is I've been there so long almost everyone's come and gone, and invariably everyone that leaves loses touch after a month or so tops. Oh and I'm really sick of my job. I think I'd have quit a few months ago if I hadn't thought "well I'm moving soon anyway". I took this personality test awhile back, can't even remember what it was called. Anyway it said that I was a "helper", that I needed to be needed. So it probably isn't so great that I'm really not. I mean it's not that I don't feel "useful", and I really do keep myself quite busy. There's never enough hours in the day, so it's not like I'm sitting around moping, and I even feel fairly well "connected" to my little world in general. My work people really do care, my old friends really do care, my family cares, heck I even think some of you guys care, and the people at my old spade league will undoubtedly welcome me back with open arms if/when I decide to return. But I'm not needed, not in that indespensible sort of way. I'll easily be replaced at work, and gradually lose touch with everyone and they'll all be fine. If I'm lucky occasionally people will mention me fondly, or reminisce in the way that we do about the people that have left. My old friends? Well there's no denying the span of time between our "just checking in", "calling to see what was up", etc. visits is growing longer. I expect they'll always be glad to hear from me, but they don't need me either. My family's been coping fine with seeing less of me for the past few years, and they probably really will be fine when I'm even further away and visit less often. If I just quit coming here a few of you might notice, but I'm really not doing anything necessary. I go on long breaks from my spade league all the time (and am on one now), and they go on too. And that's good. It really is, less pressure on me; more freedom. Of course I wouldn't be so selfish as to want people to be completely lost and helpless without me. And the truth is I'm fine too. I'll miss folks, I'll think back fondly on stuff, but I'll move on and be fine. It's just a little sad though; how temporary things are. But I'll be fine tomorrow. I'll wake up and roll out of bed and hit the day running. Besides an occasional sad mood is probably healthy. This isn't one of those anxious ones. Or intensely painful. It's just a somber melancholy, a weighty repose. Blah

Awww thanks you guys! I'm glad I didn't offend anyone, I almost decided not to post it once I'd finished. Have an awesome day everyone, and take care Kevin

So I feel compelled to start with a little warning/disclaimer/advisory/whatever ya wanna call it. This post probably stands a good chance of offending people, which is not my intent. I make it mostly in an attempt to organize my thoughts and lay out my beliefs/desires in a coherent "set" way. I mean to make no value judgements nor am I in any way endeavoring to persuade anyone to come to my way of thinking. Finally, my own thoughts, beliefs, and opinions on ALL these matters tend to be very fluid and there's every chance I'll completely disagree with myself by the next time I read it. There is so much debate and controversy over the question of "why someone is gay". Is it completely genetic? Is it shaped by early experiences? Is it some sort of decision? Well you know what? I don't care. AT ALL. Totally irrelevant. Fun for self-analysis perhaps (because self-analysis is one of my all time favourite hobbies), but ultimately irrelevant as far as I'm concerned. Oh I see how it would garner more support and understanding if it were completely genetic. More people would be inclinded to think, "well it's beyond their control so we can't blame them". It would be very useful for advancing social tolerance no doubt; however, the fact remains that in some ways (especially the ways it's usually done) questioning it at all implies an inherent "judgement". It's somehow automatically deemed inferior to be gay than to be heterosexual, and the best homosexuals can hope for is a condescending, "well it isn't your fault". What the frick?!? Do I need to justify or explain why I'd much rather go for a walk than a drive? Is there going to be some argument that my genetics lead me to find walks more peaceful? Will people argue that I must somehow have had early childhood experiences which led me to prefer walks. Am I consciously choosing to prefer walks because of some unknown, mysterious subconscious motivation? Will I be forced to endure snide remarks from narrow-minded drivers? Will politically correct drivers come up to me and express their sympathy, because after all I must have been a born "walker" So basically I find the whole fact that there is a serious, enduring debate rather insulting. Oh it's fine for people to sit around and contemplate on their own. As far as idle wandering goes, or cocktail party fodder among friends, I take no offense. In the same way that I'm happy to examin why I prefer blondes. I've always been more attracted to blonde people. Why? Well it's interesting to think that maybe somehow genes lead me to find it more aesthetically. As a sociology major I love the idea that society and culture somehow force-fed me the, "blonde is best" mentality (actually I hate that idea, but it's valid and interesting). Early childhood experiences? Well I did know some sweet blonde people. Maybe it's because when I was a small child my hair was blonde and I've heard countless times from relatives and family friends how "cute" I was with my "blonde hair and big blue eyes". Maybe I'm somehow longing to return to my (natural ) blonde past. Maybe it is because my hair would now naturally be a light brown/dirty blonde colour, and so I find blonde hair more "exotic" maybe it does lend support to the "exotic becomes erotic" theory. Maybe it's because I've always associated blonde hair with purity and goodness (probably due to my early childhood and seeing angels and saints depicted as blondes). Actually if I had to guess I'd say it's a combination of all these things, subtlely playing on each other in ways that only make sense when viewed as a whole. And you know what? That's pretty much my view of sexuality too. If I had to speculate I'd say that there are certain genes which must exisit. I'd guess that depending on your genes you may definitely turn out 100% gay or 100% straight, but more likely they exisit for most people in such a way as to merely lead to predispositions. THEN personal experiences, culture, and environment come into play. Am I saying people "choose" to be gay or their pasts "make them gay". No. Because I think that since everyone has a unique set of genetics it varies extremely from person to person. The same experience WON'T effect two different people the same way. Further I think the same person would turn out completely differently, (and react to later identicle experiences differently) just with one or two early experiences being different. In other words maybe Bobby will further advance on the road toward homosexuality if he plays with girls as a child, but maybe Tommy will advance on the road to homosexuality if he plays with boys as a child. And maybe Bobby and Tommy would react completely differently if they'd been treated even slightly differently (in completely unrelated ways) as infants. Does someone ever choose to be gay (or straight)? Rarely, I'd say, most of the time by the time those feelings begin to manifest themselves whatever unique combinations of genes have already interacted with whatever unique combinations of experiences to make this unique person uniquely gay or straight. I think there probably is a fairly strong predisposition one way or the other though, in many/most people. I also think some people who may otherwise be "bisexual" choose to supress their other feelings so that they can fit more fully into the group they identify more with, and I really don't have a problem with that. I mean I think it's very unhealthy and unwise for someone 90+% one way or the other to go the opposite way, but if it's more a 50/50 even 60/40 sorta thing then whatever, I won't hold it against someone if that's what they want. Especially since at that level it would be perfectly easy to find someone of the desired "chosen" gender to spend your life with (well if that's ever easy). Of course personally speaking I think they're missing a great opportunity! I find the whole concept of bisexuality extremely appealing. Indeed if most people could pick their sexuality I think they'd be extremely foolish and short-sighted not to go with this one. How wonderful it must be to be so unconstrained, to see such beauty in everyone! People, both gay and straight, are often prejudiced against bisexuality. Why? Well it's pure speculation on my part but I think it's because such "out of the box" individuality freaks people out. Such an unwillingness to take on traditional roles (yes traditional gay roles as well) scares people. As much as people might like to say they're fine with non-conformity the truth is it makes people uncomfortable! I think it's rediculous to put any sort of value in and of itself in a preference, especially a preference beyond one's control. Perhaps this is why I've always been skittish about "Pride". I mean I completely, totally, definitely don't think that anyone should deny their sexuality, EVER. And I think it's completely ludicrous to feel bad about something beyond your control (and I do think it's beyond people's individual control). And I AM proud of people who have stood up for gay rights, who speak out against intolerance, and who openly and happily accept who they are. I'm VERY proud of those people. Thus I can see myself saying, "I'm proud to be a part of this couragous group that has faced a great deal of adversity and persevered", "I'm proud to be associated with this wonderful group of people with strong character, and self-awareness", but I'd never just say "I'm proud to be gay" and mean strictly in the context of "I'm proud that I find guys attractive"....Gee how clever of me. I'm proud to have blue eyes and be 5'9'' too! I'm proud that I won the lottery! I'm proud that I was there when they were handing out free samples of oxyclean! Why be proud of something that just happened? Something beyond your control? I'm proud that I'm gay and able to handle the stress of living in a heterosexual society. Again I'm proud of the long record of wonderful things gay people have accomplished over the years. But I'm not "proud" of my sexuality in and of itself. I like it. I'm fine with it. I wouldn't change it if I could. I think it's really cool. I love it! It rocks! Woo HOOO boys!! But that's the same way I feel about the fact that I like spinach (to a less passionate degree obviously). I mean I like spinach, it's really good, I'm glad that its taste appeals to me, it's enhanced the quality of my life, but I'm not "proud" that I like spinach. I didn't do anything to like spinach....it just happened. So what's my own "sexuality"? Who am I attracted to? Well I identify as gay though I "don't like labels" (how cliche' is that?). I'm more often attracted to guys, than girls, and I don't see msyelf forming an enduring romantic bond with a women. I love women, they're teriffic! And some of them are REALLY hot, but I don't see myself "connecting" with one on all the right levels in the right way to really say I'm "In love" with one. Oh occasionally I see one that on a purely sexual level I want to sleep with. Of course I don't pursue it, I personally (and just speaking for myself here), don't go for casual sex and since I said I probably wouldn't form a good relationship with a women: I wouldn't sleep with her. Of course on the other hand my pimal, more basic side says "gee, I really want to!", to which my moral/rational side says, "well tough!" , But don't get me wrong, I'm USUALLY attracted to guys more. It's probably like for every 15 or 20 cute guys I see, that on a purely animal level I might want to get with, I see 1 girl. What groups of people and "things" am I attracted to? Well across the board I'm generally into blondes and redheads more. I definitely show a preference for white guys and black girls. White girls work too but the chances are probably a little better that I'll notice a black girl. I'm almost never attracted to black guys. Asian people I generally find attractive. Again I'm more into the Asian guys than the Asian girls (obviously), but I find them an attractive people. Hispanic people fall much the same way as Asian people. Indian women are very attractive and I totally dig the accent. Indian guys, not as much, depends on the guy. As far as "styles" go. I definitely show a higher rate of attraction towards "punk" (emo/goth) guys and girls. I like the "freak" style. On the exact opposite end of the spectrum I tend to fall for really "good boys" and "good girls", if they look sweet and innocent I'm totally there! Thus I often fall for the "Christian" boys (which obviously gets complicated, but I"m just talking attraction, I don't "fall in love" with them). Across all these groups I naturally am more inclined to fall for someone that would classically fit the criteria for being attractive (symmetry, fit, healthy looking, good body etc.) I've got a little foot fetish. Show me a girl in a skirt, stockings, and boots and I'm GOING TO NOTICE, even if she's not a particularly pretty girl. Boys in dress socks w/o shoes on, oh YUM! In general I find the human foot really cute and sexy. Overwhelmingly the thing I'm mostly likely to be attracted to in a guy is his face. I also think this is why I feel more of a "connection". Faces cause a much more emotional reaction for me. I really dig all of the male body, espeically hips, abs/stomach, and butt. His "package"? not really interested honestly. I mean I guess as long as it isn't deformed or something. I think proportionate is what I'd be going for here. If it's WAY "too small" or "too big" for him it'd be weird, but as long as it seems to "fit" I don't really care. Girls? Well I feel like such a perv., but really only their "rack" and genitals. And legs and butt perhaps, but that's the same for guys anyway (I mean I'm attracted to both the male and female legs and butt (on occasion), but of course I have a different idea of how they should look). Then there's personality. I like intelligent people with a good sense of humour (well duh who doesn't?). Generousity and caring are big priorities. Nice "good" people. Bad really doesn't do anything for me (except maybe walk away shaking my head). I know some might point out that I liked the "punk" look, but that's because really I find these people to be awesome, caring, and good overall. Also I think there's a desire to "tame" them, well perhaps that's the wrong word, see their softer side. But when it comes down to it; I just don't care. I don't care who someone else falls in love with or is attracted to (as long as it's legal and everyone's consenting). I don't care who I'm attracted to. I don't care if they fit my "type" or whatever. If I'm into someone, I'm into someone, and that's all I care about. Anyway all of the above are purely my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and general preferences. I really make no value judgements at all, and only wish everyone could just happily accept their own attractions, and have these attractions accepted by everyone else. People really make this whole thing WAY too complicated...said the boy who just wrote an insanely long, complicated blog entry about it . Anyway take care all and have an awesome day! Kevin P.S. I actually intended to write about equality, independence, and power dynamics as well, but obviously I'll have to do those seperately.

Nate, I'm sorry to hear you're sick . I hope it's nothing serious and your back on your feet and raring to go in not time! Take care

...Well I must say I'm really moved and upset having read this post and the comments. So first off Chaz Bev Michael I know it's cheesy and "virtual" but I really mean it. And I'm really so sorry for what you guys have been through I have nothing to add, Chaz, you've already recieved quite a bit of excellent advice from the above posts. warmest wishes and support, Kevin

Hey Dom! you remind me of myself with that mouse thing. Mine's still (thankfully) on a wire, but I stroll around and leave stuff in random weird places all the time. My cell phone is the worst! I can't count the number of times I've had to get online and ask someone to call me so I could find the stupid thing. You haven't lived till you've mixed up toliet bowl cleaner with air freshener I think you've just put your finger on the solution to the remote problem though; tie a strong around it or something and attach it to your living room couch Glad your dog is settling in so well. The cod liver oil sounds like a good idea; you should probably take some too I'm something of a vitamin/supplement freak. I don't take cod liver oil though, but I take fish oil which works similarly. LOL Vic, and Mina is really adorable!! Have an awesome day everyone and take care (and cod liver oil) Kevin

LOL you're all too right I'm afraid. It's even less fun when I get stuck being the referee

What's he look like? anyone have a link (or a name so I can find one myself )?

....did Hillary forget to put on her deodorant? I'm pretty much apolitical, but I guess more left than right.

I've never seen an episode of American Idol, but I've heard all the gossip, and I often flip threw the celeb. mags. while I'm standing in check out lines. I'd say yes probably. Wasn't there some sort of controversy awhile back because one of his co-hosts (probably the one referred to above), decided to dedicate the song "It's raining men" to him? Anyway untucking cute boys huh? Well "incriminating", but not so much as if he had been tucking instead Take care all, Kevin Edit: and for the record I'd speculate that the whole thing is just a cheap (but clever and effective) tactic to boost ratings and hit a larger demographic. Which of course doesn't prove anything either way, maybe he's a straight guy and the whole thing's artificially created, or maybe he's a gay guy and the whole denial/suspect thing is just advantageous.

Hey Sumbloke!! I hope you have an incredibly awesome, completely amazing, teriffic Birthday, and a fantastic year! Wishing you all the best, Kevin

Well personally I always enjoy discussing philosophy, morality, and religion, but I tend to avoid politics like the plague. (you know I've never actually had to avoid the plague, so that's a bad analogy) like onion rings (I can't stand onion rings! ). Why? Basically because I can't help but see each side (or any political ideology) as meaning well, but ultimately pretty screwed up. Everyone's pretty much corrupt and bent on pushing their own agendas, but they also all tend to "mean well" and think their way is the best. I'm at the same time both too jaded AND too optimistic to trouble myself with politics. So I just don't bother. Politics will never be "fixed" and there's enough fairly decent people involved to keep it from becoming entirely evil, so as far as I'm concerned it's a headache I can do without. Oh I may vote for or against specific things, but I'd never "fully support" any one side (Or likely any one candidate) because I'd never completely agree with any one side (or person) on all the issues. The only "set" of political ideologies I'm likely to completely agree with is the weird, and very random, amalgam which is my own (and I don't even claim my beliefs are any "better" they're just my own so I like them). SO unless everyone suddenly decides to put me in charge of everything I'm going to stay out of politics and political discussions as much as possible. Anyway have an awesome day everyone, and take care Kevin

hmm maybe the point is that while being gay, lesbian, or bisexual isn't always a recipe for fitting in easily, we're not as isolated as if we were superheros/heroines... And both are cool if you ask me

I think you mean Emily Hill.

That seems like a good possibility to me. I like Green's theory too, sounds quite feasible. Kevin

Awesome pic. Kotori! LOL that Rory is very hot The cartoon at the bottom is very funny too But what does it say above Rory "can I stop ___? now?"? Anyway thanks for sharing, awesome job, and welcome to the forum! Kevin

Hey Luigi Aww sorry about that. In high school I had the same name as a friend's abusive dad . LOL glad you decided it was ok to keep talking to me I think you're right, I probably shouldn't worry about it too much. I'm just always very careful not to flirt with anyone's S.O.. Fidelity is something I value very much and I'd never want to be accused of turning someone's head etc. That's why usually when a friend is seeing someone I try to go out of my way to include their bf/gf. Anyway have a really teriffic day and take care Kevin

Hey Kaiten! Yep it really was a nice little ego boost. I think the main reason I did ok was because I'm fairly "approachable", and good at talking to new people. I like your idea of acting uninterested and doing the "uh huh" thing. You're right in the long run it probably is best, the whole "you've got to be cruel to be kind" thing....I just think I'd crack and apologize and start being friendly. I guess I could do it in a way that isn't really rude, just standoffish though. Thanks for the compliment about being confident enough to go on my own . I pride myself on my independent nature, and while as Michael pointed out it would often be useful to have someone else around, it does make it easier to talk to new people. LOL in some of my psyc/socio classes they pointed out how it's easier for people to approach a single person by themselves, than any one person in a group. Also I'm the kinda person that feels responsible for making sure everyone I'm with is having a good time. The last time I went out in a group one of the girls was having a rough night and I spent the whole time trying to cheer her up instead of actually mingling, dancing, etc. So as selfish as it might be, it's easier if I just have myself to worry about lol. My hair faded out alot . It's kinda a redish brown now. On the bright side it's apparently convincingly natural looking now, and I've gotten several "so do you have a lot of redheads in your family" and a few "I hadn't realized how red your hair was!" from people I only barely know. My natural hair colour is something like the meeting point for light brown, blonde, and red and I've heard it described as each of those colours. I've always wanted to try black hair, but never have because several people have told me my eyes, eyebrows and skin are too light to pull it off. Anyway have a really awesome day and take care! Kevin