AFriendlyFace

Welcome to the forums, Jonnie! It's great to have you! Hey Will! It's awesome to have you! My advice would just be browse around and when you see a topic that interests you please post your thoughts! Specifically you might be interested in the particular author forums (or eFiction forum) for the authors whose work you enjoy, and you might also want to check out the Teen Forum, and keep an eye on The Lounge, and Member Q & A. If you have any questions please let me know. Take care all, Kevin

Good point, another thing I 'feel good about' when it comes to vegetarianism is that I frequently read reports about how it greatly reduces the impact of my 'carbon footprint'. Which is good considering that in most ways I'm a fairly consumptive person I'm glad to off-set this in any way that I can.

LOL, without getting into whether or not homosexuality is or isn't natural (which I'm inclined to think it IS), I will say that whether or not something is natural or not is amazingly low on my list of concerns and considerations. I'm not overly enthusiastic about vegetarianism for kids either. I didn't take it up until my 20s. I will say though that one of my oldest friends (we've known each other since Pre-K!) has been a vegetarian since the 3rd grade, and she was one of the most intelligent people in our school. I actually eat a lot more protein now than I did before I was a vegetarian. The reason is simple, I never really considered protein before, but I was naturally disinclined to eat much anyway. After I took up vegetarianism I learned which non-meat foods were high in protein and made an effort to eat them, I also monitor my protein pretty closely. I can truthfully say I eat ALOT more protein now than I have at any other point in my life. I also eat a lot more fiber (which I also monitor, even though a vegetarian diet tends to naturally be higher in fiber anyway), take a multi-vitamin, and make sure to get plenty of calcium. Until I became a vegetarian nutrition wasn't much of a consideration for me, and it's really not any more difficult, it's just a matter of establishing good habits. Well that's certainly an interesting approach! I don't mean to downplay or marginalize it at all, and I do respect it. I would like to clarify my own approach to this however. I tend to have a fairly complicated (but intuitive) system of 'ranking' life forms, generally based on intelligence, likelihood of emotional feelings, and how developed their nervous systems are (pain and pleasure). As such almost all beings in the animal kingdom would 'out rank' any in the plant kingdom. Perhaps I shouldn't judge the worthiness of life, but I do have opinions about it be they politically correct or not. As an aside, and not to make anyone feel guilty, but I personally believe that the Bible/Koran very much got the no pork thing right. Pigs are one of the most intelligent animals on the planet, and I do have a moral objection to eating them when it isn't necessary, and especially when they aren't treated ethically. Conversely I grew up around cows, for the most part they aren't that bright. I wouldn't have any moral objection to eating them (although I would prefer that they were treated kindly prior to execution and consumption). Similarly, apart from high order fish, the rest are comparatively primitive. So for the most part I have no qualms about their consumption (hence another factor for leaving them on the diet longer), and the only reason I did elect to quit eating them was because of the ecological argument.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there! There is truly no one who can ever replace a mother

Happy Birthday, Tom! I hope you have a fantastic day and an incredible year! -Kevin

I just wanted to wish a very happy and special birthday to my fellow domaholic, MayaMys! May the coming year be bright and happy and may your birthday be fun and special! Have an awesome one -Kevin

Wow, dude! I can't believe you just turned 30 or that we've known each other for as long as we have! Anyway, I hope it didn't hurt, and may the coming year bring you all the peace and happiness that you deserve! Have an awesome birthday and take care -Kevin

Wow! No concrete answers or good advice I can offer, but I'm glad you're safe

Hi everyone, I was just curious to get some stats on this. Based on other threads that have been circulating around here it seems that we have far fewer vegetarians than I would have expected! I've formally been a 'vegetarian' for about two years. The year preceding my vegetarianism I only ate meat a couple of times a week. However, even my entire life prior to that I'd always been the kind of person who didn't eat meat (or didn't eat very much meat) at every meal. I've always much preferred my salads, breads, sides, and desserts, and only ever picked at meat. When I finally decide to 'take the plunge' and become a vegetarian it was a "oh well, why not? I basically am already anyway." I never really had any problem with it. The only non fish/dairy that I really enjoyed was chicken. I still miss it sometimes but it really isn't a big deal at all. The first year I did it I was the absolute most relaxed type of vegetarian possible. I still ate seafood of all kinds, dairy, and eggs (though again, just based on preference I've never had a huge fondness for eggs anyway). I was basically what you could call a "Catholic" vegetarian. Up till that point I continued to eat fish/shellfish/seafood about once or twice a week because I really like seafood and my prime motivation for vegetarianism in the first place had to do with personal taste (I just didn't like non-seafood) and health (and fish, unless tainted with mercury and other contaminants is good for you). To some extent it had to do with animal rights and environmentalism, but that was secondary to personal preference and health. Immediately preceding the time I eliminated fish from my diet I had a long conversation with a friend who, while continuing to eat other forms of meat, had stopped eating fish for moral/environmental reasons. At first I was very skeptical that it was that big a deal, but I did some research and it seems that the overfishing and fishing techniques used in the world's oceans really does (or at least may) pose a risk to the ecosystem and food chain. To this day I'm not at all passionate about this point by any means (so don't bother arguing with me either way about it), nor am I even completely convinced. However I figured, "well, I only fish about once or twice a week anyway. It wouldn't be hard to stop. So if it does any good at all I'd might as well." My friend asserts that if he could 'see the credentials' of a farm raised fish he would eat it. I probably wouldn't, seems pointless really, like doing something only halfway. It would probably also get me craving fish again really bad, and I don't need that. As I always knew, I'm much more passionate about seafood, and I really do miss it. Eliminating other meat was neither very difficult nor a big sacrifice, but eliminating fish has proven surprisingly difficult for me. I elected to retain shellfish on my menu (what kind of a cajun boy would I be if I didn't leave room for crawfish?) for the time being. The fish thing was a New Year's resolution, so I'm a bit over 5 months in. No 'slips' and I'm positive I'll be able to go till the end the year, I confess I'm a bit conflicted about what to do after the year is up. I originally intended to then wean myself off of shellfish (and I do only eat them maybe once or twice a month anyway, so that too wouldn't be a big lifestyle change). However, in my sushi craving, tuna steak lusting moments I've instead considered returning to fish (I have no plans or desire to ever really return to poultry and red meat etc.) and at least feeling good about doing my part for a year. I may go either way or I may keep ticking along as is. In any case as sure as I am that there's no non-seafood meat in my foreseeable/long-term future, I imagine that at some point in my life I will return to fish. Eggs are basically a non-issue. They're not great for you (though they are a good source of protein), but they're not terrible either, so I have no motive one way or the other from a health perspective. As for taste I like them okay, but I don't love them by any means. Actually in terms of taste I prefer egg beaters and other egg substitutes. The main reason I've left them is because they're such a major ingredient in some many other types of food. If I were going to go through all that hassle I'd might as well become a vegan! Veganism is never happening though because I love my dairy! Actually I don't care about milk at all. It's basically the same story as eggs. I can take it or leave it, I actually prefer substitutes like soy milk (mostly because it lasts longer, and I just don't want milk/milk like things very often), but it would be a major hassle to avoid the things that were made with milk. It's cheese that has my heart! I love, love, LOVE cheese! I'm quite the Dairy Queen. It's a major staple for me and I can't imagine (and wouldn't want to imagine) life without it. I similarly enjoy cottage cheese, cream cheese, and sour cream. As a side note the type of vegetarian I would be considered would still be pretty much the lowest level a: pesci (still have the shellfish in there sometimes) - lacto (milk/dairy) - ovo(egg) vegetarian. I've always noted much higher levels of vegetarianism in the GLBT community. About a year and a half or so ago I went to a restaurant with a large group of friends. There were about 12-18 of us (don't remember for sure), and we were all GLBT. The waiter came and introduced himself and suggested we start with an appetizer of hot wings. Without missing a beat one of the lesbians pipped up, "Wow, are you pitching that to the wrong table!" Fully half (or more) of us were vegetarians in some form or another and wouldn't have eaten chicken. Five of my good friends were actually exactly the same sort of vegetarian I am, pesci-lacto-ovo. It wasn't uncommon or rare at all in my circle. Over the past year however most of these people have moved, resumed consuming meat, or I've lost touch with them. As a result I now only have a small hand full of vegetarian friends that I see on a regular/semi-regular basis. It's probably worth noting that the stereotype that lesbians are more likely to be vegetarians is largely true. Most of these people were lesbian friends of mine that I've lost touched with or who have moved away. Now my circle of friends is predominately gay male and indeed, as I said there's only a small hand full of vegetarians. I suppose that's why there aren't as many here at GayAuthors (we're mostly gay males), nevertheless I'm still surprised at the seemingly low numbers. I would have assumed that the percentage of vegetarians in just the gay male population would have been 2-3 times higher than that in the general population. Anyway, my answers were: Yes, I'm a vegetarian Yes, I think there are more vegetarians in the GLBT community and I knowingly come into contact with vegetarians a few times a week As I side note I only know one vegan and he only recently took it up. So what are your experiences? -Kevin

Out of curiosity was this an accident, or did the guy give in to an urge I'm sure we've all felt regarding our troublesome computers?

Woo Hoo! Congrats, Tim! I hope you enjoy your new town

I pretty much agree with everything Scoopny said, but let me also examine this question from a slightly different perspective. In most cases marriage is simply better for the relationship. Of course it's not essential, and of course for some couples it might actually make the relationship more difficult, but generally and overall it's better for the relationship. There's a very tangible and public commitment once you're 'married' (or I would also say have had a 'commitment ceremony' or 'domestic partnership' or anything like that). You've been presenting yourself to people as a married (committed/registered/whatever) couple. When you introduce someone casually as "your boyfriend" there is not the automatic assumption of permanence from the perspective of the new person. Similarly even 'partner' probably doesn't convey the same sense of permanence as 'husband' does. So, for the sake of argument let's assume that two couples are equally personally committed to each other within their relationship, but one of them has formalized the arrangement and the other hasn't. All else being equal the added social pressure and outside expectation of permanence (not to mention any legal bonds, but as I said I'm not approaching it from that angle) will likely add something, however small or great depending on the couple and situation, to the couple's motivation to work through problems and stay together. On a very basic level I'd rather have to explain to people, "I broke up with my boyfriend" than "I divorced my husband." Of course this added pressure and commitment can be stressful, and it can also make it harder to leave a relationship that really does need leaving, but that's why it's important to be sure before you enter into such an arrangement. Even then of course, sometimes things just change or don't work out. The other angle I would take is that apart from the social legitimation of the relationship which has external influence, there's also an internal legitimation that happens for the couple. If they do consider themselves extremely serious and permanent yet still are not recognized as such that can cause serious emotional stress and over time may even make them feel - however unconsciously - that their relationship really is somehow inferior, or at least less serious, than their heterosexual counterparts. As such a formalization of the relationship can go a long way to protecting the couple from some of this stress and, yes, boost their 'self esteem' about the relationship. Anyway, marriage isn't for everyone, and I in no way mean to imply that that's the way anyone else should conduct their relationship. I just think that for many couples it has benefits, independent of legal rights, for the relationship itself. Whatever works for people is what they should go with Take care all, Kevin

The Yellow Tail Shiraz is good; I've had it before too.

That's the simplest, yet most laudable sentiment expressed thus far in my opinion.

Awww that does sound really romantic Well that brings up an interesting question then: would the proposal really matter very much if you were already open to the idea and in love with the person? I mean what if it were really lame and he mumbled or freaked out or something and finally just ended up shoving a ring into you hand and saying "marry me" or something. Or what if he were completely unromantic and didn't even try very hard? In general does the proposal itself matter? On the one hand I want and expect the proposal to be romantic and meaningful (whether I'm proposing or being proposed to), but on the other hand I'd hate to think the proposal itself would actually sway my (or his) decision either way. I would want the proposal to be all romantic, starry eyed, violin music, hand holding, gentle kiss thing, but I would want the actual decision to be very intellectual, practical, and pragmatic. I think the proposal would only really matter insofar as it would matter to me, so if my boyfriend were proposing I would expect him to do his best to make it romantic and special for me - even if he didn't care about such things. The fact that he might avoid bothering to make the effort would perhaps be symptomatic of a more general incompatibility. If he simply tried, but got nervous and messed it up somehow, then I wouldn't care at all and he would still get an "A for effort". However, unless his fumbled proposal were particularly endearing I'd probably still prefer to have the proper, romantic one. Anyway, I guess the point of this pondering is, "Would the proposal itself effect your decision to marry someone" and/or "Should your proposal effect their decision? Would you want it to?"

I noticed the approach of this milestone as well. It is indeed a wonderful thing

Wonderful topic, Old Bob! Yes and no, I try to view all people and their problems in a context of themselves. I think the experience of the range of human emotions is nearly universal to all people who aren't somehow limited in their ability to experience emotion. So of course we can all 'understand' sadness, happiness, fear, etc., but of course different people experience it in different ways and to a different extent. The cause or even just the thoughts and perceptions associated with the emotion in question are almost certainly going to vary among people. Gay people have more a reason to be depressed than straight people. They're often marginalized and scorned within society and often times they face huge religious and family obstacles. These experiences certainly make individuals more susceptible to depression! Unfortunately this often leads to a co-behaviours and coping mechanisms which make the situation worse. Many gays experience substance abuse problems because they're drinking or doing drugs to 'escape' from their problems, 'numb' the pain, or become more 'comfortable' interacting with others (among a whole lot of other possible reasons!). They also often develop other subtle, negative coping behaviours, like shutting out friends and family and people in general. Often times they become repressed and emotionally flat and refuse to deal with or think about their emotions. All these things make people more vulnerable to depression, and they would make any average individual who experiences them more vulnerable to depression regardless of his/her sexuality. I don't think it has anything to with being gay. All it has to do with is how yourself and others perceive your gayness, and how you deal with that perception. We could have this exact same argument if instead being left-handed, or over 6 feet tall, or having brown hair led to these same feelings and reactions in yourself and others. So no, I don't think there is anything inherently different in gay people which makes them susceptible to depression, but I think they way they are treated and in turn treat themselves can often lead to it. I think that definitely depends on the person and their unique circumstances. For example I would think that it's easier to help a depressed gay person who felt that his family didn't love him as a result, but who himself felt that it was fine to be gay than it would be to help a gay person who couldn't accept his own gayness. But even that might depend on the two people involved. I will say that I firmly believe that coming out to yourself as gay and accepting your sexuality as a perfectly good and equally acceptable way of being is the number one best and most important thing a gay person can do for their mental health. Even if the gay person never tells anyone else or never acts on their feelings I think think it's crucially important that they accept and feel good about them. I think the 2nd biggest and best step a gay person can do is to publicly come out. I know this is more controversial and I in no way mean to rush anyone. I think it's important for this to be done at the person's own pace and when they're ready. I also concede that occasionally there are legitimate reasons to delay or avoid coming out completely (however, personally I think the majority of closeted gay people who have accepted their sexuality tend to make up excuses for not coming out). Living your life as an openly gay person and not hiding this big 'secret' is tantamount to feeling good about yourself and being happy. It's important for people to meet others like themselves and to have their feelings validated. It's good to be open and honest about who you are. It's great to no longer live in fear that 'someone will find out'. Speaking for myself I was a hell of a lot more scared before I came out than afterward. If you are deeply closeted then someone finding out and outting you, or even just being mean to you while you lack the support of others, can be very devastating and really can completely shake up your life. (but I firmly believe that most people can recover from this pretty well) If you're already out and someone doesn't like, what are they really going to do? We don't live in a society where open violence is condoned. You might get yourself into trouble if go down dark alleys or other places 'where no one is watching', but for the most part you're probably perfectly physically safe wearing a big, pink shirt that says, "I'm gay!" in the middle of any Wal-Mart or shopping mall in the country. Sure there are gay bashings all the time, and no one is 'immune', but for the most part these occur in private, secluded places. People might say something, but who really cares? I certainly don't care what a random person on the street thinks about myself sexuality. Also, even here if you're just behaving normally and not being antagonistic, even if you are obviously and openly gay the rules of polite society pretty much dictate that no one will openly say anything to you. In most cases the worst you'll end up with is dirty looks, people muttering under their breath, or whispering. Personally speaking either this never happens to me or I legitimately never notice it. I'm assuming that occasionally it must happen to me, but yeah, I can't recall many instances in which I've even noticed, and I can only recall one instance in the last year in which someone openly said something. It was a car full of guys that rode past while I was walking down the sidewalk with a friend. They shouted, "fags" as they drove by. Well that's not a big deal! I was just pissed that I didn't get the chance to tell them off, and I'm willing to bet they wouldn't have said anything if they hadn't been in a group in a moving vehicle. Anyway, even if people never get to the point of living their lives as openly gay in general I think it's extremely good for them emotionally if they can do it in some aspects of their lives at least. For example the person who is out to a few close friends or family members has an easier time emotionally and more support than the person who is completely closeted. Just coming to this site and interacting with others over the internet is, in my opinion, good for the emotional health of gays. The important thing is that gay people learn how to integrate their sexuality in a healthy way into their lives. There is a lot to gay culture that is very affirming, healthy, and positive. It's important to find and focus on these things rather than the negative and destructive, or rather than eschewing the gay community completely. I'd also like to take this moment to publicly offer to help, or at least try to help, anyone out there who is looking for resources in their area. I'm fairly knowledgeable about such things already and through the various connections and other information I have at my disposal I may be able to find something for you. Anyway, now for my personal story and feelings about the topic. I would say that I have a very strong resistance to depression. I'm frequently in a very joyful, exuberant state of mind, and most often am simply content and feeling mildly happy/pleasant. I would say that a large portion of this is simply innate temperament; however, as I was growing up, and over the years, I've made an effort to focus on the positive and learned many useful skills and behaviours which now come naturally to me. It also helped that I was brought up consistently hearing the message that all people were equal, diversity was good, different didn't equal bad, etc. I similarly always placed a great deal more value and importance on autonomy and independence than I did on conformity and fitting in. As an interesting result I've always seemed to 'fit in' anyway, even without 'conforming'. Probably because I still wasn't antagonistic or dead-set on not conforming if I wanted to, and was still naturally out-going, and pleasant to people. As a result I think the underlying, "I don't really care" attitude came off mostly as appealing confidence. Consequently, I've always been pretty good at having a network of support which is, in my opinion, essential to good emotional health. I also have a lot of experience and skills dealing with emotions. I'm actually a very introspective person (which as I've often said I don't consider mutually exclusive to being out-going) and of course I got my degree in psychology, so I'm pretty comfortable with my emotions. I'm comfortable experiencing any given emotion, I can usually figure out where it's stemming from and evaluate rather or not this is a reasonable response, and either way if it's something negative that's gone on long enough (some degree of negative emotions is very healthy and functional) I can usually work out a course of action for alleviating it. I also personally find a lot of succor in helping and caring about others. A few days ago I was in a broody, withdrawn mood, but a friend of mine was upset about something. I found that in the course of listening to him and trying to help I not only quit focusing on my own state, but that my general cheerfulness returned as a result. Anyway, I've definitely experienced the full range of emotions both very happy and very sad, but I do feel confident in my ability to handle whatever life throws at me. Indeed, this past year especially I've had a lot of bad things happen to me, often together, but while I freely experience the sadness, anger, fear, stress, etc. that come along with them, I've been able to easily banish the negativity within a reasonable time period (usually no more than a few hours to a few days depending on the event) without slipping into a funk. As I said, wonderful topic, Old Bob! Take care all and have a great day! -Kevin

Well done, dude! As someone who has witnessed your growth and development over the last two years, albeit from the distance of the internet, I have to say I'm thoroughly impressed and proud Take care and may you continue to have a healthy and positive experience in all that you do. Kevin

That's what I was thinking. I really don't think I would care that much as the corpse, assuming it was indeed several decades later and I'd already had a respectful send-off, but I would be upset as a family member of the deceased. Well, actually I don't think that would be too big an issue. Germs and viruses need living, organic hosts to live and multiply. Granted they can remain in dormant states for a very long time, but I would think that after 80 years whatever germs the skull may have originally had would have long sense perished along with it. Also, I would assume that with proper and thorough cleaning there wouldn't be that much risk of disease. It would be exactly the same as coming into contact with any other type of animal bone, and people have been using bones, teeth, feathers, and hair for functional purposes for millennia. I think people's views and reactions to this is fascinating. Speaking for myself I want a very large, elaborate, fancy funeral when I die. This is contrary to how most people nowadays feel, but I see my funeral as the very final celebration of my life. It has huge symbolism for me and more than anything else I want it to be very nice and a 'big event'. I'm really quite disappointed that I won't be able to plan it. "Dear Tim, you are cordially invited to my funeral." I could have such fun with the jokes too, "please be on time; I wish to remain the only late person at this event." I feel the same way about my wedding; I want my to be a big event. Conversely, I feel like the time to celebrate my birthdays has passed. I want no recognition at all of the actual year and I'm perfectly content for only a few of my very closest family and friends to give me a small gift or just a 'happy birthday', and treat me extra nicely that day. The symbolism of birthdays is more negative in my opinion and I prefer them down played. If I could literally have everyone, including myself, forget my birthday I probably would. But anyway, yeah, weddings and funerals are big deals to me. After the funeral though, after all the big mourning and celebrating and reminiscing is over, I don't really care what happens to my body. After that point I want to be remembered in people's minds and hearts, or perhaps leave a legacy of some kind for the world to remember in some small way. Writing a story that lived on would be ideal, as would starting a foundation, being remembered as an activist and humanitarian, or anything like that. My actual body though...well I wouldn't really care if people were using my skull as a bong. I think I'd prefer to be used as one of those anatomy skeletons though. In general I'd probably prefer to be used for a functional purpose. Perhaps smoking weed out of me wouldn't be among my first choices, but something that will benefit people and make them happy would be nice. I probably will be an organ donor, and I'd be happy for them to use the rest of my body for science or something. As long as I still get my nice funeral and still 'look good' at the funeral then I don't care. I'd be fine with them just burying something symbolically after the funeral, or better yet planting a tree or something in my honour.

Here's an interesting question, I considered making a poll for it, but decided against it since, as we both pointed out, that's not really the point of LTMP in the first place, but who do you think is the 'top' and who is the 'bottom'? Or are they versatile? I normally tend to imagine the characters in a story versatile unless I hear otherwise. However, in this case, for some reason I really think Chase is the bottom. I'm sure you're not alone. Personally though I love talking about lesbian sex

Pretty much. I have no trouble figuring out how to work new technologies and innovations once I try, but most of the time I'm extremely reluctant to do so in the first place. Completely contrary to how I conduct the rest of my life, when it comes to technology I prefer to hum along maintaining the status quo. I don't really like new electronics, gadgets, and programs. I only tend to check into them when I have to. Thanks I may take you up on the offer eventually, but as you said I try to stay up to date with most areas of GA in the first place anyway. As for other sites...well apart from email (and not as often as I should ) and youtube I don't really 'frequent' any other sites. Once a month I pay all my bills online, but I can't imagine the Feeds helping with that. I also frequently do research and occasionally 'surf' the net, but GA is the only thing I'm interested in rather or not anything has been 'updated'.

I think that's an excellent point! Welcome to the forums, by the way, Zilar

Well that certainly does sound nice and even appealing But this more accurately represents my personal feelings about it Whatever works I suppose

I was in that same boat a few months ago! Try checking out this blog entry for details. Especially check out the comments; I found Lucy's explanation very helpful!