Zolia Lily

I love it!!! It's bold and weird and they're going to have a hell of a time fitting furniture and things, but it's cool I think it will add to London's skyline. I LOVE the Gherkin, too - as much as I also love the Georgian architecture of the city and the Royal Courts of Justice and some of the more historic buildings in the city. To me, London IS a giant mish-mash of people and cultures and history and modernity, and I kind of like that the architecture reflects that. And the skyline is SO cool with all the different bits and pieces Also, I do think it's better than what we got stuck with in Melbourne : http://photoeverywhe...uare1010878.jpg

Harcallard, being turned away by a friend can really hurt. What about if you emailed your friend and asked if you could make a specific time for you guys to speak online together as you're missing them? Ask if you can have their sole attention for a chat together? The other thing might be to tell them that you sometimes feel like they are avoiding you and that the rejection really hurts. It's a hard thing to do, but confronting things can sometimes bring things out into the light...

Oooooh fair point, Zombie... Oh dear. Stuck between a rock and a hard place.....

Detest the word "nice". It's so mediocre and meaningless! Urgh! Also i find the sound of the word "kiss" strangely nasty. I have to get over this. Have to.

Actually, come to think of it, a while back they did new editions of stories by James Herriot - rather than the big books of mixed stories, they released some smaller volumes. I'd recommend his big books "all things bright and beautiful" etc etc, but if it's just dogs you're after, you might be able to find an edition of "James Herriot's Dog Stories" still around.

The fact that you are even asking more questions I think is a step forward. I think it means you're more ready to face this stuff. You're more aware of things, a to nd the more you're aware of, the more you try to understand. Fear of the unknown is pretty natural, if you ask me. I think a lot of fear falls into that category - fear of the dark, superstitions, those "first day of school" nerves, fear of death; even things like racism - the fear of "other" ... Being able to face your fear is the hard part. Being able to ask for help is really important; and a really brave thing to do. It's so easy to just continue on with the way things are and not face that fear... even when you recognise it and recognise that maybe you're not as happy as you could be. Seeing someone can be really scary - it often means revealing yourself and facing your fears and those deep dark parts of yourself you do keep hidden away. If you see someone, they shouldn't judge you. If they do that, then in my mind you can write them off already. Stop seeing them. See someone else. They're not helping you. It's really important that you can trust whoever you turn to for help. Your psychologist or psychiatrist can't help you if you're not open and honest with them. I know multiple people who have gone through multiple therapists until they found one who suited them - someone they were comfortable talking to and could trust. Also, you don't start with the hard stuff. You start with what comes easy at first, and then, if the relationship between you is right, you can progress to the harder stuff. Dip your toes in first - don't jump straight into the deep end. As for meds vs. shrink... I guess i can see why at the beginning both can be useful. Meds might help with anxiety - and make the things you fear easier to confront - but I think, if at all possible, that meds should be used as a tool and not as a crutch. They are some hard questions, Marky - but if you chose to see a therapist, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, then I'd suggest having this conversation with them. Ask them how they can help you. Tell them that you're not sure you want to share everything. Tell them what worries you about seeing them and ask all those questions that are troubling you. Their answers might make you more comfortable with the whole process too. Life as we live it.... Ah me..... I have days where I'm scared; and things i can normally do (like ringing up to make an appointment) just seem beyond me. I have days where everything is a struggle. Those are bad. I end up crying in public and that's always just a little embarassing. But you know, you have the luxury of having a home and a safehaven; somewhere you can always retreat to when things get too much. Life as we live it isn't necessarily for everyone. I'm still wondering where I fit in the world, and I think finding out is a long, long process. I guess what I mean is, don't be too hard on yourself, Marky. Life as we live it isn't necessarily all it's cracked up to be...... HUGS, boyo! Let me know if you ever need to talk. I can be a shoulder to lean on and a hand to hold and an ear to listen, whenever you need one. Lily

Awww man! I'm in the UK at the moment or I would totally be in... then again... if I make it home before then...

You can find lots of RobCub stories on Literotica: http://www.literotic...php?uid=1166228 If you click the second tab it will take you to his list of stories there. I don't know what he's got on Nifty exactly, but pretty sure it's all on Lit! You should read the Timberpack Chronicles

I don't know any online, but i used to work at a book shop... Marley & Me was very popular - or Louis de Berniere's 'Red Dog' is also one that did really well if you want something with an Australian bent!

Dear 15 year old Erin, Stop wondering who you are. Pointless question. Get on and DO stuff and it will fall into place. Stop being so bloody scared of everything. What's a little humiliation or embarassment in every day life? Laugh it off. Then everyone else will laugh it off too and you'll be all the cooler for not BLUSHING over everything. Throw yourself into things and forget what FEAR is. If you want to write, you need to learn how. Not the grammar / words / pen to paper thing - learning how to PLOT a story would be a good idea. Also, practice writing endings. This is a skill that you will need when you're my age. Learn it now and then you won't have to go through all my current frustrations. Maybe get brave enough to fall in love once or twice? It's alright - being single is fricking awesome anyway - but it would be nice not to sometimes wonder if I'm emotionally or socially stunted in some way... Maybe even just make out some more. Yeah. That'll do. Also - amazing choice in friends, btw. They stick with you. LOVE your mysterious 24 yr old alter ego - Lily.

Well said - i went through this recently! We were really pushed and hurried into signing a contract for an apartment which LOOKED and sounded great on paper - all newly repainted, all the furniture brand new. SHould have thought to ask WHY though - and asked to see documentation (ie. that the landlord has carried out sufficient checks to prove that the apartment is habitable) - because as soon as we moved in... bed bugs. DRAMA and then massive arguements with the agent about who gets to pay for it. No proof we didn't bring them in, you see, but they've got no proof the problem wasn't pre existing either.... All good now, but listen when you hear those alarm bells going!

Don't know about that, Mr. Colourfield! I mean, laugh if you will, I'm only 24, but every time I feel like I've got myself all figured out, then I get all confused and wonder again. I feel like I might be getting close sometimes, but then I figure this whole "who am I? thing is probably part of life and I'll be "discovering" me for the rest of my life. Makes sense if I think about the fact that I think your experiences make you who you are, and unless you live under a rock, you're going to have new experiences and discover more about yourself for the rest of your life.... My dad is in his 50s and he often says he's still figuring it out. Then again, he just finished his PhD after going back to uni 30 odd years after his first degree and is finally figuring out what he wants to be, too. I like that though - it means there are second chances. I believe in second chances (edited because I keep forgetting to go "i before e except after c" in my head at the moment )

We watched this at school during our Religious Education class - I remember having to create a poster about it... and i decided to draw each and every one of the children. The first project i ever handed in late....

i do love Jakey... not sure if I have more in me for this one or not... We'll see...

Problem is that a lot of "green" solutions aren't perfect. Solar Panels contain something pretty toxic, nuclear power again produces some baaaad waste that no one really wants to have to deal with AND uses a whole lot of water that could be better used elsewhere... And destroying Yellowstone in pursuit of a fuel source which is supposed to save the environment is kind of a huge irony right there.... not to mention the costs of implementing any of these scenarios... Not saying we shouldn't be looking at green alternatives - just that the costs are sometimes prohibitive and there are lots of factors to take into account. And, lets face it, any government in power is really only concerned with short term goals that will get them re-elected, which leaves us with the idea that consumer groups are apparently supposed to be driving the green revolution... but then there's so much ignorance and apathy out there and change is so SLOW... I dunno. I kind of see the world ending pretty soon.....

I think Roan touched on why things that hurt you hurt those that you love in one of his other posts on between these two - to me it's because they love you and care about you and seeing you hurt makes them hurt for you. It's not sympathy - it's wanting you to be ok and whole and happy and healthy. As for why the diagnosis is bad... I think it can be bad. It can be a shock and there really can be a huge stigma attached to it - especially in communities where Depression isn't seen as an illness that anyone can suffer from (and that a whoooole lot of people do and will suffer from), but as a failure to be strong enough or a weakness or a cry for attention or even just you feeling sorry for yourself ... you can feel judged and wonder why it's you and not everyone around you, and that compounds the idea of being weak and isolated. For me, though - the diagnosis wasn't a bad thing. It was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. It was as if suddenly the enemy had a name, and once it had a name, it could be fought. And if it could be fought, it could be conquered. I think the diagnosis can be a good thing. It allows you to take a step back and realise that there's something wrong, it means you can make allowances for yourself and not be hard on yourself and wonder why you find it so difficult to function when no one else seems to. It gives you room to examine and to heal and yeah - even to fight; to attempt changes for the better. It's not easy and there's a lot of stigma out there - but in the end, i do think it's a positive step.

Ickle maybe not, but gem all the same, Marky. Juggling can be hard - just don't drop the balls No seriously. As long as you're holding up ok. Sometimes i think it's actually better to be busy. Routine and things to do keep me sane, sometimes....

I do porridge in a big way - either with blueberries or with dried apricots and scorched almonds - and usually am still starving by 11 am. By that point i'm at work and will either starve and moan about it until lunchtime or run downstairs and stuff my face for a snack and desperatly try to avoid looking at the bowl of chocolates on the counter which are theoretically for the patients... Then lunch time i do left overs. I hate sandwiches (after something like 13 years of them at school every day for lunch... ugh) so it's often leftovers or i'll cook pasta or baked potatoes or something to reheat at work. Or i'll buy this AMAZING superfood salad from the shop nextdoor.... I'll end up starving again by 5.30 when i leave work and often munch on something really bad for me on the train home. And then possible munch on something else bad while i cook or while my housemates cook. Dinner we always try to get a salad in, and at the mo we have berries coming out our ears which is awesome so often i have those with yoghurt as a snack... but i need to eat more fruit. I just don't like it that much....

Internet is back! Feeling good in myself, buuuuut.... essentially my body hates me. My stomach is finally feeling normal for the first time in more than 18 months, but moving house involved a bed bug infestation (ew. I know. I hate our landlord already) which resulted in some pretty huge allergic reactions on my part and then cellulitis (again) and MASSIVE doses of antibiotics, and now they're gone i have a cold which has turned into Laryngitis and have no voice. My colleague mas diagnosed me with an illness she calls "runtism". Seriously - no modern medicine and i would be dead. Survival of the fittest this isn't..... ha ha ha GREAT to be back though

Yettie, I'm another someone it kind of crept up on, but I pretty much guessed what it was and was too afraid to even mention it to anyone until it all came out... It really is something that does creep up on you, so slowly that you think it's normal. But now that you know, you're one up on IT and you can start to work towards NOT being one of those statistics rather than continuing to let it suck you down all unsuspecting.... Trying to talk to people about it was one of the hardest things ever for me - I hope you find support and strength with us here whenever you need it. Lily

Hi Rob! I post on Lit as well (and am a fan of yours ) - for me, even as a reader, the difference between GA and Lit is the comments. Here you have to put a name to your comment, so i find posts are far more encouraging and helpful and far less likely to be pure negativity. Some of the reviews i've seen on Lit make me hurt as a READER and can NOT be in any way helpful to the writer. Some of them are so destructive. Another poin is the community here too - so nice to be able to chat to people and throw questions out there and be basically guarenteed friendly responses. Lots of positives here at GA ... Although i do like the rating system on Lit....

I read this and really enjoyed it! I did pick who it was... but at the same time - i couldn't beleive there wasn't more jealousy involved! Thoroughly readable though

Sunscreen, all the way! Much as i hate the stuff, i do NOT want to look like the wrong side of a leather bag by the time i'm 30, and beleive me, there are plenty of Australians who do. Also, we're the skin cancer capital of the world. Excuse me for not wanting to contribute to that! So generally i cover up, but i do use an SPF 15 moisturiser every single day too I like the q - but... don't you think the worst part of a tan are the tan lines? why / why not?

whoah whoah whoah - what's going on here? I feel like i've missed something - Marky, what ever has happened, please don't shut yourself away from the world. lots of love and lots of hugs - i think all our thoughts are with you....

THIS IS SO COOL! will it work here in the UK? I'm actually going to go out and buy eggs tomorrow!!!!!