Lux Apollo

Sorry for the cliffie (not really). No pitchforks necessary. Bobby was a bit of a dope, but I will give him the excuse of being too emotional and overwhelmed.

Toxic family members are so tough to deal with, or even just family members having a toxic period. I've had to deal with that stuff more on the friend and partner side of things, so at least I've been able to let those people go (though it took me a long time to understand the damage some of the toxic friendships I had when I was younger did to me...). The family drama is tougher, because discarding those people is breaking a different kind of bond... It's good to learn thick skin, but we still have to recognize when the hurts still seep through the calluses. No matter how much we wish it wasn't true, scars are still weak points.

January 30 2022 Waking up in Bobby’s arms again today felt like a miracle. I want… I… Can I have this? Can I truly ask for this, to have this for the rest of my life? Do I deserve this after all I’ve done? Do I deserve to have been saved? I’m having trouble today, trouble with my head. All the damage, the negativity about the reality I’ve lived, the destruction and pain I’ve wrought, it’s all weighing on me right now. No, weighing is the wrong word. It’s mo

Heartbreaking. Now we know in intimate detail that Bailey has, in fact, turned to self-harm. Even if he wanted to spend time with Justin or his teammates away from his mother, there are ways in which he just can't risk it (in his warped vision). Being a teenager is tough enough, especially with the troubled past that he has. Layer his father's death on top of it and... wow. I want to close my eyes when I think about Bailey and what Chris Vasser's vendetta might turn into as the story progresses. I can only hope Declan will see something the others don't and manages to step into Bailey's space for real before things get too out of hand.

Interesting progression of their day. More to love about Jackson's mother, more to detest about Cindy. The gloves are off now, apparently. It's difficult being in that position where some of your friends know and others don't, and you feel the need to keep it that way. Ally is still a problem - and everything about the way she was talking to Jackson about being with Bailey, about the prom, just everything... It screams of an entitlement that would be nice to see pulled out from underneath her by the end of this story. Not for the joy of laughing at her, but so she can learn. It's going to be very interesting to see how long the boys keep a lid on things, because I have my doubts that they will be able to keep it so for very much longer. Everyone knows, and those who don't are looking at them with suspicion.

This was about as perfect as you could have made it. Wow.

This chapter made me smile all the way through. They definitely got to the place they needed to be in the end. Tim's definitely pointed to the key.

I wonder where Liam's heart will turn after all this nostalgia. Is Kingston even going to be enough when it is clear he has such a strong pull towards home? Or, maybe, is this just an expression of his vulnerability from all the heartache? At any rate, I am certain the old crowd will all have their own take and advice on what Liam should do with his heart.

Thank you for keeping that hunt succinct. I was wondering if you would make the newly bonded guy have trouble with himself over the process. Guess his instincts weren't all that helpful. Smelling his Dad must have been so gross for Park to deal with... And now to find out how much these bozos know, and where the mystery leads next.

This was some interesting resolution of the Victoria dilemma, though now we have a dinner to get through as well... what will happen there? Some revenge? By whom? Or are you going to be much nicer than some authors?

Hotness followed by tantalizing steps towards Su Yin's education. Funny how composed he is, and how he seems to be much more independent of his lover very quickly compared to the others.

As wonderful as Elinor's news and Connor's joining of the pack us great, I worry about what is going to happen away from the compound during his last week. It will be good to have Hugh with him because alarm bells are sounding for me... but maybe I am overthinking this. You've taken he time to reinforce how much of a bastard this Brian was. Hmm... Keep up the great work.

Thanks for reading, and commenting. John's reemergence won't be trouble free, but he does have the tools and people at his side to make the best of things.

Cathartic indeed. I'm glad you were moved. It was an interesting chapter to write.

Sex is such a curious thing, how it goes to so many different places in our psyches both deep and shallow. I don't know if it was the best sex that John and Dom could have had, if Dom had been a more honest and open lover, but it was the best they had from John's perspective in that moment. The best John had in his lifetime of sex. As much as we hate Dom, we have to wonder where the vulnerability he was unwilling to show John until now came from. They've known each other most of their lives at this point, and have had a sexual relationship of one sort or another for at least a decade, and seven years of it under the guise of 'together'. Something has been holding Dom back. It's easy to lay full blame at the feet of someone and be angry with them, and another thing entirely to try and figure out where their less desireable motivations come from, or if they are just innate flaws.

Yeah, I'm glad John realized something was wrong too. I don't know what's worse - being violated by someone you know, or by people you don't know in a situation probably leading towards your death... Is one more complex than the other? I guess they are completely different situations, but maybe John will offer us some insight into the future. Maybe.

I liked being able to contrast the present with Bobby and the violence of what happened to John, both to keep us feeling safe and to differentiate the direction of those relationships... Of course, there are always complications when it comes to these kinds of emotions.

Jeez, even smart kids just can't seem to know they need to keep it wrapped up. Oh well, Ollie and Katherine will get through it with a lot of love and help from the famiglia.

Great chapter. The ending is one of those daggers to the heart. You are damn good at writing Colt wielding them.

January 29 2022 Am I okay? Today was one of those days where I’m not so sure I’m making progress, emotionally. It’s so funny how you can be feeling fine one moment and then just completely fucked up and broken the next. I wouldn’t say I’m having flashbacks, per se, so much as getting stuck in thought spirals and wrapped up in memories of what happened, trying to make sense of it all. I know it’s still way too early for me to be worried or annoyed for dissatisfied by my progress - it’s

January 28 2022 I woke up this morning with Bobby pressed up against my back, and it was all I could do not to cry over the wave of happiness that flooded my being. It wasn’t just his touch, the warmth of him against me. It was his smell, too. I noticed it at his condo at New Years’, but this morning it really hit me how much I loved it. It was like something I craved, something my body was desperate for but had long been deprived. Which is the truth, I guess. I remember his smell from wh

As serious as the events were, this was a pleasant read in the end. A good outcome for Patrick and Mr. Wright, and hopefully not the lead-up to something bad for Will and Liam. Nice job.

As always, so much still to discover underneath every stone we upturn.

Not a sub/bottom, so I can't really relate to Joel, but I can relate to the nervousness of the implications of a threesome on a relationship. The worries about what it would mean. Though, in that case I was the third, and they were friends. Still high stakes in one way or another. Doesn't change the fact that it was hot. Tbh, I was expecting something much more floggy/ropey after all the build-up. I mean, we've seen all the evidence of the dom/sub bent in Joel and Lucas' relationship already... Hopefully this didn't crush too many people's vanilla fantasies.

Now this is a composer that I'm completely unfamiliar with! I can't really find much, other than to suggest that this perhaps is a tribute to the Kullervo cycle in the Karelian and Finnish epic poem Kalevala. Apparently J. R. R. Tolkien wrote a prose version of the poem from 1914 to 1915, and it was a source (among others) for his Túrin Turambar.