Lux Apollo

Why delude himself? I don't know. He's not had the best mental health and the amount of time and effort he's spent trying every possible way he could to purge Bobby from his affections, to erase his feelings, to deny any possibility that this could ever happen it's not surprising that it's causing some major cognitive dissonance. I think you will be happy next week.

Most powerful? Oh... uh, wow. Thanks. As someone who had an inordinate amount of fear and angst surrounding coming out, I have a level of sympathy for those who aren't brave enough to do it for whatever their various reasons may be. It's all too easy to cast judgement, and I have a lot of respect for John for not pushing that onto Connor and being constructive instead - especially after Connor spewed out that harmful pedophile accusation (which, thank god, was something said in the heat of the moment out of envy/jealousy). You are right, John is definitely kidding himself when he says he doesn't need forgiveness. I think, perhaps, he's accepted that he may never get it but still wants to work for it anyway. I guess pretending he doesn't need the forgiveness is just another of his little walls to keep the pain out.

Reviews are always appreciated, regardless of when they come. I'm just happy you are still reading and enjoying. Bobby does have those kind of cute moments, doesn't he? I think that's one of the things people (St. John included) love about him. To be honest, I think many elements of that letter were pretty brave of him. I doubt he would have been able to express all of those sentiments in person. Not right yet. John's dealing with a lot of things in his past, isn't he? Forgiving himself, like Destiny suggested, is definitely an important aspect, but it's not just that. We can see here that he wants to be able to forgive his parents, too. He seems to have some level of understanding/acceptance, but he's not really there yet, is he?

December 27 2021 I was in the gym again today after I finally managed to drag my ass out of bed to eat some lunch. Yeah, I slept until almost noon. Well deserved sleep, since Connor and I didn’t arrive back at the School until the sun was beginning to peek over the horizon. My circadian rhythm will probably be fucked for the rest of the week, which sucks, but if any of what I talked about with Connor last night will help him then it was worth it. Anyway, Bobby waltzed in about a quarte

Happy birthday, Hunty-kins!

Raining shit, eh?

Do you have a favourite piece from that album? I actually wanted to post the whole sonata, but I couldn't find a publically available recording of it all while I had the patience to look. The second movement of that sonata is such a gem of quiet pondering. At least, that's what it always feels like to me when I've listend to it or played it.

C.P.E. Bach is one of the most under-rated composers, and I'm not sure why his music isn't played more widely. Regardless, here's a little snippet of one of his keyboard works to enjoy. It's the first movement of the Sonata in f#-, the fourth sonata from a set catalogued as Wq. 52. Bach was quite the interesting composer, writing music that is both challenging and approachable sometimes, and other times he can write things that are a bit of a mystery to figure out how to play well. This sonata is rather straightforward, even if the first movement vacillates back and forth between these flurries of activity and softer, cantabile sections. What, specifically, was Bach trying to convey to the audience?

Thanks Parker! It was definitely the intent for it to work like that, so I'm glad I was successful. I've had two really bad break-ups, and although they happened for very different reasons I remember how easy it was to trip the switch even months afterwards, so I was trying to channel that here.

Slow-burning love or the spark? It's a tough thing.

Feeling a bit reflective today, so let's have a listen to Scarlatti's Sonata in b-, K.87: The pianist here, Mikhail Pletnev, is a favourite of mine. Although the degree of rubato he uses might not be completely period appropriate, it suits the piece. He also uses some interesting harpsichord-isms by not completely syncing some notes together to give the brisée feel that puts emphasis on some elements of the melody - an approach also used in jazz, hundreds of years later.

Crazy bitch be cray cray, yo'.

Kinky, kinky Park! I just knew that cuffing himself wasn't a good idea. Oh hell. At least now he has something to choke somebody with?

I think the worst thing is that it feels so wrong for an entry into either Pokemon or Fire Emblem to go FtP. It's one thing to have a ground-floor title be FtP but another entirely to transition a series like this. In the case of Fire Emblem, I doubt I'll last a month with this game. Most titles in the series I've done multiple playthroughs and a couple hundred hours logged, but there is no motivation to do that with a game like this. I have a lot more specific criticisms, but I need to just suck it up because the game is well-designed otherwise. But god... They made $2 million in transactions in the first weekend alone.

Short and sweet, off into the sunset. Farewell, Jason and Shane. Thanks for the wonderful journey, mitchelll.

Wow. So much packed into a single chapter... I wanted more details from a lot of the scenes, maybe to the point where you could have split the chapter up. Jason's experience as a drugged up captive was a touch off, mostly because nothing happened other than him recounting what happened to him. That could have been saved for some part of a tearful reunion scene - one that we didn't really get. That surprised me, considering that the Shane-Jason relationship was the focus of the story and the soap-opera-ish elements you wanted to come through in the story. I wasn't too surprised that Nikolai would make his reappearance - though part of me expected that he'd be in league with Thomas. What I was surprised about was that the thread you started with Shane's gun didn't get picked up in this chapter. You made that scene with Jason seeing it, and Shane's reasoning so important earlier that I expected to see it here. It would have been a sort of deep catharsis for Shane to end Nikolai for what he put him through. Ramon to the rescue was an interesting way of doing it, though. It was nice, in a schadenfreude sort of way to see Denise get what was coming to her - and from sweet Laurie of all people. She's the baddest bitch in town, eh? What a rollercoaster of a chapter! I enjoyed this, definitely, and am sad that we just have one more glimpse left.

The Fire Emblem series is pretty good with story, especially the ones that come in pairs - 4&5, 6&7, 9&10, 11&12. The latest two on 3DS are not bad in terms of story, but I think the quality has gone down a notch. You have to like the SRPG genre, though. I know that isn't everyone's boat. The characters can get pretty well fleshed out, even when you have a large cast, through the support conversation system.

I hate these games so much. Pokemon Go became cumbersome because you needed to buy egg incubators to get anywhere on your pokedex. Now because I'm a Fire Emblem fanboy, I'm playing that game and the cost for the enragingly rare summoning orbs is exorbitant - it takes the use of 20 to have a decent chance at summoning a good hero, but buying even just one costs $3CDN. Why?! The psychology of FtP is so exploitative because it's soooo easy to spend more money than you would on a traditional game. Sigh.

Love it! Thanks for sharing.

I don't blame the Vega pack members for being skeptical or resistant to the idea of uprooting. It's tough to be forced away from the only home you've known, a place where you've built a life for yourself and your family. Hopefully Logan coming around is a good sign - I mean, why would he turn down a chance to be with his earth mate? All things said, this was a heartwarming chapter. I love the interplay of T and K's young love.

Given my horrible mental health as a teenager, there were aspects of this chapter that were certainly tough to write so I can only imagine that others would be affected by it for better or worse. So many of us make mistakes during the coming out process, and so many of us feel so much self-loathing... I'm glad it was a cathartic shed of tears. John was pretty solid in this chapter, all things considered. We'll see where Connor goes with things. It wouldn't be easy to turn to Daniel's mentor for help, even with the open hand offered.

Great performance! The staging of that scene was great - I loved the atmosphere. Have you heard Hervé Niquet directing Le Concert Spirituel in Dido? Their interpretation of this scene is a little less conventional, but really fun (start at 15:10):

I'm feeling a bit navy-blue and grey today, so maybe something yearning, swelling and breaking like a restless but not quite stormy sea in early evening... Rachmaninoff's Prelude in c, Op. 23 no. 7:

December 26 2021 I seem to be developing a knack for catching students up late and alone whenever I have insomnia. I know I’ve only written about Daniel with regards to this, but there have been others. Mostly Daniel, though. I’m worried about him, but not worried at the same time. It’s hard to explain. The others? It’s harder to say. None of them were students in my classes so I didn’t have much to go on, and they didn’t really want to talk. I tried to show them an honest sympathy and let