MJ85
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Everything posted by MJ85
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Wow, what a dark story... The "what did you do?" question at the end is very confusing though. What could have been done to deserve this?
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Be honest...how many of these have you done, Mark? Interesting twist on the theme. Kinda wish Baz would be able to "get even" with him at least once though.
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Glad you like it! Thanks for reviewing.
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Quite a heart-wrenching tale you wrote here. Very well done.
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Ha! Love the twist at the end. This was fun to read.
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This was a very interesting read, and I see this getting better as it goes on. I think the only flaw I see is...I don't see the theme connection in it. Maybe it's cause of how the dialogue is structured in the play set-up, but...I almost think this could stand on its own, without even needing to tie into the theme. Looking forward to Act 2!
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Oh jealousy...gotta love it. I thought Ramiro was kind of annoying, though. There was something about his "having all the answers" attitude that turned me off. Maybe it's cause I'm not a fan of Dr. Phil either though. Wonder what's gonna come next for these two...
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Hee hee, nice use of title. The twist on the theme is interesting too. I enjoyed reading this.
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Wonder what the boys will think now that Jake's paired up? Yeah, making sure I could keep the mystery going was probably the toughest part of writing this. Glad you thought I pulled it off (even if it wasn't that hard to figure out... ).
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Hee hee, glad you liked reading it!
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I don't usually read poems very often...but this one is plain and raw, and that amplifies the anguish and regret that the narrator feels here. Very well done.
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What a quirky twist on the idea of the 2012 apocalypse! This one sure leaves you wondering right up to the end...and when the curtain gets pulled back and we learn what's going on - SURPRISE! Excellent work, KC!
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Awww...this is a cute story. I'm not sure I see what the connection to the theme was, but I like it anyway.
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Conversations with Strangers
MJ85 commented on Menzoberranzen's story in 2012 - Spring - It Wasn't Me
I see a lot of heartache at work in this story, and I see a lot of reflection...but so much of this seems shrouded in mystery. As a reader, I feel like I'm left wondering... "Huh? What...just happened?" at the end. -
I see a distinct melancholy at work for most of the story. I think this also feels a lot like pulling back a mask, as initially we know very little about Davy and his situation other than being called "queer". Then, we learn there's a note. Then, we learn he had to move to a new neighborhood. Then, we learn it's 1960 (eep!). And so it goes, up until the end when we learn the significance of the note. It makes for an interesting style that you put to use here. I think the only caveat with the story is that it was a bit hard to read at first with the two big paragraphs at the beginning.
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Interesting glance at a day in the life of a changeling. This could have been more versatile by showing a little more mischief along with his good deeds ...but it was heartwarming to read the good deeds he did here. Nice work, Wayne!
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Glad you had fun reading it! Don't be too harsh on Jake though, those teen hormones aren't the easiest thing to manage. We'll have to see what I can come up with next for you to sink your teeth into.
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Ha! Surprise, indeed! This was a neat little story. There's so many more questions that could be asked and answered...but this story wraps itself up concisely enough that it doesn't matter that they're not. Any chance we could get some more writings about miraks?
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That would be true if he hadn't planned to spy on Tyler specifically when Tyler was hooking up with M.B (on the 21st). If he had just planned to spy on him and found that happening by complete accident (as with on the 19th), I'd be more inclined to agree with you. In fact, he was acquitted of more of the bias charges from the 19th than he was from the 21st. But, he spied on him on purpose. Therefore, he got the verdict that he deserved.
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I know you're thinking that way, but you said you agreed with WL - when his last post said he thought it was a hate crime.
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HOLY. EPIC. DRAMA. :o I can't say I understand the idea behind having Robbie suffer a "mid-life crisis" for the first 20 or so chapters, though. Reason I say that is...reading it, it was feeling like a plot for the sake of having a plot. I do think Alexandra's complex super-revenge plot threatened to turn this story into a completely over-the-top affair. But, what managed to keep it "grounded" like the previous stories before it was how even once plans were set into motion to bring her and her cronies down, life still went on for Brad and Robbie as usual. I think that was a very smart approach to take. And as for Brian...can we get a round of "Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead" in here? Anyone?
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I think you and I are interpreting what he said differently, Benji - I thought he said that he thought Ravi was guilty of a hate crime, but just wasn't sure that the jury would see it that way.
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Whew...talk about your sharp story turns... All I can really say is that I'm anxiously awaiting the next chapter! I feel like there's nothing else I could say on the whole chapter that would suffice - that's how stunning, and powerful, this turn is. One comment, though: I get the sense that it won't make a difference whether Derek tells Jason the whole truth or not - Jason doesn't seem like he wants to forgive Derek either way.
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This might be the absolute worst thing to say ...but this looks like a pretty strong start to what could become its own story! There's a great deal of suspense already with the all-but-homicidal ghost, and a great deal of mystery with not even a clue yet revealed as to who the heck it is or why it's all-but-homicidal. Frankly...inquiring minds would like to know more!
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This is going to sound pretty strange...but after the previous stories, this one isn't really shocking at all. It's more like suddenly jumping into a time machine and going back to World War II time, really. It's the revelations that affect the family in the present that are more profound. After all this time...we finally know the original source of the Hayes Family Misery. It seems almost...too fitting, if that makes any sense. P.S. I'm assuming the answer to Amphion is in the next story? Leaving a plot line open like that...that is a new one for you. Also...after how Bloodlines was, with the next one at an astounding 75 chapters, I'm anticipating another wringer...
