layla

The last two weeks have been really hard for me. For those who don't know, I have bi-polar disorder. The high points are when I do my best writing, and I usually manage to maintain my highs for quite awhile. I've learned over the years to channel all that manic energy into creating things, art, music, writing, i explore out in the woods, take pictures, ect, though I have to admit that its a pinball effect at times, bouncing from one thing to another, difficult at times to focus, but I prefer that to the lows. I am usually very good about controlling the lows and not letting myself fall to deeply into the hole, distracting myself, sticking close to my roomie, who knows how I get and how to help. These last two weeks have been bad though and its been hard to find the motivation to do anything. She's suggested that we get away for awhile, travel a bit, camp out, recharge, ect, and I think that's exactly what I need. I just want to let everyone know that I am not abandoning GA or my stories, i will be back at the end of summer with new chapters and hopefully a lot more energy and focus. thank you to my readers, editors and betas for your patience and understanding, If we have wifi places, I'll drop in and say hello. i hope everyone has a wonderful summer. Layla

Shadows on the Ocean Alone Hiding under the covers I dread the coming of morning The golden rays to throw light on the walls Reminding me I’m alone The pillow and blanket mounds Shaped in the night ‘Til one could almost pretend they were human A lovers arms Melt away in the dawn The illusion torn Showing nothing but the black and white cloth The railway stitching I shiver and lay there Unwilling to move Squeeze my eyes shut For one more dream Where I'm not here with the sound of thunder i

for 2014 anthology Storm

Now see, i didn't find you scary when you responded to my first piece of work, I found you to be encouraging and helpful, and serious about quality, which actually helped put me more at ease about participating in the site.

Great article, Cia, thank you, and now i understand why one of my stories has story 0 of a series lol, I gave the series a name on the first story, i'll go fix that now lol. But I do think that your messages are very important. I've had a friendly message as well, and was grateful you let me know about the issue so I wouldn't continue to make the same mistake.

At least for me, if i like something, if it resonates with me, if it catches and holds my attention, then i really don't worry about what people think of me for it. I was goth before it was 'cool' to be goth, I played metal guitar back when few females did, and when it comes to art, as an artist myself I know how hard it can be at times to make a connection with a piece, I have sent things for publication that were rejected 10 times from magazines before someone snatched it up and wanted to publish it. Peoples opinions are like ice cream flavors, there are so many of them anyway, why worry about what the 'vanilla' group is gonna say.

Thanks guys I've been getting worried looking at the numbers for some of my stories, wondering where I went wrong and how to turn it around, especially on the ones where even the views have gone down. The new ones not so worried about, since its likly taking folks time to decide if they want to keep reading, but when i saw the numbers on Guitars 2 dropping as well, it really had me concerned that i'd gone of the rails so to speak.

Over the past few months I have noticed the readership of my stories has gone down, not only that, but the number of likes and reviews has dropped as well. I know some of it was due to the break from writing that i took when i switched jobs, but I am also trying to determine if it is the pacing of the stories, the content, the fact that I have four stories going at once, or some other factor that I have not figured out yet. I'd like to figure it out and improve my writing but it is difficult when chapters get 100+ views consistently, but 3 or fewer reviews most times. I feel like I am muddling along without any clear idea of where I am going wrong. How are so many of you able to cultivate followers who review/feedback consistently? Is it the number of stories, should I consider putting some on the back burner? I've found myself wondering if I should continue to work on some of the stories, if they haven't derailed or become uninteresting and just need to be brought to an end. Any help would be appreciated.

That was me last week, just one entry something tells me we're alternating lol, maybe one of these weeks we'll both hit it out of the park.

I wanted so badly to get up another chapter of drawing a new life and broken prince, but i am only halfway through each chapter, so was so bright and sunny i exhausted myself on the trails taking pictures

About to start rereading the whole black dagger brotherhood series

It was a martial arts competition. I used to spar, a lot, now i stick mostly to forms and breaking, because i just can't handle the stress the rapid movements in sparring put on my knee and angle, even with forms I have to be careful of any jump kicks, and not to land wrong.

Thank you guys You were right Mann, it was mostly anxiety and not feeling ready for the start of tournament season and just really overthinking what i needed to do today. I did go to the tournament, (mostly because my daughter was about to have a fit when i even suggested not going, since I'm her coach, and I started the day judging, but i did compete, and low and behold, my whole division was my age and older and i didn't embarass myself at all. thanks again folks.

So I should be sleeping, because I'm supposed to be getting up in the morning and going to compete, only, despite the time spent training and helping to set up tonight, i really don't want to go. I always loved to complete, especially when i was younger, but these last few years, the thought of having to go out there in a ring in front of people leaves me sitting up the night before in tears, trying to think of a million and one excuses to just skip out and go hide some where. I've felt that feeling creeping up on me all week and yet no really good excuse has come to mind yet. There are times when I close my eyes and i still see myself as I was when I was 18, 19, 20, and i see myself going through the form, or breaking the boards and I feel that old surge of confidence that i used to have, until I'm reminded that I'm 37 now and have damaged an ankle and hurt a knee and wrecked a shoulder and aren't as fast, and can't break as much and just plain flat out ain't as good as I used to be and how all the weight i've gained as just slowed me down even more and I ask myself why i am even going to bother going out there and embarassing myself by thinking I can even do any of this anymore when all i really, really want to do is crawl under the covers and pull them up over my head and say i was sick or something and just can't go. I don't know, in 6 hours the alarm is going to go off, and i don't want it to. I'm not ready and a part of me really just wants to quit all together and not even bother to train anymore.

This song has been in my head for days, i really want to write something based off this, but im about a chapter behind in my writing as it is.

I drive a red chevy silverado, 4x4, which i am loving far more than the van i'd been stuck driving for the past few years, now that the oldest is old enough to drive, no more soccer mom mobiles for me. uggg i hate those things. I've wanted a pickup since I was 15 and used to drive my dads. now i have my baby, and its definately a he, but he doesn't have a name yet.

I love the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings, and I'm a huge fan of Neil Gaimen's Sandman series, but favorite fantasy of all time is from David Gemmell. I love Legend, The Sword of Night and Day, White Wolf, the Legend of Deathwalker and the first chronicles of Druss the Legend. Sword in the Storm was really good as well. I've got his entire collection, save for the Troy series. He passed away, unfortunately, before his series were done, but the writing he left behind is amazing.

I will never understand why people make such a big deal over a woman breastfeeding her child, don't they realize that two generations back (for many of us) bottles were never used at all? At to upset the children, and the mother, with foul language and rudeness is unthinkable. Sorry to hear that your morning started so rough, hope the rest of the day goes better for you and the kids.

I'm thinking about tackling that list one, see if i can challenge myself to write a story in 1000 words.

I would love to visit some Ghost towns and spend an afternoon photographing them, there is so much history, and in black and white i think they would look amazing.

I've attended college twice, once for a bachelors degree double major in Criminal Justice and English lit with a minor in Psychology and more recently, for a bachelors in Media Arts and Animation. I would, potentially like to study photography some day, and enhance what i've taught myself, or at the very least, spend about a year working with a professional in the field and picking their brain on different things. I don't know if i have it in my to go back to school again, i prefer to learn in the field. I just don't see what good a killer GPA is without the practical uses to go along with it. This last time through school i maintained a 3.9 GPA over the course of four and a half years, yet in the end, i don't even have any desire to work in the primary field that i majored in.I have a hodge podge of skills, but the ones i use most often are the things i picked up either on the job, or in working with others who had that skilset and were willing to teach.

I don't like daylight savings time, if i wanted to lose sleep, i'd just stay up even longer than i already do. The time change always seemed to mess me up, only because i forget to change old clocks that don't change themselves.

I have stuffed animals, still, all over my room, as does my daughter. Sometimes it's hard to pick out the cats among the stuffed animals, but dolls, i have never really been a fan of. I have a few porcelen jesters and a couple monster high dolls (where were they when i was growing up and we only had barbie?) as well as the cabbage patch doll my father stood in line for four hours to get when I was eight, but that's where i draw the line on dolls.

We have so much snow on the ground here in Iowa, that now people are starting to worry about how bad the rivers are going to overflow once it all starts to melt. Really glad I live above the flood plain at the moment, because wow, there's about two feet of snow on my lawn and the lawns of my neighbors.

Congratulations to all the winners! Awesome Job!