Ron

Good advice, Cia and thanks. I have been making the effort to do just this. My emotional entanglements (feelings and or passion) are partially why I post a review to a story and sometimes it is the guiding force. I'm much more cognisant of how that might work to the detriment of what I am trying to convey now. Joann, thanks. Your absolutely correct in that honesty is the way to go. I'm not sure I could write something that I didn't believe to be true in a review. If I couldn't word it without being comfortable with what I'm trying to say, I probably wouldn't post it. thebrinkoftime, would you mind horribly much if I shortened that to, tbot. All lower case, of course. You're absolutely correct in that it is in fact self-reflection that has brought about an improvement. If it had gone differently, as you've witnessed, I probably would have left GA entirely. Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead and yea, Ron. But it didn't, that's not me and I think I'm a better person for it. Thank you very much for your comments pertaining to my possible writing skills. I'm happy to find that you've picked up my intimation about having ideas. Any illusions I have for writing are in front of me on lined note paper, tissue paper, the back of various receipts and junk-mail envelopes right now. That they may end up in the trash can is a distinct possibility. Thank you, Clumber for coming to my defense. I do understand what your saying and I agree to a point. I thought the reply to my post was out-of-line too but to be fair and I'm not saying that this is true, mind you. There maybe, might have been the word, 'stupid' somewhere in my review. As you probably all know and I learned after the fact, in the rules of behavior on GA, that word is a no, no. A finger shaking, slap on the hands - no, no. In hindsight, and after some self-reflection (tbot), I think I knew on some instinctual level that that was not the way to go when I wrote the review. Yet, those pesky emotions that I have got in the way of common sense. I do think I'm a better person in the end. Life is on going, right, and growth should be part and parcel of the event. I think my reviews are better. I still have the belief that my reviews are sometimes clever and sometimes witty but never at the same time, that would be way too much to expect from me. If any of the few other viewers of this thread would like to chime in, I would be much obliged to hear from you. The more the merrier. I have much to learn.

The funny thing about cowboy stories is that they want to make me speak and write cowboy. Or, maybe I want to do that anyway and your just offering the opportunity to do that inside my head. There doesn't seem to be enough cowboy in the lingo. There's a lot going on in this chapter and because of this the pace of the story seems to be matching the number of things that need to be done. I have mentioned story pacing in the past to you and this is especially applicable here. We are not going to go away if you slow down the story a bit. I like details as well as the next person and I think the old saying, 'The details are in the pudding' may apply here. You're giving me the details but I'm not tasting the pudding so much. Every moment doesn't need it's own short sentence. I'm getting the sense that I'm on a block and chop, chop, chop. Life flows and the sentences need to flow along as well. I am enjoying your story and I quite like the fellas and Ed's wife is just fine as a supporting character. I know what's happened to Hunter and I know what's happened to Seth and we're learning what's going on now with those two and some of the others. What I don't have is a good description in my head of what these boys look like physically. Are they 6'2" or 5'7", whip thin, muscularly lean or beefed up, heavy set, do they have those creases at the corners of their eyes from being out in the sun even though they're still young, maybe it only shows up when they smile, what color or style of shirt does Hunter prefer and are his boots worn or well taken care of. I'm sure you know what I'm getting at. I don't feel I know these fellas all that well even if I like them based on their behavior and their circumstances. To be fair, I did learn that Seth was 6" soft. Now ain't that something. Whip up that puddin' for us, Zandra. Make us fall in love with those boys.

There were many authors and stories that I had already read before I registered with GA. Some of those I found to be profoundly moving and I read the reviews of others but I felt that I certainly wasn't up to the task of writing one myself. Shortly after registering, I bought into the membership. That was partly to read the premium content but mostly because I felt that this was a good thing going on here and I wanted to support it. At first I paid on a month to month basis and soon extended that to an annual membership. I'm fortunate to have the means to do this and happy to do it as well. But the fact remains that I had initially 'bought in' when I first started lurking around and I found that I wanted a voice in this interesting community too. I'm not a writer, although I have entertained the conceit that maybe I could be. I do have ideas. Though putting words for a story in any sort of legible direction may very well prove to be my downfall, I decided that I could after all write reviews. Trouble arrived very early on in that most of what I wanted to say was already said by those that came before me. Additionally, when I did review, I might have been full of a highly inflated opinion that what I had to say was witty, clever or dare I say, even profound. What actually happened in response to my reviews was somewhat ego deflating. Nothing. No author replies or other reviewers referencing any of my witty, clever remarks. Nothing. Then disaster arrived. I made an rather opinionated review that was not well received. No, not well at all. I was chastised. I was accused. I was miffed and not a little mortified by the response to my review. Perhaps for the best, I had to take one on the chin, and consider that I may have reacted too harshly to the story. More importantly, certain words I used were not inducive to an exchange of ideas between author and reader. The words were certainly declarative but not necessarily helpful. I had had my say but to what expense? Now when a writer has propelled me to have a go at giving voice to my thoughts, I choose my words more carefully. I'm also more mindful that there is an exchange going on with the author and the other readers and if we push a little further, perhaps the story itself as some authors reflect ideas in the reviews within their story. Is this a case of, 'Once bitten,...'? No, it isn't, I find my thoughts and feelings have morphed over a relatively short time and here at GA most assuredly, I have become a better person. In the rest of the world, the verdict is still out.

Yea, a new chapter! Although that intro does make me seem about 40 years younger than I actually am, I was pretty excited to see the notification of a new chapter. The story has been great to read and the fact that you've not written one unbelievable anything and that your characters are fully realized and interesting makes waiting for vacations - not horribly bad. "Onwards", he said with a grin.

I think I've got Sam's number but I'll keep that to myself for the time being. Seth seems like a lost puppy right now. You won't have him jumping into Hunter's arms too soon will ya. Rebounds can be quick and difficult. Although, Hunter, he seems a bit like a lost puppy himself just looking for someone to love him.

Crap! I swear, bad pennies keep showing up over and over. Here's, Cody, showing up in the guise of, Jamie, and I'll tell ya that was a complete surprise for me. Seems we were led to believe that other than the initial concern over the hire and dislike of, Jamie/Cody, everyone else seemed to like him just fine. Then, Devon, seemingly out of the blue expresses a suspicious dislike of him. Unless I somehow missed an earlier expression of Devon's disquiet, the scene seems dropped in without reason. It also seems to me that you've set TJ up quite nicely for a rescue and some redemption. Nice, if that's the way your going to swing it. It won't end TJ's trouble with the boys entirely so there's still some minor drama there and it won't be ending troubles at home, especially if he decides to confront issues there. Drama, drama - either way, you get it, if that's what your looking for. Like, Lisa, I thought the dance scene was pretty precious. Good one, that.

Hahaha. Carrie, your not the only one who likes the name, Seth. That name conjures up a certain image in my mind that I won't get into here. (still snickering) My goodness, Zandra, not one - not two - but nine gay cowboys - and one Bi sexual cowboy - so far. What the heck is your world coming to anyway? As you've written it, doesn't seem like a person could throw a stick without hitting one. Not saying that that is such a bad thing, the world could use more gay cowboys. Unless you're going to cover Seth's background bit by bit within the story throughout later chapters, I'm all for learning more about him. So, I encourage a side-story wholeheartedly.

That's hilarious, Bill. Besides the laugh, it made me think of IKEA and I remembered that I have some items I want to pick up, how best to get there, what was a good time so as to avoid traffic and did I want to have lunch while there. I mean, seriously, what's all that have to do with Pacus?

There are always some few that are ahead of the curve physically and emotionally but rarely both at the same time. And fewer still, deep thinkers among these categories. To discover any combination of these attributes in an single individual let alone two is almost inexplicable yet, I suppose, not entirely implausible. That you've managed to create two characters in an entirely believable maneuvering of these same attributes is profoundly moving.

I will not be watching this movie.

You've certainly created quite a story, Bill. This sure has a lot going on in it, including a bucket to piss in. That's one heck of an imagination you have. As I've come to learn from reading the work of your labors, I find myself interested in what you have to say even if the subject matter is not always easy. At least here I find a silver lining of hope for your main characters. I didn't think you were going to end it horribly for the boys but I wasn't entirely sure you weren't. Keep em guessing. Thanks once again.

Oh my goodness, Bill, from 'A Tragic Love' to this story. What a juxtaposition we have here. This is pretty easy stuff now isn't it? I have only one nagging thought and that is why, other than for major simplification, didn't you not get Adien's parents involved after both his sickness and the attack even if only peripherally. Seems like those two important events would have drawn them in as caring as you wrote his Mother and Father to be. Otherwise, it was a neat little story with quite likable characters and an enjoyable read. Thanks.

Interesting take on the future or other world western. Nice little reveal about the empty grave.

I'm not sure I get the whole unwanted at 48. Heck, I always liked older men when I was younger. When I was 25 in the 80's, I dated a man 11 years my senior and the reason I lost him was due to downsizing because of the economic turmoil that was going on then. So 13 years difference isn't too much of a stretch really. Besides, nowadays older men don't seem to want to date within their age group so besides the mutual attraction these two are feeling for each other, it would be viewed as fashionable. In addition to being pretty good looking, in decent shape and the perhaps over abundance of very descriptive sex with Chad - you make me want Jim. I write this while laughing a little bit.

Like Andyboi, I too read the whole story in one sitting. When you killed Tanner off I was about to give up on it because like many, I quite liked the character. Mostly, I guess, because you made Gibby such a sympathetic character that I was hoping they would get together. I went so far as to get up and walk around the room trying to decide if I wanted to continue reading. During my meandering the thought came to me that this 'thing' that I was reading (sorry, I was kinda ticked) was very similar to one of those movies where the powers that be kill off the good guy, because they can. So you can imagine I was not too surprised to find when I returned to your story that you had noted at the bottom that you had originally wrote this as a screenplay. It was interestingly done keeping Tanner in the story as a vital part of it and not just as a footnote towards an wholly different tale. I wasn't expecting what I hesitate to call a ghost story, which it isn't entirely. You kept it focused on Gibby rather well I thought. The half-way into the light scene was probably the least successful part of the story. Unlike the dream sequence earlier where Tanner get sucked into Gibby's nightmare, well done by the way, we get another dreamlike situation that seemed there just to wrap up all the dead people and get them out of the way. It would have worked more as a visual than it did as written. One runs into this out-of-body, meeting dead loved ones and coming back type of scene from time to time over a long (many years) period of reading and this does seem to be a very difficult thing to capture with just the right feel. Doesn't help that folks more than likely have their own interpretation of how this might happen. Myself, I've never really given it much thought. I am surprised that many people were upset that you put Scott and Gibby together. Clearly in chapter two you made a strong case for mutual attraction before the lady started screaming and causing all sorts of confusion. To walk into that while not knowing what's going on. To suddenly be confronted with Gibby's scars. That would be a shock, especially if you've never seen or been given a reason to imagine such a horrible thing could happen to the human body. "What's wrong with him.", seems a rather mild reaction and wasn't on par with the mindless response that others were giving. That Gibby avoided the grill and Scott was indication enough that he was more embarrassed than angry about the whole thing. Scott seeking him out to apologize and Gibby still finding him handsome tells us there is an attraction yet. So, no rant from me, you made your case. "Tanner." Last words have a funny way of sticking don't they. I thought for sure you killed her off and deservedly so too. We find out she didn't die and yet it was still her last word. That was genius.

I just watched a video of him on the USA Today app on my iPad. He really is in love with himself... But he's probably gonna get a job out of this.

Sorry to hear about your own adversary. The weather sure has been odd this summer. Ian poking at Mikie is not unusual among close friends. Being close and long time friends often gives people a false sense of license to 'do what's best for you'. Good job with the story, KC. Definitely keeps me coming back.

Fireworks, huh. Greatest place on earth indeed. Too funny.

I can understand why this was a premium content story. That was one heck of a ride what with one unexpected thing after another happening. Highly unbelievable, highly fantastic and highly entertaining. Bravo!

I know that people can do some f'd up crap when they're hurting but Will's behavior, it doesn't fit him. I get that having his buddy interested in Scott would hurt more than if it were some other man but having Will impart the info about Noah with such malicious glee doesn't seem right. Otherwise, I'm enjoying the heck out of your words.

Ive mentioned before that I lurked here at GA for some time before I finally registered. During that time I read Dom's writing, all except for one story. Since then I've not only registered but I picked up the option to read the premium content. Just yesterday as I was figuring out how to get favorite authors to show up on my profile, I realized I had never gone back and read the story, 'Leave the Pieces'. I wanted to take my time and savor the story as I figured it was the last, new to me, words I would most likely read of his. As you might imagine, I could not hold off. The writing is powerful enough that I found myself jumping up from my seat to walk around the room to get my head and emotions under control before I could continue reading. When the last chapter arrived I found myself hoping against hope that Dom had some how - some way imagined an ending to the story, one that I couldn't fathom. If GA were a college course, Dom Luka should be required reading.

I've made it to, "I love you so bad it hurts.", on day four of the relationship and I have to quit. I can not suspend belief any longer. A love story, which essentially this is at this point, needs to have some relationship to the real world, even fantasy needs to relate to be believable. This story, I'm afraid, has not made that connection. If the profession of love had been worked into the story after establishing a history between the two main characters, even beyond the Big Bear weekend, this might have been a better read.

I find the whole professing of love so soon after meeting, two whole days, to be unbelievable. This is not the first time I've run into this scenario in a story and, sadly, probably won't be the last time either. I get the whole 16 year olds are full of hormones and randy as hell thing. I get that telling someone you love them, before you even know what it means, is a part of growing up. That's all possible and likely. But having your characters profess love for each other without any progression from meeting to getting to know each other or even jumping in the dang sack, which happens at 16 by the way, or even experimenting a little before saying it just makes your characters seem a bit stupid. I'm sure that this wasn't your intention and I do hope the rest of the story than this chapter. I do like the idea of change, new beginnings, meeting new people and the possibilities they may provide. Obviously I'm late to the game and the story has progressed beyond my little rant, so I look forward to seeing what you've done with these two.

As a writer and author, no less, I find your 'confession' hard to believe. But I do believe that you've just engaged in the discussion at hand. A lack of courage therefore, is highly doubtful.

I agree with Kitt about the overworked eyes. I read a lot and I was lucky to read Dom's stories as one of my first 'finds' here on GA. But seriously I have sometimes read for hours some days after discovering new authors. It's summer here and between the air conditioning and the reading, my eyes feel like two wet holes in a blanket when I go to bed some nights. Do I regret it, not one bit. Although I could do without the red and scratchy eyeballs.